Chapter Twenty Five: Trust

For a long time, Chizuru did not move at all. She stood perfectly still and stared at the plumes of mist rising from the river, gray and silver, making shapes like far-reaching fingers. A long shadow stretched across the sand behind her, flickering and convulsing with discernible conflict. Though her small silhouette showed animation to some degree, Chizuru herself appeared carved from stone.

Hijikata carefully considered the situation, taking a deep, steadying breath and exhaling slowly. The hot vapors from his lungs frosted in the night air, mingling with the tension and uncertainty of his thoughts, as he watched her linger near the water in solitude.

Senhime's suggestion was unnecessary. He could see for himself that Chizuru was in grave distress. He had witnessed the betrayal encroach on her gradually, a fatal vice wrapping her in a cold embrace and snuffing the fire out of her gaze. He had grown accustomed to seeing her tears and trembling, but this Chizuru was foreign to him. She did not buckle and weep at the first chance at privacy as he had anticipated. Instead, she had grown dangerously calm. Her placid stillness in the wake of such suffering caused the lieutenant to hesitate.

Hijikata gazed at her slender neck.

So brittle…so fragile…One wrong move on his part and she would shatter into a thousand pieces.

Dropping his gaze, he assessed the carnage still crusting his own uniform, the miscellaneous cuts and snags, and the forest debris coating his collar of black silk. His hands were red and grimy underneath his guards, and his face was still flecked with the consequence of his brutality. Rubbing his forehead with the hem of his sleeve, he did what little he could to salvage his appearance. If Chizuru was indeed suffering from an affliction of the heart, she would find little solace in a ragged, battle-weary lieutenant.

Instinct taking over, Hijikata moved slow and inconspicuous, so as not to startle her. His footsteps ghosted over ivory sand, but as he drew closer, Chizuru sensed his approach and tensed, the slight tremor of her spine announcing her unease. The action drew a discontented frown from the Vice Commander, but he did not let it stop him from joining her side. Crossing arms over his chest, he relaxed his stance and peered out across the water towards the trees on the opposite shore.

Patience was his greatest resource in this moment. Her heart had become a mystery that could not be pried open by force. Coercing the truth from her would be wrong, he realized. This invocation wasn't something he could simply shake out of her. Chizuru was not a captive to be interrogated. She was a wounded comrade who had to come to terms with her own misery before seeking comfort.

An interval of silence passed between them before she finally spoke.

"I just need some time," she said, sounding distant. "I'm not ready to be around my brother."

Hijikata observed her from the corner of his eyes.

"He shouldn't pose a threat to anyone anytime soon," he consoled her gently, but her expression darkened with a mixture of revulsion and disappointment.

"No," she agreed, "but I might."

At this, the corners of his mouth twitched, as he remembered Kaoru's dreadfully swollen face.

"Come then. We can take a long way back to camp." He suggested, resting a hand lightly on her back for reassurance. Chizuru lifted her head in surprise and peered at him questioningly.

"There was a small creek not far from here. We can wash up before we rejoin the others." He said. "We'll be safer in the trees. It's too dangerous to remain out here in the open."

Chizuru paused, quietly absorbing his words. Her dark eyes returned to the river, shifting along the rapids, seeing and unseeing in her unnervingly tranquil manner. Her body stiffened under his touch, but she did not pull away.

"Alright," she agreed quietly, allowing him to steer her from the bank.

They walked in silence for a great while. Hijikata kept a hand on her shoulder, keeping her close, as he rested another hand on the hilt of his sword. By now the moon was at its highest summit, cascading bright, silver light on top of the forest canopy. Pools of pearlescent light dotted the forest floor, serving to guide their way, as they wandered through the thick brush. Hijikata took his time, moving leisurely. He could feel the after-effects of war finally beginning to take its toll on his body, making him feel sluggish and drained. Chizuru too began to wane from exhaustion, having burned up all of her energy with her last attempt to defeat the Red Demon's archers. The longer they walked, the more and more she grew dependent on his presence.

They had almost reached the creek Hijikata had mentioned when her foot slipped underneath an exposed tree root, causing her to lurch forward sharply. The sudden vice startled her, catching her off guard, as she cried out in shock. Without thinking, Hijikata stepped into her path and gathered her into a loose embrace, letting her fall into his chest. He felt her forehead bump into the crook of his neck while her hands came to rest just above his waist. She pulled back abruptly, eyes bright with embarrassment.

"S-sorry…" She stammered. "I wasn't paying attention."

Hearing the brief yet familiar effervescence of her usual clumsy self heartened the oni-fukuchou.

"You don't have to apologize." He replied with a soft smirk. "It's my responsibility to look after you."

He said the words kindly. In fact, with a bit more insinuation than he had originally intended to give, but it was difficult maintaining neutrality with her face just inches from his own. Chizuru averted her gaze, hiding behind the dark, tousled mess of her bangs, but even still, he could see that her cheeks were flushed with an attractive heat.

He wanted to pull her closer. It was getting more and more difficult to hold back, and he vaguely wondered if the blood seal had something to do with this insatiable need for contact. When Chizuru pulled away and rose on her feet, he let go, but most unwillingly.

"I think we're close. I can hear water trickling," she said, moving onward at a brisker pace.

His own ears filled with the familiar sound, a thin, chiming melody that often accompanied the enclosure of a shrine. It was far more intimate of a space than the harsh roar of Nori Creek. The arroyo shined from the bottom of a small gully to their right, but it was a steep climb. Old, rotten tree trunks and forest debris marred their path, blocking them from a direct route.

"We'll just have to climb to the bottom from here," he said, offering her a hand.

Chizuru assessed the distance for herself, squinting into the dim light.

"Thank you, but I should be able to manage," she replied rigidly. Stepping over the crest, she braced her hand against the trunk of a nearby tree and began to slowly slide down towards the water. The leaf litter was slick from moister, causing her sandals to slip. She moved carefully, making sure to avoid any twisted roots or fallen branches that would undermine her footing.

Hijikata sighed.

It was obvious she was avoiding him. In the hours they had spent together in close-fitting quarters this was the first time she was forcibly distancing herself from him. The sensation was acutely unpleasant. Hijikata wondered if this was how his many casual dismissals in the past had made her feel: useless and undesirable. But why? Why now after all this time? He could understand the root of her discord, needing solace away from the others, but keeping him at bay seemed…strange. How on earth could he restore her if she kept herself guarded?

Patience, he chastised himself. Patience.

A sharp pain coiled deep inside his chest, as he followed her to the bottom of the gulch.

The air grew icy and thick, blades of grass and leaves crunching under their feet at they approached the water. The edges of the stream were lined with large, worn stones in various shades of green and blue. They knelt down on these, careful not to slip on the velvet moss, as they stripped their coats and began scrubbing. Chizuru removed her arm guards and rolled up her sleeves, dipping her hands deep into the water to wash away the dirt and gore from her skin.

Hijikata splashed his own face with water. It was a far cry from a much-needed dip in a hot spring, but the cold sensation aroused him from his exhaustion, sharpening his focus. The simple act of cleansing one's self made him feel human once more, as if the water had the power to wash away the cold-blooded demon within. Unsheathing his katana, he ran a dampened sleeve along the metal finish, erasing any carnage that might tarnish its surface. Working carefully to clean his sword, his muddled thoughts began to wander, drawn out by the calming sounds of the creek.

Chizuru worked beside him, untying her head protector and folding it neatly onto her coat. Tsundora was pulled from her sash as well, and given a good rinse. She had observed the captains go through the same ritual many times after their bloody encounters with ronin in the streets. Calm and contemplative, she worked away the stains, careful not to dwell too long on her fallen victims.

When she crouched low over the water; however, shards of moonlight reflected off the surface, bathing her in an ethereal light. She remained transfixed by it, studying the fragments of her reflection with growing concern.

"Hijikata…" she said, lifting purposefully to her feet. His quick attention caused her to falter; however, exposing the true extent of her anxiety. Squirming with unease, she leveled her shoulders and took a deep breath to recover her resolve.

"You were right." She said. "You were right about everything."

The caused him to pause.

Right about what?

His silence must have weakened her composure. She was facing him with a potent level of fear that warned him to act with extreme delicacy. Curious, he thought. No amount of blood wraiths, ronin, or visits from Kazama could make her appear as frightened as her moments alone with him. The thought caused a sharp pain to gnaw deeply inside his chest. Frowning, Hijikata returned his sword to its lacquer sheath and stood demurely, taking careful notice of the blue shroud still crumpled at her feet.

Winter would surely swallow her whole if she did not put it back on, so why was she hesitating?

"I'm not a soldier," she answered his unvoiced question, anger burning brightly in her eyes. "All this time, I have been playing with forces that are outside my control. Senhime tried to warn me about my power. I knew of the consequences, and yet I..." She balled her hands into fists, overcome with frustration. The words stemming from her mouth formed into a depreciating hiss, as she finally unleashed her turmoil. "I have been so foolish."

She stared at him with pure supplication, her eyes never once wavering, as she exposed her heart.

"I just wanted to make a difference," she said. "That's all. Becoming stronger was a way for me to stop all the horrible things that are happening - to take some responsibility over my life – to protect the ones I love. The Shinsengumi believes in solidarity, something I wanted to defend myself. It was desperate and foolhardy, I know. I'm not a soldier. My place is not on the battlefield. I am not versed in strategy or politics, and I made a rather half-rate demon too. No matter how hard I try to improve things, they just keep getting worse and…and it's entirely my fault!"

"Gomen'nasai!" She cried out, bowing before him in a complete show of humility.

"Gomen'nasai!" She said again, this time voice weakening from anguish.

"Gomen'nasai!"

Her body caved from the pain, each apology sounding more shameful and repentant than the first until he could withstand it no more. Hijikata reached out and swallowed her into the heavy folds of his jacket. Pinning her body against his, he ignored the sharp grooves of her chest plate, as he wrapped an arm tightly around her waist. His other arm draped her shoulders, pulling her close so that her forehead rested against his neck.

"Baka," he whispered in a heated breath, heart pounding in his chest, "as if you should feel ashamed."

Gods have mercy, what a horrible wretch he was for ever doubting her resolve. Even the most capable samurai alive could not make an act of contrition more sincere or heartbreaking. Hijikata felt the inner walls of his reserve come crashing down, fully infiltrated by the sharp clarity of her remorse. His arms tightened around her, holding her so close he would have bruises from the hard metal of her armor. He didn't care. His wounds could reopen and bleed out, and he would still cling to her with all the strength he had left.

"As if you should be asking for forgiveness," he seethed angrily. "You of all people!"

Having his own words thrown back at him – the same cold, callous words he had flung at her in his moment of resentment– chafed his ears painfully. Had he truly been that harsh? To hear her echo his derision after everything they had been through…

Hijikata closed his eyes, resting a cheek against her temple.

"How can I forgive the woman who protected my men and saved Souji from ambush?" He murmured into her hair gently, breathing in the soft, floral scent. "How can I forgive the woman who risked her life to save Kondou from assassination?" He asked her in a growing frenzy, threading his long fingers into her hair. The heat of her body reminded him of her bright, blue fire, and his thoughts instantly rested on the fiery kiss that had saved his own life. Nuzzling his head deeper into the warmth of her neck, he whispered, "How can I forgive the woman who saved me from the brink of damnation?"

Spoken guilt did not come easy to the oni-fukuchou, especially for a man so set in his ways, but Hijikata no longer wished to maintain any pretenses. If he was going to trust Chizuru implicitly, then he was going to have to be honest with her. No more half-truths, no more delusions…the woman in his arms was real, and his heart wanted her more than anything in the world. He couldn't lie to himself anymore.

"Forgive me," he croaked hoarsely, words sticking to his throat in their unpreparedness. "I have been coerced by a false sense of propriety. I should have trusted in you from the beginning, but my stubbornness impeded my better judgement. Can you ever forgive me?"

Chizuru had been standing still with her arms at her sides, quite at a loss for words. His confession has arrested her attention so completely; he felt her spine jolt from shock. It didn't take her long to recover however. Her fingers quickly dug into his coat, grasping the material in her palms, as she plopped her forehead onto his chest in frustration.

"I don't understand you." She said in a broken cry. "I don't understand you at all! I've gone against your orders, defied your authority, opposed you at every turn…" Her body softened, leaning into him for support as she grew heavy in his arms. "I'm kin to a traitor, Hijikata. Even worse, I have condemned you to share in my fate…so how is it that you are able to show me such kindness?"

Hijikata retracted just far enough to peer into her flustered gaze, finding the raw emotion so much more desirable than her cold composure. This was who she truly was, alive and full of passion. He swept the hair out of her face, silently admiring the dark intensity of her gaze.

"Because it is my desire to share your pain." He answered in the warmest, gentlest timbre, watching her eyes widen in disbelief. A rosy flush returned to her skin and the soft shadow of her lips trembled ever so slightly. He could see that she was hanging onto his every word, dangling in suspense at what he might say next, and the realization emboldened him. "I cannot allow you to shoulder this burden alone." He forbade her in absolution. "No man wishes to see the woman he loves suffer, least of all me."

A shaky gasp escaped her mouth, followed by a look of unbridled shock.

"You…you love me?" She shrilled, behaving as if he had just said something extremely ludicrous.

Hijikata bristled.

"Yes, you infuriating woman." He replied tersely, shaking her a bit in displeasure at how she was responding to his heart-felt confession. "I thought this would have been obvious by now. You can't kiss me and not expect me to suffer the consequence. It's the natural order of things."

"You love me." She repeated again, though this time more bewildered than skeptical.

Hijikata retreated about a half step, raking a hand through his hair, deeply regretting his words.

Fatigue had made him irrational, it would seem. This was not the ideal time or the place to be making such trysts, he knew, but the oni-fukuchou was in that moment defenseless.

"Perhaps it was inopportune for me to be sharing this with you now," he began to backtrack; feeling absolutely absurd. As his confidence began to wane, Chizuru's self-assurance waxed like the full moon in the night sky, spurring her into action. Lifting onto the balls of her feet, she grabbed his silk collar and drew him insatiably close. The sudden motion caused Hijikata's breath to hitch, but he forgot all about breathing - and rational thought for that matter - when her mouth pressed against his. Soft and slow, her kiss unwound the tension in his stomach, filling his chest with a dull heat.

When Chizuru pulled away, he saw her face bloom with color.

"You're crying," he said, somewhat agitated.

"Because I'm happy." She sniffed into his jacket. "Happier than you will ever know."

It was all the incentive he needed.

Cradling her face in his hands, he swiftly and unapologetically claimed her mouth with another slow kiss. Damp tendrils of hair prickled his face, but Chizuru herself was warm and inviting. The pulse at her temples quickened under his fingertips and it was all he could do to remain calm. They had always acted out of desperation at this point, caught in the throes of constant danger. Now…now, he could truly appreciate the beauty that was Chizuru Yukimura. He could savor the shear marvel that someone so sweet and tender could exist in his world of bloodshed.

Drawing air sharply between his teeth, he grew dizzy from the rich scent of her hair. Crushed lilies filled his olfactory senses, resurrecting memories of close encounters. Her parched lips softened, becoming more lush and fragrant by the minute. Hijikata let his hands slip from her face to her shoulders, encircling her arms and pulling her closer. Chizuru in turn curled her spin, filling the space between them so that her torso moved against his. When her hands traveled along the exposed skin of his neck, goose flesh covered his skin, eliciting a soft moan.

It was at that moment that Hijikata's pragmatism made a hasty exodus, giving free reign to his more avaricious nature. Moving backwards until his body was braced against a nearby tree, he pulled Chizuru along with him. She had lost her autonomy by now, fully leaning into him to keep herself upright. It was just as well, because the desire to let go of her was nonexistent. He kept an arm secure around her waist, as she tousled his hair, scraping her nails against his scalp. When she took a breath, he stole it away, deepening the kiss into something far more dangerous and carnal. His taste buds awakened with new flavor, bursting inside his mouth with as much potency as a carafe of heirloom sake.

Chizuru attempted to voice her surprise, but instead made the most alluring silken whine that resonated deep in her chest, arousing his baser instincts unmercifully. Everything about her was intoxicating. Her scent, her touch, her taste…just knowing the power that lay dormant underneath her skin alone was inebriating. She was his complete antithesis, and yet his perfect match. She was everything he had been barring himself against…

Hijikata pulled back rather abruptly, breath ragged and uneven.

"Are…are you alright?" Chizuru panted, confused by his sudden withdrawal. "Are you hurt?"

Hijikata regarded her for a moment, trying to find his voice again.

"Hurt? No…I think I have restrained myself for far too long." He said, trying to stem the rising heat. "If I don't calm down now, I'm afraid I will turn into a beast."

Chizuru peered at him critically, searching his eyes for anything awry.

"No, that can't be possible," she argued with a slight frown. "Your Rasetsu curse should have been eradicated by the blood seal. I'm sure of it."

Hijikata blinked.

Her indelible innocence provoked a dark humor from the oni-fukuchou. Such barefaced virtue beckoned his appetite, almost making him forget himself again.

"I'm talking about a very different sort of beast." He explained with a soft smirk, absently running fingers through her hair. "But I do appreciate the reassurance."

Chizuru frowned, completely oblivious to how tempting she appeared with her swollen lips and ruddy cheeks. The knot at the top of her head had come apart, letting pieces of hair fall against her neck. He enjoyed the way her eyebrows knitted into a confused scowl, working out the riddle he had presented her until realization flourished in her intense gaze, then embarrassment, and finally exasperation.

Chizuru exhaled all the oxygen in her body in one giant gasp.

"Oh…" she blushed, lowering her voice with understanding. Her focus fell to the hem of his jacket, as she contemplated the idea. She hadn't balked, as he had expected her to. Instead, she grew pensive, fidgeting with his collar thoughtfully. Hijikata watched her with keen interest, wondering what could possibly be going on inside her head.

"I…I wouldn't mind such a thing occurring, you know," she said after a moment of careful consideration. She glanced at him through her lashes, looking both timid and sincere. "I trust you."

He froze; quite sure he was facing his greatest test of honor yet. Several impulses struck his fancy in that single moment, but he settled for leaning his head against the tree instead, letting a frazzled smile touch his lips.

"Is that so?" He murmured.

Not knowing what to make of his aloof reaction, Chizuru immediately began to withdraw.

"You surprise me," he said, denying her freedom. "I may have said all of those things, Chizuru, but you have proven me wrong. You're a demon, and a very capable one at that," he smirked, tousling her head roughly. "It's just as well that we're bonded. I no longer have any wish to fight you…that is, not unless I have to…you can be so reckless."

Chizuru winced under his rough ministrations, peering at him through narrowed eyes.

"Well I don't want to fight you either," she said defiantly, "unless, of course, it's at your side."

Hijikata's grin widened. Gathering her in his arms, he leaned in so that their foreheads rested against each other.

"I can agree to that." He allowed.

Chizuru relaxed, but grew solemn under his gaze.

"Do you believe we still have a fighting chance?" She asked him tentatively.

"Of course, I do." He replied. "Consider: not long ago you were a physician's daughter and I a farmer. Now you're almost a demon sovereign and I the Demon Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi. Individuals such as us could not possibly have made it this far without cause."

Chizuru arched a brow, suspecting sarcasm, but the sincerity of his words gave her courage.

"You're right. There's still time to fix things," she smiled determinedly, "and our objectives haven't changed either."

"Right." He nodded. "We will find Koudou."

"We will stop Kazama."

"And we will save Japan."

In the act of poetic justice, Hijikata intended to seal their pact with another kiss, but in her enthusiasm, Chizuru managed to wriggle free of his grasp.

"Oh, for heaven's sake. What now?" He groused sourly.

She returned to the water's edge and retrieved her wakazashi. Lacing it through the waistband of her black hakama, she reclaimed her Shinsengumi shroud from the ground, shaking it loose before donning it like a cloak.

"First, I'll be needing my uniform," she said. "Then I'll be ready for anything."

Hijikata gazed at the implausible woman that had become his pairbond, admired the restored strength and determination in her bright, copper gaze, and decided with unequivocal certainty that the asagi-blue of his house suited her perfectly.

"Ah," he grinned in approval, moving swiftly to ensnare her once more. "But not without another kiss for good measure."

TO BE CONTINUED

A/N: This update is late, late, late! Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. Unexpected life events have kept me from completing this story, but I want you to know how deeply I appreciate your reviews and words of encouragement. I am finally at a point where I can start working on the second installment too, so if this chapter comes as a disappointment – just know that more is on the way. I've got to get the gang back together now that Kondou is safe. :D

Here is the soundtrack that helped inspire this chapter:

Flow Like Water – James Newton Howard

Main Theme (The Village) – James Newton Howard

All the Sand in the Sea – Devotchka (I would choose this song for the "credits" of the story if it had any.)

To all my readers and followers, thank you so much for everything! You guys are wonderful.

girliebird