If Only

~Chapter 24: Forgiveness~

It had been around an hour since Theodosia and Burr left the house. Eliza caught on with the situation and prepared some snacks to calm the mood. Yet even all the effort she put in wasn't enough to calm Phillip down. He was trembling on his seat. He wanted to get up and run over to the place they were meeting. He wanted to grab her and tell her he would rather have her hate him than get her in trouble because of him. Hamilton and Eliza noticed how nervous Phillip were and they both struggled to find anything to say. Angelica walked in the room, ruffling her older brother's hair who she looked up to no matter what. "She'll be fine." Angelica whispered, "She's Theodosia."

Phillip calmed down a bit.

But disaster took turn for the worst when Burr came in frantically, holding a passed out, bleeding Theodosia in the house. Hamilton took control immediately as he asked Angelica to call for Dr. David Hosack, Eliza to get something for Theodosia and Phillip to show Burr a place he can set Theodosia down. Phillip showed Burr to his room instantly. It was the nearest. Angelica walked in with the doctor and the doctor asked everyone but Eliza and Angelica to stay and help him.

Then there was Burr, Phillip and Hamilton standing behind the door. Cold sweats trickling down their skins as they waited. Theodosia looked so pale in Burr's arms before and now Phillip couldn't mutter a single word. He felt weak on his knees so he reached for the wall and slumped on the floor. Hamilton pulled Burr to get some drink to hydrate and left Phillip alone, thought he might need it. Phillip silently thanked his father. He hugged his knees and waited.

He waited. And waited. And waited.

It feels like it's been hours since he waited there. Finally, the doctor came out with Eliza following behind him. Phillip stood up. Quickly asked, "How is she?"

"She'll be fine. The bruise on her ribs is nothing major as far as I'm concern. It'll take some time for her to get back to good shape and maybe she'll be sleeping for a few more days… she looked as if she hasn't slept for days. Anyway, when she wakes up, don't let her move too much. Make sure she eats normally and feels okay." Hosack explained to Phillip. Eliza was satisfied enough but Phillip wasn't and Hosack sensed it. He smiled softly at Phillip, being a close friend to Hamilton he knew much about Phillip. He proceeded, "If she still feels off call me over, I'll make some time."

Phillip retreated. Eliza stepped in, "Thank you."

Hosack went away to his next appointment, meeting Hamilton and Burr along the way. Phillip looked at his mother. Guilty, sad, morose, what emotion does he have on his face right now? Whatever it was made Eliza pulled him into a tight motherly hug as she brushed his hair, "She's fine. She's okay. She's alright."

Phillip took a deep breath and enjoyed the few sweet moments he can actually feel himself breathing. Then Eliza lets go to inform Hamilton and Burr more about the situation and Phillip walked into the room. He realized he should've prepared himself before he entered because once he opened the door his couldn't catch his breath.

Theodosia was laying on his bed, pale and covered in bandages. Angelica was holding a towel, brushing off some blood to not leave an obvious stain. Phillip tried to breath again, whispering to himself what Eliza said to him before. Without a word, he started helping Angelica. When they were finished, Phillip pushed a couch and set it near the bed and insisted on staying there. Eliza didn't have the heart to tore him away and decided it would be the only time she let him eat in his bedroom.

Over the course of dinner, Hamilton opted for Burr to stay over. Though Burr chose to return to his house for the night, grab some clothes for himself and Theodosia. So he left for the night. Hamilton and Eliza set off to sleep after checking on Phillip and Theodosia. Angelica helped tucked her siblings to sleep which is usually Phillip's job. But Phillip was a different story. No matter how much he shifted on the couch, he couldn't seem to fall asleep. So he took a quill and started writing whatever crosses his mind instead.

Day one. Phillip Hamilton barely slept. He slept after writing 5 pages of poets and woke up three hours later to a nightmare of actually losing Theodosia right in front of him. The sun hasn't shine and Phillip felt too insecure? Scared? Guilty? to fall asleep. So he took out a random book from his bookshelf. Went back to his couch and settled to make himself as comfortable as he could be. His hand held Theodosia's hand as the other one supported the book. Silently wishing the hand he's holding would hold his back.

Burr came in the evening with Hamilton after work. He brought clothes for himself to stay over and for Theodosia. Phillip was kicked out of his own room for Eliza and Angelica to change the bandages and for himself to finally take a bath and some food to eat. Burr and Hamilton was also feeling down because of Theodosia's situation but they knew Phillip's hurting the most for now. They tried to cheer him up. His brothers also tried to cheer him up. But the thing that actually slightly cheered him up was when he was finally allowed to get back into the room again to stay by Theodosia's side.

Day two. Phillip Hamilton had reread around four or five books from his bookshelf. Eliza baked him cookies and tea like what Theodosia used to make them. Phillip enjoyed it, a sweet rush of memory. Maria also came to visit. She wasn't able to bring anything, didn't know exactly what to bring. She only stayed to talk to Phillip. Mentioning to him that Theodosia had trouble sleeping and always knew when he visited her house. Sometimes Maria would hear her cry in her room, sometimes she would come to Maria for a small comfort. It made Phillip churned in guilt to know what his actions had done to her.

Maria didn't want to end it that way. She mentioned that now he knew his mistakes… he should learn from it. She recounted the good memories after. Recounting when Theodosia would come home and talk about her dates with him or when she would have that cute smile as she talked about his cheesy pick up lines. That night, Phillip was able to rest a bit easier.

Day three. Phillip Hamilton looked like a dying man. The other members of the family tried to take his mind away from Theodosia if only just a minute. But every talk would lead him back to thinking about Theodosia. After breakfast, lunch and dinner he rushed back to his room. He also left when Eliza and Angelica came in to change the clothes and bandages. Maria didn't visit, Burr mentioned it was because he asked her to clean the house a bit. She still sent her regards. By the end of the night Phillip had finished rereading more books than he expected to reread. Hamilton and Eliza checked in again before going back to sleep. Burr was the last to check, late at night. He was just going to bed after finishing some papers.

Phillip said his good night. Burr left. Phillip laid on his couch and stared at Theodosia once more. Her face was not pale anymore. It was showing more human colors now. Her hand also felt warmer than usual. The bandages don't show anymore stains of blood. He watched silently, suddenly missing her actions, her moving, her talking, her smiling… he missed her. Phillip reached out and held Theodosia's hand, slowly and clearly, drifted to sleep.

Theodosia woke up to silence. Not complete silence. She can hear soft winds and birds singing outside. She opened her eyes and the first thing she realized was that the room is familiar to her. As her eyes focused to the ceilings, she knew it was Phillip's room. The second thing she realized was that her left arm and legs is covered with bandages. As she shifted, she felt bandages under her clothes, around her stomach. It doesn't hurt as much anymore at least but she can feel a few stings because of how small wounds it was. The third thing she noticed was the warmth on her right hand. Doing her best, she moved to looked at who's holding her hand so tightly.

No surprise, it's Phillip Hamilton.

He was cute. Sleeping like a puppy basked in the morning sunshine, holding her hand while laying on the couch that he pushed to the side of the bed. Theodosia pulled her hand off of his slowly and caressed his hair. Remembering the feeling of how soft it was and how she loved the way it framed his face. She missed him, so much. It was a full week since of ignoring him, but God she missed him so. Theodosia wanted to nudge him awake when suddenly Hamilton opened the door loudly, startling Theodosia and forcing Phillip awake. Eliza walked in behind him, slightly annoyed about how her husband entered the room.

"Phillip!" Hamilton shouted. "George Eacker sent a letter-" Hamilton eyes then suddenly landed on Theodosia's. Then his face lit up as he ran out of the room and shouted, "AARON BURR! OUR DAUGHTER IS AWAKE."

From the distant Theodosia can hear the sound of his father's running and shouting, "SHE'S NOT YOUR DAUGHTER YET HAMILTON. SHE'S MINE!"

Theodosia laughed. Eliza smiled, went over to her and asked how she feels. Theodosia focused on Eliza as she was having the conversation. Suddenly Theodosia felt a hand caressing her cheek. She looked at Phillip who had his eyes on her, like he couldn't believe she's awake. Like he's praying deep inside that it's not a dream. Theodosia brought her right hand to put it over Phillip's, to make him sure that it was real. Phillip was about to lean in closer in attempt to kiss her when suddenly Burr barged into the room.

"THEODOSIA!"

"Papa, you don't need to shout. I am fine." Theodosia said, trying to hide her blush from Phillip's attempt. She was anticipating the kiss a bit too much. Phillip pulled back, sinking himself to the couch. Let Burr hog his daughter for now. Burr walked in a bit annoyed at how Theodosia replied.

"Fine? FINE!? Your left arm! Your legs!"

"It's just some little glass, it'll heal. It won't even leave that much of a scar." The daughter argued.

"AND YOUR RIBS!? DID YOU KNOW IT WAS PURPLE!? PURPLE FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

Hamilton cut in, "Wait. Wait. Wait. What do you mean her ribs?"

"Didn't David tell you? That motherfucking George Eacker also send a bottle flying to her ribs and when he examined her, it was real purple."

"BURR LET'S GO KILL SOME ASS!"

And for a second it legit feels like American Revolution as Burr and Hamilton, obvious veteran, looked like they're back on the game. Eliza was the one who stopped them, stepped in front of the two men, "None of that gentlemen."

"But!" Burr and Hamilton contradict simultaneously.

"I am fine, Papa, Father. You worry too much." Theodosia smiled and let Burr hugged her, wincing a bit from the tightness. Let him knew she's still there and that she'll be fine. Hamilton, still pouting, hugged Eliza from behind, too relieved to even stand on his own two feet. Eliza chuckled and brushed the frame of her husband's face with her hand.

"Well, there's that, and there's this. I'll have you glad to know that Mr. George Eacker just sent us an apology letter about the speech and asked for forgiveness. Which means, the duel doesn't have to happen." Hamilton said, showing the letter he hid in his vest. Eliza smiled proudly at Theodosia. It was enough to make Theodosia's day. Eliza spared one look at her eldest son who haven't spoken a word at all. A few thoughts processed in her mind and she decided they needed some time together alone.

"I'll go grab some tea for you dear. Would you like that?" Eliza asked and let go of Hamilton's hand, slightly tugging it before leaving.

"Yes please." Theodosia answered, can't wait to have some relaxing tea. Eliza left to make the tea. Hamilton caught Phillip's urge to get Theodosia's attention only to himself. He got the small hint form Eliza, chuckled and walked toward Theodosia, caressing his daughter-in-law's hair.

"Thank you for your hard work, sweet Theodosia, you make me proud." Hamilton praised then he went to the other side of the bed where Burr was sitting down. Hamilton whispered something to Burr's ears. It was so hushed that even though Theodosia was close, she couldn't really hear them. Phillip didn't spare them any attention, his eyes fixated on his girl. Burr suddenly shot a pouting look at Hamilton.

"Come on Burr, we both know they need it." Hamilton pouted back. Theodosia raised an eyebrow about how the two grown-up men suddenly looked like two young friend pouting at each other. Burr sighed and gave in, took her right hand and kissed it.

"Hamilton and I have to attend a meeting now, you should rest some more, okay?" He said as he made his way out, next to Hamilton.

"Of course. Goodbye Papa, goodbye Father." Theodosia waved them goodbye. Burr and Hamilton gave her one last smile before closing the door leaving Phillip and her alone in the room. It was awkward. Sooo awkward. Phillip was the first one to move. His hand still intertwined with her right hand. Phillip's free hand took her chin and pushed it slowly and gently to let her eyes meet his. He didn't mean to do anything. He was just curious to see if he's dreaming or if it's real. Theodosia's alive. She's in his bed and she's okay. He sighed in relief.

"How long was I out?" Theodosia asked, slightly unsure of how to start the conversation.

"Well, for others it's three days. For me, eternity."

And Theodosia laughed. Phillip watched and listened carefully. He hadn't been hearing her laugh since she caught him with Molly. He missed her.

"You never ceases to amuse me Theodosia Burr." He said and let their forehead touched. He closed his eyes and felt the warmth. "Theodosia Burr, you scare me so much but I love you too much."

"What? Scares you? Really? Me?" Theodosia had said it jokingly. The scene that she saw a few days ago flashed in her mind and she felt her voice caught on her throat. Why is she so easily talking to him now when he cheated on her before? Theodosia may never know the answer to that. What she knew was that it's painful to recall those memories.

"Yes. You don't know how scared I was when you were brought here." he said, slightly raising his voice. His hand that was on her chin slowly went to her waist. Both of his hand tightened on her. Theodosia can feel how anxious he was just by his touch. As if he was clutching onto her. As if he lets go, she'll be hurting more and eventually disappear.

"Phillip…" Theodosia called patiently, trying to hide her own pain inside.

"Theodosia Burr. I am in love with you. You pretty much have my heart in the palm of your hand. I'm sorry. I was stupid. Angelica warned me, you warned me, Ma warned me. But I let her in anyway. I never thought she would seduce me and I hated myself every second of it but I couldn't really stop. Angelica got mad at me, saying I'm throwing a diamond to pick up a mere rock. I knew I was stupid. I knew you won't forgive me but-"

"Sshhh, Phillip Hamilton, talk less." Suddenly the pain she felt evaporated. He apologized and it was enough for her. She wants him back. Theodosia struggled her right hand off his. It didn't work. And her left hand was still hurting too. So she gave a few tugging and Phillip lets go. She took his chin and pulled him closer slowly and surely wiped away the sorry tears from his cheek. Lips connected. Phillip knew the answer. 'I forgive you.' Theodosia couldn't help but leave the kiss lingering. They don't want to go intimate because they knew Eliza will be coming with tea any seconds but they were staring at each other. They want to taste more of the lips and want to engulf in each other's warmth.

Eliza fake a cough, "Am I bothering a scene?" She was standing between a glaring Burr and smirking Hamilton.

"No such thing Mother."

"Lying is a no-no Theodosia. I'll leave the tea here." Theodosia and Phillip blushed red. Fighting every urges in their body to just slip inside the blanket and hide from everyone in the world. Eliza noticed it, smiled at them, "I'll leave you two alone then." Then she closed the door.

Theodosia smiled and Phillip took the chance to prove how much he loves her.

Writer's Note:

I've been trying to update every 2 or 3 days. But I'm about to have a busy weekend... so I won't be updating for another 4 to 5 days. Just to tell you guys. Also, thanks for the reviews! As always, I appreciate them, kept me going. So... bye!