Title: The ARK Angels of DX and the Rated R Godfather
Author: Kaykyaka
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the WWE and TNA characters used within this fictional story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made by this work of fiction.
Ratings: T
Characters: Shawn, Cameron and Cheyenne Michaels, Amy 'Lita' Dumas Michaels, Hunter Hurst Helmsley, LC Helmsley, Aurora Rose Helmsley, Chyna, Trish Stratus, Randy Orton, Melina and Johnny Hennigan, Carlito, Edge, Shelton Benjamin, Stephanie and Chris Jericho, the RAW and Smackdown Superstars
Summary: Edge comes into contact with some very angry men and he asks the ARK Angels of DX for help. Little did he know how this would affect Randy and Trish's very special day or Melina's mission in Fiji.
Chapter Twenty Five – Bachelor Party Crashers
The Ortons, St. Louis, MO at 8pm:
Amy pulled Trish by the arm as the other girls made their way to Randy Orton's house to participate in the bachelor party competition that Ashley Massaro had come up with. Trish was reluctant to go because it was tradition that the bride and groom didn't see each other at these events which celebrated the last days of unmarried life. She dragged her feet across the grass but Amy managed to get Trish closer to the house with surprising ease, all the food she was eating was making her strong. Amy couldn't just let Trish stay at home while all the girls tried to beat the boys in whatever challenge they came up with and hopefully the competition was something where all the girls could keep their clothes on. As they approached the door the boys came out and Trish gasped.
"There's Randy – I gotta hide!" Trish said pulling away from Amy and running into the shed.
Amy shrugged and went over to the man of the hour and Randy was happy to see her.
"Did Trish come with you?" Randy asked Amy right off the bat.
"No hello?" Amy said with faux offense.
"Hello, did Trish come with you?" Randy said and Amy huffed.
"I don't have to answer that question," Amy said putting her nose in the air and walking away from Randy to find her husband, her stuck up attitude got her out of blowing Trish's cover but it left Randy scratching the back of his head all the same.
"There's my girl," Shawn said opening his arms wide so his Big Red could come inside.
"So what's the competition you boys have got planned for us?" Amy asked her husband between kisses.
"Not for you, you're not participating remember?" Shawn reminded Amy who pouted but he kissed her pouting lips all the same and that seemed to cheer her up.
"So what's the competition?" Mickie James asked Shelton Benjamin who smiled to himself.
"You would not believe what we came up with," he said watching as Randy went over to his shed. He felt around and moved stuff out of the way to find what he was looking for, fortunately none of the stuff he was moving around fell on Trish who was hiding behind the mountain bikes hoping he didn't see her. When he came out of the shed he was holding a huge bull rope and smiling like a Cheshire cat.
"Oh no," Gail Kim said as Randy came closer with the huge rope.
"Oh yes!" MVP said putting his arm around his girlfriend, "What we're about to have is a good ole fashioned Tug of War,"
The girls couldn't believe it, the boys thought of the least likely competition that the girls could win and Tug of War was definitely it.
"There's no way we're gonna beat them at Tug of War!" Angelina Love complained.
"Now-now Angelina where's your confidence? We can do this if we believe we can," Victoria said.
"That's a bunch of crap we're done for!" Velvet Sky said.
"I know," Victoria said looking at the girls – Mickie James, Velvet Sky, Angelina Love, Gail Kim, Roxxi Laveaux, Beth Phoenix, Chyna and herself would have to pull against Randy Orton, Triple H, HBK, Batista, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, CM Punk, MVP and Matt Hardy. Cryme Tyme were there too but Randy decided that they should sit the Tug of War out to keep the sides even which was fine by the RAW Superstars who were happy just watching what was bound to be a hilarious display of human triumph and defeat.
"So what happens if we lose?" Mickie James asked.
"You have to pour honey all over yourselves and go stand under the bees nest down by the lake," MVP said laughing and the girls started to fret.
"Great, not only are we gonna be embarrassed but we're gonna get stung by bees too!" Velvet Sky complained.
"This is the worst bachelor party ever," Victoria complained.
"Come on girls lets get this done and over with," MVP said and the boys picked up their end of the rope while the girls reluctantly picked up theirs.
Trish watched subtly from the side of the shed trying not to laugh at what was about to be a headliner on the stage of comedy.
"Okay everybody pull on the count of 3 – 1, 2, 3 - PULL!" MVP yelled and the boys pulled almost dragging the girls with them but they held on refusing to be defeated that easily.
"Give it up ladies you don't stand a chance!" MVP taunted the women but they were not going to give up without a fight.
"Come on girls you can do it!" Amy said cheering the girls on from the side, "Uh-oh," she said as a familiar noxious gas emitted from her backside.
"What the Hell is that smell?" CM Punk said crinkling up his nose and Shawn and Hunter recognized it instantly.
"Amy go inside!" Hunter said but it was too late, the damage was done.
"Man that's awful!" Matt Hardy said holding his nose along with CM Punk and they let go of the rope and the girls gained some ground. It wasn't long before the smell came over to their side of the rope though.
"Don't be distracted girls, trust me I've been there just keep pulling!" Angelina said and the girls pulled hard together encouraged by Angelina's resilience and they pulled the rope over to their side winning the Tug of War.
"We did it, we did it!" the girls cheered jumping in the air and hugging each other. Trish was tempted to join them but it wasn't over yet.
"We beat you guys now you have to cover yourselves in honey and go down to that bees nest!" Velvet Sky taunted the boys smoothing her grazed hands with lotion and passing it back to the other girls whose hands were a little scuffed up as-well.
"You didn't beat us, Amy beat us, we were set up!" MVP complained and the boys agreed with him still covering their noses but the girls just laughed at them.
"We smelt it too and we still won," Angelina said.
"That's because you were over there," CM Punk said, "Let's switch sides and see who wins,"
"Yeah," the other boys agreed and feeling confident the girls took their challenge convinced that they could beat them fair and square.
"Okay you're on!" Mickie James said and the boys and the girls switched sides and picked up the rope again.
"Shawn does your wife have to be out here?" MVP said and Shawn slapped him around the back of the head which hurt more that it should have because of Shawn's Righteous Indignation, "OW!" MVP complained holding his head, it felt like it was on fire and he was pretty used to that feeling thanks to Kane.
"Relax Montell I'll stand by the shed," Amy said moving to where Trish was hiding so she could talk to her during the Tug of War re-match.
"Okay everybody ready?" Randy asked the boys and girls and they all nodded, "On 3 – 1, 2, 3 – PULL!" he yelled and the boys pulled with more determination than before and the girls realized in their excitement they had bitten off more than they could chew.
"I don't wanna lose!" Gail Kim panicked.
"Well then pull woman, pull!" Victoria said and the girls really sunk their knees in and pulled as hard as they could.
Amy watched eagerly from the shed, "Man they're really trying – should I help them?" she asked Trish but The Truth shook her head.
"That won't be necessary, just watch," Trish said as the boys gained ground but the girls refused to give up.
"My hands are burning!" Roxxi Laveaux said wincing in pain.
"Don't let go Roxxi we need you!" Victoria called back to the TNA Knockout and the boys noticed that the girls were growing weary.
"We've almost got them boys, just keep pulling!" MVP said and the boys pulled with everything they had and just when it looked like the girls were about to fall, Cheyenne appeared out of nowhere surprising everybody.
"Chey what are you doing here?" Shawn said to his little girl who waved at everyone then suddenly John Cena and John Morrison appeared next to her.
"We came for the bachelor party," Cheyenne said.
"But we can't stay long, we just wanted to see who was winning the competition," John Cena said.
"How did you guys just appear like that?" Hunter asked in shock.
"We don't have time to explain, we have to get back to Fiji in a minute," John Morrison said.
"We have 60 seconds to spend with you," John Cena added.
"Well the competition's still going," Randy Orton said.
"You guys can help us win, not that we need it," Carlito bragged.
"Okay!" the Two Johns said and they joined the boys on their side of the rope much to the girls' anger.
"Hey now the side are uneven!" Angelina said.
"I'll take care of that," Cheyenne said wrapping her hands around the bull rope on the girls side and the boys instantly panicked, "On the count of 3 – 1,"
"Shawn tell your daughter she can't participate in this competition!" Hunter told HBK.
"Two," Cheyenne continued counting.
"But she came all the way from Fiji," Shawn said.
"We don't stand a chance!" Shelton said.
"Three – PULL!" Cheyenne said and the girls pulled but they didn't have to, as soon as Cheyenne gave the rope a little tug the boys went flying into the ground.
"We won again!" Velvet Sky cheered and all the girls hugged Cheyenne.
"I'm so glad I came!" she said glad that she could contribute to the bachelor party in a short yet definitive way.
"Great help you guys were, why don't you go back to Fiji and hang out with your girlfriends!" MVP said angrily to the Two Johns who laughed thinking the whole thing was pretty funny.
"Enjoy the rest of your party Randy, hopefully Fiji will be safe by the time you fly over for your wedding," Cena said patting Randy on the back.
"Safe? What do you mean what's going on over there anyway?" Randy asked the Two Johns.
"Its best you don't know, we wouldn't want to spoil your mood," Morrison said.
"Is everyone okay?" Randy asked but Cena and Morrison put their hands up.
"Don't worry about it, come on Chey lets go," Morrison called to Cheyenne who was kissing her father goodbye.
"I love you Chey!" Shawn said.
"I love you too daddy!" Cheyenne replied.
"How are you guys getting back to Fiji?" Hunter asked but Cheyenne and the Two Johns were gone before they could answer.
"Wow!" the guys and the girls said amazed by what they just saw – or didn't see.
"How did they do that?" Gail Kim said scratching her head trying to figure out if what just happened was real or not.
"However they got here I'm sure Melina has something to do with it," Shawn said.
"Oh yes the Miraculous one, is she that powerful now, can she moved people through time and space like that? Where's Trish when you need her?" Hunter said.
"Whatever the reason behind what just happened I just hope everything's alright over there," Randy Orton said thinking about what Cena said about making sure Fiji was safe before he got there. The fact that he was getting married was secondary to the fact that his friends could be in danger.
Mickie James slapped Randy Orton on the back, "Cena said don't worry about it, this is your bachelor party, this is your time to say goodbye to bachelorhood and have fun," she said and Randy nodded.
"You're right, thanks Mickie I needed to hear that," Randy said.
"That's no problem – now blast them!" Mickie James cried out to the girls who while the boys were talking had gone into Randy's house and gotten the honey they were planning to douse the girls with and turned the tables on them completely covering them head-to-toe with the sticky substance.
"Man this sucks – we wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for your family Shawn!" Hunter complained as Chyna covered him with honey.
"I can't help it if my family's got supernatural powers," Shawn said in Amy and Cheyenne's defense.
"Your wife's farts are not supernatural," Hunter said his eyelids starting to stick together.
"Well they ain't natural that's for sure," Shawn replied his hair now slick with honey.
"Okay they're completely covered – to the lake!" Mickie James said but the boys were reluctant to move and Amy came up to them with one hand on her hip and the other holding a sandwich.
"You heard the woman she said to the lake," Amy said chewing the sandwich and Hunter frowned.
"Where did you get that?" he asked.
"I always have an extra sandwich around just in case I get peckish," Amy said not telling Hunter that Trish had actually gone inside and made it for her while they were talking to the Two Johns and Cheyenne, "Now move it!"
"I'm not going anywhere, you're the reason I'm in this situation!" MVP said to Big Red.
"Are you saying you're not going to fulfill the terms of this competition?" Amy said.
"There was no competition – between Cheyenne showing up outta nowhere and you farting us all into oblivion we didn't stand a chance!" MVP complained.
"If I wasn't eating this sandwich I'd come over and drag you to the lake myself," Amy warned MVP and the other wrestlers, "but fortunately for you I can't do two things at once,"
"What's that smell?" Cryme Tyme said and all the boys sniffed the air and CM Punk slapped his face in distress.
"Not again!" he said recognizing the lethal smell of one of Amy's farts, even the sweet smell of the honey couldn't cover it up!
Amy shrugged bashfully, "Oops, well I guess I can do two things at once," she said and Trish started laughing as the boys fled to the lake desperate to get away from the terrible smell that had permeated the atmosphere.
Randy stopped running thinking that he heard a familiar sound, a melodious sound he had heard before, "Did any of you guys hear that?" he asked his boys as they ran to the lake not willing to stop and answer Randy's question. He smelt the air again, the stench was still there and he looked back and saw Amy approaching, "You're coming down to the lake, ah man that's not fair!" he said running away from her as she accompanied the girls down to the lake to see the boys humiliated. The girls had built up quite a tolerance for Amy's farts - to them it was the smell of victory!
They finally reached the lake and Randy pointed to the tree where the beehive was located, only there were no bees in there.
"You must have scared the bees away!" MVP said to Amy who stuck her tongue out and stuck her butt out at him making him jump behind Triple H who looked at MVP questioningly, "That woman's butt is a lethal weapon," he explained and Hunter nodded sympathetically.
"Where are the bees?" Randy said looking up at the hive but it was completely empty like somebody or something had cleaned it out.
"What else likes honey apart from bees?" Matt Hardy asked.
"Bees don't like honey they make honey," Shelton replied.
"That doesn't answer my question now does it?" Matt Hardy said sarcastically.
"BEARS! BEARS!" Trish yelled and everyone turned and saw her running down towards the lake, "Get out of here!" she told everyone and a loud growling sound could be heard coming from the east side of the wood. Then a family of bears appeared, the smell of honey had drawn them away from their dwelling and wetted their appetite.
"Does that answer your question?!" Shelton said to Matt Hardy nervously.
"Everybody up in the tree!" Randy said and the boys climbed the tree and helped the girls up including Trish who had saved all their lives, "Man I'm glad to see you," Trish said and Randy gave her a kiss.
"It's a good thing I came otherwise you guys would have been bear food," Trish said.
"Whose idea was it to cover the losers in honey anyway?" Amy said as the bears sniffed around trying to figure out where the honey had gone.
"It was his," Carlito said pointing to MVP.
"I say we feed him to the bears," Hunter said and MVP got nervous.
"What are we gonna do we can't stay in this tree all night?" MVP complained.
"Why not, the moon's out the air is warm, I think it's pretty romantic?" Gail Kim said leaning her arm on MVP's sticky shoulder and he smiled at her.
"I guess I could go down there and chase the bears away, they wouldn't do anything to me my Righteous Indignation would scare them away," Amy said.
"You're not going anywhere you're staying right here with me," Shawn said wrapping his sticky arms around Amy and Big Red pouted.
"Oh, I never get to do anything fun anymore," she said and Shawn surprised her with a passionate kiss, then he broke it and smiled at her.
"Are you sure about that?" he asked her and she smiled back at him dropping her sandwich on the ground and the bears ate it as she kissed her husband.
The bears were soon gone but the couples kissing in the trees hadn't even noticed.
Angelina Love gave a deep sigh, "I miss Edge," she said looking up at the moon, "I hope he's alright,"
Velvet squeezed Angelina's hand in her own and smiled at her re-assuringly, "I'm sure he is," she said warmly and Mickie James and Victoria nodded while Shawn and Amy, Chyna and Hunter, MVP and Gail Kim, Carlito and Roxxi and Trish and Randy continued to kiss. CM Punk and Velvet Sky were on opposite branches so they couldn't kiss it up like the others. Punk thought he'd correct that by coming over to Velvet's side of the tree but as he moved the bough broke and the girls fell to the ground.
"Nice one Punk!" Velvet called up as she lay on the ground with Angelina, Victoria and Mickie James.
"Oops my bad!" CM Punk said and Hunter kicked him out of the tree.
"Sorry my foot slipped," Hunter said as Velvet pulled Punk into a hug and they kissed on the ground.
"You know I really shouldn't be here but I'm glad I came," Trish said with her arms around Randy, "Its not good luck for a bachelorette to be at a bachelor party,"
"You don't believe in luck," Randy reminded Trish and she realized he was right.
"Oh yeah," she said, "I haven't gotten used to not working at a hundred percent Truth telling ability,"
"Well here's a Truth for you," Randy said tightening his sticky arms around Trish, "this is the best bachelor party ever,"
"Amen to that!" the kissing couples agreed while the non-kissing couples spoke amongst themselves taking in the warm country atmosphere on a gorgeous night in St. Louis, Missouri, home of the soon-to-be-married and first-time father Randy Orton.