An LSD trippin' walrus in a Swarovski crystal shop would have made less of a ruckus than Quil. He hadn't even made it up to our floor and I could still hear him. The moment the elevator slid open, the entire hotel probably woke up. Bella felt me tense and she sat up, hurrying to find some clothes to throw on. I did too but at a more leisurely pace, in no rush to face him. When I finally opened the door, I was greeted by Quil, Paul and a disgruntled, yet conscious Vatan.
"Where's Claire?" I inquired, standing aside to let them in. Quil just huffed in response as he lugged the pet carrier over to the bed while Paul answered.
"She's in my room with Rachel." Wiggling his eyebrows at me, he smirked. "I figure Quil will be made into a eunuch, so it'll be left up to me to take care of her. They're getting ready."
"You wish, dude. Even if I died today, Claire would never want anyone else, especially your sorry ass. Me and my gift," Quil replied, pointing to his crotch, "have ruined her for anyone else. Sucks to be you." Fate stood behind Paul and stuck its tongue out at Quil.
Paul decided to elaborate on just how much sucking he actually did and why it was 'fucking the best out there' according to Rachel. I really wanted to punch Paul, but for once, I was glad Quil was here. He jumped into the conversation full force and while listening to any type of sex Quil had was disturbing, it certainly didn't compare to having to listen about my sister with Paul being the narrarater.
Bella was already in vet mode, not paying attention to the guys while she examined her squirming patient. I had no idea what the hell she was looking for or if she could even see a damn thing through all of Vatan's fur. He did however whimper whenever she tossed certain areas, so my guess was it wasn't good.
Vacillating between wanting to help Bella versus referring the smack down about to take place, her very loud and sudden gasp took me by surprise. It didn't sound good and I was worried she had overheard about a past trip to Victoria's Secret the moron twins were debating. Even Fate had to concede; Paul looked nothing like Tyra Banks when he was wearing a thong, pink ruffles and all.
"Quil, when was the last time Van had anything to drink?" Bella asked. Damn, poor choice of words. Luckily she continued before Quil had a chance to admit he had turned her furby into a raging alcoholic. "Has he been vomiting or overeating?" Looking directly at Quil, she waited for his answer.
"I, uhh, well, I'm pretty sure he didn't overeat anything. I mean I measured out what you said and I would have heard him if he yakked at the house. What's so important about the drink thing?" Quil asked nervously.
This was it. This was the moment Quil would have to admit to doing shots with Vatan. Paul had picked up that we were leaving something out and he began subtly sniffing the air for clues. While watching Quil as he did so, Paul took one step closer Vary Busey. The panic increased in Quil and he tried to nonchalantly shake his head 'no', towards Paul.
"Jacob, I think I'm going to have to stay here in Seattle. Van's breathe smells ketonic and I'll need to get him blood work to find out why." Turning to glance at Paul and Quil as well, she frowned at the looks of perplexity.
"In English?" Quil asked. Apparently he had forgotten all of his biological knowledge in favor of memorizing sex-toys and how to torture Alpha's imprints.
"His breath, it smells fruity, ketonic like. I think Van might have diabetes, but I don't see how I could have missed it. I hadn't realized anything was wrong and never even noticed he was drinking so much water. Gosh, he must have found another source somewhere at your house, Jake. His breathe is powerful, indicating this just didn't suddenly happen overnight." Walking back over to the bed, she continued to examine the closet lush.
I no longer had a choice. I couldn't allow Bella to panic over a non-existent condition in Vatan and apparently it was up to me to confess Quil's sins. "Bella, look-"
"Cupcake, you got it all wrong!" Quil shouted out, deciding to come clean. Before I could tackle him to the ground so that we might have a brief discussion about Quil's use of certain words, the Vodkanator was out of the bag.
"Fur ball isn't sick; at least not like you're thinking. I had to get him drunk to shut his ass up. He's got one hell of a set of vocal chords inside of him. You sure he's only a cat?" Quil asked.
Both Paul and I groaned audibly. Leave it to Quil to act like giving alcohol to Bella's most prized possession was a secondary issue compared to Vatan's vocal techniques.
"You gave Van alcohol?" Bella asked, somewhere between incredulity and shock. Walking back towards Quil, she waited for his denial. Fate stood off to the side, jabbing the air in hopes of Bella taking a swing.
"Yeah. It's not like underage drinking laws apply to animals or anything," Quil answered. He was staring at Bella like she was the strange one for questioning his motives.
"What is wrong with you? How could you even think that was a good idea? What if I'd had to perform surgery?"
I'd like to perform surgery, starting with the neutering of a certain wolf…
"I wouldn't have been able to with any type of blood alcohol in his system!" Bella stated in that cold, scary voice women get when a man is about to be reminded just how little his I.Q. really is. Quil, being on the wrong side of the bell-curve, didn't see it.
"Look, I don't know why you're so upset. It helped him relax and now he's fine. Besides, after smelling that shit you call cat-food, Kahlua is not the worst thing that cat has ever consumed. That heifer takes one hell of a dump." Quil's answer had a different effect for everyone. Bella could only stare in disbelief at Quil, who failed to notice that was probably the worst thing he could have said. Paul had backed up against the wall for support, soundlessly laughing, tears streaming down his face. Once again, I had to intervene.
"Both of you get out and torment someone else," I ordered, pointing to the door. Bella really looked like she was contemplating on hitting Quil and the last thing we needed was for her to break her hand. Quil scowled before turning to leave, grabbing Paul as he walked past.
Deciding now was not the time to directly fuck with me, Paul chose instead to ridicule me through Quil. "This is your fault, Quil. Jake was 'feeding the kitty' until you called about maiming the four-legged one. Big A probably has balls bluer than your face is gonna be once he chokes the life out of you. I can't believe you didn't even try to be tactful."
If I hadn't already been so pissed at Quil, I would have gone after Paul. They were like the paparazzi; taking notes on when and where Bella and I engaged in a couple's only activity.
Quil was getting ready to defend his actions when I came up behind them and shoved Quil through the now open entrance. Slamming the door closed, I almost caught Quil in it.
Damn fast reflexes.
With the clowns safely away, I straightened my posture before attempting to assist Bella. She didn't need help, but was more than ready to set some ground rules concerning Vatan and my misery.
"I can't believe he did that, Jake," Bella mumbled. "This leaves me with no choice. Van has to go with us. His tail should be okay but I need to observe him and make sure infection doesn't sit in. Otherwise, I need to stay here, Jacob."
She had assembled some type of brace or something to the monster's tail and he was not happy. I wasn't either but it looked funny as shit. I needed to make sure she knew I was receptive to all of her wants.
"Of course, Van can go with us, honey. Whatever you need," I murmured, walking up to her.
After learning everything Quil had just done, I was still waiting for Bella to turn on me. I couldn't believe how calm she was. Sad and maybe slightly depressed but being so fucking calm, reminded me once again that she was, in fact, perfect for me. Wrapping my arms around her, I hugged her close to me in hopes of communicating my love for her and sharing the sorrow she must be feeling.
Still facing away from me, but with her back firmly against my chest, she gripped my arms to return the gesture of solace before whispering her next request.
"I'll need to go back to my apartment and get his travelling case."
I tried not to tense, envisioning her alone at her apartment to gather more equipment
"Would it be okay if I sent one of the guys to retrieve it? That way you can stay here with Mr. Fuzzy." And I can get pictures of this. It was a million dollar shot of the cretin and I was going to use it as a screen saver. Maybe I could get Quil to phase and watch the replay then use Photoshop to create a movie clip.
Did I feel guilty for thinking such awful thoughts right now? Maybe. However, I needed my own comfort in this situation and Bella didn't need to know about it.
"That would be fine, thank you. It should be easy to find; it's the only case in van's closet. I also need a few of those blankets on the second shelf for Van. They're the thicker, plush ones; it can get cold on the plane."
"Umm, yeah, sure. I'll just go and tell Embry to take care of it. I'll be right back."
After a very brief conversation, Embry went to retrieve the things Bella felt she needed. I had no idea why she couldn't use the carrier she had, but I wasn't about to ask. Her request was the least I could do and didn't deserve questioning. Fate kept its back towards me. I should have recognized the signs.
Four hours later and the nine of us were standing in line to check-in for the flight. Bella, always a stunning creature to look at, took me by complete surprise with Van's travel case. It was demeaning enough to my ego to walk through the airport entrance with a cat. The fact that the cat was in a fluorescent lime green stroller was more than any man should have to be a part of. Before we could even approach the counter, an older couple walked up. Bella was smiling and when I looked down at her, I couldn't help but smile while vainly attempting not to frown as I caught sight in my peripheral vision of the furtard huffing
I can only summarize that the couple thought we were a family; in a way we were. But when they went to coo at the child and Bella unzipped the screen, it was only shock. Bella wasn't embarrassed, that was all me. The old lady glared at me like it was my fault for pretending there was a child in the hideous stroller. Every pack member heard as she walked away with her husband, muttering about the nerve of some people. It was going to be a long flight.
"How many bags will you be checking in, sir?" The airline clerk asked when it was our turn. Wrestling with my pack-mates for their I.D's had been surprisingly easy and if I could check the bags and board onto the plane without incident, I'd be in heaven.
"Everyone has a single suitcase except Bella, who has two pieces of checked luggage," I replied, handing a license back to Quil who was arguing with Sara about how large of a hole a plane needed to lose pressure. Of all the places…We're going to be arrested. I didn't see Fate; they must have been looking for another Marshal to help.
"No I don't, Jake." Bella answered. Between the rising argument and a missing Fate, it took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about.
"Honey, I think you're forgetting Van. He'll be counted as a piece of luggage," I replied distractedly, listening to Claire contribute on how many different ways a hijacker could damage a plane.
"Not if I'm taking him in the cabin with me."
Bella had my full attention now. Hell, I barely noticed Paul's headlock around Quil or the fact that Embry was leading Sara away to a corner for time out.
"Uhh, come again?" I asked, the clerk raising an eyebrow as we tried to recount the luggage thing.
Bella was perfectly calm as she looked directly at me. "The cabin, Jacob. Van will be riding in the cabin with us."
"Bella, they aren't going to allow that," I said, pointing to the hideous stroller, "in the cabin and they certainly won't allow you to just carry him without a containment cage."
"Jake, sweetie, this isn't the first time I've travelled with Van; I know that. I'll leave him in the stroller until we board. At which point, I'll transfer him to the smaller case and the attendants will take the bigger one to check it in. Airlines do it all the time for parents with kids." With a pat to my arm, Bella pulled out some documents to show the lady and moments later our group was moving out to the terminals. I had yet to pick my chin up off the ground; Quil helped with that problem.
"Woot-woot! Mile high club, baby," Quil practically shouted to Claire, causing at least half the airport to stare at us. Gee, that hadn't happened for at least fifteen minutes now.
Even Fate couldn't understand why I let Quil come with us. Hell, I didn't know myself. Somewhere between 'The more the merrier' and 'Safety in numbers' I had allowed for them to join. Quite honestly, I was hoping Bella would've thrown a fit about it, but somehow she didn't hold any type of grudge towards Quil over Vatan's mishap. With all of that, plus Sam's phone call of how the rest of the pack was demining Quil's property of critter traps, he was going. Apparently Quil needed another tutorial of how to act in public places. Stepping away from Bella to grab his arm, I dragged him a few feet away from the group.
"Listen here, asshole. I haven't said word fucking one about this entire mess you've created. The very least you could fucking do is not draw attention to us." Quil gave me a pointed stare before turning to where Bella was standing with the Vatan beacon of shame. "Any more attention," I gritted out through my teeth. Quil just smirked.
"Alright, dude, but I for one plan to take advantage of the first-class bathroom. I bet cupcake would appreciate a little licky-licky to help with all the stress and shit. Hey, do you think we could grab some doughnuts before we board?"
"Quil, you are forbidden to be in an airplane bathroom with anyone unless a vampire is on the attack. In fact, if there is a vampire in the bathroom, you are forbidden to even open the damn door," I clarified, knowing he was about to play the scenario game.
Before he could gain any more momentum, I continued. "And why the hell would you want some goddamn doughnuts? We just ate not a fucking hour ago. Management had to come over and tell you that an all-you-can-eat buffet had a six plate maximum and then you went and wheedled two more plates from Claire."
Clasping both of his hands on my shoulders, Quil looked me dead in the eye. "Jake, the doughnuts aren't for eating. I'm talking about plain glazed, unobtrusive cakes of glory."
Oh my god, I knew that look Quil had and yet the words still left my mouth. "What the fuck does that mean?"
"Don't you remember when we were like twelve or some shit and we decided that doughnuts had holes for a reason?" Quil pleaded with me.
I neither knew what the hell he was talking about or who the hell he was. Most of my childhood memories with Quil, I had mentally blocked in fear of saying the wrong thing to Bella. If it had been legal, I would have checked him with the luggage. Fate was apparently warming back up to Quil as I shook my head no. There was no other explanation for his next statement.
"Doughnuts, dude! We used to try to fuck 'em. I've learned, though, that they make excellent, unnoticeable, sex toys when you put them on and your imprint gets the benefit of some carbs before her protein intake." Was there nothing that Quil couldn't turn into sex?
I was in hell; probably never having left it to begin with. Was that a…chalkboard? Suddenly Quil's delusions were mine. Psychological reports and case studies had never recorded anything like this. Even werewolf lore didn't cover doughnut depravity. Searching for the one scent that I knew couldn't be duplicated, I latched onto the anime ammonia of Vatan. Sure as shit, I was back in airport-hell.
Shaking my head at Quil's explanation- or maybe it was to clear my own thoughts- I smacked him across the cheek. "Wake up, Quil, this is a different alternate universe."
Please, god, let the bastardization of baked goods be a different universe.
It took him a moment for his eyes to clear. "What was I saying?" Quil asked, looking around the hallway we were in.
"You were just talking about how we should hurry and find our gate and maybe stop at the bookstore before the flight is called." No way in this hell was I going to repeat the conversation we just went through.
Even in whatever state currently described Quil, he still retained enough of himself to know that he'd never suggest something as mundane as a bookstore. His eyes narrowed and I turned to see what he was glaring at. Barely visible through the mesh, an evil face appeared. Smirk firmly in place, Vatan gave a small purr before turning his back on us. Cold dread swept through me, especially when Quil answered.
"That's cool, dude. Why are we just standing here?" He asked, both of us attempting to ignore the purring of the near-by Vazuzu. Does that sound like the wings of…locust?
Shaking my head, the two of us walked back over to our waiting party. The stares at Prince Vanning continued, hitting the high point when we reached security. A TSA agent took the carriage while Bella walked through the detector then asked her to step aside while they ran a wand over Vatan's stroller. I decided right then and there; when Bella and I had children, I would not fly with them until they were old enough to walk. Fate showed up before I could suggest a full body cavity search of the furry monster. To ease the looks of mocking from other passengers, Fate bullied a toddler three lanes over. Once the screaming started, most people gave up on our circus act.
Finally finding our gate, the girls dropped their carry-on bags into nearby chairs before discussing what shops to hit. Bella didn't seem interested, but the rest of them were treating this place like a mall. Five fucking stores and they wanted to examine the merits of each one before deciding on a course of action. Judging by the looks from Embry, Quil and Paul, this was an aspect to imprinting I had not known about.
"Bella, do you want to check out the book store before the flight is called?" I asked her, instantly winning brownie-points from the imprints. The other guys just glared, as I broke an ancient guy law: Thou shall not encourage a woman to shop.
"No, Jake, I'm good. Besides, Van's carriage won't fit in that store and someone might try to steal him," Bella answered reverently.
I, on the other hand, could barely to keep it together, trying not to laugh. Even if someone wanted to steal the dust-mop, his cage was an alarm on its own. Pilots on the other side of the terminal were probably blinded by the sight.
Barnes & Noble was a god send. Apparently a lot of travelers required the knowhow of what made a cat tick. I was able to get a thick textbook containing everything I wanted to know, and a lot I didn't, of what made these furry monsters tick.
Boarding the plane was nothing like I had expected. I let Paul, Rachel, Claire and Quil board first to make sure it was vamp-free, knowing that if anyone could clear a plane of passengers fast, it would be Quil. When last-call was finally made, I held open the smaller cage for Bella to transfer the demon into. Embry stood off to the side in an offensive position to dive and tackle should Vatan attempt to break free. He didn't and once the little door locked, I handed him to Bella, glad to be rid of him. His silence disturbed me more than his purring.
******8
Upon arriving in Los Angeles- a city that should seriously consider changing its name- I instructed everyone but Bella and Embry to go collect our luggage while I went to rent us some cars. The Lexus SUV was easy to choose considering it could hold up to eight passengers and all of us would be able to ride together should we decide to participate in group activities. Since I'd still need my own vehicle to get to and from the conference, I thought about what else to rent.
Call me presumptuous but even the name of the vehicle seemed fitting: A Hummer Alpha.
It was a little pricey, but everything was in California. I consoled myself with the idea that should Bella and I ever be out by ourselves, the added durability of a Hummer was to help keep her safe. Surely this was one of those rare positive signs from Fate.
"Jesus, dude! Tell me you're gonna let me drive this thing?" Quil asked when Bella and I pulled up to our waiting passengers in the Hummer. Embry stopped right behind me and motioned for Paul to start throwing luggage in the back of the Lexus.
"Not a chance, Quil. Stop drooling already and start loading the back," I informed him. Rachel jumped into the Lexus with Sara and Embry, Paul joining her once the hatch was closed. Claire eyed them for a moment before happily getting in the Hummer to talk with Bella and an anxious looking Vatan. Not even hesitating, Quil joined her, and once I made sure Embry knew where we were going, we left LAX to go to the resort, Terranea.
Check-in went a lot smoother than I anticipated, and once the wolf kiddies had run through every room of the suite we were occupying for the next few days, it was decided we should check out the beach.
Walking into our bedroom to change into some trunks and hopefully catch Bella partially naked, I nearly tripped over the fuzzy speed bump. Vatan, the fucker, was lounging across the doorway while Bella talked to him as she set up his food, water and toys. She had left the embarrassing stroller contraption parked in front of the windows overlooking the beach in case the hairball was interested in sleeping in the sun while watching the beach. Fate set up a cot there too.
I hadn't seen my imprint changing into a suit but the garment made up for anything I may have missed. Bella wasn't ashamed of her body in the least, and the platinum colored string called a bikini let everyone know that.
I just might floss my teeth with that later- while she's wearing it.
Grinning like a horny idiot, I waited as she finished attending Vatan before we joined the herd, err…pack and made our way to the tiny beach located for the sole use of the villa's occupants only. Spreading out some towels, we decided to go for a swim. That is, until Quil opened his mouth.
"Looking good there, cupcake. I bet Jaws is drooling just past the break, waiting for you to come and tempt him. All sparkly like that in your get-up, you'll attract an underwater death machine with your silver food-flashlight. No more than the lands one though," Quil smirked, pointing to some retirees. Fate conveniently appeared to dab at the drool, as the men eyed Bella hungrily and appreciatively.
"Quil!" I yelled, watching Bella's smile turn panicky.
"Sharks? I mean, I know they're out there, but are any nearby?" Bella asked, looking at me for answers.
Water may not have been a werewolf's specialty but all of the guys knew we would be able to detect and deflect an attack if it were to ever happen.
"Honey, Quil's just being his usual ass-like self. You'll be perfectly safe, I promise. Do you really think any of the other girls would go swimming if it was an issue? Or that any one of us would let them?" I questioned her softly while wondering how long I could hold Quil underwater before it was termed homicide.
Less than ten minutes later and all of us were splashing around in the waves to have fun. The girls decided to head back to the beach to lie out while us guys engaged in a wrestling match. It was all in fun and I came to as close as I could get for my answer: eight minutes.
There's one thing I can be thankful for with my mates from La Push: They're not high class. High maintenance, yes, but in no way classy. Quil took Sara and Claire to get us Chinese take-out for dinner. The remainder of us debated on what pay-per-view movie to rent; another silent prayer was given that Quil wasn't here to offer his opinion.
"What?" I wolf whispered to Paul and Quil. For the past twenty minutes they had been staring at Bella during the movie and I was starting to get a little pissed off.
"Dude, that's just wrong," Quil shot back, continuing to stare. Turning my head slightly, I watched as Bella nibbled away at a dumpling. Usually she chose such odd condiments that anything she may have requested from a Chinese joint would have seemed normal. In fact, she hadn't made any type of weird request concerning food for tonight. I had no idea what Quil was talking about.
"It's just a dumpling, Quil. What the hell is your problem?" I hissed, checking out Bella's clothing, thinking that something was showing that shouldn't be. She had on a pair of loose fitting cotton yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt. Nothing distracting was visible.
"Not that, That!" Quil exclaimed, pointing once again to my imprint, only slightly lower.
There at the base of her feet, sat King Vatan with his own plate. The flat-faced tapeworm was munching down on take-out as well, courtesy of Bella. Granted, watching him trying to gnaw through breaded chicken wasn't the prettiest sight, but it certainly didn't account for the looks on Paul and Quil. I had seen their look only once before, when the three of us were nine and had convinced my dad to let us watch an R-rated movie. Amidst Milk duds, popcorn and nachos we jumped, gasped and held our chests in horror as some weird creature popped out of the chest of a space ship salvager in the movie, Alien.
"I still don't get it. What's the big deal?" While whispering the question, Vatan dropped his chicken, looked at us, licked his lips and smirked before turning his attention to a dumpling.
"How the hell can you sit there and watch a cat eating cat? J, man, that's just gross. It's like…like he's a little furry cannibal."
Paul went on with his cannibal theory while Quil supplied other points to help supply their ridiculous notion. Since they weren't conversing loud enough for anyone else to notice, I didn't feel the need to point out that if Vatan was self-indulging, it couldn't be any worse that they too had just eaten cat. Fate was all about discussing eating kitty.
Bella wasn't particularly interested in having sex when we went to bed. Too bad my dick missed the memo. Both of us completely stripped bare, she sprawled against my chest trying to fall asleep while my body kept trying to poke her on its own. We both finally fell asleep; Bella giggling softly and me trying not to turn sheep-counting into some disgusting hillbilly farm activity.
Six a.m. came fucking early. Somehow the alarm clock had been dragged underneath the bed, but it still woke me up. Sliding a sleeping Bella off of me, I proceeded to roll/crawl across the mattress. Hitting the floor, I found the screaming clock and shut it off before pulling myself into an upright position. Peeking back over the bed, my imprint was snuggled deeply in the covers. . With three other wolves, the a/c was set pretty low and a guaranteed bitch-fest would ensue if I dared to turn it up. After putting two more blankets on top of Bella, I took a shower. I hadn't even shut the door completely when Vatan awoke from his zombie-slumber and dived from his carriage to the bed. I could hear his meaty little paws, kneed at the covers as he tried to squirm closer to Bella. The fucker better not drool on my pillow or I'd zip his ass inside Quil's suitcase tomorrow morning. On second thought, maybe Paul's.
Once I had finished dressing, muttering obscenities to the snoring fur-hag and collecting my laptop and notes, I gave Bella a gentle kiss good-bye with a promise to call her as soon as I could later in the day.
Rapping once on Embry's door to remind him to keep my mate safe and let her do whatever she damn-well pleased, I set off to complete the making of a fortune. This project was the perfect way to ensure Bella and I could be happy for a long time with no monetary worries and I wanted to complete it as quickly as possible. Somehow I missed Fate, sitting in the corner, drinking coffee and reading the classifieds.