When they woke up, neither woman wanted to move from their position wrapped up in each other's arms. There was something so peaceful about being held that Alex had never experienced before. She wasn't usually one to enjoy cuddling, even after sex, but she couldn't imagine being anywhere else. She had been awake for what she estimated to be an hour before she felt Olivia stir slightly, indicating that the detective was now awake.
Alex sighed in contentment as Olivia ran her fingers gently through her hair, unconsciously nuzzling her head further against Olivia's chest. If she could stay there forever, she would, but she knew things needed to be said. Alex gently pushed herself up ever so slightly so that she could look into Olivia's eyes. Brown eyes met blue and locked on, not wavering once. They continued looking into each other's' eyes until Alex could see the brown eyes shifting side to side, as if she was searching Alex's eyes for answers.
Alex bit her lip nervously before diverting her eyes and lifting herself completely off of Olivia so that she was now sitting on the floor. She glanced up as her head brushed against the blankets above them, momentarily forgetting that they were still under Olivia's impromptu blanket fort. "Should I take it down?" Olivia asked as she followed Alex's gaze and looked up around them at the blanket fort.
Alex shook her head as she looked around at the fort herself. She could only guess that it was morning now by the way the light was streaming through the weaved patterns of the blanket. The additional light had made it easier for the two women to see each other which made it hard for Alex to deny what had happened the night before. She could feel how swollen her eyes were when she blinked and she was sure they were just as red as they were swollen.
She glanced back at Olivia, almost afraid to make eye contact again, before realizing that Olivia's eyes probably looked a lot like hers. Olivia also had slightly swollen and red eyes as well but Alex hadn't seen her cry the night before but then again Olivia always tried to be brave for others. That was something that Alex had ardently admired about the detective even though it drove her crazy at times such as now. She wished that Olivia would've broken down with her but then again she wasn't sure how well she would've handled that. Crying had become a pattern for her recently despite not being a crier in the past but seeing Olivia cry would only make it that much more real. She wasn't sure that she was ready for that.
"I don't know if I can talk about it," Alex finally whispered as she dropped her head so that she could look at her hands which were resting in her lap. She traced her fingers over her patched left hand and closed her eyes as she took in a deep, steady breath.
"You don't have to tell me anything," Olivia replied softly as she leaned up slightly so that her back was resting against the front of the couch. She could see the struggle behind Alex's eyes, as if the blonde wanted to spill everything out at once while another part of her wanted to bury it somewhere deep inside of herself. It physically hurt Olivia to see the war waging behind those normally crystal clear blue eyes.
"I—" Alex paused as she looked up at Olivia before looking back down at her waist. She fiddled with the bottom of her shirt slightly before making eye contact with Olivia once more. The empathy that Alex saw in those big brown eyes were enough encouragement for her. She brought her hands up to the top of her button down shirt and fiddled with the button before slipping it out of the hole. Her hands slid down a few inches before stopping at the next button and repeating the process.
Olivia patiently waited as she watched Alex unbutton her shirt about halfway before shrugging it off of her shoulders a bit. The detective swallowed roughly and ground her teeth together, trying her best not to let her anger show as the plethora of cuts and bruises were revealed, inch by inch. It was certainly a sight that she knew was coming but couldn't prepare herself for. Nothing could prepare you for seeing the one you love in so much pain, physically and emotionally.
Alex glanced back up at Olivia and softened her eyes, silently pleading Olivia not to say anything about the horrors under her shirt. She knew she wouldn't be able to talk about what happened, at least not yet, but she knew Olivia deserved to know a bit about what she went through. It took everything she had to continue unbuttoning the remainder of her shirt, knowing full well that the worst of her scars were below her ribcage. She quickly pushed the last button out of the hole before holding onto the corners of her shirt, still keeping her body covered.
Alex closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, willing herself to have the courage to show Olivia what she had endured. After what felt like hours, she pulled her shirt open and let it fall down her shoulders completely, her eyes still pinched shut. She felt her heartrate pick up as she ceased her breathing completely, trying her best to hear some sort of sound in the silent room. The only thing she could make out was her heart thumping against her ribcage, increasing in frequency.
The silence was deafening. She almost feared these moments the most; the moments when everything around her was quiet as she waited for the assault on her body to continue. Dylan seemed to enjoy building up the suspense and watching her shake in fear before continuing his attack; he was sick in that sort of sense. An abrupt scream filled her ears, a familiar voice that she knew was hers but she couldn't even tell if it was coming from her anymore. Everything was so distorted and nothing made sense anymore except the scorching pain shooting through her body.
The acrid scent of burning flesh filled her nostrils and she tried her hardest not to throw up at the scent. The scent that no doubt was coming from her sizzling flesh where Dylan was holding a blow torch to it. It seemed as if he was tired of using his knife on her; he had to branch out in order to further his pleasure from her pain. She could hear the flickering flame grow closer to her ears as a wave of heat washed over her. She bit her lip abruptly to hold back from screaming, not bothering to care that blood was now flowing in her mouth from where she had bit herself.
She wondered momentarily about something her father had told her when she was younger. Something about only being able to focus on one painful thing at a time. She bit harder into her lip and immediately disposed of that theory; she could still feel her burning flesh along with the pain from her bleeding lip.
After what felt like a lifetime, Dylan finally shut off the torch. She was relieved and terrified at the same time; his torture usually lasted for the majority of the day which meant that he had something else planned for her.
Two soft hands gently brushed against her forearms and she clenched her eyes even tighter. The terrified part of her told her that Olivia only touching her unblemished skin meant that the detective was disgusted. She willed herself not to break down from the rejection as Olivia pulled her forward slightly. She kept her eyes closed as Olivia's prompted her to turn and lean down until her bare back came in contact with soft blankets.
Her eyes were still pinched shut when something soft pressed ever so slightly against one of her eyelids. She could feel a warm breeze rush across her face before Olivia gently kissed her other eyelid. Her eyes fluttered open and she wasn't surprised to see Olivia's face right above hers. They locked eyes as Olivia slid down Alex's body until she was hovering over Alex's torso.
Olivia maintained eye contact with Alex until the blonde nodded ever so slightly, indicating that she was okay with this. Olivia slowly lowered her eyes until she could see the dozens of small cuts and bruises, various larger cuts, and seven large stitched-up hash marks across Alex's abdomen. She let out a breath that she didn't know she was holding as she examined the neatly stitched up flesh. The corner of Alex's skin puckered up slightly from where the stitches were pulling her skin back together. She swallowed hard as she blinked furiously, willing herself not to break down in front of Alex. She knew she needed to assure the ADA that the scars didn't make her think any less of her.
Olivia hesitantly lowered her head, waiting for any objections. When none came, she lowered her head the rest of the way until she could press her lips against Alex's torso. She skimmed her lips gently over the skin right beneath Alex's bra until she felt a rough spot touch her lips. She kissed the healing skin softly before sliding her lips lower. She tenderly pressed her lips against a large bruise and placed another kiss there before sliding even lower.
She paused when she reached the tip of the first hash mark. She peered up at Alex and immediately closed her eyes as a burning sensation flooded her own eyes. Alex's eyes were softly closed but Olivia could see the streams of tears that were running down her cheeks. Everything about Alex's body spoke levels to how much emotional pain she was in right now. Olivia wrapped both of her hands around the sides of Alex's waist and drew soft circles into the exposed skin, willing the blonde to calm down. She wasted no time in pressing her lips gingerly against the first hash mark and sighed in relief when she felt Alex's body relax into the touch.
Acceptance. That was the only way Alex could rationalize this in her head. Olivia accepted her destroyed body. She accepted the dozens of fading bruises and healing cuts. She accepted the seven horrendous stitched up slits across her torso. But mainly, she accepted her. Alex couldn't stop herself as her body quivered and shook as more tears spilled down her cheeks, memories of her time with Dylan flooding her mind.
"Your body is a piece of artwork, Alexandra," Dylan whispered in her ear, pulling her out of her sleep induced haze. A part of her wanted to just pretend that she was still asleep but she had learned quickly that it would only cause her more pain in the long run. She weakly opened up her eyes and looked up at the ceiling of the warehouse, purposely avoiding his beady eyes as they wandered over her naked body.
"I'd like to make my own piece of artwork. With your help, of course," Dylan clarified as he pushed up off the ground and continued wandering his eyes over Alex's body. It was only then that she heard the crinkling beneath her. She immediately looked to the tarp beneath her body where there was normally hard concrete; he must have moved her onto the blue tarp during her slumber. She shivered at the thought of him touching her while she was unconscious but maybe that would've made this more bearable, not knowing what he did to her in perfect detail.
Her eyes flashed back up to him when she heard metal objects clink together. He was holding two knifes, running them against one another as if he were sharpening them. "I see you found the canvas," He commented as he looked at the tarp that she was resting on. "You're going to be the paint, my little mouse."
She swallowed hard and closed her eyes as Dylan lowered himself onto her. She struggled weakly against her bound hands, knowing full well that it would only agitate her bloodied wrists even more. The first cut wasn't nearly as painful as it should've been considering the amount of blood that he drew. She could hear the blade slicing against her skin before his hands pressed against the cut, causing more blood to flow out of her body. She heard faint splattering against the tarp, immediately figuring that it must've been her blood. She swallowed down the bile rising in her throat as he pressed both the knives up against her again, digging them painfully into her flesh. More splattering.
After what felt like hours of cutting and splattering, Dylan finally pulled back and admired his handiwork. "Such a beautiful piece of artwork, wouldn't you agree Alexandra?" She wearily opened up her eyes, knowing that if she ignored him it would only cause her more pain. There were dozens and dozens of dark red spots and smears across the blue tarp surrounding her. She was sure that if she looked down at her torso, she would see a large puddle of blood and mangled flesh where she should've seen smooth, pale skin.
"But it's missing something. I think it needs a little color," Dylan said as he tapped a bloody knife against his chin gently, causing her blood to smear onto his skin. He looked back down at her and ran his eyes along her body before stopping at her head. He kneeled down so that he was straddling her upper torso before roughly grasping onto the back of her head and yanking her forward. "I always thought you had such beautiful hair, Alexandra." She could hear the knife ripping roughly through a segment of her hair before he pulled back off of her. He sprinkled the one inch segment of blonde hair across the tarp as if he was an actual artist, perfecting his work.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Dylan asked as he walked around the tarp, admiring it from different angles. "Too bad I had to destroy one piece of artwork in order to make another. But with all good things come sacrifices, right Alexandra? I'll have this beautiful piece of artwork to remember our moments together forever. And for you? Well, you're no longer a beautiful piece of artwork, my little mouse. No one will ever accept you now, except me. You'll do yourself good to remember that, Alexandra."
It was silent for a few minutes before he spoke up again. "When she sees you or touches you, if she ever gets to see you or touch you again, she'll only think of me."
He was wrong.
Olivia immediately pulled away from kissing Alex's torso, afraid that she had hurt the ADA. Once she realized that those were tears of relief rather than pain, she kissed the remainder of the cuts before sliding back up Alex's body so that she was once more hovering over the blonde's face. The detective slid her arms up with her and caressed Alex's cheeks gently, swiping away the tears with her thumbs.
Alex's eyes opened once more and they looked at each other for a few seconds before Olivia leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against the blonde's forehead. Both of them somehow seemed to understand that what just happened wasn't out of desire. It was Olivia's way of comforting Alex and assuring her that nothing changed. But for Alex, it changed everything.
When Olivia rested her forehead against Alex's, much like they had when Olivia rescued her, the blonde tilted her face up, connecting their lips. There was no passion in the kiss, no burning desire, but somehow Alex couldn't imagine it being any other way. Their lips were gently pressed up against each other's, both too afraid to move and face the consequences of what this meant. So instead, they stayed perfectly still, reveling in the feeling of the softness of the other's lips, not daring to breathe as if suddenly this would all turn into a dream.
When oxygen became too prominent of a need, Olivia slowly withdrew her lips from Alex's as the blonde lowered her lips back down so that their foreheads were pressed together again. They both breathed heavily, trying to calm their racing hearts before opening their eyes. When Olivia finally opened up her eyes, she found herself staring into once more crystal blue eyes, something she hadn't seen since their first night together.