Chapter Twenty-Five: The Pain

The initial shock of it all wasn't the worst. Seeing that barbed bat smash down against Sam's head while he mouthed some unreadable sentence to Dean and Cas wasn't the most terrible, either. It was watching Negan slam the bat again and again and again until nothing was left except blood and disgusting, indescribable pieces of Sam that would never be able to be reassembled.

When the first swing had met with Sam, Dean lunged forward, reaching for Negan. Cas only realized what was happening moments before it was too late. He had to physically restrain Dean in order to prevent further trouble. They had been told not to move or show emotion – it was what had to be done if no one else was to die.

After the second swing, Charlie let out a scream, but Logan tapped the back of her head with his gun and she quickly silenced herself. She sat there, her head in her hands as her shoulders racked back and forth with sobs.

During the third, Jess nearly fainted in shock as Sam's blood splattered again across her nightgown, drenching it in red. She had been right next to him – whatever hadn't been strewn across the bloodied grass was on her and Lacey, who was on the other side of Sam.

On the fourth blow, Dean finally spoke. He looked like he was suffocating as he struggled relentlessly to get free of Cas. He was gasping for every weak, barely audible breath, but Cas couldn't let him go, for fear he would be killed as well. "Cas..."

Cas waited until the fifth blow to reply, hoping that it would cover up the sound of them talking. He was so overwhelmed with emotion that he was still kneeling there trying to sort through them all as he held Dean tightly in his arms. Sadness evidently prevailed as he stayed there with dumbfounded misery spreading throughout his body, causing his limbs to fall uselessly at his side. "Shh, Dean. I can't have it be you..."

They were six swings in when Dean replied. "Can you bring him back?" He was crying, trying to hold his misery back with little success. He bent over on the grass, shaking with some mixture of frustration and fear. He reached for Cas' hand, finding only the angel's oversized sleeve. "Please..."

Was it the seventh now? Cas had lost track... "I used the last of my power to bring Jess home." Cas whispered, shifting his sleeve higher up his shoulder so that Dean could more easily find his hand. "I'm... I'm so sorry, Dean. There's nothing we can-"

"Alright." Negan straightened his shoulders and flicked the bat slightly, blood trickling down and staining the wood. "Is it safe to say all of you have learned your lesson?" Everyone gave hushed, cursory nods, followed by Negan crossing his arms in disapproval.

"SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO!" He shouted, and this was met with the appropriate response. Dean didn't say anything, his eyes trained on Sam's body, but gratefully, Negan didn't notice. It took a minute or so of silence in the clearing for the Saviors to begin filing out, taking Tyler with them as they left. Charlie, Bobby, and the rest of them were all in too much shock to do anything other than stay still, trying to pace their breathing.

"You killed my brother." Dean cried out suddenly, his eyes narrowing as he stared up at Negan's back. The latter had already begun to leave the circle, dragging his bloodstained bat behind them. Charlie looked up in panic, and Bobby began shaking his head in surprise. Cas squeezed Dean's hand, concern replacing the place in his heart where there had once been sadness.

Negan flipped the bat onto his shoulder and shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me, kid. Like I said, shit's gotta be done, and-"

"You killed my BROTHER." Dean repeated, struggling to get up off of the grass and stand to face Negan. Cas kept tugging at his sleeve, trying to convince him to stay kneeling, but his attempts were futile. The Saviors were all turned around now, amusement across their faces as they watched.

"Is that so?" Negan smiled, getting down on one knee so he could face Dean properly. He leaned one arm on his bat, the other on his leg. Dean's eyes were smoldering with rage, an anger that encompassed the deaths of all they had lost. Meg, Kevin, Ellen, Ron, Jo, Garth... Sam.

"You killed my-" Dean began, but Negan quickly cut him off, his eyes narrowed.

"Your brother, I get it." Negan swung his bat off of his shoulder and pointed it at Dean. "Would you like a taste of the same shit?"

"Please." Cas moved in front of Dean, instinctively holding out an arm to protect him. There was a collective awe that spread its way around the circle of broken people, all wishing that they could do the same, but were too shocked to react with any action other than crying. "He's just in shock, he doesn't mean what he's saying."

Before Negan could get a word in, Jess cried out from across the circle, her eyes wide and her face swollen with tears. "Negan didn't kill your brother. It's all my fault."

"How is this possibly your fault?" Charlie stammered brokenly, her hands clasped together in her lap and her head bent over so no one could see her crying.

"He bargained his life for me to return." Jess sobbed, her hands shaking as she put them over her mouth. "I'm so sorry... he... he said that the angels or whoever he was talking to, they promised him time with me and he said it was fine and... I didn't know it was going to be like this or I would've asked him to send me back...Dean, I-I I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I swear I didn't know, I swear..." She was breathing irregularly, her chest rising and falling at a pace much too rapid.

"This shit just got interesting." Negan grinned, leaning toward Dean as he stood and brandished his bat with pride. "I've already done what I came to do – I don't need to kill anyone else unless you people step out of line. Don't talk to me like that again, you understand?"

Cas was hoping – even praying, at a time like this – that Dean would yes and Negan would walk away. They would never have to deal with the Saviors again except for monthly exchanges of material things. It was going to be okay, he told himself. He kept saying it inside his head, over and over again, until Dean stood up, squared his shoulders, and screamed, "YOU KILLED MY BROTHER, SHITHEAD!" before punching Negan in the jaw.

There was a solid moment of everyone staring at the scene in shock. Even the Saviors looked surprised. Cas scrambled to his feet and stepped between Negan and Dean, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. "I'm so, so sorry." He apologized, nudging Dean back toward the outskirts of the circle. "He doesn't understand what he's saying, he... he-"

"People like this..." Negan grabbed Dean's shoulder, disinterested when the latter wrenched it away roughly. "People like this can't be taught. They need to be broken first. Logan, get the truck ready. We'll take him back to base camp."

"No, please!" Cas cried, moving back between an already broken Dean and Negan. "Please, take me instead. He just needs time to adjust to your rules here – I can go instead of him if you let me. Leave him here to mourn his brother, PLEASE."

Negan paused a moment, mulling over his options. He looked at Cas, then Dean, then Cas again.

"You've got yourself a deal." Negan smiled. "But trust me kid – you're gonna be wishing you'd left this guy behind and never looked back."

It was dark inside the truck. From what Cas could tell, it smelled like sweat and liquor. He drew his knees up against his chest, his trenchcoat the only warmth in the vehicle. Heaters couldn't be expected to work during the apocalypse, so he didn't blame the Saviors for that inconvenience. Logan was driving, and there were three other men seated up front.

Cas would have been alone with Negan's other prisoner in the backseat if it were not for Tyler sitting beside him on the right, pointing a loaded pistol at his head. Jess was next to Cas, binds tied around her wrists as she leaned back against the seat in a tired sort of shock. Her eyes trained on the blood that stained her nightgown, and her golden curls were drenched in the same. Negan had insisted on taking her as well, and no one else in the circle had argued. Jess had walked to the truck with little hesitation, which Cas was grateful for. If only Dean had the same amount of restraint...

Cas faded in and out of consciousness, the wound on his head still bleeding from earlier. After the shock of Sam's death had worn off, the pain was quick to return. He could still feel Dean's arm around him before Negan wrenched them apart, the warmth of Dean's shaking body and the saltiness of falling tears still fresh in Cas' senses. He hoped that it would stay that way for a long while until it inevitably faded, as all memories do.

Cas had cried out to Dean when he was led away, telling him to stay out of trouble and that they would see each other again. Dean had stood there silently in the grass until the moment Cas was ushered into the truck, his eyes cast downward and tears streaming down his cheeks. Then, suddenly, he had called out, "I love you." It was a moment too late on Dean's part - the door to the truck was slammed shut, and Cas was left there behind the tinted windows, forever unable to say it back.