Chapter 25

David Rossi sat on a bench outside the hospital with arms on thighs, and hands clasped between knees. And though he stared at the people passing by the hospital, he wasn't really paying attention to them. He had other things on his mind. He shook his head and let out a deep breath. So wrapped up in his own thoughts, he never noticed somebody sitting beside him on the bench, until he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He looked over to see Morgan beside him, studying him with worried eyes.

"I guessed I'd find you out here," Morgan said. He shoved the paper bag against the older man's chest, forcing Rossi to clutch it with his hands. "You'd better eat this, man," he said. "If you don't, I'll have to explain it to Garcia and I'm sure you'd rather stay on her good side."

Rossi chuckled as he opened the paper bag and looked at it's contents. He really didn't have much of an appetite, but he also knew Garcia. If he didn't eat what she had gotten for him from the cafeteria, she might try to feed him intravenously. He didn't really think she would, then again, she just might. Garcia usually delivered on her promises. With a sigh, Rossi removed the coffee cup and sat it on the bench beside him. Then he removed the buttered bagel and took a bite. Morgan watched carefully as the older man continued to eat, not wanting to disturb him. He waited until Rossi had finished eating, and grab the Styrofoam cup.

"That wasn't so bad now was it?" asked Morgan offering Rossi a smile. "Now baby girl won't have to have you force fed."

"Yeah," Rossi mumbled. "Guess I was more hungry than I thought."

Morgan's smile faded as he rested his arms on his thighs, and rubbed the palms of his hands together. He looked at the older man. "You know you're not to blame for what happened."

Rossi took a drink of the now warm coffee. "You'll forgive me if I disagree," he said with a glance at his friend.

Morgan shook his head sadly. "Rossi, what are you doing to yourself? You're beating yourself up over something over which none of us had any control. We had no idea Armitage was back and after Hotch. Not at first anyway. And once we found out, we did all we could to find the bastard and save Hotch."

"I understand what you're saying, Derek, I do. It's just…"

"Just what, man?"

Rossi let out a deep breath. "It's that my heart can't accept what my head knows is true." He drained the Styrofoam cup before stuffing it inside the paper bag. "I know my thinking isn't right, but it's how I feel, and I can't help it."

"Rossi, you gotta stop torturing yourself like this."

The older man let out a deep breath. "I know."

"What is it you always tell us? It's the bad guy's fault. That's why we profile them. Hotch would be mad as hell at you right now. You gotta cut yourself a little slack, man."

Rossi understood his friend was right. But would he be able to make his heart see that it was Armitage's fault in every way. It was all his fault. Rossi looked over at Morgan.

"I'll try, Derek," Rossi said. "I promise. It just may take a little time."

Morgan grinned. "That should make baby girl happy for awhile anyway," he said. "But she won't be happy until you admit you know for a fact this wasn't your fault."

JJ, Reid and Prentiss sat in the waiting area mulling over what they had been told. After several minutes, Reid broke the silence.

"Hotch is going to be horrified when he finds out the team knows about the injury to his genitalia," he said carefully.

"Reid's right," Prentiss agreed. "An alpha male like Hotch wouldn't just be horrified. He would be humiliated and mortified.

"So how can we help him without him finding out we were informed?" asked JJ looking back and forth between the others. Prentiss looked at Reid.

The young genius swallowed the lump in his throat. "We be supportive," he said. "I mean, what else can we do?"

"What else can we do about what?" asked a female voice. The others spotted Garcia and Haley coming closer. "What are you guys talking about?"

Reid looked up at the tech analyst. "We were discussing how to best help Hotch without him knowing that we know about his uh…injuries."

Garcia looked confused. "Okay, but…why would Hotch be upset? she asked.

"Because of who Hotch is," JJ explained.

"I don't understand," Garcia said looking at the others.

"They're right, Penelope," Haley interjected. She saw the tech analyst face her for clarification. "Aaron is an alpha male, and he's going to have a difficult enough time accepting the fact that he's temporarily unable to function as a man. If it becomes permanent, he's going to have an even more difficult time accepting that. But no matter which way it goes, he's going to be humiliated and horrified that with the exception of Rossi and I, the rest of you know."

"Yeah but…" Garcia began.

"Haley's right, baby girl," Morgan replied as he and Rossi joined the group. "Hotch is gonna be horrified that we were told personal and intimate information about him, especially as a man. The sexual ramifications he's experiencing are gonna be hard enough for him. But he's also gonna be ashamed and humiliated as Haley pointed out. And I know you don't want to add to what he's gonna be feeling."

Garcia's lower lip quivered. "I would never want to upset or make my liege feel humiliated, ashamed, or horrified. I care too much about him. But I also want to help him."

"And you will, Penelope," Haley said with a small smile as she touched Garcia's arm. "But except for myself and Dave, you and the others cannot let Aaron find out the doctors told you. It'll be hard, but it's necessary. Can you do that for Aaron, Penelope?"

"No matter how hard it might be," Garcia added. "For the Boss-man, I will do whatever it takes."

"That's my baby girl," Morgan replied with a smirk before he wrapped Garcia in his arms and pulled her close to him. After a few minutes, Garcia pulled away and faced Rossi with concern.

"And how's my Italian Stallion doing?" she asked. "Has he forgiven himself yet?"

Rossi smirked and after placing both hands on Garcia's shoulders, leaned close, and planted a kiss on one cheek. He then looked into her eyes. "I'm gettin' there, kitten. It's just gonna take time. But thank you for caring."

Penelope hugged Rossi tightly and allowed herself to smile. "Always." Rossi chuckled and saw Haley smile at him, glad he was coming around from blaming himself.

"Why don't you all go and visit Aaron for a few minutes. I'll wait here with David," Haley announced. She suspected she was about to get an argument, but held up her hand to stop it before it began. "All of you need to visit Aaron if only for a few minutes. I'm sure he would love to know his other family is here for him."

Morgan looked at Hotch's wife, worried. "Are you sure? I mean, you should be with Hotch. You're his wife. Besides, in the ICU, visiting hours are no more than twenty minutes every two hours."

Haley smiled sadly. She appreciated Morgan's words, but this was the right thing to do. "Aaron needs to know his second family is here for him. And even though he's in a coma, the doctor believes he can still understand what's being said to him. Visit with him for a few minutes. I don't mind. Really."

Morgan looked at Rossi. "You want to come with us?"

"Thanks, but I've already been to see Aaron. You guys go on ahead. I can visit later or tomorrow. Besides, I have a phone call to make."

"Who are you gonna be calling?" asked Morgan as JJ, Reid, Prentiss and Garcia waited for him.

Rossi ran a hand over his thick salt and pepper hair. "Strauss. We need to let her know what's happened, and why we aren't coming home just yet."

Morgan smirked. "Lots of luck with that." He turned away and joined the others. JJ led the way down the hall and turned the corner. The small group continued down the hall where Hotch's room was located at the end of the hall.

"Remember, we need to keep it light and supportive," Morgan reminded them. "He needs to know we're here for 'im. Since Hotch can understand what we say, we don't need to say anything to upset him or cause problems with his recovery in any way. In fact, I don't think we should discuss any of his injuries, not at least while he's in a coma anyway." His last sentence was spoken with his eyes focused on his baby girl.

Garcia smiled faintly and returned his look. "No need to worry about me, my dark knight in shining armor. I will do whatever my dimpled liege needs me to do."

"What's wrong, Spence?" asked JJ who saw the long face on their resident genius. The others looked at Reid.

Reid shrugged. "I guess I'm just wondering what Hotch will be like when he recovers from his injuries. He might never again be the same Hotch that we know."

"There's bound to be a change in him after this," JJ remarked.

"But how much of a change," Emily said.

As the five agents neared their Unit Chief's room, they froze at seeing three nurses hurry into the room with 'Dr. Fleming! Third floor! Room 301A! Paging Dr. Fleming!' echoing over the loudspeaker throughout the hospital. They hurried toward the room in question, but were met by a nurse who ordered them to wait in the hallway. She told them that Dr. Fleming was on her way, and would speak with them when she was finished examining the patient. Haley and Rossi, joining the group, had listened to most of the conversation, attracted by the loudspeaker. The nurse disappeared back inside the room, and drew the curtain around the bed blocking any view of the goings on inside from the gathering in the hallway.

Watching from the hallway, Garcia put a hand over her mouth and her eyes became moist. Morgan automatically wrapped an arm around her shoulders instinctively knowing she needed not only his comfort, but his strength. JJ leaned her head against Reid's chest and the young genius enveloped the blond in his arms as he blinked back his own tears. And Prentiss, arms wrapped around herself, ran one hand up and down her other arm while her eyes glistened with building tears. This can't be happening. They can't be losing him. Not now. All they could do was wait.

Haley gripped Rossi's jacket lapels tightly in her fists and buried her face in his chest. She let her tears fall unabashed. She was so scared she was going to lose her husband. The older man wrapped his arms around her and held her close against his body letting her cry.

"Wha…what do you think happened?" sobbed Garcia.

"I have no idea, mama," Morgan whispered as his grip around her shoulders tightened.

"We can't lose him, Derek," Garcia's voice was shaky. "Not like this. Not so soon after we just got him back."

"We're not gonna lose 'im. Hotch is a fighter. You'll see. He'll hang on and come back to us."

Garcia's sobs became more intense. "But what if he doesn't? What if we lose him? What if he…"

"Baby girl, stop with the what ifs. This is Hotch we're talking about after all. He won't give up without a fight. He won't leave us or Jack and Haley. You have to believe that." Garcia didn't answer Morgan. She just continued to cry while silently praying to God to spare her boss's life. Morgan hoped and prayed he hadn't lied to his baby girl. As he had just rediscovered his faith, Morgan silently prayed that Hotch would live. As a child, he had lost faith in God. But when Jason Clark Battle shot Penelope, he rediscovered his faith thanks to Rossi. He prayed that God wouldn't let him down again. And that he would save the man he considered a friend, and the best man he had ever known.

JJ sobbed quietly against Reid's chest as his arms tightened around the woman Reid considered a sister. He tried to keep his own emotions under control at the same time and failed. JJ considered Hotch the older brother she never had. She can't lose him. Not like this. And especially when he fought so hard to survive until he was rescued. It would be like losing one of her family. She gripped Reid's sweater vest tightly in her hands and kept her face buried in his chest. JJ willed a little of her strength to Hotch. Whatever he needed she would give him willingly if she was able. Afterall, that's what you did for family.

Reid had never been a churchgoing man, nor was he a believer in God. Reid believed in facts and statistics. If a deity did exist, it would not have allowed his mother, Diana, to be stricken with schizophrenia. But nonetheless, he found himself saying a silent prayer to whom he had no idea, to let his boss and friend live. He had a young son who adored him. A wife who loved him. And a team who loved, respected, and needed him. When it came right down to it, Reid needed Hotch more since Gideon had left, and abandoned his young charge, except for a letter he had left for the agent. He wasn't able to face losing somebody else who was important to him.

Emily Prentiss leaned her back against the wall and bowed her head. She swallowed the growing lump in her throat. This can't be happening. Not to Hotch. Not now. The man had fought so hard to hang on during his kidnapping and torture by Armitage, and to survive the ride to the hospital. How can they lose him now? Normally able to compartmentalize anything, Prentiss found herself having trouble this time. Raised to believe in a higher power as a child, Emily believed this same higher power kept Hotch alive until they found him. And kept him alive when he reached the hospital while he was being treated. But would that same higher power allow Hotch to live through all of this and let him die now? No! Hotch will not die. He won't. He'll survive this. Emily raised her head and studied the others as she wiped at her eyes. They needed their Unit Chief and friend to live. Even if it meant he would no longer be their Unit Chief. They simply wanted him to live.

Suddenly, a nurse emerged from Hotch's room. She took in the small group and saw the worry and concern on their faces.

"How is my husband?" asked Haley noticing the curtain around Hotch's bed was still pulled. "What happened?"

"Dr. Fleming will be out in a few minutes and speak with all of you. So any questions you may have, you can ask her when she's finished examining Agent Hotchner. Please try and be patient." She turned and reentered Hotch's room where she disappeared behind the curtain leaving the others fearing the worse.

It was nearly twenty minutes later when a nurse left Hotch's room carrying the supplies needed for withdrawing blood along with three tubes filled with blood. A nurse pulled back the curtain allowing the group in the hallway to now see the patient. Two nurses were checking the machines to which Hotch was hooked up to make sure they were functioning properly. And Dr. Fleming was making notations on a chart. When she finished, she hung the chart on the foot of the bed, and left the room to be met with a barrage of questions. She held up her hands silently asking for quiet before she spoke.

"First, let me advise you that Aaron will not be allowed any more visitors today."

"Why?" asked Haley wiping at her tear-stained cheeks. "What's happened to my husband?"

"Mrs. Hotchner, when Aaron was examined, one of the meds he was put on was to elevate his potassium levels which regulate the body's natural electrical impulses. Now his heart is fine. But the electrical charges he received, threw his body's natural electrical impulses which control the muscles that create the heart's pumping motion, out of whack so to speak. And when these natural impulses are interrupted, it causes a slower than normal heart rate or what we refer to as bradycardia. Bradycardia caused your husband's heart monitor to emit an alarm. We need to elevate his potassium levels."

Morgan's eyes narrowed as a look of anger appeared. "Why didn't you catch this before?!" he snarled. "Didn't you do blood tests?" He looked ready to hit somebody.

"Of course we did. This is why we put Aaron on the proper meds to elevate his potassium levels. But we need to increase the dosage. So we've increased his potassium meds which we feel will do the job, and we've taken more blood for testing which should confirm our diagnosis. I've also scheduled Aaron for an EEG to measure the impulses in his brain to insure the proper brain activity. But we think it's better if Aaron has no more visitors until tomorrow. I'm sorry."

"So he's alright?" asked JJ.

"He should be fine."

"Should be?" hissed Morgan. "What do you mean by should be? Don't you know?"

"Morgan, let it go," Rossi advised. "These things happen. It's nobody's fault. They caught it in time, and Hotch is all right."

Morgan, turning away, ran a hand over his bald head. Everybody could tell he was still upset by the entire episode. But he kept his mouth closed because for one, he understood Rossi was right. And two, Haley was present and he didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was. But he was still angry at the latest misfortune to affect his friend.

Rossi, always a man in control, looked at Doctor Fleming. "Thank you, doctor. Will it be all right to visit Agent Hotchner tomorrow?"

"That'll be fine," Fleming replied.

"Thank you again, doctor."

"You're welcome." Fleming looked at Haley and smiled sincerely. She then turned around and walked away. Haley let out a deep breath and faced the others.

"So what happens now?" Prentiss asked.

"We head back to the hotel, have dinner, and try and get a little sleep," Rossi explained. "I left a call back message for Strauss explaining what happened." He studied Haley. "Do you have a place to sleep tonight?"

Haley shook her head. "Not really. I mean, I packed a suitcase, but Penelope and I came straight from the airport here. Neither of us had a chance to register at a hotel."

The agents exchanged looks. When they had arrived several days ago, Reid shared with Morgan, JJ with Prentiss, and Rossi with Hotch. Of course Rossi's room now had an empty bed with Hotch being in the hospital. And being a gentleman, he would never ask Garcia, and especially not Haley, to take the empty bed in his room. He reached inside his jacket and removed his cell phone.

"Let me see if the hotel has a free room. I'll pay out my own pocket if need be." With the phone pressed to his ear, he turned and walked a short distance from the others. After about twenty minutes, he rejoined the others and tucked his phone away. There was a smile on his face. "Everybody, the hotel had a cancellation and both Haley and Garcia have a room for the next three days. Only thing is it has one bed. But if you still want it, ladies, it's yours."

Garcia squealed with joy and threw her arms around the older man's neck. She hugged Rossi so tightly she cut off his breathing. "Garcia, I can't breathe," he gasped.

"Oh, I'm sorry my Italian love god," Penelope released Rossi. She then looked at Haley. "I hope you don't mind sharing a room with me? I promise I don't hog the covers."

Haley found her self smiling at the exuberance of the technical analyst. "Not at all. In fact, I can think of nobody I'd rather share a room with."