*I know this has taken like forever to write! I lost it with this story for a long time and started doing other things but I'm back on it and hopefully I can stay on it. I hope I make everyone happy with what I got out. R/R please. let me know what you think.
Logan and I spent every waking moment together. It got easier to be with Logan. After a few days he was actually smiling. On one of the few occasions that I wasn't with him, I was with Katherine sitting in the witch and sorcerer's house. She thought I could use a break from her brother, but in truth I think she wanted to be close to me again too. She too reminisced about the days of yore.
"You were half in the bag when I got there and made a total fool of yourself." She laughed loudly. "I had no idea you would be there so you can imagine how shock I was to walk into a restaurant to have lunch with my brother and his drunk girlfriend."
"That definitely sounds like me." I nodded.
There were a few moments of silence before Katherine plunged into another story. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if there was no solution to my memory problem. I was obviously considered a member of their Pack; their family but I couldn't say that I reciprocated those feelings of love. Not yet.
"I took you down so fast." She finished. "We really should start on that combat training. That's probably the reason for this whole mess."
"What?"
"No one ever taught you how to fight; if we had you probably could have fought Ortiz off no problem."
"What happened to Pablo?" I asked, I had been wondering if he'd made it through my high kick.
"Karl's got him." She said bitterly. "He almost bled to death when you kicked him though that window but we thought that was too easy a death for him."
"Where are they?" I asked; it made me uncomfortable to know he was still out there.
"Don't worry, he's far away from here." She said. "We could probably keep him alive if you want to be the one to do him in."
"No." I said shaking my head and wrapping my arms around myself. "I don't want to kill anyone."
"Maybe you will when you remember everything." She said and stood. "I'm going to the Dairy Queen. Do you want a blizzard?"
"No." I said lightly.
She patted my shoulder and left. I couldn't get over the fact that I may have once had the desire to kill someone. The stories I heard about this man were awful but they were like watching the news. I didn't feel like it was happening to me so it didn't bother me in that way. Logan came into the room shortly after Katherine left. I still wasn't comfortable.
"Lucas wants to see you." He said, trying to hide the hope in his voice.
I nodded and followed him through the house to the kitchen. Jeremy was sitting at the table next to Paige, who looks worn and tired. My presence took it's toll on everyone I guess. They all had hopeful looks on their faces. I took a deep breath; this is it.
"Just stand still. We're going to try something." Lucas said calmly. He held his fingers toward me and said something under his breath.
I was pushed off balance by some kind of force. I felt Logan's hand on my back to steady me. Everyone looked at me. I looked back at Logan, into his blue eyes. The sadness was still there behind the hope. He was preparing himself for disappointment. He searched my eyes as well, looking for some difference. Nothing changed.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
"We'll keep trying." Paige said.
The house was near silent for the rest of the day except the joyful laughter of Paige's son as he played. Lucas slaved over books in the kitchen, picking up the phone every now and then to consort with his sorcerer family. They still hadn't found Jackson and his family claimed to know nothing about any spell that could take memories away. It was all going to be trial and error.
A week passed. Lucas decided not to make it a gathering when trying spells on me. If I remembered, I remembered. If not, we moved on. Logan was with me; silently hopeful but always ready for disappointment. It was wearing him down. We spent that day apart. I missed him. How could I miss him? I barely knew him.
It was on that particularly cold night that I wasn't able to sleep. I stayed up watching television while Logan slept on the floor next to the sofa bed. He stirred, making me look down at him. When he started mumbling I gave him my full attention. He breathed my name softly. I held my breath; I wanted to hear it again.
"Joslyn." He breathed again.
I got down on the floor next to him. He was still asleep. I reached my hand out to touch his face. My heart raced.
"Logan." I whispered.
He shifted and opened his eyes.
"Hey. What's wrong? Are you OK?" He said sleepily, sitting up.
I hesitated. "I thought I saw a spider on your face. It's gone."
"Oh." He stretched. "Thanks."
"I'm sorry I woke you up."
"It's alright." He said and laid back down on his pillow.
I cursed myself for not having the balls to do what I wanted to.
The next day Logan woke me up early. I didn't get enough sleep. He seemed excited about something. When I walked into the kitchen neither Lucas nor Paige approached me with another attempt to revive my memory.
"We're going up to the mountains." Logan told Lucas.
"Is that alright with Jeremy and your parents?" Paige asked.
"Fortunately I'm old enough to not have to ask." Logan said humored.
"I keep forgetting you guys aren't fifteen anymore." She smiled. "When are you going?"
"Whenever Joslyn is ready."
"I'm going?" I asked.
"Of course. We haven't really had a chance to get a good, fulfilling run in since we got here. I thought you might want to stretch your legs a little."
"Oh. Alright." I shrugged. "I should eat first."
"We'll grab something on the way." He smiled. "C'mon."
I looked at Paige and Lucas who looked at me with an equally confused expression. I shrugged and followed Logan out the door. The rental was waiting on the curbside. We sat in the car for nearly two hours. We talked, mostly about where we were headed. He said he'd found it on the internet and wanted to check it out; apparently the pictures were amazing and we'd be able to get places that humans couldn't. His enthusiasm was infectious. When we pulled into a dirt parking lot and parked. Logan practically jumped out of the truck.
"You're really psyched about this huh?" I asked him around the back of the truck.
"Definitely. I haven't been on a hike since… well since we first started dating." He said.
"We went on a hike together?" I asked smiling.
"Yeah. We camped out for a couple nights. You really liked it."
I wished I could remember it.
"Will you tell me about it?" I asked him.
He smiled. "Yeah."
He told me a story as we walked of swimming half naked under a waterfall and climbing a mountain to watch a beautiful sunset; being stalked by a wolf and leaving Logan fully surprised that I could keep pace with him. Every word he spoke was filled with love and want.
"Neither of us wanted to leave but you had an appointment to get x-rays done on your ribs the next day so…"
I sighed sadly.
"What's wrong?"
"I want to remember… so badly." I shook my head and sat on a rock. "When you talk about the things we've done; it makes me miss it but I don't know what it is I'm missing."
"We'll find a way to fix it." He said kneeling in front of me. "Everything will come back to you."
"The funny thing is… I know I loved you. I can feel it when I look into your eyes." I said trying to contain myself; Logan looked hurt. "I'm sorry."
"No. Don't be sorry." A weak smiled twitched on his lips. "C'mon, let's head back."
"No. Please. I want to do this."
We didn't bring up the fact of my lost memory for the rest of the hike. Logan was a good climber but I didn't lag behind. He wasn't surprised.
The house was empty when we got back in the late afternoon. Logan called Jeremy to check in; he asked us to stay in for the night. We ordered in pizza and watched a movie. I was having trouble keeping my eyes open by eight o'clock. Before I could pass out I got up and took a long shower; the perfect day to wind down the day. When I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel Logan was still on the couch. I guessed him to be asleep so I didn't feel awkward walking over to get my clothes. Of course, he turned to me upon my approach.
"Oh. I thought you were asleep." I said and pointed to the pile of clothes next to the television. "I forgot my clothes."
"Oh. Well, here." He got up, grabbed to pile and walked toward me.
"Thanks." I said taking them from him. My hand slid against his. It gave me goose bumps. "Your hands are cold."
"Sorry." He said leaning toward me; the energy between us changed suddenly. I felt drawn to him. What just happened?
I let the breath out of my lungs and walked back into the bathroom. It took me some time to get myself together in the bathroom. When my head was clear I opened the door and almost walked straight into Logan.
"Oh. Was I taking too long? You could have knocked."
"No. I was actually coming to check if you were alright."
"Oh. I'm alright." I nodded. "Thanks."
We stood there for a few moments, the same energy between us, the same drawing feeling. I was the one to step back this time and walked past him.
"I know you can feel it." Logan said suddenly. "Joslyn. I love you."
I swallowed hard. "I know."
"You already said you know you loved me. What do I have to do Jos?"
"I don't know." I said looking back at him. "This is so… confusing. I don't know what to do."
"What do you feel?" He came close to me; our bodies were mere inches from each other. The question was so simple but so revealing.
I looked up into his eyes. His pain and agony seeped into me through them. I wanted to cry but more than that I wanted to…
I leaned into him and kissed him. He almost stumbled backward but caught himself and wrapped his arms around me. It was rushed and uncertain and it left my whole body buzzing; I didn't want to stop it. Our lips parted leaving both of us breathing heavily. I held my breath and looked up into his face. It was a whole new feeling; or it wasn't, actually. The warmth behind the surprise in his eyes made me want him more. He came to me more tentatively. This one was perfect. The anticipation made my heart race and when our lips finally touched, we both seemed to electrify. It was only seconds before we were wrapped in each other. He slid his hands over my body, cherishing every inch he touched. It felt so right, so meant to be. How could I not love this man?
We were snapped back into reality when the front door opened upstairs. Logan tore himself away from me and went to see who it was. I sank into the couch, head swimming. It was several minutes before Logan came back down the stairs. He stood in front of me looking grim.
"They want to give it another shot." He said quietly.
"Right now?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "But uh, unless we find Jackson… this is all they got."
"Oh." I felt suddenly deflated, all the buzz of earlier left me. A question popped into my head that hadn't before. "What if it doesn't work?"
He didn't want to answer that. I stood up and walked to the stairs. This was it; my last chance at remembering everything; remembering Logan. Paige and Lucas were standing in the kitchen looking hopeful.
"Stand still." Lucas said.
I nodded; closing my eyes this time. I anticipated the force that would push me back. It was stronger. I stumbled backward, hit the wall hard and fell on the floor.
"Joslyn?" Lucas' voice was distant but I could see him fine. "Are you alright?"
I tried to form words but my brain was all muddled. My vision went black and I felt myself hit the floor before I was overcome with the deafening nothingness.
My toes were warm. Then I felt my feet, legs, arms and the rest of my body. Everything was stiff. My mind was still blurry but through that fogginess I could see only one thing; Logan. The alertness started to catch up. I moved my fingers and toes and started to let the light flood my eyes. There was someone near me, I could hear deep breathing. When I moved my stiff neck I saw him sleeping in a chair peacefully. He was so beautiful; it was unreal.
"Joslyn." I heard my name spoken quietly from across the room. Jeremy stood in the doorway. I smiled at him.
"Hey." I said quietly. "What happened?"
"Lucas tried out a new spell. We've all been waiting to see the results."
I remembered back as far as I could but Logan only came into my mind after Ortiz had "helped" me out. I shook my head sadly. Before I could stop them, tears ran down my face and I sobbed quietly into my hands.
"I'm sorry Joslyn." Jeremy said coming to the bedside slowly.
"What's going to happen now? I asked him.
"That's up to you." He said. "You're well in control of your Changes, I doubt that you'll start attacking humans. If we find Jackson McCloud we'll get in contact with you immediately."
I looked at Logan still sleeping. It made me sad to think of leaving him.
"Or if you choose, you can stay with us."
"Really?" I looked at Jeremy quickly. "You'd let me?"
"You've already made your way into our hearts Joslyn. We won't turn you away for what's happened."
A stirring in the corner drew my attention away from Jeremy. Logan was waking. I looked back to where Jeremy stood but he was gone. It was time to face Logan and break the news to him. Even in his groggy waking I saw the hope in his eyes.
"Joslyn." He breathed. "How are you feeling?"
His real question was "what do you remember?" I tried to smile but when the tears started rolling down my cheeks again I saw his hope fade. He stood up and marched at the door. I heard the echoes of crushing drywall and tables being overturned. His anger burned through me and I cried to myself until exhaustion took hold and I fell into sleep.