Guardian One-Half

by TheDevian

While being chased through town one day, Ranma somehow managed to avoid the walkway washer woman, and his fate subtly changed. My apologies to anyone who has been waiting on the next chapter of my first story, Nodoka 2/1, my editor got sidetracked, and while I was waiting on him to catch up, I started this "short story" idea that grew well out of hand.

25. Chapter 25

We are passed the halfway mark now, but it is not all 'downhill' from here yet, the terrain ahead is still a bit rocky. Hopefully we won't have any more issues like the other day, but we will see.

Notice: The gods of the FanFiction have informed me that you shall obey the following commandment. 'Enjoy the Story'!

Chapter 25 - Promissory Notes

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"Mother, why are we going to your room, are we not doing more ...'bridal training'?" Kasumi blushed when she said the words, still not comfortable with the idea of her needing such a thing, even if she had been learning a lot. She had to admit to being impressed, she had no idea there were so many variations on the recipes she made so often, though she had been proud to be able to teach a stain removal technique to her 'instructor', and that had helped to restore some of her lost confidence.

"Of course we are, my dear, but not all of a bride's duties lie in cooking and cleaning."

Kasumi's cheeks burned with her blush. "But, I-, I-..."

"You also have to be able to keep your husband in line." Nodoka ignored her 'disciple' picking herself up off of the floor. "Controlling your family is your number one responsibility as the head of the household."

"But, isn't the husband head of the-..."

"Oh dear! Where ever did you learn such nonsense?"

"Um... Everywhere?"

"Tisk, tisk! Silly child, everyone knows that the wife is the one who runs the household, we are just not so unrefined as to want to take credit for that. Everything needed to keep the household running smoothly, not just balancing the budget and cleaning, we also must make certain the rest of the family unit lives up to their responsibilities, even if that means the husband might think they are the one in charge. Keeping your family happy and functional is part of it, and keeping men happy can require stroking their ego at times, by allowing them to pretend that they are in charge."

"Oh my..."

"When you see the happiness and joy in the faces and actions of your beloved family, then who needs something so trivial as 'credit'?"

Kasumi sighed in agreement, nothing pleased her more than putting her loved ones in a good mood, even if they did not notice she had done anything at all, on the other hand, she had started to realize that perhaps that might have been part of her problem as well... While she felt no desire for praise, Ranma and Shampoo had made her realize that her family had been taking advantage of that in her, and by doing everything for them, she had not actually 'helped' them as much as she had wanted, and in fact, caused harm by spoiling them. If only she had seen it sooner. While both of her sisters were fiercely independent, she felt that she and their father left them ill prepared for their futures. It was one of her biggest regrets, even if she was only a few years older than them, it was the eldest sister's responsibility to care for her younger siblings. For what was not the first time, she wished that her younger self had the knowledge of her current one ...or more.

"I believe you have practiced the basics for long enough, you have a good grasp of some of the intermediate skills and are picking up improvisation well, so I think it is time to move to the next step. We can go back and test your progress in the kitchen later, however for now, I want to see what your mother taught you about the bedroom."

"Oh my... I see, that makes sense. I may be mistaken, but I believe I have learned most things, but it would be easier to just show you."

Nodoka's mood brightened a bit, it was so much easier to build a home upon a good foundation. "Yes, exactly, Kasumi-chan, I like the way you think!" Leading the way into the room she was using, she started to rummage in her boxes. "So, what kinds of things do you enjoy most?"

"What do I enjoy most in the bedroom?"

"Exactly, do you have a favorite?"

"Well, Ranma-kun certainly has been a big help there, it has just been amazing... making the beds and keeping things tidy are just so important, but I really prefer laundry the most! The joy of being able to save someone's favorite outfit, or get out a stubborn stain, it is very satisfying work."

Nodoka had to pick herself and the items she had just found, off of the floor, where they had just fallen. As disappointed as she was, she could not find it in herself to be upset with the naive young woman. "That was not exactly what I had in mind, but what do you mean, about Ranma helping?"

"Oh my, you would be impressed, Ranma-kun was such a big help to me, when no one else would, and then with all of the free time ...we trained together! It was exhilarating!"

"I- well, unquestioningly, helping a woman in need is a manly thing to do, though it is not the manliest thing for a couple to do together in a bedroom..."

"Oh my! But, we were never a ...'couple' ...I was the only one who was not, so..."

Nodoka filed that away for later, and decided to change the subject. "Not to worry, Kasumi-chan, all things will work out in time. 'Drop by drop is the water pot filled.' For now, let us focus on your lesson for tonight."

"And what lesson is that, if I may ask?"

"I believe I explained that already, you are going to learn ways to make your family happy."

"Isn't that nice... but what is that leather for?"

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Genma found that he could not move, an all too familiar feeling of being bound and gagged filled his awareness. He was not sure how he had gotten back there, but an unforgettable voice refused to allow him to convince himself that he was wrong. "Are you awake again, Husband? It was very naughty of you to fall asleep while doing your duty, it is not very manly of you to make your wife use so many toys."

Looking up and into Nodoka's eyes only confirmed his suspicions, for some reason he was back in his old house! And his wife seemed much larger than was normal, though glancing around the room, and seeing the size of the torture equipment, he knew that it was actually him that was feeling particularly small. "Eh, err, eh? Ah han ee-eh-er ahee-..." *Um, were we? I can't say I remember any-...*

The room went dark as the blindfold covered his eyes. "No more excuses, you have left me hanging too many times already, Genma-chan." Seeing him flinch at the name, she felt some small satisfaction. "You claim to know what needs to be done, but you never care about anyone other than yourself! So, I am going to return the favor, and I will play with you until 'I' am ...gratified." She let that last word hang in the air, dripping with contempt.

Genma started panicking, and as the feeling of a hand slid between his legs, his struggles intensified. "If only you would put that much effort into your husbandly duties... Of course, with this little thing, I suppose it is not surprising that the local toy store is doing so well..."

He felt the shackles that restrained his ankles widening as she turned the crank. "Why don't you try this instead, maybe you will learn what a real man feels like." Genma was not given time to feel happy about the gag being removed from his mouth before it was replaced by a latex 'replica'.

"It is sad, our son is only five, and already is more of a man than you, I guess we should be grateful that my genes were dominant."

'Why should your genes be any different than the rest of you? ...OH SHIT! There's no way I can allow my son to be raised here, it's not safe for any man!' While he had no hint that she would ever treat her son in any way similar to himself, after all, she only did this to him when he 'disappointed' her in bed, however only the pain in his posterior mattered to the young father, still nursing a mostly full head of hair ...it was receding far too quickly these days.

"What a pathetically tiny phimotic little thing, hardly a man at all. I guess my family should have asked for a 'head shot' before agreeing to our marriage... Oh? What is this? I see, so you DO like the little intimate conversations we have! It is too bad that even though you seem to love being called microscopic, it never seems to get all that much bigger..."

Still blindfolded, Genma was unable to see what was happening, and was just happy he was being left alone ...even if the phallus was still in his mouth. "Why could I not have been married to a real man, who wanted to treat me as a woman?"

The small sigh gave him a small amount of satisfaction. 'HA!'

"But no, I ended up with a man who prefers to be insulted, and treated like a woman, even called a woman! I also wish you would not teach our son that being called a 'woman' was an insult, just because you like it, it is really not appropriate."

"Oh, ohn!" *No, don't!*

"What happened? I barely even touched you! For shame, even little children should have more of a resistance! I suppose you leave me with little choice, as I said, I will be fulfilled before this night is done, one way or another..."

After a moment, he felt the pressure of the slick, cold, finger pressing on the base of his rectum. 'Oh no, not again...!'

"Time to loosen this thing back here... One finger ...two ...three ...four ...and all five! There we go, you are almost ready... and-..."

Genma sat bolt-upright, feeling the phantom soreness in his hindquarters, pain left over from the dream that seemed almost too real, while he was still sweating and gasping for breath. He never wanted to explain to anyone why he had really left on that training trip, and if he had any say in the matter, he never would!

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"...Do not forget, if you tie it like this, it is easy to escape, however if you go the other direction, then it gets tighter the more they struggle."

"I see ...but why would I ever need to know such a thing?"

"Do not argue with me Darling, men are just like that sometimes, you just never know when you might need to keep one ...restrained."

Kasumi did not like to admit it, but there had been times when she would not have minded knowing such a thing, much to her chagrin. "I suppose..."

"Trust me, my dear." Nodoka watched closely as Kasumi practiced her knots, glad to see her doing well. "Very nicely done. It looks as though you are starting to get the basics now, what do you say we stop here for the night, and take our bath?"

"If you think that is best." The young woman followed her friend's mother to the furo where they started to undress.

Impressed by her choice of lingerie, Nodoka had to wonder. "Those are very interesting, did you pick them out yourself? I am surprised to see this side of you, Daughter dear."

Blushing profusely, Kasumi could not meet the other woman's gaze. "They ...I mean, I am not sure why, but Mother, my 'real' mother, gave them to me, so I could not refuse... I- I was told they were for battle, so I wear them for ...training!"

"Very good." The Saotome matriarch smiled to herself, perhaps the next phase of training would go as easily as the earlier ones... "I would never want to offend, but perhaps you would do me the honor of allowing me to also give you some. While these are lovely, and I am not asking you NOT to wear them, I have some ideas that I think would look lovely on you, and a beautiful young woman, such as yourself, cannot have too many unmentionables."

Kasumi blushed as she tried to deny the compliment, mumbling under her breath, "Especially in this town." Not that she had ever had anything stolen from her personally, however she knew how much of a problem it was for most women in the area. It was scary to live in an area where so many thieves did their dirty business, she did not know what she would do if she ever met one of those people! How frightening!

"What was that, Dear?"

"Oh my, um, 'yes, Mother, you are correct'...?"

"My son was taken from me at such a young age, and I was never blessed with a daughter of my own, I hope you do not mind this doting old lady's regrets... We can get you some more like that, and others ...for your training."

"...'For the training'? I, well, I do not think mother would mind, so I suppose it would be okay..."

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Their truce now ended, the two young women had decided on a mutual plan of attack as a way to get back into their competition, and to that end, they railroaded Ranma into the changing room. Ukyo's plan had not been a complete success, but she knew there was only so much time their deal would buy her, Shampoo was sure to try 'something' if she pushed it too much longer. She would still try to help Tofu, but she knew she would not be able to give him as much time.

"What ...ya think yer doin'?" Ranma was slowly trying to back away as the two hungry predators advanced on him, causing him to want to flee.

"What wrong, Airen?"

"Yeah Ranchan, it's th' same thing we do every day ...just takin' our bath..."

"No is fair, Ranma always wash us, so we say we work together, return favor of washing Husband!"

"Uh... That's okay, ya ain't gotta... I don't need-..."

"Stop stupid talking! Ranma say want get along, so let do!"

"Yeah Ranchan, we're only doin' whacha asked us, we're bestest friends! Ain't that right, Shugga?"

"Is true, is like sister! Why can no just come peaceful?"

"Ah don't mind if yer loud either..." Ukyo blushed as she looked away, proud of herself for managing to make the joke, even if no one else appeared to get it.

"We is think Ranma spend too too much time by self, need spend time with beautiful womans what love!"

He found his back against the wall, and they were closing the gap far more quickly than he would have liked. On the other hand, they did make a point, and he was starting to regret asking them to 'get along'... It was not as if he had actually expected them to really do it! He supposed that the old saying he had heard was true, 'be careful what you wish for, or it might come back and attack you...' "Um, well, ya see, I mean..."

"Ya ain't gonna git outta here without us washin' ya back!"

"This time is we what go first!"

"What? Wait! I-..."

"No excuses, Ranchan!"

Ranma rarely had it in him to resist a strong willed woman, his sheltered life had left him ill prepared for such things, and he felt as if he were sinking into a deep pit as they stripped him. With the way his father had talked about women when he was a child, he was lucky he did not end up with full blown Gynophobia as well as his Ailurophobia.

"No fight! Shampoo only want help Husband get better!"

"I'm sick now?"

His body stiffened as they both shouted a resounding, "YES!"

"An' lemme guess, ya give me th' cure if I go on a date with ya?"

"Been there, done that."

"Is too too late for that! Is emergency, need give cure now. Come with Shampoo!"

"...Or sooner."

"Pancake-Girl want say something?"

"Yeah, Ah'm goin' first!"

"Goin' where?"

"Ta heaven! Now come on!"

"Oi!" Ranma gasped in surprise as his childhood friend firmly grasped his wrist, and headed for the furo.

"No get head self! Agreed, we do as team!"

Ukyo had to shake the image of Ranma going down on her out of her mind, along with the drool from her chin. "Ya do that on purpose, don't ya?"

Shampoo shyly looked away, feigning innocence by resting her index finger on her pouting lower lip. "What Shampoo do? No is one get head self!"

"Never will, not if Ah got anythin' ta say about it!"

"Is what think? All know, Shampoo is too too sexy womans. Any mens make obvious choice over boy stick figure!"

"Ah'll have ya know, Ah'm one hundred, percent, female!"

"Then Shampoo many hundreds purr-cents."

Ukyo hated the sultry look on her rival's face at that moment more than burnt okonomiyaki! "Grrrrr!"

Ranma saw his moment while they were fighting, and ...was prevented from fleeing by Ukyo's death grip on his arm. "Come on, Ranchan, let's git this started!"

"Finally, Shampoo agree!" Taking his other arm, they led him to the washing area, directing him to sit on the stool.

Ranma's muscles tensed as their warm, wet hands gently started lathering his body, nervously looking for any easy escape route. That was at least, until Shampoo had moved behind him and started on his back, he could not be sure, but he felt as if he saw what she had been doing, he would regret it. All he could say for certain was that it felt as though hands were not the only thing being used to wash him, and he did NOT want to know what it was... 'Knowing would make it worse', it was a feeling he could not shake, so he clenched his eyes tight, and tried to think about the art. "Aaaaah..."

"See, feel too too good, yes?" Shampoo instinctively purred as she leaned in to nibble on his earlobe, though she made sure not to let up on her grip. "Shampoo make Ranma feel good everyday, in many way, so pick Shampoo and feel more good thing!"

"NO! Pick meh!" With her rival pressing her overdeveloped chest into Ranma's back, Ukyo saw an opportunity to get ahead... in more ways than one.

Despite everything, Ranma almost managed to jump out of his skin as Ukyo's hands had quickly darted between his legs! With her soapy fingers homing in on her target, he felt his body starting to instinctively react to her touch and it frightened him, though he would never admit that. His eyes were darting around the room, doing their best not to focus on either of the other two people in the room.

Eager as she was, the voluptuous vixen was annoyed by how quickly Ukyo had jumped to the 'main course'! While it was true that the 'early bird got the worm', there was a proper order to things! "Is go too too fast, does know nothing?"

"Well, it ain't like Ah never done this before!"

"No asking elders? Watching movie? Reading manga at least? No study for test at all?"

Not releasing her firm grip, Ukyo blushed even harder, and stammered. "Well.. Ah mean, Ah, Ah, know what ta do!"

"No well... Is need more practice."

"Ah'm tryin'... Heeeeyyy... ya slut! How many other guys ya been with already?"

"Shampoo only be one for Ranma!"

"Then how ya claim ta know so much?"

"All warrior know how please mate, is too too obvious! Japanese need better education!"

"Yeah, right, so how'd they teach ya, capture some guy from another village, and practice on 'em?"

"NO! What think are?"

"Barbarians."

Sticking her tongue out, she crossed her arms, making her bust protrude even further, and catching her full attention as she had intended. "If must know, Great-Grandmother buy instruction movie, book, and magazines!"

"So, ya insult Japanese education, yet ya use our porn ta learn? Ya... Ya hypocrite!"

"No was ALL from Japanese!" Turning her head, her cheeks grew a bit more pink as her voice softened. "...But Shampoo want know what Husband like."

"Hurmph! Likely story!"

"Should be thank Shampoo, if no for, both die virgin, even if marry! Now, Shampoo teach Ranma, go find own teacher!"

"Not a chance, Shuggah! Ah ain't lettin' go!"

"Then move over for sharing!"

Finally managing to kick over a bucket, the cold water washed over his legs, triggering the curse, and causing their hands to suddenly find themselves empty. Moving quickly, Ranma tried to make a break for it, but it was not fast enough, as they had each latched onto a leg with a death grip.

"Is good try, but Husband no get away this time."

"Ah done told ya Ranchan, 'ya ain't gettin' outta here, without us washin' ya!"

"...One way, or other." One of the topics covered had sparked Shampoo's curiosity, and she wondered how 'functional' her husband's female organs were... Perhaps this might be a good time to find out. Before either of them could blink, her hands were completely lathered, and were 'washing' between Ranma's legs!

Not loosening her grip, Ukyo looked on in wild-eyed fascination, she had never seen anything like it! It certainly looked as if Ranma was enjoying it, even if his panicked look reminded her of a deer ...right before it was killed by a truck. "What ya doin' there?"

"Shampoo wash husband!"

"But, husbands don't have one of ...those!"

"Shampoo husband do, if no like, go find other husband! If no can do, then how can say love Ranma?"

Never one to back down from a challenge when it came to Ranma, Ukyo steeled her nerves, and allowed her hands to massage his chest, as her eyes darted between Ranma's expression and what Shampoo was doing down below. Despite the fear, it was obvious to anyone, even her, that it was clearly a VERY enjoyable experience. ...If only it was Ranma doing that to her!

"Stupid Pancake-Girl, keep both hand on Ranma, play with self later!"

"What's happenIIIIIIIING? AAAAAAAAAAHHH!" After a bright flash of light, Ranma's world suddenly went dark.

"Oh, good job, look what ya did! Ranchan! Ranchan, wake up! ...Aw no fair!"

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While Ryoga was tired of being in his cursed form, he had been unable find a way to escape, the girl who held him was remarkably good at keeping track of him. He may not know where he was, but on the up side, at least he was getting in some training, even if it WAS only while in cursed form. Though, he had to admit, considering how often he was stuck as a pig, he ended up fighting as one often enough, so it was not the worst thing to happen. He just hated the idea of being forced, he wanted to train on his own terms.

For almost a week he had been made to wear a weighted harness while he ran around a small arena, jumping over obstacles, and dodging soft balls that were thrown at him. It had been rigorous, they had worked him until he felt he would drop, and then they would hose him off before taking him to the holding cage for the night. The girl was no Akane, but she was cute, and her cooking was ...better. The strangest part of it all, was how there was porcine imagery everywhere he looked. They seemed fond of pigs, but in a 'farming' sort of way, and that made him worry about his future if he stayed there. Was he being fattened up for the slaughter?

That brought him to his opponent, an enormous swine, dressed in what seemed to be a sumo outfit! While it was hard to tell from his low angle, it was possibly even larger than the one he had found rampaging through Shikoku! Though this one was clearly not wild, and had been preventing him from leaving every time he had tried to get away, much like his prison guard. For the first time he had been placed in a sumo ring, and instructed to fight with the much larger animal!

'P-Choppy' was rather strong for his size, though it paled in comparison to his natural human body, and despite having landed many solid blows, both during this 'match', and during his numerous escape attempts, it never seemed to faze the boar. His odds of winning did not look good. Luckily for him, in sumo, the only goal was to push your opponent out of the ring, harming them was unnecessary. 'WAIT!'

The larger porcine combatant moved far more quickly than its size would imply, and Ryoga found his little self air born in an instant! He eyes bugged out as he saw the ground quickly approaching, it had all happened so quickly, that he had been unable to adjust his trajectory and was looking at a very painful landing.

Instead of landing however, his opponent had caught his bandanna its mouth, flinging him back into the air with a bit less force. This time he managed to land on his feet, even as a pig he was used to hard landings so was able to avoid the hoof aiming for his back. Seeing an opening, he started to bolt from the ring until a sweet voice stopped him dead in his tracks. "If you run from the ring, you won't get any of my special pig slop for dinner... Win or lose, you need to try, Sweetie."

His grumbling stomach protested his plan, and he turned to face the tower of pork that strangely seemed to be waiting for him. Steeling himself for the pain, he psyched himself up and charged in to attack! He was battered back with each blow, staying just shy of knocking him out of the ring.

"That's the spirit!"

They were toying with him! It was hopeless, there was no way he could beat that big thing like this... His self-doubt caused him to drop his guard just as his attack was blocked, causing him to go tumbling out of the ring and into a freshly formed, P-choppy-shaped hole in the wall.

The enormous swine managed to look sheepish for the blunder, and ran with its mistress to make sure he was still breathing.

"OH! What happened? You were really starting to show some skill!" Watching the little pig get back up with a dejected look on his face, she wanted to cheer him up. "Come on, you can do it! Best two out of three, get in there and give it your all, and you will get something really good tonight!"

'Oh no, not again!' After a quick check, he found himself back within the circle, the cute teen gently rubbing his head.

"Now, now! It will be okay, I know you can do it!"

Ryoga psyched himself up, he did not want to disappoint the nice girl who believed in him. He could do this, he just had to focus, apply his leverage, and ...face down a mountain! 'Shimata!'

"That's it, Katsunishiki, I know you will be careful. We don't want to hurt your new little brother ...too much."

The aforementioned 'mountain' hardly moved, yet easily managed to deflect each attack with one hoof, and Ryoga's enthusiasm suffered with each blocked blow. He pondered why it was that this sort of thing always happened to him, he found a girl who was nice to him, and once again there is another strong opponent with a 'pigtail' standing in his way! It just was not fair! Did the gods themselves have it out for him? What did he do to deserve that? Completely ignoring the obvious answers to such questions, he wallowed in his misery, missing the change in expressions on the others in the room.

The dark purple glow enveloped the small piglet and coalesced into his slack-jawed mouth. Akari could not 'see' the aura, but she could certainly feel that something dramatic was about to happen, and she watched carefully as the unseen beam of dark energy struck her favored friend, knocking it out of the ring, and leaving a dent on the opposing wall!

"KATSUNISHIKI!" The teen ran over to check on her dazed companion, making sure that everything was okay before allowing herself to be distracted by the strange display. "Wow! How did you do that?"

She ran over to hoist Ryoga into her arms, and look him over, VERY closely, much to his embarrassment, though his depression was still strong enough to keep him avoiding eye contact, and wriggling to escape.

"What WAS that? A fluke? Can you do it again? Was it even you in the first place?" Hugging the tiny piggy to her chest. "No one has EVER beaten Katsunishiki! If only you were human..."

Ryoga suddenly stopped struggling to escape, and tried to hide in her bosom, her gentle voice slowly penetrating his muffled ears. "Now now, listen to me, I have never trained anyone who picked things up as quickly as you, it's almost like you understand everything I say! You really have a talent, I know it! You can do it, you just need more practice! You will do it won't you, for me?"

Ryoga did not like being looked down upon, especially by a cute girl, that just added insult to injury! He could do it! No, he WOULD do it! Yes! He was the man who would take down Ranma Saotome, no pig would stand in his way! This was just a stepping stone toward his goal! Hopping off of her lap, he faced off with his foe for the third time!

"Good job Banzuke-gai, I knew you had potential! Maybe we can get you registered soon if you keep this up, Cutie!"

'REGISTERED! For WHAT?' He was not given time to think about it as his opponent slowly approached him again. Tired of being pushed around, he focused on everything that made him mad, from his frustrations about his predicament, his loathing for Ranma, his feelings of abandonment, the hatred he had for his accursed sense of direction, and topped it off with picturing Mousse sitting on Akane's lap! With his rage and frustration boiling up and pushing him over the top, he charged in, throwing himself at his opponent with everything he had.

The angle of the attack flipped Katsunishiki onto his back, and in trying to get back on his feet, he rolled over, and out of the ring. Ryoga blinked a few times, not believing his own eyes, what luck that the other pig rolled that direction! Holding his head high, he trotted over to the excited young woman waiting for him.

"YOU DID IT! What a GOOD boy you are!" Akari lifted him to her chest, and kissed him on the snout. "I just knew you could do it! Oh how I WISH you were a real boy! Then we could get married, yes we could! Wouldn't that be nice?" Dancing around the room with him, she just looked into his stunned eyes. "I just bet you would make such a handsome boy!" Acting on a sudden impulse, gave a short prayer to the 'god' of sumo. "Oh please, Nomi no Sukune-sama, grant my prayer and turn my faithful wrestler into a HUMAN man!"

As they passed the kitchen, she felt the pig in her arms twitching. "You can have your special pig slop later, first we need to clean you up, you earned an extra special treat my little Pig-nokio!"

Having expended so much ki to empower his tiny body enough to overpower the much larger opponent, Ryoga was exhausted, he had tuned out the girl's voice, and could only think about food and sleep. Having passed the kitchen and feeling far too comfortable, he fell asleep, figuring she would wake him up when it was time to eat, if the usual hose did not do it first.

Being asleep, Ryoga also missed Akari's song, as she danced and sang her way to the furo.

"When you wish on the pork staaaar,

Makes no difference what breed you are,

Any truffle your heart desires,

Will slop tooo youuuuu...

"If a pig heart is in your dream,

No pig-quest is too pigs-treme,

When you wish on the pork star,

Like porcines do...

"Mmmm...

Mmmmmm...

Mmmmmmmm...

Mmmmmm...

"Like a snout out of the blue,

A pig steps in and sees you through,

When you wish on the pork star,

Pig dreams, coooooome truuuuuuuuuuuuue!"

Getting to the changing room, she saw the little piglet snoozing away and was moved by how cute he looked, making her not want to wake him as she prepared the bath. He had made her very proud that day, and she was looking forward to the competitions they would win together! But in the meantime, he had earned some pampering, and she loved to reward her hard working babies!

After wrapping herself in a towel, she carried him into the washroom and gently washed them both before climbing into tub. Finding that a rugged young man had just replaced her new trainee made Akari's heart-filled eyes bug out as she squealed in joy! "Oooooh! Thank you for granting my wish, Nomi no Sukune-sama!" She hugged him tightly to her chest, her disappointment in losing a potential upcoming champion had quickly been exchanged for the thrill of finally finding a man who qualified to be her husband!

Ryoga awoke to find that he was in a tub, back in his human form, in the arms of the girl who had been training him, and that they were both naked! Not wanting to hurt her, he found himself unable to break free. "Uh, I can explain! It's not what it looks like!" This was about as far as he got before his brain shut down due to over stimulation and blood loss.

"Oh no!" Before getting too covered, she pulled them and the plug from the tub, stopped his nosebleed, and rinsed everything off.

When Ryoga finally regained consciousness, he found himself lying on the cool tile, with his head resting on something warm and soft. Opening his eyes, he looked up and into her grinning face, and luckily for him, her towel was covering anything in-between them. Her eyes were not on his face, and she did not seem to yet have noticed he was awake. Following her eyes, he realized where she was looking and that he was still naked!

"Oooooooo..."

Jumping upright, he tried to scoot across the floor only to find she would not let go of him. "Wait, I-..."

"No, don't go, Darling!"

"Huh? What? Wait, you can't-..."

"Why, do you need me to try on a glass slipper or something? It's me, your sweet Akari-chan! Don't you remember me? We are destined to be together!"

"What, how, when? ...I barely know you!"

Akari looked hurt, and partially turned away. "How can you say that after everything we've been though? We have been together for so long now! Oh my poor baby, did you hit your head?"

Ryoga was starting to wonder exactly which one of them was the crazy one, she seemed so certain! Could she mean as a pig, even if so, that had not been THAT long... Did that mean she knew about his curse? "You mean ...you know?"

"Of course I know! I know everything about you, my love!"

"Why do you keep saying that? What did I do?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Seeing him shake his head in the negative, she continued, wiping a tear away from her eye. "Well, as you know, our family has trained champion sumo pigs for many generations and before dying, my grandfather said that I would not be allowed to marry anyone who could not beat our champion, Katsunishiki, and you were the first one to ever succeed! I mean, it's okay that you were not always human, I wished to the god of sumo, my prayers were answered, and now everything will be fine!"

"Oh, ahahahahaha!" Ryoga absently rubbed the back of his neck, trying to wrap his head around what was happening. He felt bad for the girl, he certainly knew what it was like to lose family ...in more ways than one!

"I know being like this is a lot to get used to all at once, but pigs are so smart and handsome, I know you will adjust quickly, you are such a fast learner!"

"Huh?" That was something Ryoga had NEVER been called in his life! "But...?"

"Don't worry, even though you have no skills other than fighting, I will always take care of you!"

"Well, that's nice and all, but could I trouble you for something to wear?"

"Oh, um, are you sure?"

Ryoga looked at her questioningly, not sure if he heard her correctly.

"I mean, I knew that you would pick things up quickly, but you already know what clothing is...?" 'Unfortunately.' "I am proud of you! Just wait here a moment, I will be right back!"

Before Ryoga could find his way out of the furo, she had returned wearing a yukata, with another in her arms. "Here you are Darling." Akari watched closely as he put on the yukata ...wanting to make sure he knew the right way to do it! Yes, that was it! Once he had tied the sash, she could think again and realized something important. "Well, I suppose we are going to need to pick a name for you, I cannot keep calling you 'trainee' any longer, and 'P-choppy' no longer really fits."

"Ryoga"

"What? Shouldn't we pick a good wrestling name?"

"My name is Ryoga, Hibiki Ryoga."

Akari looked slightly disappointed, but did not let it phase her for long, this was still close enough for her! Her dreams had finally been answered, and she was not going to look a gift pig in the mouth! That reminded her of something else. "I guess we can't feed you the usual pig slop any longer, you need people food now..."

"People food? But then what was that before...?"

"Eeeeeew! NO! That is NOT fit for human consumption, let alone my favorite person in the world!"

If her 'pig slop' was better to him than Akane's wonderful home cooking, then what did that say about him, did that mean that she was right, WERE they meant to be together? Lost in thought, Ryoga allowed himself to be led to the dining room.

"Just wait here, I will return shortly, my love! If you need anything, just ask Katsunishiki, okay?" Seeing him nod, she called to her champion. "Now, you make sure Ryoga-chan doesn't go anywhere, we don't want anyone to get lost on their first day as a man!"

"Wait, what?"

-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-

Shampoo had been in deep thought concerning their continuing failures, trying to examine her situation from every angle. She had wondered if he had been one of those men she had heard about who liked other men, but he had always rejected those ideas so vehemently, even if one overlooked the physical violence, she felt as if she were a good judge of his rejections! Not only had she been spurned all too often, but she had also been around while others had been jilted as well, and he always tried to be more delicate when refusing women. ...That is with one exception, though she liked to think she understood why that was the case, considering the brute force used against him and his misplaced feelings about hitting women, harsh words were the only recourse.

In her long talks with Kasumi, she had learned of even more fiancees who had been rejected, including a few men, and knew that he had rejected people fitting almost every archetype, so there had to be something deeper than just looking for a certain ideal. She had to take a moment to pat herself on the back for having seen things through to this point, as the proverb says, 'If you work hard enough, you can grind even an iron rod down to a needle'.

...After a moment, she reconsidered her metaphor, the last things she wanted Ranma to be was a 'worn-down needle'! Perhaps it would be better to say, 'It takes ten years to grow trees, but a hundred years to rear people'. That thought also horrified her, feeling as if it had already taken far too long. 'Three feet of ice is not formed in one cold day'? No, she did want things to get any 'colder', 'The one who removes a mountain, begins by carrying away small stones'! ...The proverb was not important! What mattered was Ranma!

Letting the distraction slip away, she tried to refocus on what she knew. She considered her more recent attempts at seduction, and started to wonder if she was the problem... Was she not as attractive as she thought? She had always had positive reactions from most other men, was she missing something?

Seeing a young man, who had just separated from a girl who kissed him, she found what she needed, a boy who obviously liked girls, now she could ask his opinion. Making sure the woman was well out of sight, she sauntered over to gather his opinion.

Tapping the man on the shoulder, she batted her eyelashes at him as she smiled cutely. "Excuse please, if Shampoo blow in ear, say want kiss, and play with this thing here, what do? Enjoy, or run way?"

"What do you mean 'shampoo', is this about Soap Land coupons? ...Or is this a trick question?"

Grabbing the man's shirt, she pulled him in closer to her, and looked him in the eyes. "This one is Shampoo, now answer, what think? Would want date if ask?"

The young man quickly considered dumping his girlfriend first, before deciding to worry about it later! The only thing that mattered was that this beautiful young woman was interested in him! "SURE!"

Relieved, she released the man, and bowed before turning to leave. "Is good. Shampoo thank for help."

"Wait, come back, I don't have your number!"

"Shampoo size, no one else business!"

"But, Darling, how can I call you for our date?"

"Can't. Shampoo say 'IF', only want opinion from weak little man."

"...but ...you said..."

"YOU TWO-TIMING RAT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT WOMAN?"

"But, Honey, I-..." Shampoo had hopped on her bike, and was well out of earshot long before the violence began, she was starting to develop a hypotheses, and it was time to go have a confrontation!

Luckily for her, Ucchan's Okonomiyaki was still open for business, so she had time to catch Ranma alone. Kasumi had been spending a lot of time with Ranma's mother, Hinako was spending more of her time at school, even on the weekends, giving her plenty of time alone with him, and yet he still avoided her, even while training! That was what hurt the most, the thing at which she was the best suited to help him, and yet still he fled...

Well, not this time, she had thought it over, and it always came back to the same point! She had grown lax, and it was time for her to truly commit herself! She would find him, say what she had to say, and she would make him believe her, even if it took everything she had to convince him of her sincerity!

Tracking him to a familiar empty lot, she did not want to give him a chance to get away, so she masked her presence, and flew in from above, pulling off another 'perfect' one-point landing ...on Ranma's back!

"WHAT YA DO THAT FOR?" Looking up, he saw tears forming in her eyes, and any will he may have had to resist made a hasty retreat for the shadows of his mind.

"Airen no run! Hear what Shampoo have say?"

"Fine! Jus' get off a' me!" Even he noticed the hurt in her expression, and despite the situation, still felt bad about his outburst. "Sorry, I mean, I ain't goin' nowhere."

"Okay, but Airen break promise to Shampoo again, no ever forgive!" Tossing her bike to the side, she allowed Ranma to regain his footing.

"So, what ya want? I was just trainin'..."

"Think know what is problem, Shampoo no is good enough warrior for Ranma, so no like, but Shampoo vow, work hard and no hold Airen back-...!"

"That ain't it! If I was like that, then I wouldn't like none a' ya!"

"What mean? Ranma NO dislike all? Could fool Shampoo..."

"OF COURSE NOT! Yer my friends! It ain't like I got a lot a' 'em... I mean we might get on each other's nerves, I know I make ya mad sometimes..."

"NO! No is true, SHAMPOO LOVE AIREN!" Ranma lowered a stern gaze at the pleading young woman. "Okay! ...Is true, get mad when Ranma ignore Shampoo, when only try so hard to make love!" Sobs caught in her throat as she chocked back her runny nose. "Shampoo love so much, what need do?"

"I- I don't know, I don't understand none a' this stuff... We're friends, we hang out, we train together, I ain't gettin' married now, so what more do ya want from me?"

"Want this!" Wrapping her arms around him, she closed the gap between them, and felt his muscles stiffen. "Remember, promise no running!"

Before Ranma had the slightest idea what was happening, Shampoo had his arms locked behind his back with one arm, while her other held the back of his head, pressing their lips together. His mind instantly flashed back to the first time they had met, once as each gender, as he braced for whatever bad thing would surly follow, half expecting Akane or someone to interrupt at any moment with a blunt object.

Shampoo pulled her head back, but did not let go of him, using her leverage to counter his superior strength. "See, no is so bad, yes?"

"Well, I don't know, I guess, but it's not- ...I mean, I didn't- ...I'm not-!"

Feeling how tense he had gotten, Shampoo realized things were not going as well as she had hoped. Even while staying close, he remained distant. "Airen no need be afraid..."

"I AIN'T SCARED!"

Ignoring the obvious self-deception, she tried to follow her line of logic. "Shampoo never want hurt Ranma..."

"Ya could a' fooled me... I mean, not that ya could, but ...ya know." Ranma looked down at the bike that he was sure left marks on his shirt.

"Is traditional greeting from village, attack to test training, keep on toes. Shampoo know Ranma able dodge, why never try?" Seeing the look of surprise cross his features, she raised an eyebrow. "No think Shampoo can tell? Know Ranma fighting best of all us, Shampoo can dodge, and Ranma beat Shampoo too too easy." A mix of the crushing blow to her pride as a warrior and her adoration of the man who managed to eke out a win against an elder at the ripe age of sixteen, filled her with inspiration, and a desire to be closer to him, in more ways than one. "Why Ranma no dodge when Shampoo or violent Pervert-girl is one what do?"

Shampoo did not need him to say anything, the guilt written on his face was as clear as the Tendo's koi pond on a calm day. "Stupid Ranma, let self get hurt no is good way say sorry..."

"Then, what am I 'supposed' ta do?"

"Say sorry, and no do thing what make mad, is too too easy."

"But what IS that? Half the time, I got no idea..."

"...And other half?"

"I sometimes figure it out later... but, it ain't like I mean ta say dumb stuff, but it's part a' my training-..."

"Training is say dumb thing?"

"Well, kind a', ya know ...insults, an' stuff, keeping the opponent off balance, angry even, it's what Pops taught me ta do all th' time, an' it ain't like I ever really interacted with nobody else much, not for long anyway."

"Shampoo no is opponent, is partner for Ranma." Snuggling in more closely, she looked up into his eyes before giving him a peck on the cheek. "Always be by side!"

Once again, Ranma tensed, not understanding the strange feelings swelling up inside of him, and wanted to bolt if not for the arms wrapped around him, and the promise he had made. "That's kind a' th' problem, I ain't used ta this stuff!"

"Is only one thing do then!"

Hope crept into Ranma's voice. "Ya know how ta fix it?"

"HAI! Is too too easy, if no is used to, then just need do more, get used to, yes?"

"ACK! NO, but I can't, it's just that-merphfermmhmhmm..." Visions of ...felines, flashed through his mind as their lips locked together, confusing him even further. Once again, he felt something stirring inside him and, along with Shampoo's purring, panicked him to his core.

Excitedly twitching as if she had a tail, Shampoo was still able to tell that Ranma was not exactly enjoying the experience, and pouted, worried about what she could do. "Is okay, Shampoo is here for helping."

"Then why's this all so confusin'?"

"Shampoo hear, because Ranma miss class... Here, let Shampoo teach all need know!"

"NO! Uh, that's okay! I think I hear Kasumi-san calling us ta help with dinner. We should go! We can talk 'bout this later..." In one swift motion, Ranma broke free, and was running for the kitchen, hoping to distract himself from the questions at hand.

"But we just eat lunch bit ago..." Frustrated as the obvious distraction, the young woman ran after her perplexing paramour, swearing that she would hold him to that promise.

-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-

"Mmmmmmm, that was GREAT! Thanks, Kasumi-san!"

"Oh my, you are welcome, Ranma-kun, but really, it was all thanks to your mother."

"Not at all, you children all helped tremendously. Ranma-dear, do you help cooking often?"

"Well, it ain't right ta leave it all ta Kasumi-san, I ain't no freeloader like th' old man, I wanna help out where I can..."

Kasumi blushed, struck by how mature his response had been. "Oh my."

Nodoka was not sure how she felt about that, but she did have to admit that she may have been mistaken, her husband may have provided a better example of what not to do than she first thought. If only Genma had been that devoted, perhaps she could have been allowed to raise her own child! "That certainly is rather responsible of you I suppose... but is there not another, more 'manly' way to help? Taking out the trash, mowing the lawn perhaps?"

"I do that too! ...but, I like ta help, ya know?"

"You know Mother, some of the best chefs in the world are men ...and I think Ranma-kun has the potential to be one of them."

"WHAT? I ain't near as good as any a' ya girls!"

"Hush Ranma-kun, you just started." Kasumi's gentle scolding made him give up the argument.

"Yeah! Mah papa was plenty manly, an' taught meh ever'thin' Ah know 'bout cookin'!"

"All mens of village do some cooking, cleaning, watching childrens, is only fair to share!"

"Yes, well, that makes a certain bit of sense..." There was more than a hint of jealousy in the Saotome matriarch's voice, yet she could not find it in herself to blame these girls, if only she could have been in their place, and had such an ...attentive husband. If nothing else, she had to admit, that whatever her son was doing, it was certainly effective, seeing how many young women cared for him, even if it was not as traditional as she would have preferred. "However, that brings us to the crux of the problem, I want to know how you girls are progressing, have any of you-..."

"Oh, wait, Shampoo have surprise!" Wanting to quickly change the subject, and hide their persisting failures, she hopped up, and ran to the kitchen, quickly returning with a tray. "Shampoo make Dragon Fruit Jellies!" On that tray, were gelatinous red squares, with many small black seeds suspended in the tops of each one, reminding everyone of small watermelon cubes. She started passing plates out to everyone, starting with Ranma, whose portion was several times larger than the others, with each one cut into the shape of a heart.

"Mmmmm, these're really good!"

"Not playn' favorites er nuthin', huh?"

Sticking her tongue out, she cracked a sly smile. "Shampoo know way to husband stomach through heart!"

"...But not how ta quote th' proverb. Dragon fruit? Izat some Chinese thing?"

"Is now, we grow for many generation."

"You can also get them in Okinawa, though I believe they favor a drier climate..."

"I have read about the 'moonflower' that only blooms at night, it is supposed to be very beautiful."

"Ah yes, the 'Queen of the Night', quite lovely."

"Oh my, would it not be wonderful to get some for the garden?"

"I think we probably get too much rain here for a cactus..." Hinako muttered her thoughts as she looked around the room for any more desert that no one had claimed.

"Maybe you are correct, then an indoor plant perhaps?"

"How nice." Nodoka had completely forgotten that she had intended to ask them about Ranma's progress in his carnal education, though her curiosity was not yet sated...

-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-

"I wonder what all that's supposed ta mean..." Ranma thought back to the recent actions of some of his friends, Kasumi had been spending a lot of time with his mother and Ukyo lately, the later of which he found the most confusing of all! Ukyo had been acting very strangely indeed, was she losing interest in him? That did not seem likely, though it DID seem as if they had been avoiding him a lot lately. He considered asking them, but then rubbed his cheek, remembering the last time he had done that... Asking girls about their feelings rarely ended well for him.

Shampoo's increased attention was the least surprising, though he was no less dumfounded by what she wanted outside of her usual insistence that they were married! He didn't REALLY even know what being married meant, other than typically living with a woman, and sleeping in the same bed, which he was already doing with a number of women at the moment, so he was not sure what the difference was. He had been led to believe that sleeping with a woman was something that only perverts did, but if someone like Kasumi was willing to do it with him, how bad could it be? But then if that was the case, why did it make him feel so strange?

Was HE the one who was perverted? Were Akane and the others right? Would Kasumi be friends with him if he was? Well actually that was likely, she was nice to everyone, even Happosai, and he was definitely perverted, everyone he knew agreed on that much at least, even him. It's mentioned not only when he steels underwear, but also whenever he touches a woman, so it was obvious to him that touching women was also 'perverted', but then why was it okay for them to touch him? Then he remembered that whenever a girl would touch him, that he would still be the one who was called a pervert, and belted.

He did not THINK he was a pervert, and would deny it to the ends of the earth if anyone accused him of being one, but he had been wrong before, he could admit that to himself, he might be one of the best fighters of his generation, but he was far from infallible, even if he would not admit it aloud. Then there was the fact that so many people called him one, and some of it had nothing to do with them misunderstanding his curse. According to Akane and some of the others, every boy was a pervert, and if some of the boys he knew at school were typical, then he was inclined to believe it, though it did not seem fair to him.

What would his mother think? It was not as if he had any idea, he barely knew the woman, and she was spending most of her time with Kasumi... Not that he was jealous, not of either of them, no, not at all! On the other hand, he was not exactly sure how he felt about her either, he had been on an emotional roller-coaster, from being excited about finally meeting her, to learning that he would have to commit sepuku if he did not live up to someone's idea of 'manly'! Wasn't a mother supposed to be loving, supportive, and encouraging?

His father had always told him that having a mother would make him soft, but the only thing she was making him, was the same as almost every other girl he knew, confused! At least she had not mentioned anything about killing himself directly, though he did not seem to approve of helping Kasumi around the house, but it was difficult for him to tell, women were SO hard to read, it just wasn't fair!

He figured that was his whole problem with Akane, he could never figure out what she was thinking, she would be happy one moment, then angry the next. Were all women so confounding, or was he having a strange string of luck? He had no idea, and the gods were not forthcoming with answers.

It seemed as if he was damned no matter what he did. Although, he had to admit, sometimes it was nice to be around so many beautiful women all of the time, but the rest of the time he felt as if he was teetering on the edge of a volcano during an intense windstorm, and all he really wanted was to be alone!

Speaking of being alone, he felt the tingle on the edge of his senses, alerting him that he no longer was.

-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-

Shampoo bounced into the room where Ranma was meditating, hoping to catch him in a good mood. "Nihao Ranma, today beautiful!"

"Hey Shampoo, what do ya want?"

"Oooo, Airen, Shampoo learn new game, want play! Come play with Shampoo, yes?" Ranma was hesitant, clearly not trusting her, yet Shampoo tried not to allow it to affect her mood.

"What kind a' game?"

"Yakyuken."

"Huh? 'Baseball Fist'? I guess that's some new move for that fightin' game?"

"Is for different game. Will play then, yes?"

"Ya ain't gonna leave me alone if I say 'no', so, guess so."

"Is persistent kitty what get bird, yes?"

Ranma lowered his head into his hands, and sighed.

-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-

After a slow day, Ukyo decided to leave the rest of the clean-up to Konatsu, and hurried home as early as she was able. The first thing she did was to search for Ranma, and as she feared, he was talking to Shampoo in the gym.

"So, what do I gotta do?"

"Is too too easy! Here, Shampoo show what do with hands!"

'WHAT?' Not waiting another moment, Ukyo burst into the room! "And just what da ya think yer doin' there, Shugah?"

"We is about play game!" Thinking about it for a moment, Shampoo quickly added a follow-up question as she grinned. "Want join?"

"Ya know Ah wouldn't be havin' it any otha' way! ...But why ya dressed like it's winter?"

"Why, is wanting Shampoo show more skin?"

"NO!"

"If want, need make do!"

"As if! Now, what's this game?"

"Yakyuken."

"WHAAAAT? Do ya know what this game is, Ranchan?"

"It's some kinda Baseball fightin' game. Should I get th' bat?"

"Think Ranma already have enough 'bat' for Shampoo."

Ukyo blushed, trying to ignore her rival's euphemism. "Well, Ah guess ya could say that, but..." Suddenly a light went on in Ukyo's head. "Wait! So THAT'S why ya wearin' more 'an yer usual slutty dress!"

"No is like real warrior get cold!"

"Wait, what'd ya mean?"

"No need worry Airen, Shampoo explain rules."

"Where'd y'all e'en learn a' this game?"

"Great-Grandmother give Shampoo many informations for Japanese ...traditions, for learn husband ways! Want learn all ways make Airen too too happies!"

"Ya could try ta learn th' language..."

"Pancake-Girl is one talk. Shampoo at least have excuse, Japanese third language! Is so similar, but so different."

"Third?"

"China is big country, have many language, and need know for trade with other lands. Shampoo is know Mongolian, is neighbor to East, also know small bit Tibetan, Cantonese, even few word in Kazakh language." Thrusting her chest forward, she beamed with pride. "How many language is Flat One knowing?"

"Uhh, well, Ah guess there's English, most a' us kind a' learn that in school, an' it's a good one fer anyone goin' inta business, er servin' th' public, never know when a foreigner gonna walk into ya store. What do ya do fer yers?"

"Shampoo bat eyelash, like this, and get Grandmother."

"Figures. Why ain't I surprised? An' fer yer infermation, Ah ain't bad at mah language, it's called a 'dialect'! Ah'm from Kansai, it's how we speak there!"

"Call what will, still make meaning hard get."

"HEY!"

Wanting to cut off the argument before it got any further, Ranma did the only thing that came to mind. "So, uh, how was this game played again?"

"Husband want play with Shampoo?"

"Uh, sure, I guess. What do I gotta do?"

"Ya know, it's like Jankenpon."

"Rock-Paper-Scissors? Wait, isn't that a kids' game?"

"Is now, but book say start as drinking game, in brothel. So we is play traditional way of game!"

"Ain't we too young ta drink though?"

Ignoring the question, Ukyo started down her rival. "Um, yeah, right... I'll bet ya jus' wanna see mah Ranchan ...Naked? ...Why ain't we started yet? Come-on, Ranchan, git ready!"

"But, how we supposed ta play with three people?"

"Is easy, winner keep play, loser change out, like with Street Fight game."

"Well, Ah guess that makes sense, but ain't that a bit unfair?"

"Why?"

"Ah don't know, it just seems like someone'd have th' advantage, if'n ya git ta play th' whole time..."

"Is mean, unfair if someone win all time?"

"Well, not if'n ya put it that way...!"

Satisfied that she had stopped any 'stupid' arguments, Shampoo decided to add in one more surprise. "We play with new rule. 'Winner get take clothes from loser', but loser get pick what piece clothes take."

"WHAT?" Ukyo suddenly had flashes in her mind of her forcibly stripping Ranma as she stood there blushing embarrassedly. Drool started to leak from her mouth as it cracked into a creepy grin, her hands groping phantom buttocks.

Shampoo recovered from her fantasy of Ranma's hands rubbing over her naked body in time to see him trying to sneak away, and grabbed him by the wrist, pouting as she gave him the sad puppy-dog eyes. "Where Airen think go? No is going break promise, right? No want make Shampoo cry, do Ranma?"

"NO! Please don't cry! I didn't mean-..."

"Is too too good, Husband do right thing!"

"AH'M GOIN' FIRST!"

"Is too too eager be naked?"

"A' course not! I want..." Ukyo was not even remotely discrete as she devoured Ranma with her eyes, despite this, he remained unaware of her true intentions, even if something seemed 'off' to him.

"Uh, Ucchan, are ya okay? Ya look a little ...strange."

"Be better when ya git up there in th' ring!"

"Husband no need worry, is only cat in heat."

"Ya'd know all 'bout that, huh?"

"Is true." Shrugging, she crossed her arms. "If going go, then do now, or Shampoo go first!"

"No, no, Ah'm goin'! Ain't that right, Ranchan?"

"I guess, so this is just, Rock-Paper-Scissors?"

"With special prize for winner!"

"A prize? What is it, can I eat it?"

Ukyo blushed, but Shampoo just grinned evilly. "Any time Ranma want!"

"All right! Ya said yer first, Ucchan? Let's go!"

"First must sing song, on last line, make move, if tie, repeat last line. Is ready?" Seeing them both nod, she began to sing the words she had studied for so many hours. "Yakyuu suru nara, ni shinia shansei, Auto! Safe! Yoyoi no yoi!" Seeing them both throw a rock, she repeated the last time. "Yoyoi no yoi!" Ukyo threw 'paper', while Ranma threw 'scissors', making him the winner.

"KUSO!"

"Yeah! I won, do I get ta eat now?"

"No is yet, need win whole game. Now is taking prize from loser."

"Um, ya wouldn't do that ta meh, would ya Ranchan?"

"No, a' course not! I ain't a perv-..."

"NO! IS RULE! No avoid, no stalling, tell Shampoo husband what take now, or no play!"

"Um, well, Ah, mah slippers! Start with mah slippers!"

"Aiyaaaa, live so dangerous, yes?"

"What'm I supposed ta do now?"

"No is plain? Take stinky shoe from that one so Shampoo play with Ranma!"

"Hey! Ah been at work! That ain't fair!"

"What? Wait, why do I gotta?"

"Hey, it ain't THAT bad! Ah'm sorry, Ranchan..."

"That ain't it, ya got nuthin' on Pops, it's just that..."

"Just do! Shampoo tired waiting, want play!"

Shampoo had studied the strategies behind the game, and felt she was ready to accomplish her goals. If Ranma stripped her, he would not be able to ignore her 'too too sexy body', and she could make her mother-in-law happy by training her husband in the skill they both wanted him to learn most, it would be a triple-slam! ...And if it so happened, that her greatest rival had to watch, all the better, then no one could deny her victory! According to studies, people who won generally stuck with the same 'attack', and those who lost tended to move to the next attack in the chain. Armed with this knowledge, she had been highly successful in her practicing, being able to win ...or lose, as she desired, and now it was time to put her training to work! "Come, is done now?"

Having just finished removing Ukyo's shoes, Ranma moved to hand them back to her, and stand. "Yeah, I-..."

"No, winner keep items from loser, if want back, need earn, with ...'favor'! Is right, yes Pancake-Girl?"

Ukyo was nodding, lost in her fantasies about what she would do 'once' she won Ranma's boxers, and was no longer paying Shampoo the slightest attention.

"Why ya just tellin' us 'bout this now?"

Newborn kittens would have marveled at her innocent expression as she blinked. "Thought knew, seem obvious, that one know." Indicating the still nodding ...and drooling Ukyo, Shampoo smiled at Ranma. "Is ready play now? No worry, Shampoo go easy."

"Ya ain't gotta do that, this is one battle, where I ain't gonna hold back on ya, just 'cause yer a girl!"

Happy to see Ranma beginning to regain his bravado, she winked at him. "Shampoo hope not, no forgive if go easy."

Ranma felt a shiver down his spine as Akane flashed through his mind saying something about also being a martial artist, but quickly recovered himself, and started to mentally gloat as if he had already won the game, after all, who could beat the great Ranma Saotome?

"Hey! No flirtin'! Yer s'pposed ta be fightin'!"

"Is just game..."

"A game that I'M gonna win!"

"Aiyaaa! Husband too too eager to see beautiful wife naked body!"

Ranma had forgotten about that element of the game... "NO! I mean, that's not it! I-..."

"Why, think Shampoo ugly?"

"NO! A' course not!"

She might have had to extract the indirect compliment like a broken molar, but she would take it! Ranma was not good with words, or talking about his feelings, she knew that, but she felt that she was a good judge of his body language, and felt that he was warming up to her! Smiling, she gently took his hand in hers and pulled him toward the chalk circle she had drawn on the floor.

"Wait! Uh, why ya lookin' like that?" Ranma's instincts screamed at him to run, but with the help of the soft yet firm grip holding him, and his resolve to keep his word, he managed to stay in place.

"Hey! Ah said, 'no flirtin'!"

"Come Airen, show Shampoo who boss."

Quickly regaining his bravado, Ranma went back into his battle mindset. "Ya won't beat me!"

"Yeah, that's MAH job!"

"Violent one do enough already."

"On that we agree."

"Now, we play!" Grabbing Ranma by the wrist again, she made him face her, and looked him in the eye. "Sing!"

"If you play baseball, play it like this. Out! Safe! Yo-yoi-no-yoi!" Remembering that Ranma had thrown scissors the last time, she assumed that it was most likely that he would stick with that, and use it again, so in order to fulfill her plan as quickly as possible, she threw paper, hoping to allow him to pay close attention to her body as he unfastened the many buttons, and she was somewhat surprised that he had done the same!

"Yoyoi no yoi!" He had thrown paper and lost, assuming that he would move to the next in the list, she tossed paper again, expecting scissors to be her reply. Once again she was slightly disappointed that Ranma had instead chosen to use rock. She might have been more upset about her setback, if not for the fact that she now had the opportunity to remove clothing from him instead! It really was a no lose scenario for her!

Closing the short space between them, Shampoo slinked "So, Airen lose, what is choose for Shampoo take?"

Annoyed that he lost, even in something so 'stupid', and more embarrassed by the 'punishment' that he would care to admit, he decided to copy his longtime friend... "Shoes, I guess, right?"

Ukyo nodded profusely, while Shampoo just shrugged, she had not really expected anything else ...even if she had secretly hoped! "At least have fun making Airen earn back later!"

Frustrated, the fully clothed teen called to her opponent. "Come, Shampoo open can of whipped cream on butt!"

"Huh?" Ranma looked back and forth, confused by the metaphor, and wondering if Ukyo was trying to seduce Shampoo as well as Kasumi.

"What? No, I ain't inta girls!"

Ranma did a double take, wondering what he missed, or if she was just trying to hide the truth?

"Then why always dress as boy?"

"That's got nuthin' ta do with it!"

"Say never do, but no is so bad... What think do when husband is wife, kick from bed?"

"A' course not, Ah'd jus' go git some hot water!" Ukyo stated this, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"But, no always work, no be first time stuck in curse form..."

This was a thought Ukyo did not want to consider, and not having a good answer, she tried to switch topics. "Ain't yers worse? What if ya git stuck? Whatcha gonna do then, huh?"

"If happen, maybe see, but no change subject, say kick Ranma from bed if no man? Seem too too big problem."

"But, I thought...?" Ranma was confused, was she just denying it, even to herself?

"Well, NO! Ah mean, it ain't like I want that, but... it's still Ranchan! Even if..." Ukyo's eyes tracked Ranma's groin, remembering their times in the bath, which was already something she never would have believed she would be doing so soon! "...there's not ...that big ...'un."

Drifting off, Ukyo pictured herself in a western styled wedding gown, as Ranma, in a sharp tuxedo, carried her across the threshold of their house, where they would start their new lives together. Once he had carried her into their shared bedroom and looked into her hungry eyes, she tore his tuxedo off of him, ignoring his protests about it being a rental, and looked down at him on the bed as she moved to remove her gown, only to see she was wearing a suit matching Ranma's own...

When she looked back to the bed, Ranma had been replaced by his cured form without even a wet spot, and started to realize that something did not feel right, it could not be real, could it? Her hands roamed her own body, before ripping off her own clothing ...and, after noticing that her chest was much more flat, she saw something that should never have been there, something poking out, pointing toward Ranma-onna.

Ukyo mentally cursed Shampoo for questioning her sexuality earlier, and ruining her fantasy!

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"That is good, you are making great strides, Akane Tendo-san."

"Thank you, but you know, I told you, you don't have to always be so formal."

"Fine, Tendo-san, are you sure that it is okay for you to be out this late?"

"OF COURSE! I'M NOT A KID!"

The young Chinese man was almost bowled over by the sound of her voice. "I believe you, I never said that you were, I was just wondering if your family might be worried about you."

"Hurmph! Who cares? They're all just going to leave me anyway, only dad's left now! ...Well, unless you count Mr. Saotome, or Grandfather Happosai ...and I DON'T!"

Mousse could not find it in himself to blame her for that, he would not want to claim either of them as family either. On the other hand, he also knew what it felt like to not be wanted, so he felt a strange bit of sympathy for the two men before shaking it off.

Not wanting to continue talking about people she hated, she tried to change the subject. "Hey, Mousse?"

"Yes? Did you need something, Tendo-san?"

"Why do you keep helping me like this? It's not cause of that stupid law, is it?"

"No, of course not! It is just that now that the cafe is closed, I really have nothing better to do. Why, do you wish for me to stop?"

"What? No! Wait, the cafe is closed? What happened?"

"Don't ask. You do not wish to know, and I do not want to talk about it."

Knowing what it was like not to want to talk about something, she chose not to pry. "No, no, I understand ...Does it have something to do with Ranma?"

Mousse slumped his shoulders, knowing he was not likely to get away from it.

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NOTES

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I think this note is a chapter or so late... ;p

The moon goddess's name is Chang'e, however, her original name was 'Hang'e' and was later changed due to a later emperor considering the character in her name taboo. However, Shampoo's tribal history dates back to before that change was made, so I have her using the original name rather than the modern one. There are many variations of the myth about Moon Goddess and her husband, most of them conflict, so I took artistic license, and reworked it, if you have an issue with this version, then consider that this version of Shampoo's village has a different tradition than the rest of China.

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OMAKE 04

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"Great-Grandmother buy books, movies, and comics what teach, so Shampoo know what Japanese boy like, if Airen let Shampoo make too too happy..." She started moving closer and closer to him, as he slowly backed away, until he backed into the bed, falling over. "In your heart, Shampoo can make you feel so brand new."

Ukyo burst into the room, panting heavily, glad to see Ranma was still wearing clothing.

"What flat-chest want? Shampoo is too too much womans, none else is needed."

"Hey! Mah boobs might be smaller 'en yers, but mah love fer Ranchan's greater 'en anyone!" Ukyo blushed, she could not believe what she had just said.

"No, Shampoo love much much more!" Suddenly she burst into song.

Shampoo:

"Let me know what in your heart,

that a good place to start.

All, need is small sign,

and, give my heart to you."

Ukyo:

"You and meh have still got,

so much we need ta say!

'Friends' is not enough,

Why can't we seize th' day?"

Each of them choosing a side, they kissed his cheeks.

Ranma:

"Dontcha' know I got no idea, from this point on?"

Both:

"So far to go, until your pants are freeeee, you and meeee..."

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Will our hero's chastity stay in tact? Tune in next time for, "Take Me Out to the Ball Game", or "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend"!