Thank you reviewers and readers!
sonfan92, LoveAsh87 – Thank you
hugbuddy13 – The girl with Spencer is Tilly who came into the story chapter 23
taymm15, momo0424, southnchuckfan44 – Ashley is living with the consequences of her actions, let's see what she does next. Glad you're liking the story
ebonyedlove – I agree, Ashley is stuck between two worlds struggling to find her way, let's hope she does
snowdrop1026 – firstly thanks for reviewing and sharing your thoughts. I agree with some of what you said. It's nice to get such a strong reaction
slushhy – I couldn't leave Ashley without some support. Whether she did the wrong thing or not she is still hurting a lot
shayer – LOL yep Ethan is still a wank. I wanted Kyla to be a voice of reason for Ashley while still being a support. Spencer would never drop Ashley in it, but it would be hard watching her lie for you, knowing how against it she is. LOL well maybe Ashley will have to go acquire some more of Spencer's clothes
uluvme – Aw thanks. I have always wanted to go and work over in Cambodia for a while so I sent Kyla there. Oh I agree, Spencer has suffered more and Ashley has made a lot of mistakes. It's not cold, I understand how you feel
2bz2breading – Thanks. Spencer is a class act, I always saw her that way. But it is true some of the blame lies with Spencer too.
mutt009 – Kyla is going to be a support and voice of reason for her older sister. Whether that has any impact will remain to be seen. Ashley has some work to do on herself
Usual disclaimer, SoN not mine
You Had Me At Um
Chapter Twenty-Five – Light Bulb Moment
Spencer's POV
I walked into a rather packed little bar the evening after the awards show and surveyed the room for familiar faces. Finding Eva and Harrison grinning at me from a table near the stage I made my way through the crowd and took a seat, after getting hugged within an inch of my life by Harrison.
"Hey Sweet Pea how you doing today?" Harrison asked with a look of deep concern on his handsome face. They had been the ones to have to console me (which was a little awkward for Tilly seeing as she had just met me) once we got inside the awards show and out of the camera view. I cried like a baby and then had to get all composed because I ended up winning an award. So it was a good and bad night.
I smiled thinly, "I'm holding in there. It kind of threw me for a loop when that reporter asked me about Ashley and the so called 'rumour'. I hated lying about us, but I guess that's all I can do for her right now." Yes I will confirm that I did use sarcastic finger quotes when I said rumour.
"Well I'd say that was understandable, it was kind of shitty of her to ambush you like that, but don't worry I sorted her out," Eva said with an evil grin.
I raised an eye brow suspiciously, "Hmm and what did you do Eva Evelyn Reynolds?"
"Well I ran into that little reporter after the awards show and we, uh we kinda hooked up and then I may have given her a fake number. She used you to get ratings for her shitty little show and I used her for…well you know," Eva said with a shit-eating grin.
I laughed and shook my head as Harrison looked at her in opened mouth shock, "Damn you lesbians can be such whores!"
"Oh really Harry? Didn't you end up hooking up with that waiter who kept brining you extra bread sticks at the awards dinner?" Eva threw back at him. I just laughed harder.
"Ok I think the lesson from all this is that it doesn't matter your sexual orientation, gender or whatever, you two are both big whores!" I choked out between chuckles, which they both soon joined in with.
We were still giggling when a familiar face walked up on stage. Tilly settled on a stool in front of the microphone and started strumming her green acoustic guitar, "Hey everyone, I'm just gonna play you a few songs if you don't mind."
Tilly looked over at us and smiled warmly, before winking at Eva. Eva blushed a violent red before taking a sip of her drink and choking on it. I shook my head as Harrison patted her on the back, it looked like there might be something between Tilly and Eva, if we could just get Eva to stop whoring around that is.
Tilly started singing and I sat up straighter in my seat. Damn she was good. She actually reminded me of Ashley a bit. They both shared a raw intensity that was often lacking from so many artists. You could feel every emotion they put into their music. Of course in my mind Tilly was no nearly as talented as my ex-girlfriend.
Tilly played a full set of a mixture of covers and original songs and left the stage to an enthusiastic standing ovation. She headed back stage and about fifteen minutes later joined us at our table, still beaming on her high from performing.
"Til that was amazing, Darlin you were amazing! I bet all the ladies in here want a piece of you," Harrison gushed and Eva flashed him a glare at his last statement.
I nodded in agreement, "it truly was Tilly, how the hell have you not been signed yet?"
Tilly blushed and bit her lip nervously, "I guess it just hasn't happened for me."
I nodded and then an idea hit me, it was literally like one of those moments in a cartoon where a light bulb appears over someone's head. I started to smile, which turned into a huge, goofy beaming smile, which in turn made everyone look at me like I was on crack.
"Spence are you on crack or something?" Eva asked. See I told you they all thought I was a crack head.
"Nope I'm not, but I did just have a brilliant idea! An amazingly brilliant, stupendous idea," I announced with a Cheshire cat grin on my face.
They all looked at me intrigued and Harrison smirked as he said, "Stupendous?! Hmm do tell Miss Carlin."
I turned so that I was facing Tilly, "Well I think I could help you. I want to help you get your music out there." I grinned at the shocked expression on her face and continued, "No I am not kidding and yes I really do think I can help you. I have quite a few contacts in the industry who I think could really help us make this happen. Oh and to answer your other unasked question, why am I doing this? Well I am doing this for a few reasons. One, you are extremely talented and I think it is a crime that the world isn't privy to that. Two, the world needs more talented lesbians out there in the public eye and three, very selfishly I want to ask you if you would consider recording a few songs to be used in the movie we're making."
I leaned back in my seat with a self-satisfied grin. Yep I was too skilled, I had come up with that entire plan in literally thirty seconds. I know, I know…you all want to be me. Ok so I'm kidding, but I bet you're impressed with my quick thinking ability.
Tilly looked around the table at each of us, I guess waiting for one of us to yell 'gotcha!' It wasn't going to happen. Eva smirked at her and nodded, clearly mulling it over in her head and liking the idea. Harrison was grinning like he'd just scored VIP tickets to a Beyonce concert and nodding enthusiastically.
"So what do you think? I mean you don't have to give me a definite answer now, I just want to know if this is something you might be interested in?" I asked gently. I didn't want to freak the poor girl out.
Tilly looked around at the expectant faces and laughed, "You honestly think I would be dumb enough to turn down the opportunity of a lifetime? Spencer you have yourself a deal. I'd be honoured to record some songs for the movie and any help you could give me would be so amazing! God this is like a dream come true!"
Tilly jumped out of her chair and ran around the table to give me a huge hug as she laughed and cried all at the same time. I grinned at Eva and Harrison over her shoulder and they both gave me cheesy grins and two thumbs up…so with two of them there was actually four thumbs up…but you got that right?
Once Tilly had released me and then hugged the life out of Harrison and Eva we sat down and talked business. It was decided that Tilly would come to the office the next day and we would discuss everything in details. The rest of the night was spent celebrating and toasting to Tilly's career.
I felt good, not great. I wouldn't be great again for a while, but I felt good. I knew that I was doing a good thing for Tilly and if I was honest it was also my way of showing Ashley that a talented musician could totally have a career as an out and proud lesbian. Of course I wasn't admitting that particular reason to myself.
I was sitting at my desk with Eva and an old friend of mine, Kyle, opposite me the next morning when Tilly came in with her guitar case in her hand. She glanced around the room and caught my eye as I grinned at her.
"Hello Tilly, welcome. I want to introduce you to Kyle Schultz. Kyle this is the singer I was telling you, Tilly. Kyle is a manager friend of mine and he is interested in helping us out, you feel like giving us a little song?" I asked with a sly smile.
Tilly beamed and nodded, "Yeah it would be my pleasure! It's nice to meet you Mr. Schultz."
Kyle stood up and reached out to shake her hand, "the pleasure is all mine Tilly. I trust Spencer and Eva's judgement so if they say your good then I believe them. Oh and call my Kyle, Mr. Schultz is my father and honey, we hate that bastard!" we all laughed and Tilly pulled out her guitar and sat down on a chair across from my desk.
Tilly looked shyly around at us, I nodded encouragingly and she started to strum her guitar. She started to sing an original song and I literally had tears in my eyes as it resonated strongly with me.
"I stop to catch my breath
And I stop to catch your eye
No need to second-guess
That you've been on my mind
Well I, I dream days away, but that's OK
It's like I want to hear a silent sound
And then hold it in my hand
But a rose won't blossom from a ground
Of desert sand, but I like to pretend that
One day I'll turn around, I'll see your hand reach out
I'm only fooling myself, oh
But maybe when you smile
It means you'd stay awhile
Just maybe you'd save me now"
I let a few discreet tears run down my cheeks as the lyrics hit me bang on in the chest. They hit home that was for sure. It was like she had reached into my heart and found the lyrics there. It was excruciatingly beautiful.
"Well, now it's etched in stone
That I can't survive alone
You have the missing piece
That I need so desperately
Yes, I slip away to a day that'll never come
It's like a splash of water to my face
When I suddenly realize
That you could never find a place
For me in your eyes, and I don't know why I keep thinking
One day I'll turn around, I'll see your hand reach out
I'm only fooling myself, oh
But maybe when you smile
It means you'd stay awhile
Just maybe you'd save me now
It's love in disguise
I'm lost in your eyes
Lost in your eyes
One day I'll turn around, I'll see your hand reach out
I'm only fooling myself, oh
But maybe when you smile
It means you'd stay awhile
Just maybe you'd save me now"
We all applauded madly as she finished the song. I jumped to my feet and as soon as Tilly saw my damp cheeks she dropped her guitar onto the sofa and pulled me into an embrace. It was an embrace that said she knew exactly what my pain was, that she understood and had felt the same.
We pulled back and share a look of pure understanding, we recognized the pain we were feeling in each other. I smiled at her sadly and we turned back to the others.
"Well Tilly if that is what you sound like live, acoustic and unprepared I can't wait to see what you can do when we get you in the studio. You interested? If you are I can have you in a recording studio tomorrow to lay down a demo. What do you say?" Kyle said with a warm grin.
Tilly looked at me and I nodded my encouragement. She looked at Eva who did the same and then turned to Kyle, "Oh wow this is all happening so fast, but I'd say I'm in! This is amazing, thank you all so much!"
Eva smirked coyly at the black haired girl and purred, "It's our pleasure."
I rolled my eyes and laughed softly, Eva was a serial womanizer. I had an odd feeling that Tilly could hold her own against my crazy best friend. There was definitely something there.
We discussed a few more details and Kyle made a few calls. Before you knew it Tilly had a manager and a session lined up in a recording studio to lay down her demo. I was also kicking in the songs that I had written for the film. Tilly had offered to take them away and work on them over night to get it right before recording them at the studio.
After the meeting everyone left and I sagged down on my couch, exhausted. I had found that since I walked away from Ashley everything seemed that much more exhausting and took that much more effort. I blamed it on how much I missed my brunette rock star.
I was sitting in my now dark office when I heard a tentative knock on the door. I looked up and found Tilly smiling gently at me, "Hey Spencer, you alright?" she asked leaning against the door frame.
I shrugged and patted the sofa beside me. Tilly stepped over the threshold and took a seat. We sat in a comfortable silence for a little while and then she turned to me and said, "Eva gave me the songs you wrote for the movie. They're beautiful Spencer, heartbreaking, moving and full of anguish. After seeing that and then seeing how you reacted to my song earlier I wanted ask if you were ok? Look I know we don't really know each other, but if you want to talk I'm here."
I sighed and ran a hand through my long blonde hair, "thanks. I wrote those songs a few days after I broke up with my girlfriend. I was seeing someone for a while, just on two months, and she wasn't ready to be out. It caused a lot of tension and ultimately we just couldn't work anymore. I couldn't keep compromising my feelings and principles and she just wasn't ready to be out. Your song kinda hit a nerve, it was like you were looking into my heart and seeing my experience."
Tilly smiled softly, "That song was written the day I broke up with my last girlfriend, Lacey. I just couldn't keep pretending that she loved me. I couldn't keep waiting for her to love me the way I loved her," Tilly paused and looked over at me with an expression of the utmost seriousness, "Did you love her?"
I looked down at my hands and then back up at her. I smiled sadly and replied, "More than I have ever loved anyone. I thought she was it, you know, the one. I guess we just wanted and needed different things." I swallowed around the lump in my throat and blinked back fresh tears. God when would I have cried enough?
Tilly gave my hand a squeeze and then asked tentatively, "I don't mean to pry, and feel free not to answer this, but was the girl Ashley Davies?"
I let out a gasp and buried my face in my hands, I hadn't meant to disclose that particular information. It was bad enough that I had told Harrison and Eva. I felt a hand on my back and heard Tilly say, "It's ok Spencer, I won't tell anyone. I just kind of put two and two together. The timing of your heartbreak, the way you broke down at the awards show after that reporter asked about her and the release of those photos, it just all makes sense."
I raised my eyes to look at her and smiled tiredly, "Yeah I guess it does. It is Ashley. I fell in love with her the moment I met her and for two months I got to call her mine, behind closed doors of course. I just couldn't do it anymore. The catalyst was the morning those fucking paparazzi pictures got released. She said some things, some really hurtful things and that's when I knew I had to end it. We couldn't go on the way we were or we would have ended up hating each other and I love her too much to let that happen. Please don't tell anyone, that's the one thing I can do for her now, make sure this scandal stays dead."
Tilly smiled hesitantly before saying, "Spencer the rumour isn't as dead as you, and probably her management think."
I frowned and asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well there is a group of people who firmly do not believe the rumour, hell there is even a website dedicated to you two," Tilly explained, watching me closely to gage my reaction.
"Well shit," I muttered as I sagged back into the sofa.
"Yeah they're calling you Spashley and the website's message board is filled with people putting forth their ideas and theories about the two of you. None of it is negative really, a few people are calling Ashley a coward and some other not so nice things for hiding, but most understand and the consensus is that they love the two of you together. People are even posting that they are going to actively support Ashley's career so that she knows she has fans even if she does come out," Tilly said in a soft voice.
"Wow, I don't really know what to think about that. I'm kind of touched that people care enough to start a website and that they want us to be together. I just don't want this to impact Ashley's career, even though that is why I'm not with her, I don't want her to lose something she loves so much," I murmured as I ran a hand through my hair.
"Trust me it's not impacting her career in anyway that is negative. All this has given her huge visibility. Perez Hilton is certain she's a lesbian, and is promoting her as a closeted soon to be superstar. I was online earlier and her single sales are huge, the music video has gained more popularity on MTV since the pictures hit. This hasn't been a bad thing for her career, although I'd say her management have handled it badly in my layman's opinion," Tilly said thoughtfully.
"What do you mean?" I asked kind of stupidly, my head was trying to digest everything she'd just told me.
"Well what I mean is they so could have handled all this better. I can't see why Ashley has to be in the closet. In this day and age who gives a flying fuck who you're into?! I mean if they're worried that she won't be a sex symbol then they are crazy, lesbians are so hot right now!" Tilly exclaimed with a smirk.
I chuckled and shook my head, a grin finding its way over my features. "Ah I got you to smile, mission accomplished!" Tilly teased.
I got up from the sofa and strode over to my desk. I perched on the edge and smiled at her, "I don't know what's going on, I firmly believe there is more to Ashley staying in the closet than she'd letting on. I really miss her. Ashley was different from all the other girls. I never believed in love at first sight or any of that crap and then I met her and I fell hard. I never wanted to, I'm sure you saw or heard about my rather public breakup with Toni Hillard, well after that I was scared to open up again. I did though and now I'm just trying to exist without her."
Tilly got to her feet and stood in front of me, "I get it Spencer, I do. After Lacey and I broke up I questioned everything. I couldn't figure out how to be without her. I felt like I was nothing without her. It's been six months and I'm ok now, but it was hard. While playing your songs I related to them more than I expected. I feel so privileged to sing your songs and I was hoping we could collaborate on some other songs for my demo and maybe for the soundtrack, if you like?"
I beamed and nodded happily, "I would be honoured, thanks Tilly. I am just trying to stay busy you know."
"Yeah I do and I'm glad I can help with that, while taking advantage of your talent!" We both laughed and then settled down to work. Tilly handed me her sheet music and lyrics and I started to read through it. I was blown away, she was supremely talented. Her songs touched me, it was literally like I had written them. As lame as it sounds I felt like I'd found a kindred spirit in Tilly. She was like the little sister I'd never had.
Over some deliciously bad for us Chinese food and a few beers Tilly and I worked on her songs and a few I had in my head. We discussed the music for the movie and how I wanted it to help tell the story. Tilly was a fountain of ideas and before long we were laughing and chatting like old friends.
"So Miss Tilly, is it just me or have you been flirting with my best friend?" I asked teasingly.
Tilly giggled, "I have no idea what you mean Miss Carlin!" Upon seeing my raised eyebrows she rolled her eyes and continued, "Ok, ok so maybe I flirted with Eva a little bit. I like her, she's not like most girls."
I threw back my head and laughed, "Oh you would be right there, Eva is definitely one of a kind. If you like her I think you should go for it, I see the way she looks at you and I know she likes you."
"Really? You think?"
I giggled, "Yes, now let's get back to work! Young people today have no work ethic!" Tilly rolled her eyes with a chuckle and picked up her pen.
We worked until almost midnight and then headed out to the car park. Tilly was going to get a cab, but I told her not to be a stupid shit and to let me give her a lift. Tilly responded by calling me a pushy old lady, which earned her a punch in the arm. I slung my arm around her shoulder and led her over to the car.
I was so grateful to her, and to Eva and Harrison. They were totally keeping me sane and stopping me from falling in a heap and crying like a baby, or going home and drinking vodka until I passed out.
"Hey Tilly, I just wanted to say thanks," I said as I tightened my hold on her shoulder.
"What are you thanking me for? I'm the one who owes you. Spencer you're helping me achieve my dreams and you're giving me a shot. You're putting a lot of faith in me so thank you," Tilly said leaning into me.
I laughed, "Well ok then, I guess we're both thankful. Come on, let's get you home. You have a big day tomorrow!"
I unlocked my car and opened the door for Tilly. As I walked around to the driver's side I looked up and saw a familiar black Porsche parked across the street. The dark tinted windows prevented me from seeing into the car but I knew it was her. Ashley. I climbed into my Jeep and sat rigidly still.
"Spencer, are you alright?" Tilly asked in concern.
I shook my head and continued staring at the little black car across the road. I felt a rush of emotions roar through me and I just wanted to run to her car and pull her into my arms.
I swallowed hard and pointed to the car, "That's Ashley's car."
Tilly snapped her eyes forward to look at the car in question, "Are you sure?"
I laughed a little, "Positive. I'd know that car anywhere. I need to get out of here." I stuck the key in and started the car. Tilly smiled understandingly at me and nodded.
I drove out of the car park, watching the little black sports car in my rear view mirror until I turned the corner and couldn't see it anymore. I sighed sadly and focused on the road.
Tilly sat silently, knowing that in the moment there was nothing she could say.
Song used in this chapter
Only Fooling Myself by Kate Voegele