Author's note: thank you again for the reviews; the guest mentioning the head being nearby while they were kissing cracked me up - it's a bit gloomy indeed!

Chapter Twenty-Five – Blurry Indulgence

The sponge got pressed against her back and released water drops that slid along her spine in a soft caress before plunging back in circles at the surface of the bath; absorbed by the bubbles surrounding her body. She closed her eyes, focused on the feelings. The slight roughness of the fabric contrasting with the softness of Jane's fingers carried along by the soap against her pale skin.

The brunette seemed to be describing a meandering of circles and waves, abstract forms that embraced Maura's back in a massage of some sort. A relaxing motion under the pale flame of candles lit around.

And then the lips, landing on her shoulder in an unexpected kiss. The blonde smiled – looked down at the water covering the bottom of her body – as Jane passed her arms around her waist then rested her forehead where the ghost of her kiss still haunted Maura's skin. For long seconds the scientist focused on the sweetness of the gesture, the way her partner's breath slid along her back at a regular pace. But something warmer than a water drop suddenly made her freeze as it began to travel down her spine.

She swallowed hard, pressed Jane's forearm.

"Why are you crying?"

Her whisper resounded low in the timid light of the bathroom. The Italian plunged her face in the crook of her neck to stifle her sobs, take a deep breath. Maura remained still, staring aimlessly in front of her. She had assumed that an evening bath would be relaxing, well needed after a day at the BPD.

Jane might officially not be on the case anymore, she still had kept on making research about symbols; anything that would get them closer to a killer who seemed too strong for the moment.

"I love you."

The brunette's words seemed to own the shape of apologies; betraying her fears and a thousand feelings she didn't dare to say out loud. It took Maura aback. Completely. Another kiss, on her neck this time as Jane rested her chin back on her shoulder.

"When did you start developing feelings for me?"

The honey blonde looked aside yet kept her back turned to Jane. The question was fair and had surely burnt the Italian's lips for a while already. Trying to gather her thoughts, Maura frowned; bit her lower lip. The reflection of candle was dancing in front of her against the ceramic wall, as if possessed by an evil force of some sort.

"I don't know... I simply realized one morning that my life would never make sense without you... Two years ago. It happened two years ago. On a Sunday afternoon."

The honesty of her confession made her frown as the realization of her deep – eternal – silence hit her. How had she managed to pretend for so long? How had she managed to convince herself that all of this was vain?

"You should have told me."

Jane's statement made her laugh quietly. It sounded easy but the silence that followed summed up quite well how the brunette had been oblivious all along to Maura's feelings.

Long gazes. Awkward smiles. Ambiguous words.

Nocturnal tears.

"What happened at Anactoria that night? What pushed you to kiss me as we came back here?"

Jane moved in her back. The water of the bath crashed against her hips, embraced her elbows. The tip of the brunette's index finger brushed her nape, made her shiver. She swallowed hard, closed her eyes. And waited for an answer. That night had marked a turning point in their relationship. Jane had made the first step after a blurry kiss two nights earlier.

"It seemed incredibly logical. Just like that, all of a sudden while I was looking at the customers... And you. I wanted to be with you. All this time wondering why it never worked out with anyone, why I kept on comparing everything to what you and I had... You didn't look vulnerable, that night. Just sad. For a reason that wasn't fair at all. I thought about the way you had kissed me, all these details that assembled to each other formed a truth that I couldn't deny. It was you."

Maura turned around and finally looked at Jane; lifted her partner's chin to let her hazel eyes plunge in the Italian's dark ones. The detective seemed terrified.

"What if I'm not able to protect you? What if I lose you?"

Embracing her feelings and a same-sex relationship hadn't been an issue for Jane and was still not one. The only point she focused on was the context they were evolving in. A blurry indulgence, precarious. They knew that Maura was safe for the moment – the killer having thrown himself in a disturbing and singular process of returning his previous victims' head first since no other body had been found yet – but it wouldn't last.

The parenthesis was fragile. Too short.

"Perhaps we should just leave. You know, like in movies. Without telling anyone, with a new identity... At times I wonder what would happen if we did but the daydream always turns blurry."

A shade of bright pink slid up Jane's cheeks. She looked down, hid herself behind a curtain of damp – black – curls. It was the first time she confessed such thing without being asked to. Maura knew how the Italian hated it for sounding way too weak.

"It is a lovely dream but since when do you try to run away instead of facing your difficulties? This is not the Jane I know. You are able to handle your fears."

Yet the brunette looked completely defeated, and lost. The last events didn't help much. She had lost her nerves on a crime scene, had been dismissed from the case. Everything was falling down in pieces. Little by little. Day after day. The nights seemed fragile.

"Where do you find your strength, Maur'? I don't get it."

A bright smile lit up the scientist's features. With the delicacy of uncertainty – afraid the mere motion might damage Jane – she caressed her partner's cheek then rested her thumb behind her ear.

"The same place where you found yours when facing Hoyt."

A light flickered in the detective's eyes as if the echo of Maura's words had resounded loud and clear in her head to the point a new path of possibilities was spreading before her now. She frowned, shook her head. Unsure.

"You. It was you. You were my strength. The reason why I fought and didn't abdicate."

It seemed like a veil of wisdom had wrapped up Maura's body and was now carrying her on towards a bright serenity. She looked quiet; and peaceful. Yet Jane did remember her reaction when she had got the threats. She had seen fear slide on her face, travel down her spine. Make her swallow hard.

"Then you have found mine. It is you, Jane. It will always be you."

And as if to satisfy and give sense to their words, the night would turn quiet; uneventful if it weren't for their caresses in the pale light of the bedroom. They would stay in each other's arms and not allude to a darker side that kept on weighing over their life. There wouldn't be any phone call, not the mere crime scene. Nobody would interrupt them. Absolutely nobody.

"Perhaps if we close our eyes and wish it very strongly then time will freeze."

Maura leaned up on her elbow. Her light laugh died against Jane's lips, stealing away the statement the Italian had made while tracing a path of kisses down her lover's throat. The honey blonde would have never imagined that Jane would be so sweet; so caring. Protective.

"Is this the fantasy you have about me?"

Jane pouted but the playfulness of her gaze vanished soon in a heavy melancholy. She shrugged, settled in Maura's arms. Her sigh filled the room.

"I wish life were that easy."

The bitterness of her comment found relief in the way Maura grabbed her hands – let her fingers slide along hers – before her lips made contact with the scars on her skin. And she soothed her pain, silently.