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"My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future."
Gilgamesh woke up in a state of mild discomfort. His palms ached. It reminded him of how his father would complain about his collarbone in bad weather. Lugalbanda broke it once fighting another man to the death.
Gilgamesh glanced over at Arturia. She still slept, which surprised him, as she tended to be an early riser. Sleep smoothed the frown lines out from her face; Arturia looked very young and vulnerable. At peace.
He stroked her bared shoulder, tender, contemplating waking her up to see if the idea of morning sex interested her. Gilgamesh drew back. Frowning, he then pressed his hand to her forehead.
Arturia had a fever. Although slight, her skin felt clammy and warm. He could not recall, once, in the time they'd spent together, her ever getting sick. He'd never thought about it, but always assumed it to be impossible.
She stirred, turning away and burying her face in her pillow. Arturia mumbled something incoherent but clearly annoyed. Gilgamesh relaxed, amused. She was just tired. Defeating a god was no easy matter, even for them. He decided to leave Arturia alone, although he would no doubt tease her mercilessly when she awoke.
His mood brightened at the thought. Humming a cheerful tune, Gilgamesh rolled out of bed and dressed for the day. Outside rain continued falling, a light drizzle. The weather was rather miserable, but he didn't much care. Gilgamesh applied medicine to his hands. Then he left, almost skipping down the hall.
Much needed to be done. He went and found his chief armorers. They had begun excavating Gugalanna's corpse, a treasure trove of riches. The horns alone were plated with lapis lazuli two fingers thick. Gilgamesh had slaves hang the horns on the wall of his throne room, where he could always admire and savor his triumph.
People embraced him and there was much rejoicing. Songs glorifying Gilgamesh and Arturia could be heard in the streets. This delighted him. After some pondering, Gilgamesh decided to give the rest of the Bull away to the city. They were his vassals, and worthy of his treasures.
Gilgamesh spent the next few hours working through logistics and damage reports. Uruk had survived the storm, but now they needed to rebuild. There would be time for more feasts and celebrations later. The upcoming wedding ceremony in particular would be a sumptuous occasion sung about for centuries.
Part of Gilgamesh had thought for sure Arturia would refuse his request. That she agreed made him feel light and bright. He wondered what his mother would think. Then Gilgamesh daydreamed about the wedding, meticulously planning out the event in his head. It would overshadow even the marriage of Ishtar and Tammuz, which would no doubt infuriate Ishtar. An additional bonus.
He asked for news on Enkidu's health. That he recovered well pleased Gilgamesh. They would hunt together to make up for Gilgamesh not visiting Enkidu at the temple. A fair compromise.
Noon came and went.
Arturia still did not appear, which was not like her at all. She often observed Gilgamesh while he worked, quiet and keen and without judgement (well, for the most part). A shadow of concern grew with the sun's passage in the back of his mind.
He caved and returned to their room, cutting short a session with his generals on peace negotiations. Outside Gwawr, now full grown, scratched and whined at the closed door. He shoved her aside.
Gilgamesh knew as soon as he stepped beyond the threshold that something was very wrong.
Arturia lay burrowed beneath the covers, still naked, curled up into a ball and shivering. He felt heat radiating off of her from where he stood. Gilgamesh ran and knelt beside Arturia.
"Art...?" His voice sounded high pitched and strange to his own ears.
She took a long time to react. It felt like an eternity. Arturia turned and looked at him. Her eyes, usually full of fire, seemed dull and glassy.
"Gil." She struggled to speak, as though it required great effort on her part. "I feel strange. I had a dream. Ishtar and Ninsun were there, and... others. I think. The gods were in council. It hurt to look at them. They were arguing about us. This is the end for me. The arrow is falling."
"What are you saying?" he asked, his voice hushed. "You are unwell, do not speak of such terrible omens."
"I slew the Bull of Heaven," she said, frowning a little. "I am being punished. The final command seal... They will take you from me, just like when they took my name."
Gilgamesh wanted to argue. But his clairvoyance, that awful gift he often ignored, told him what she said was true. And yet Gilgamesh refused to believe it.
"I shall fetch Shamhat." He stood. "She will help you."
Arturia just stared at him. She appeared exhausted. The sight made him feel ill too. Gilgamesh turned on his heels and strode out of the room.
He sent a messenger for Shamhat. Gilgamesh went to see his mother. His hands curled into fists and his face resembled a thundercloud.
The doors to Egalmah banged open. Gilgamesh stormed in. Ninsun waited for him.
"What is the meaning of this?" he shouted.
"Gilgamesh –."
"What did you do?!" His words bounced off the cold, hard floor. Water dripped from somewhere unseen, steady and rhythmic.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Ninsun regarded him, impassive. She appeared to choose her response carefully.
"The Bull of Heaven is slain –."
"What did you do?!" Gilgamesh shrieked. His voice went up an octave.
"Do not interrupt me, Gilgamesh. First Humbaba of the Cedar Forest and now Gugalanna the Bull of Heaven have been murdered. A price must be paid."
Silence. All the blood drained from Gilgamesh's face. This wasn't happening.
"Therefore you kill my best friend."
"It is not death, not exactly. Saber has obligations of her own to fulfill. One day you will understand. But her time in this era draws to a close."
Semantics. Nothing Ninsun said made sense. Not that it mattered. All that mattered was that Arturia would be lost to him. They were hurting her because of him. Reality set in, then, and he felt himself begin to crumble, begin to break. His palms burned as if branded by cold fire.
"How could you?" Gilgamesh asked, low and soft.
"She struck the killing blow. There must be repercussions."
"How could you?" Gilgamesh's voice trembled as he repeated himself. He sank to his knees. Everything seemed far away. Distant and fading.
"I know this is difficult, but everything happens for a reason –."
"A reason?" Gilgamesh sounded small and pitiful, like a little boy. "Did... did you know this would happen? Why would you do this to me? Gift me the companionship I never even knew I wanted only to take it away after I have grown to love it dearly?"
Ninsun hesitated and then said, "I warned her. I warned her, Gilgamesh. There are different paths, and you both chose which ones to walk."
"Then it is our fault?" Gilgamesh whimpered, swallowed, and continued on. "I trusted you. I trusted you, you, you were the only one, Arturia is precious to me, my pillar, and you took to it a hammer. I thought you, you alone, I trust – and you betrayed me. How could you?
"When I was a boy you kissed my scraped knees, walked with me through the city, took me to the temple while father was being a fucking waste of space, where we would play together with the prostitutes and the votaries and you taught me magic and the law. A-and, yes, we drifted apart as I grew older, as I realized – but I never forgot that, that bond we shared, the unbreakable bond between mother and son. How could you betray me like this?"
"I had no choice." Now Ninsun sounded frustrated and agitated. "Not with Enlil baying for blood and Ishtar wanting – Gilgamesh, I have only ever tried to do what is best for you, I will always place you first and foremost, because I love you –."
"Your love has killed me!" Gilgamesh found his feet again, in a flash. Rage burned through him, underscored by grief. His voice cracked. "Your love has killed me more assuredly than any enemy I have ever crossed.
"How could you be so cruel?! You never loved me, you love your own reflection! I curse you, and any parent that gazes upon their child and sees only themselves. If this is love it is a most poisonous, self-centered kind, like a snake that eats its own tail, and I want no part of it. I, I..."
Overwhelmed, Gilgamesh became nauseous. He doubled over and retched. Vomit bounced on the cold, hard floor. Bits of his dinner from the night before glistened in the dull light.
"Gilgamesh," Ninsun said, alarmed.
He stumbled, slipped on his own sickness, fell with a thump, and then staggered back onto his feet, wiping at the corner of his mouth. Unshed tears filmed over his eyes.
"S-stay away from me! We are finished! Do you understand? I will never forgive you. Never." He almost choked on the words, on the bile clogging his throat and the phlegm building up in his nose. Ninsun stared and then became aloof.
"You will no longer honor thy mother and father?" She sounded disappointed. This upset Gilgamesh greatly.
"No. Perhaps I never did."
Anger flickered in Ninsun's gold gaze. Her response was frigid.
"As you wish. You are an adult, and soon a true king. Know that she has seven days left."
Gilgamesh fled.
...
He found Lugalbanda at the forge. His father looked up when Gilgamesh entered. A grin crossed the other man's face, and then faltered as he took in his son's distressed appearance. Gilgamesh was soaked and disheveled, eyes wild.
"Did you know?" Gilgamesh asked. His words brimmed with barely restrained emotion.
"Oi, what are you on about?" Lugalbanda asked. Gilgamesh lost control.
"DID YOU CONSPIRE AGAINST ME YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT?!" He grabbed the nearest object, a shield, and hurled it at his father. It glanced off the other man's temple. Lugalbanda bellowed, staggering back and clutching at his head.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" His eyes flashed gold.
"You murdered her! You murdered Arturia and betrayed me, just like Mother. You knew all along, conspired with the gods against me. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Gilgamesh reached for another weapon. Lugalbanda closed him down and shoved Gilgamesh up against the wall, pinning him in place.
"Of course I didn' know, I was just tryin' to help!" Lugalbanda shouted. Giglamesh wriggled in an attempt to break free. He could have overpowered Lugalbanda, easily, but grief clouded Gilgamesh's mind. He became weak as a kitten.
"Get off me!"
Lugalbanda ignored Gilgamesh, tightening his grip.
"But you know what? 'M not surprised. Because 's just how they are. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a fracture for a fracture. You truly believed they would do nothing? 'S not just laughable ignorance, 's fuckin' stupid."
Gilgamesh stopped resisting. He sniffled.
"Then it should have been me. What use are laws if they do not affect those that need them most? Arturia was innocent. Her sword may have struck the final blow, but my desires moved her hand. It is not a fair judgement," he whispered.
Lugalbanda let go. He wiped at the blood dribbling down his face.
"Yeah, well, life ain' fair. Yer King of Uruk. Might be she calls herself a servant, but we both know the truth. Girlie is a slave. Course she took the fall, likely she was doomed from the start. Equality is a lie, and slaves that bite at the hand of their masters are dead men walkin'."
Gilgamesh stared. His lower lip trembled. Then he began to cry. It was a wretched sight. He sobbed like a wounded animal, shoulders shaking, tears and snot streaming down his face. Shuddering gasps wracked his frame as he struggled even to breathe. Gilgamesh slumped to the ground, defeated.
Lugalbanda didn't seem to know what to do. He looked at Gilgamesh, wide eyed, and then twitched. Turning, Lugalbanda went and rummaged in the back for something. He returned with a bottle of hard liquor.
Gilgamesh laughed, hysterical, gagged on spittle, and managed to say, "I fucking despise you."
Lugalbanda grunted in response and poured out two cups before sitting next to his son.
"Somethin' I learned a while back. If you don' feel anything, they can' hurt you."
He offered Gilgamesh a goblet. The young king considered and then took it, still crying softly. It was difficult for Gilgamesh to grip the smooth clay cup; his fingers were numb. He downed his drink in one gulp and started coughing. He pawed at his face.
"Terrible," Gilgamesh said once he recovered somewhat. "Absolutely terrible."
He reached for more.
They drank in silence together for a long time. Blood dripped down Lugalbanda's face onto the ground. The sound mingled with the gentle plink of rainfall. Gilgamesh broke the quiet.
"I will save her." His words were slurred, but his eyes shone bright with resolve. "I defied the gods once, I shall do it again. I have seven days. I will save her."
Lugalbanda said nothing. He just poured out another cup.