Ch. 25

DPOV

Songs: Prophet Story by Cobi, Two Ton Wrecking Ball by The Revivalists, Nothing's Gonna Hurt You by Cigarettes After Sex

A car pulled up to the driveway. When I peered through the upstairs window and saw the three figures emerge I felt like I could finally breathe. The past few hours seemed to drag on for ages and everything I tried to calm my nerves proved to be useless.

Rose and Eddie helped Eva out of the backseat and I was surprised to see she let them. I had seen her refuse a handout at every chance she got, and Rose's closeness seemed to repulse her most of the time. She must have been in pretty bad shape if she was allowing Rose to practically carry her inside. A covetous twinge of relief flowed through me that it wasn't Rose who was hurt, but I quickly banished it and felt shameful for indirectly wishing harm on someone else.

I heard some voices downstairs and made my way towards one of the main rooms. When I arrived Eva was seated on the couch with a bag of blood at her mouth, Christian sitting beside her and inspecting her for any other injuries. My eyes darted around the room for Rose as Eddie approached my side. When it was clear she wasn't there I looked over to Eddie expectantly. "She's fine. She just needed a minute."

He looked at me earnestly and I nodded my head in response as the others gathered around on the assorted furniture. Abe smoothed out a few pieces of paper on the coffee table and began examining them. I moved closer to the group and Eddie began explaining what had happened. My fingernails dug into my palms when he told us how the blonde Strigoi had Rose pinned and threatened to end her life. I directed my fierce gaze at Abe, but he quickly looked away from me and returned his focus back to Eddie's recollection. He told us how Vasilisa used compulsion to make Nathan walk into the sun and how he still seemed to be conscious when it happened, instead of in a dazed state like most people being compelled. Adrian was the most interested in that tidbit and asked Eddie for more explanation. I listened intently, all the while hoping that Rose would appear and prove to me that she was alright, but she never came back down. Eventually, Eva needed to rest and the others scattered in separate conversations or to their individual rooms.

I walked upstairs back towards my room and paused at Rose's along the way. I leaned my ear to her door but couldn't make out any sounds of movement. Maybe she had gone to sleep. I raised my hand to knock but thought better of waking her and decided that rather than appease my own selfish needs of seeing if she was okay, I would let her sleep.

I continued towards my room, not lifting my gaze from the floor. Maybe she would come to my room again tonight. I selfishly hoped she would, but realized those wants were exactly what I needed to refrain from now. I needed to be separating myself from her and if she was able to sleep without my comfort, that was one less thing I would have to break us of. The thought of her not needing me anymore stung like barbed wire wrapped around my heart, but it's what was best for her and I had to know she would be alright without me around.

I walked into my room and shut the door behind me, distractedly throwing my duster onto the back of a chair as my suffocating thoughts kept me occupied. I frustratingly ran my hands through my hair and finally looked up from the floor. There was a dim light in the room even though I had yet to turn one on. I peered around to find its source and a dark silhouette caught my attention. Immediately, my body stiffened but when I recognized her, my posture loosened and that selfish gratitude crept back in.

Rose was standing in front of a small burning fire across the room. She did that sometimes when she thought about the Princess. Her arms were crossed around herself as if she was trying to trap the warmth inside her. The fireplace hadn't been in use since we'd been here and I wondered if someone from the staff lit it on this cold night, or if she did.

Even from across the room I could tell she was shaking and I picked up one of the smaller quilts hanging from the edge of the sofa and made my way towards her. I lightly draped the blanket over her shoulders and placed my hands on top of it to steady her. She took a deep breath, her shoulders melting with her exhale under my touch. I chalked it up to the warmth of the quilt and reluctantly moved my hands. She pulled the blanket tighter around her as I backed away and turned to face me.

There was a troubled look in her eyes that slowly faded as we gazed at one another. "I'm glad you're back," I finally mustered out. "And that you're alright." My eyes moved to a spot on her neck where I could see a small bruise forming. My hand instinctively started to move towards it, but I stopped it halfway and forced it back down to my side. That little gesture hadn't gone unnoticed by Rose, her gaze coming up from my hands to my arms, and then all the way up to my face. Her expression was pained, her eyes filled with something I could only describe as longing. I didn't dwell on that, though. I knew I couldn't.

Even if she wanted my comfort I had to remind myself again that I needed to stay strong for her. I backed away a little further, creating a good distance between us to help keep my temptations at bay. After that, her eyes became even more somber, which didn't help with my resolve to stay away. "Did Eddie show you what we found," she asked as her focus moved to my retreating feet.

"Yes. You did well, Rose. You will have saved countless lives with this information." She beamed under my appraisal and I wondered how it could still affect her so. It astonished me that she still sought out my approval when she had proven countless times that she was far beyond novice, or even Guardian, standards.

"Thank you for trusting me to do this," her expression turned slightly more serious. "I know it wasn't easy for you being left behind." She paused for a moment, then added a little of that Rose Hathaway bravado back into her voice. "I mean, we aren't really the type to sit back quietly while others take action."

"That's not why it was hard for me to stay behind." My response was immediate and direct. I thought my tone might have sounded too stern, but as always she completely understood the meaning behind those words and her gaze once again met mine.

The warmth of the fire pulsed around her, creating a welcoming glow. I felt the familiar pull towards her under that magnetizing stare. When she looked at me like that, I sometimes got the feeling that she was looking past everything I built up around me and straight into my soul. I somehow managed to tear my eyes away from hers before I was lost in them once again. For a moment the only sound in the room was the crackling wood behind her, and the silence between us was quickly becoming more difficult to bear than not being near her.

"Did Eva say anything to you when we got back?" That serious look she wore earlier had returned and when I shook my head no, it seemed to fade a little. "She was too exhausted from the use of her magic. She's resting now. Why," I asked curiously.

Rose looked down and scuffed her foot on the carpet. "She was pretty out of it on the drive back. Her thoughts were a bit scattered, but there was one thing she was continually adamant about."

I wondered what it could've been that had Rose shying away now. Was it something about the Princess? Was she doubting her abilities to heal her? "Is it about Vasilisa? Does she not think she can help us anymore," I voiced my worries aloud.

She gave me a small smile, glad to quell my concerns. "No. If anything, she's as cocky as ever in that department. Even after what she saw back there. I'll admit what she did was impressive, but I'm not sure if I trust everything she says."

Her face became unreadable. I got the urge to ask her about what happened, but before I could her hand reached out to me and our fingers intertwined. Her skin was cold despite the heat in the room.

I'd learned back at the very beginning of our relationship, as student and mentor, that Rose was better at showing her emotions with her body than she was with words. This was her way of telling me she needed me here. This was her way of telling me she didn't want to talk about it yet.

"I agree," I responded, choosing to let the subject go. She looked at me speculatively, surprised to hear me speak negatively about Eva, so I continued, "I'm not sure what the extent of her abilities are, but I do know not everything she says has merit."

Rose's interest was definitely peaked and she probed me for more. "Like?"

I let out a sigh and ran my hand through my hair, pushing back the strands that never seemed to stay tucked away. The words left my mouth before I could think better of it. "She told me she can see auras and when she looked at ours they glow brighter. She seems to think you are in love with me and went on about how our auras shine like the sun when we are together." I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, gauging her reaction but her face gave nothing away.

I didn't know what I was expecting by saying that. It was like our roles were once again reversed—I was the one being blunt, not thinking too much about my words before they were out. I'd never thought of how annoying and frustrating that Guardian mask I had mastered years ago, to the point where it was a second nature for me to hide my feelings behind a blank expression, could be. Not until Rose threw it back at me as I bared myself true.

Maybe that was just the ultimate proof of how much we affected one another—how ever since we met I had taught her about control while she reminded me how to lose it.

"It was most likely a ploy to get information out of me. So, you can't take everything she says about you seriously. It was probably nonsense." I tried easing the significance of my previous words, aiming for calm and collected but probably ended up sounding like an awkward teenage boy.

What was it about her that made me want to reveal my deepest insecurities and desires and yet, be scared to all at the same time?

"It wasn't about me," she nervously replied. Her gaze retreated back to the floor, a few pieces of her hair spilling to the front of her shoulders while her free hand played with the edges of the blanket, the other never letting go of mine.

"What was it then," I finally asked.

Rose looked up from the ground and stared at me for a moment, studying my face. Casually, she shrugged her shoulders and let out a sigh, "It's nothing. Just some Spirit induced rubbish." Her joking tone didn't fool me and I pointedly stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate.

She was now turned to the side and spared a peek at me through her peripherals. Whatever it was, she was undoubtedly nervous to tell me. It took a lot to make Rose Hathaway nervous and even more to make her hesitant to speak her mind, which only made me more anxious by the second. She finally relented and let go of my hand as she quietly spoke. "She kept rambling about how you are hiding something and you can't be trusted." Her words filled my limbs with lead. That had been the last thing I expected. Although Eva and I had just discussed it, she had no allegiance to Rose and I never thought she would run to her with some newfound information that I had yet to confirm. "I've seen what the consequences of Spirit can do, so I don't believe what she said has any truth behind it."

It then became obvious why she was hesitant to tell me. She was afraid of offending me. Me. The one who was keeping secrets and hiding information about my life from her. Something we swore we would never do.

Lies were sometimes necessary, and I'd never questioned that fact. Not everybody could handle the truth. There were times when even I wasn't that strong and preferred to stay ignorant as things happened around me. Lying to Rose was an entirely different matter, though, and I'd done it too many times. Before she could defend me anymore, I interrupted her rambling argument. "She's right."

Her face darted towards me, dark locks whipping across her neck. She looked at me like she had once before, after nearly being killed, after demanding that I told her the truth about the lust charm and my feelings for her; it was a bittersweet reminder that she trusted me and that my lies, however necessary, had the power to hurt her.

And there it was again, the paradox of being in love with her. I wanted her to know me, body and soul, but I didn't want her to see how ugly it could get. But I had to trust her in that too. I had to trust that, whatever she saw in me, she wasn't going to walk away—not even if we weren't together. She had all of me, and it was time I stopped being afraid of letting her know that.

"I am hiding something," I started. "Before I left St. Vladimir's, Alberta informed me that the Moroi and Guardian Council were looking further into Vasilisa's disappearance and wanted to question me. Given my past with Ivan, and the Princess being my second Moroi lost under my charge, there was some suspicion of foul play." I could hear her start to protest, but I continued on. "I had a choice to stay and go through with their interrogation, or leave and come after you. When I made my decision, I presumably admitted guilt and they have been looking for me ever since."

I summoned up the courage to meet her gaze straight on, and immediately wished I hadn't. Rose always held me to a higher standard. I had heard the other novices revere me as a god and had occasionally heard her mutter it under her breath. But now I was proving myself to be anything but. Not only was I mortal, I was nothing. The shocked look on her face caused my rising shame to surge and I swallowed hard before continuing. "When we succeed, I can't go back. I no longer have a position with the Guardians and my reputation is worth close to nothing." She looked around confused as if what I had told her was spoken in a foreign language. "But unfortunately, that is not all."

Rose held her breath, and I could feel my insides churn. "In exchange for his help, I made an arrangement with Abe. I am in his debt, which is not a position someone like me with no job, no reputation, and no connections can afford to be in. So when this is over he will come to collect, and I will be forced to give him what he asks. Whatever that may be is up to him, but either way, my life no longer belongs to me and I have no choice of what the future holds."

Right then I understood that order is just an illusion. A thin veil merely disguising the eruption patiently waiting to disturb the peace you've worked so hard to create. For twenty-four years I was nothing but the reputation I'd fought so hard to keep, and yet here I was. In the past few weeks, I had given up my position—the only life I knew how to live—all because of someone who had turned my world upside down and made me realize that was the right position for it to be. Someone who understood me so deeply I wasn't sure where I ended and she began, or why I had been denying some truths about myself for so long. She was chaos. And now, so was I. It frightened me, but now I knew that I could never have accepted that side of myself without her.

Silence filled the room again but I refused to divert my gaze from hers. I couldn't let her think I was ashamed of the fallen man I had become, because I would rather be nothing and by her side than be everything and worlds apart.

"I—I can't believe you did that," her voice was so quiet I almost didn't hear her.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, Rose. I didn't want you to worry about me blowing our cover or anything else on top of what you are already carrying."

"Dimitri, how could you do that," her voice was louder now and angrier. "You had so much going for you and you threw it all away. It was completely irresponsible and honestly, insane!"

Her response practically floored me and I realized her initial reaction wasn't because I was now a renegade Dhampir, it was because I had chosen to give it all up for her. I retaliated with just as much force as she did. "What, and leaving you out there on your own would have been the better choice? I made you a promise Rose, that I wouldn't let anything happen to you. I'm not just going to run scared at the first sign of a threat. If faced with the same decision again, I wouldn't change a thing."

She had denounced our love before, back in my room in Baia and I held my tongue then for fear of scaring her off; but my emotions were already running high and I was getting close to my breaking point.

"Dimitri," she started, her temper falling. But I couldn't stand to hear her say anything else about how my career was somehow more important than her. The only thing that was keeping me from flat-out screaming at the top of my lungs out of frustration was the reminder of the wrong I had done her. When the guilt of Vasilisa's transformation consumed her and she couldn't even bear to look at me, I still asked her to trust me. When I admonished her for breaking that trust, I was housing secrets of my own.

"Look, I know I fucked up. I don't regret what I did, but I shouldn't have hidden it from you. I asked you not to keep secrets from me and I betrayed your trust by doing the exact opposite." I turned and walked to the window-lined wall, the mix of emotions threatening to finally break me down. "Eva's right, I've been completely untrustworthy."

"No she's not, Dimitri," her voice was soothing and sweet, but I refused to let it comfort me. I didn't deserve it. "I understand why you were hiding it. I'm not happy about it, but in your own twisted way, you were doing what you thought was best for me. Somehow even when you think you are doing wrong, you are still doing what is right for me." I took a breath, letting her words seep in and allowed a tiny semblance of relief.

"But she was right about something else," she paused and my eyes shut as I braced myself for whatever reprehension I was about to receive. "That I do still love you."

I thought I had imagined it at first. My eyes shot open as those words echoed in my ears. I turned around slowly to confront her and one look at her face told me I hadn't been mistaken.

"I'm so sorry for how I've acted Dimitri. For constantly pushing you away. There was so much going on in my head and I couldn't think straight, but now I see clearly. And I completely understand if your love has faded, god knows I deserve it for the way I've treated you."

Her words spilled out, on and on, but I didn't hear a thing. The only sound that resonated were those few sweet words. She loved me. Rose actually said that she loved me. In three strides I closed the distance between us and cupped her face in my hands, pulling her in for a searing kiss. The quilt over her shoulders dropped to the floor as her arms reached around to clutch my back and pull me closer. I felt like the small flames beside us burst into the size of the sun and filled the room with impassioned heat. I kissed her like it was the first, and last time I ever would. Like I would never get a chance to feel those perfect lips upon mine again, and she returned it with just as much devotion and vigor.

When I finally pulled back our breathing was erratic, our chests heaving simultaneously pressed against each other. I placed my forehead to hers and stared deep into her familiar brown eyes. "Say it again," I whispered breathlessly. I had been denied her love for so long, unable to give her mine and a part of me was left with doubt. I had to know it was real.

"I love you, Dimitri Belikov." I moved one of my hands to the back of her neck and gently stroked her cheek with the other, spellbound when I found she didn't vanish into smoke under my touch. She was here. This was real. And she loved me.

Her heavenly words and the dim golden light caused her eyes to shimmer. They danced across my face, inspecting every part of it like it was the first time she was seeing me. It took a while to admit to myself, and even longer to act on it, but once I realized that I loved Rose Hathaway, I knew there would be no turning back. She acted with reckless abandon, she drove me mad; but she was fearless, she was undeniably loyal, and she was the embodiment of life. She was my strength and my weakness, and nothing would ever change that.

I recognized the glimmer of questioning hope on her face and banished it with a declaration of my own. "I love you, Roza. Now and always." She inhaled a short breath as I once again brought our lips together.

I gave into everything I had been denied of and poured all of my love into that kiss. Her lips were soft, yet fierce against mine, her unyielding passion that made her always seem so alive growing more and more. As I let down those barriers and completely succumbed to her, it was like every small piece of me that was broken off throughout the troubles of my life were being pulled back together under her embrace and I became whole once again.

Her hands moved from my back and up my chest, her fingers splayed across it leaving a burning trail behind them. I could feel my skin heating up under the thin cotton material of my t-shirt as my blood rushed to the surface; every part of me longing to be as close to her as possible. My body instinctively called out to her and answering its call, she tugged at the ends of my shirt and pulled it up against my stomach. I moved my hands to her wrists to keep her from ripping it and she pushed her knuckles against me to give us enough space for me to rid myself of the intruding fabric.

My instinct was to immediately move back to her plump lips, but her dazed expression halted me. Those gorgeous brown eyes were hooded under her long lashes and she took a small, staggering step back. An instant later Rose's fingertips reached out to me and slowly moved down my chest and abs, her gaze longingly following them as her bottom lip slipped under her teeth. I moved a hand up to her chin and freed that stubborn lip from its tight hold. She looked up at me bashfully and I gave her a sexy smile in return, suddenly aware of how new all of this still was to her.

Her competitive nature kicked in and not wanting to give me the upper hand for even an instant she moved her hips in a sultry roll as she crossed her arms around them and slowly pulled her shirt over her head. I sucked in a deep breath through my nose, trying not to let her see how much that maneuver affected me. But by the satisfied look on her face, I had obviously failed. Never one to back down from a winning blow, Rose saw an opportunity to best me again and reached for the button of her pants. Any semblance of control I managed to hold onto up until that point was completely gone.

I moved over to her and placed my hands over hers, causing her eyes to dart to mine. I held my position for a moment before pulling down the zipper and hooking my thumbs into her jeans. Keeping my eyes fixed on hers I slowly knelt down to the ground, pulling her pants with me and tracing my fingers along her exposed skin. As soon as they reached her ankles, she stepped out of the pants and kicked them to the side. I finally broke my gaze from hers and examined every part of her body splayed before me. Unable to resist myself, I kissed the top of her thighs and wrapped my hands around to cup her voluptuous cheeks. I heard a small gasp escape her when my lips moved to her lower abdomen. I looked up at Rose and she pulled my hair free from its tie so she could stroke her fingers through it, the feeling sending tiny bolts of electricity across my scalp.

I brought myself to stand in front of her and she rested her hands on my shoulders, bringing her lips to mine once again. All time was lost on me and I couldn't recall how long we stayed there, but eventually, we found our way to the end of the bed, only separating long enough to remove the remnants of our obstruent clothes. She nudged me back to sit on the bed and I pulled her down with me, refusing to let her out of my grasp for even an instant and needing her to feel my love pulse through my body into hers.

I trailed rough kisses down her neck and earned appreciative moans from her as my hands roamed every area of her body they could find; worshiping her smooth, tan skin that always seemed to smell like warm honey. Every point I caressed felt like perfection under my calloused hands—say for the small etches on her neck. I hadn't been there when she received her most recent marks and found myself unconsciously running one of my fingers along them as I kissed my favorite spot under her ear.

When I pulled back to breathe, her eyes held the tiniest hint of sadness with my hand resting on those everlasting memories. A reminiscent back to a similar situation sparked through my mind, "One day you'll have more marks than me." That statement was becoming truer by the day and I regretted it with every bone in my body. Always knowing where my thoughts led, she reached behind her neck and pulled my hand to her mouth, planting a small kiss on my palm. Before they even manifested their presence in her skin, she knew the importance those marks held from my own tattoos. I didn't need to tell her that I knew the heaviness behind them and would do everything I could to keep those marks from consuming her, because she already knew. Just as I did that night in my bedroom. She read my soul like an open book just as I was reading hers now.

Her light kisses trailed up my arm and to my neck, causing my eyes to shut and my head to lean back. My body followed it until I was laying on the bed with Rose's body pressed against me. I let out a rumbling groan as her tongue grazed my pulse point and a light giggle vibrated off my shoulder as she slowly sat up. That sound pulled my eyelids up and I gazed in awe at the magnificent sight before me.

She was stunning. Even in the dim light, I could see every curve, every peak, all the little pieces of her that came together to form this gorgeous creature above me.

"You're so beautiful," I reached my hand up to her dark, luscious hair and her eyes gravitated to my voice. Her fingers traced light, admiring paths across my shoulders, my chest, and my stomach, rediscovering each part of me as her hungry eyes raked over my bare body. I couldn't help mine as they did the same.

"So are you," her shaky voice mimicked the same phrase she spoke to me after our dance at the ball. It brought back the feelings of being so close to her, yet not nearly close enough.

Not wanting to be away from her for another second, I sat up and pulled her flush against me. I couldn't quite shake the fear that she would slip away again, but her reassuring gaze banished my worries and my almost desperate grasp loosened. My fingertips brushed down her spine and her body shuddered under my light touch. I imagined them leaving behind tiny messages of all those unspoken words between us.

We fell into a rhythmic haze of entrancing euphoria. Rose's movements stole my breath and gave it back. Every time we began to pull apart, an outside force gripped around us, dragging us back in. Her hands tangled themselves in my hair, pushing me forward with abandon. The overwhelming sensations took hold of her and I became enthralled watching her come undone in my arms.

Eventually, her name was the only coherent thought I could shape, and it repeatedly fell out of my mouth over and over in whispered hushes; just like the dozens of prayers I had spoken beside her sleeping form in the dead of night. I whispered it into her ear, moaned it against her throat, kissed it across her skin as she gripped me tighter.

When we finally released, she gasped out my name, a single tear forming in the corner of her eye. I never thought much about my name before. There was nothing special about it—just a word used to identify me. But hearing it come out of her lips bathed in worship and ecstasy, it was the most beautiful word I had ever heard. I thought for a split second about how happy I was it belonged to me, but then realized just like everything else I possessed, it no longer did. It belonged to her.

I used the edge of my thumb to delicately smooth away the tiny droplet, and she looked down at me with a smile. A smile that exuded relief, euphoria, and above all else—love.

A/N: You can either kiss or kick TiA995, depending on how you receive the chapter, for convincing me to write it. Thanks girl for giving me the ultimate shove to try it out! It was definitely an adventure. This was a truly collaborative chapter. The DH Godmother, ohorpheuss, added so much of her beautiful poetry to Dimitri's side—that she does so well. Her internal dialogues are second to none! And thank you again Gigi256 for taking the time to provide me your amazing wisdom. I truly appreciate all of yall's help. You girls rock!

Bonus Track: Into My Arms by Emma Louise