When the Storm Breaks

By Hazelmist

A/N: Thanks for the bribery. I'm still open to pizza, hash browns, or anything really. Here we go.

Dear SEA, I'd give up everything just to have one more sunlit day, tanning on sea walls with the Macarena on repeat and trying not to drown ourselves or each other in the ocean. Sometimes I'm afraid that it's like drowning, other days I'd like to think that you're living it up in a night club somewhere, but there are times when I think that it's like that day I dragged you on a four hour "adventure" to the end of the beach and we couldn't go any further. I hope you found a way over those rocks, over that water, and just kept walking to whatever was on the other side, where the ocean met the sky.

Chapter 25: Blue Skies

The sun was shining in a blue, blue cloudless sky and the sea gulls were circling the beach overhead. Another crowd of them eyed Alec and Fred hopefully from the shoreline where they were fighting over the remnants of someone's lunch. Alec was reminded of a grey afternoon in a parking lot when a beady-eyed gull had watched Alec war with the truth in Lucy's warning and his growing feelings for Ellie. It turned out that Lucy had been right about everything. He'd tried so hard to let Ellie go that day and in the weeks that had followed, but he was already too attached and he was powerless once Ellie made her move. Lucy had seen it before he had; that he'd abandon her in the end. And yet Alec still couldn't find the courage to say goodbye and let her go.

The beach wasn't far and Alec hadn't even bothered with the pram that Fred was rapidly outgrowing. By the time he got there with the uncontrollably excited toddler, he was regretting the decision. But the walk was short and the sloping path down the cliff was manageable (even while trying to hold onto Ellie's wee beastie) and his heart hadn't betrayed him. Not yet.

The distance from the center of town and the noticeable erosion had made this part of the beach unpopular. Alec was glad that it was only a weekday in May, and therefore he and Fred had this small nook entirely to themselves. Fortunately for Alec, the tide had gone out and the ocean was a little further away. Unfortunately for Alec, Fred very much wanted to go into the water and refused to stay away from it.

Sighing, Alec resigned himself to his fate. He could do this. He'd taken his own daughter to the beach a few times, but Vicky had been there to supervise and she'd been well aware that her husband had an irrational fear of the water. She used to tease him about it, like Miller had in the past. Alec never told them or anyone else that he'd nearly drowned on this same beach, in this same ocean, when his parents had dragged him here on holiday when he was eight-years-old.

No one had been there to save him even if they could've. Alec had been lucky that he was able to swim and that the water had spat him out before he got sucked into that frightening riptide that had drowned a grown man later that same afternoon. They said the man died because he was out too far and he couldn't swim well, but Alec knew better. He'd felt the power of that ocean, pulling him under, and crushing and suffocating him with the weight of water. The salt water had filled his lungs, and the sun and the blue sky had drifted further and further away from him until they were entirely out of his reach, no matter how hard he tried to fight his way back to that elusive surface. And then a wave had dragged him along that rocky bottom, scraping and bruising his limbs, and slammed him onto that beach. He'd clawed his way up that shore and back to life, shaking and gasping for breath.

It took every ounce of willpower and all of his mental faculties to push that memory aside. Fred threatened to start crying if Alec didn't take him into that same ocean that had almost taken his life.

Alec took off his shoes and rolled up the bottom of his slacks. Fred had already kicked off his little boots and was halfway to the water. Alec lunged for him and caught the back of his orange jumper before he got there. He scooped Fred up and waded into the water with him. The waves lapped at the hems of his trousers and he bent to dip Fred's feet in. Fred shrieked in delight each time Alec lowered him toward the frigid shallow water, only to pull him up at the last second. But Fred was getting too old for that game, and Alec's arms and back tired of the weight of the growing toddler as Fred's attention span waned.

"Swimming!" he whined and almost managed to wiggle free from Alec's strained arms. Fred didn't have his swim trunks or the life vest that Alec wished they both had. There were no life guards and Alec didn't even know if Miller had ever let him go near the ocean, although clearly judging from the boy's wails and Ellie's suggestion to take him there, he'd had some happy experiences with water. Alec only wished he could say the same.

He towed Fred from the water and returned to the beach. Alec gently set Ellie's son on his feet and tried to calm him.

"I wanna go in!" Fred cried, tugging at Alec's shirt and his heart strings.

"I know you do." Alec sighed and wiped the tears from the boy's reddening face. "If your mother was here…"

"Daddy, please!" He flung himself at Alec so suddenly that Alec lost his balance. He sat down in the sand with Fred in his lap and clinging to his neck. "Daddy, I wanna go in!" Alec stopped breathing as the word sunk in. Fred's real Daddy would've been better off dead. There would be no one to take him into the water, no one to kick around a football with, no one to take him to the skate park, no one to talk to, or do all those things that Ellie would spend the rest of her life struggling to overcompensate for. Alec knew that Ellie was a damn good mother, and that Tom was already becoming Fred's idol, and that there would be Lucy and Ollie. Perhaps, somewhere down the road or maybe sooner, there would be another man, a man that would take care of them and be everything that Ellie deserved, a man that would be everything that Joe wasn't and that Alec wasn't…

"Fred, I'm not your-" The tightness in his chest became unbearable and tears stung at his eyes. Alec took a deep breath and then another. He looked into those huge watery brown eyes so much like Ellie's that he wouldn't have been able to deny him anything even if he tried, and he nodded.

"If you stop crying," he bargained with the boy, sitting up slowly, "I'll take you in the water."

Fred clapped his hands and almost escaped again. Alec dove for him and dragged him back. He rolled up the bottom of Fred's trousers like he'd done with his own, and Fred tried to help him with the other leg. It would've been comical, had it not been for the fact that Ellie was definitely going to murder him when her child got hypothermia or drowned.

"You have to hold my hand," he instructed the boy. "Understood?" Fred nodded and Alec took his small pudgy hand in his own and reluctantly started back down the slanting beach. Fred giggled and took off running, pulling Alec along in his wake. Alec gripped those little fingers tighter and tighter as they neared the water. The cold water shocked them both again. Fred jumped back so fast that he ripped his hand from Alec's.

Alec jerked the boy toward him and Fred grabbed at his leg with his arms. Alec held him there, allowing Fred to get used to the icy water swirling around their feet. And Alec wished that he could keep him there on the shore, half hidden behind him and shielded from all the dangers that the world waiting for him held.

That insatiable curiosity and that incredible but terrifying fearlessness that all children had drew Fred again toward the water. He poked his head out, and unwrapping one arm from Alec, he took a tentative step forward.

"Fred," Alec growled his name like a warning. The boy froze and his innocent wide eyes met his, destroying Alec all over again.

"Don't let go of me," he told him again, softer.

He held out his hand and Fred took it. A wave crashed on the shore and the foaming water circled their ankles. The undertow frightened Alec, but Fred grinned up at him and some of that fear went away.

"Daddy!" Fred pointed at something out on the water, maybe a boat, perhaps a sea gull, or it could've been another wave coming toward them, but they just kept coming so it was impossible to tell. Alec felt something give inside of him as wee Fred hopped up and down and leaned closer, babbling incoherently in his excitement.

"See Daddy?! See?!"

Alec didn't see anything but the boy in front of him as he knelt down in the wet sand and water pooling around them, heedless of the fact that both of them were going to be completely soaked.

"I see it," he told him and dropped a quick kiss to the boy's head as he ruffled his curls.

And as Fred threw himself at him with a joyful shriek with the crash of another big wave on the shoreline, Alec held the boy close, and for one moment pretended that he was his father and that he could hold onto him and could protect him from everything for the rest of his life.

Fred wore himself out on that beach and Alec thought that he would wear him out too. But he carried Fred's wet and slumbering dead weight up the path that seemed so much steeper than when they'd gone down it. Alec stopped to catch his breath at the top of the cliff and made the mistake of looking down at the beach and the rough waters so far below them. He swayed on the spot. That was the only warning he got before the vertigo set in. Stumbling, he started to tip backwards with Fred locked in his arms.

"Oi! Steady there!" Someone caught at his arms, pulling him and Fred back from that frighteningly close edge. The vision of what could've happened to Fred if he'd tripped backwards a few more feet was too much for Alec. Fred was pried from his trembling arms as his knees gave out underneath him and he sank into the long grass.

Alec cupped his hand over his mouth as Fred started screaming. He covered his eyes, blocking out the tilting land and distant horizon in front of him. Instinctively, his other hand was already searching for those bloody pills that his life was so dependent upon now.

"Tell me he's alright," he pleaded, close to tears himself.

"He's fine," a voice he'd heard before assured him, hushing Fred. "Are you alright?"

Alec shoved two pills into his mouth. He fisted his hands on either side of him in the brittle sea grass he hated but scratched against his palms, tethering him to the earth that was threatening to slide out from under him. He bit down hard on his lip and willed himself to stay conscious for the wailing child that Ellie had trusted him with, and that he loved now almost as much as his absent daughter.

"I could've killed him," he whispered, his voice threatening to break.

"You didn't. He's alright, look." The man shushed Fred and squatted down in front of Alec. Suddenly, Fred was in his lap and had his arms entwined around his neck. Alec's hands shook as he ran his hand over Fred's damp curls and his paternal instincts thankfully took over. He soothed Fred until he stopped screaming and crying, and then looked up at the man that had stopped them both from going over that cliff.

Mark Latimer was crouched down in front of him. Alec swallowed and pulled himself together.

"Mark."

"DI Hardy."

Alec hugged Fred to his chest and focused on a spot just beyond Mark's puzzled face.

"I-" He nodded and tried to choke the words out, "Thanks for-" He couldn't finish and dropped his eyes to the swaying sea grass that surrounded them, and then to the toddler clinging to his shirt.

"Is that El's son, Fred?" Mark asked, after sitting and giving Alec a minute to compose himself.

Alec met Mark's eyes, realizing that Mark had used Ellie's old nickname. He nodded again and smoothed his hand over Fred's curls that were so much like his mother's. The boy was already drifting off again, exhausted by the outburst on top of the long day he'd had ripping open boxes, creating chaos, and running in and out of an ocean that Alec hadn't wanted to follow him into. But he had. He'd done it for Fred.

"So," Mark cleared his throat, "You and her-"

"No," Alec cut him off quietly, already knowing what he was asking.

"But-"

"No." Alec stared unblinkingly at Mark until he lowered his eyes to Fred. It wasn't a lie, not really. It wasn't until last weekend that they'd really crossed that line that they'd been toeing for so long, and they'd never discussed what exactly it was that they were doing. Besides, Alec would be gone by the end of the week and Ellie would be leaving Broadchurch by the end of the month.

"You are sick, though, aren't ya?"

This time it was Alec who couldn't compete with Mark's unwavering gaze. His eyes moved beyond Mark to the sun that was directly ahead of him now, a reminder that the day was slipping away and that soon there would only be four left. He didn't say anything but that silence spoke louder than words.

"Chloe told me that she ran into you and Fred and Ellie," Mark said softly and leaned forward to brush away a piece of grass from Fred's hair that had probably come from one of Alec's hands. Mark held onto that piece of sea grass, twirling it between his thumb and index finger as he turned his eyes toward the sun behind him. "I'm not sure if Beth will ever be able to let that go, but I know that if El had seen anything she would've stopped it."

"You should tell her," Alec said. He was so tired of this stupid small town and all the people Ellie loved that had turned their backs on her or had stayed mute, forcing him to pick up the pieces, even though he couldn't piece himself back together.

"You know I can't," Mark sighed, squinting into the sunlight. He turned towards Alec, his eyes still narrowed. "Obviously, you haven't been able to tell her either."

"Tell her what?" Alec asked, frowning. Mark motioned toward the toddler asleep in his arms.

"I doubt she would've entrusted you alone with her two-year-old if she knew how bad off you are now."

Their eyes met again and Alec couldn't have denied it even if he had tried. He drew in a shuddering breath and stroked the back of Fred's jumper that was almost the exact shade as Ellie's obnoxiously bright jacket that he'd actually grown fond of.

"I came back to say goodbye," he confessed. He didn't look at Mark. He didn't have to. They sat there together as the sun sank a little lower in that never-ending sky that stretched out beyond them.

"Thanks for what you did for Danny." Mark sniffed, before adding, "I know you had a heart attack and you dragged yourself out of that hospital-"

"Don't thank me," Alec interrupted him, his voice quivering. He inhaled sharply and his voice was steadier when he continued. "I had Miller to lean on, without her I never would've finished that case and got your son the justice that he deserved." He looked straight at Mark, no longer caring that both of them had suspiciously watery eyes. "Ellie loved your son. She wanted him to rest in peace and wanted to get you the closure you needed just as much as I did." Alec held his gaze for a long moment and then looked into the glare of that burning star a billion miles away until he couldn't anymore. Fred shivered and snuggled closer to him. Alec kissed his forehead as a shadow crossed between him and the sun.

"Come on." Mark hauled him up and set him on his feet, careful not to jostle Fred. They walked through the tall grass in silence until they reached the road and their paths diverged.

"Chloe said you had a daughter her age," Mark said out of the blue. Alec stopped and stared at him.

"Her name's Keira," he told him.

Mark reached out and squeezed his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Hardy."

Then Mark walked away and Alec carried Fred home.

Months later, Ellie catches her giggling son and lifts him up into her arms. She tweaks his nose and looks around the kitchen. It's been months but she still can't get used to it. The house is nice and cozy and perfect for the three of them. But Ellie stares at the empty fourth chair at the table and the black coat that she draped over the back of it so she won't forget it, and she thinks about a night months ago when she thought she'd found the partner that she'd lost.

"When's Daddy coming home?" Fred asks her for the hundredth time.

"Not today," Ellie says and forces a smile.

She doesn't know how to tell her three-year-old what happened to his father or the man that hadn't meant to take his place.

A/N: Do not go swimming if there is a rip tide warning. It's probably geographically inaccurate but I don't care. Still open to bribery, the more creative the better. And thanks to nannyogg/mykelara for listening, inspiring scenes like the Alec/Fred beach one, and reading like 85 rough drafts of every chapter when I freak out! Next chapter should be up soon!