And now, it is time for…

Nut Reviews.

With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool.

Tonight's review:

Ancient Soldiers by ShadowDJ

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"Beware, there will be no SPOILERS!"

"There's this kid named Dan who's a delinquent and works at his father, Naruto's toy store. But, when Naruto leaves, he makes a deal with Max Tennyson to give him some soldier toys to sell and CASH-IN."

"I BOUGHT SOLDIER TOYS TO CASH-IN ONCE!"

"I can never go back to the G-I Joe section of any store…"

"So, it turns out that the soldiers toys are the Brotherhood from X-Men and the Legendary Warriors from Digimon Frontier."

"Why are the Brotherhood and Legendary Warriors fight each…"

"WHO CARES? IT'S GOOD DRAMA!"

"So, it turns out that the toys have a special chip in them that makes them alive. And they're all like…"

"We're alive! We could do ANYTHING like solve world hunger, bring world peace, or BEAT THE LIVING MAN-CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER!"

"Hm…yeah, let's do that."

(Deadpool begins fighting with himself)

"But the Brotherhood dismantles that mirror guy who talks like Shakespeare and Dan finds Agunimon and Lobomon, who…for some reason has a bigger role than Agunimon…"

"How come Lobomon's second-in-command, but does more than Agunimon, the leader?"

"WHO CARES? LOBOMON'S AWESOME…and Agunimon gets a bigger role later on…helped by me. Which was weird."

"So, it turns out that the Legendary Warriors aren't dead and hiding inside a dumpster. They go there and find ALL the Warriors!"

"The Care Bear who looks like he's from Call of Duty…"

"The blue beetle who reminds me of a DC character…"

"That REALLY hot, butterfly girl…"

"The black, lion guy who sounds too dramatic…"

"The hobgoblin with a giant hammer…"

"The tough wood guy voiced by Kenshin…"

"The mirror-obsessed Shakespeare guy…"

"And the annoying water floozy."

"So Dan gets all these toys into his house while the Brotherhood breaks into his crush's house and use the tech to form SUPER-WEAPONS!"

"WHO DESIGNED THESE TOYS? THE IRISH REPUBLICAN ARMY?"

"So they go up and turn Dan's crush's dolls into military women…"

"I'm high. I'm high. I'm high. I'm high."

"And so Dan makes a diversion as he goes in and saves his crush from the EVIL Brotherhood and dolls and they go over a small ridge as the Brotherhood goes KABOOM!"

"How can a small crash make battle vehicles go kaboom?"

"WHO CARES? IT…IS…AWESOME!"

"And I was like, HOORAY! A HAPPY ENDING! But the fic was like…"

"Nope, we still have a few chapters left."

"OH NO!"

"So Magneto swipes a truck with Brotherhood action figures and they lay siege to Dan's house!"

"I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MO-(censored) TOYS IN THIS MO-(censored) NEIGHBORHOOD!"

"And so they have this THRILLING action scene while trying to get an EMP going. The Legendary Warriors then say…"

"SCRAP HIDING! TIME TO KICK BROTHERHOOD TUSHIE!"

"And Dan gets on a power-line and Magneto and Agunimon confront each other! AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE…"

(Deadpool throws a punch. He then pretends to be falling.)

"Wow, what a waste."

"And Dan's all like…"

"COME HERE, YOU!"

(Deadpool grabs something and shoves it between two nonexistent objects)

"KABOOM!"

"Alright, the IRA DID make this fanfiction. WHY ELSE WOULD THERE BE SO MANY EXPLOSIONS?"

"Then Dan finds the Legendary Warriors under a satellite and that prevented their chips from getting fried. And so Dan sets the Legendary Warriors on a ship and sends them off to File Island. And he's all like…"

"What if you can't find File Island?"

"And the Warriors are like…"

"Just because you can't see anything doesn't mean it isn't there."

"A lesson we all must learn. Otherwise, we may be in constant denial about the existence of…CHEESY PUFFS!"

"THE END!"

"As you can tell, I really liked this fic. ESPECIALLY THE EXPLOSIONS! IT'S JUST LIKE A MICHAEL BAY MOVIE, ONLY YOU STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!"

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! C'mon, I won't start an action figure war! I won't even have them use gas bombs! They'll just have nail bombs!"

With apologies to ShadowDJ…

Seriously, though, Ancient Soldiers was okay.