Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything associated with him.
A/N Congrats to lovesreading2 for getting my 150th review. I hate to ask, but more reviews would give me more inspiration to write, as you may have noticed with my writing in the past. Italics indicate a memory. Bold indicates a dream.
Chapter 25: Forgotten
"Shell Cottage!"
"Goodbye Harry." Ginny said before throwing the floo powder into the fire.
Harry woke up, his face wet from perspiration. All he could think about was those green flames. He thought of them in the day, and at night when he couldn't sleep. Even when he did sleep, he saw them in dreams, just like before. He sat up and rubbed his eyes.
His eyes flickered to his watch, which read 9 am. He would have to leave soon if he wanted to make the Hogwarts Express, so he showered and dressed in 5 minutes, and he walked into the kitchen drying his hair with a towel.
"Master, I made sausages and eggs." Kreacher said, and with a nod from Harry popped away, most likely to his bedroom.
He ate slowly that morning, thinking of things that could possibly keep him from the Hogwarts Express. He came up with nothing.
10 minutes later he sighed in defeat and collected his trunk and Misty and walked out the front door, deciding a walk to King's Cross would do him some good, maybe give him a bit of colour to keep Hermione from prying. At this he chuckled. Nothing would keep Hermione from prying.
Harry walked slowly into the train station, heaving his trunk and Misty's cage behind him. His face, which weeks earlier had been twinkling and smiling, was now pale and somber, wearing and expression of sadness, and bore dark circles around his eyes, enforcing the sleep deprived state he had been in for the past fortnight, holed up at Grimmauld Place all by himself. If not for the messy hair and the lightning bolt scar, one wouldn't be able to recognise him.
He had not seen or heard from Ginny since that night, and he couldn't keep his mind on anything else. He replayed it over and over, until he knew exactly what had happened by heart. His nights were sleepless, and his days were dull and cold, despite the warm summer weather.
He put his trunk on a trolley and sat the owl cage on top of it and pushed the trolley with all of his might towards the barrier that ran through to Platform 9 ¾. Slowing down on the other side of the barrier, he looked around. He saw many familiar faces, but not the one he wanted to see. Not finding the small redhead he had fallen in love with, he sighed and immediately found his two best friends. He saw Ron and Hermione walking over towards him and he put on a fake smile and watched them sidle over to him through the noisy crowd on the platform.
"Hi Harry." Hermione said, smiling up at him. Looking over at Ron, who was behind her, she nudged him in the ribs, an opening to greet Harry.
"Hey." Ron said, shoving his hands into his pocket and staring down at the ground.
"Hey." Harry said absentmindedly, and also stuck his hands into his pockets and stared at the ground. Harry thought back to the morning after Ginny had left, to his argument he had with Ron.
Harry picked up a pair of thin, grey socks and rolled them into a small ball, threw them into the trunk and began on the next pair. This continued until Ron suddenly burst through the doorway into the room and sat down on the end of Harry's bed, not noticing the open trunk filled with scrunched up clothes.
"Want to lose a game of chess, Harry?" Ron asked, setting up the wizard's chess set on the floor.
"Sure, why let old traditions die young?" he said and they began a game of chess, where needless to say; Ron won, which was customary. It was during this same game that Hermione walked in, and inspected the room upon sitting. Her lower jaw dropped, taking in the sights.
"Harry . . . Where are you going?" Hermione asked quietly.
"Why?" He asked, sitting up from the floor, and going back to his sock folding.
"Because you're folding socks, and putting them into your trunk. I know you Harry. You're not packing early for Hogwarts. Where are you going?"
"Nowhere. Somewhere . . . anywhere but here." He replied after looking up at her, and then went back to folding up his socks.
"What do you mean 'anywhere but here'?" She asked hotly.
"Nothing." He mumbled, throwing a badly folded pair of green socks into the trunk, with the rest.
"Harry . . ."
"I hate it. Alright? I can't stand it. The tension, the memories, everything. It's like not only did she leave me, but she decided to come back and haunt me for the rest of my life as well." He picked up the Weasley Jumper sitting on the edge of the bed and threw it harshly into the trunk.
Hermione opened her mouth to talk, but Ron was a second ahead of her.
"Mate, brooding is going to get you nowhere. Sitting here all day long will do nothing. You make it seem like you've lost all purpose to live. Like you're nothing but a waste of space." He said harshly.
"Mmm . . ."
"Harry . . . you don't honestly mean to say that . . ."
"Yes, Hermione. I do. I don't deserve to be here alive, when so many people died for the greater good. I don't deserve to have such good friends. I don't deserve . . ." he threw the pair of socks he had been holding into the trunk with such purpose that they bounced out and fell to the ground. Harry sat down on the ground and brought his hands to his head, cradling it slightly. He only looked up when Ron began to speak.
"I don't mean to bring up bad memories, mate, but I'm not buying that, and I'm not taking any of your crap either. I've had enough of it. You're driving me insane. Just deal with it, alright?" Ron stood up and stomped out of the room, and Harry and Hermione sat there until they could no longer hear the thumping of Ron's shoes on the wooden floor.
"He's right Harry. It's not your fault . . . none of it is."
"How do you know?" Harry asked quietly after a few minutes of silence.
"I just do Harry. You'll have to trust me on this."
"Hermione, you may know 'Hogwarts: A History' by heart, and be the smartest witch in our year; possibly ever, but I doubt you're right about this. This is the reason Ginny left me, not some stupid thing about feeling guilty that she may have caused me to lose the only family I have ever known. But about the people I love getting killed because of me. She left me because of my hero complex." Harry shook his head and slammed it back down into his arms.
"Harry. You know that's not true. There's not one person that would swap positions with you, but every one of them would give up their lives if it meant creating a better world. Ginny included." Hermione said quietly. Harry looked up and thought about it for a moment. He smiled, and put his head back down in his lap.
"I don't want anyone to die for me. I should have chosen to die when Dumbledore asked me what I wanted. I thought . . . I thought everything would be different. Not like this. This is worse than before. Face it, I'm destined for loneliness."
"Harry . . . No. You're wrong. One day, I don't know how, I'll prove that I'm right. But right now . . . I think you should write to Ginny-"
"Don't say her name!" Harry growled.
"Fine. I think you should write to her and ask her to meet you somewhere. You need justification.
"Hermione. I'm fine. Really. Talking and seeing her would only make it worse and harder for me. Okay. I'm fine."
"Harry, you're not fine."
"Hermione, I'm fine okay. Seriously. Just drop it, okay?"
"Okay" Hermione said meekly.
"You and Ron go back to the Burrow. I'll talk to you later, and I'll see you in a fortnight at King's Cross. I've got some things I need to think about." Harry said to Hermione, his voice muffled by his arms, and his mind on other things.
"But Harry . . ." Hermione was cut off by Harry's rising voice.
Harry looked up at her. "No Hermione. I need to do this. If it makes you happy, I'll stay here. I won't get into any trouble. Just go back to the Burrow. I'll be fine here, by myself." Hermione looked like she was going to argue the point further, but shook her head and walked out.
"You know where I'll be if you ever need to talk. Ron too."
"Yeah, right. Whatever." Harry said, and began throwing his folded socks back into their drawer.
Hearing the front door close, Harry fell onto his bed face down, and screamed into his pillow. Before he realised, his face was wet with tears, and he couldn't stop himself.
"Hi Hermione." Harry said, hugging his best friend side on.
"Hi Harry. How've you been?" She asked cautiously, not wanting him to cause a scene.
"Perfect! Just dandy. Never been better!" He said sarcastically and stalked off towards the Hogwarts Express, Ron and Hermione picked up their trunks and followed him.
He didn't know why he was so moody with them. They were his best friends after all; and they hadn't done anything either, but there was this feeling he had in the pit of his stomach. Nothing could explain it, and though it didn't compare to the hole residing in his heart, sometimes it seared with pain just as bad, if not worse.
But, he did know why he was so moody. Ginny. She seemed to be the cause of all of his problems lately. He shook his head. He wanted so much to just see her, talk to her, but he couldn't She wanted this, so he was trying his best to accept it. No matter how much pain it caused. As long as she was happy, so was he.
He slowed down his pace, and waited for Ron and Hermione to catch up with him, when he could hear their every present bickering voices, he turned around to look at them. They continued to argue in soft whispers until Hermione caught Harry's stare and stopped, causing Ron to look up also.
"Listen, I'm sorry. I've been a git. I had no right to speak to you the way I just did, or brush you off like I have for the past 2 weeks. So . . . I . . . I guess I'm sorry."
Hermione stepped forward and hugged him, clinging to him like he was her single life source.
"Mate, it's alright. I can't say that I know what you're going through, because I don't, but mate, I'm here for you, if . . . you know . . . if you ever want to talk." Ron said with a heartfelt look.
"Thanks mate." Harry said, looking over to him and smiling slightly.
Hermione disentangled herself from Harry and stood in front of him, smoothing his cheek with her palm.
In a whisper, she said, "Harry. I think you should see her and talk to her. You need to understand why she did what she did."
Taking hold of Hermione's hand Harry moved it back to her side and let go.
"No offence Hermione, but she was my girlfriend. My one reason for living during the last year we were on the run. I can't just accept what she did, and talking to or seeing her would be the wrong thing to do in this stage. I'm trying to accept what she did, but you're pestering is not going to help. So thanks, but no thanks."
With that, Harry pulled the trolley up and stalked off into the Hogwart's Express, Ron and Hermione hot on his heels. When they got onto the train, they went straight up the front and into the Head's compartment, which was quite large, able to seat many more people.
Slowly, more and more people piled into the Head's compartment. There was Ron and Hermione were the Gryffindor Prefects; Luna and Anthony Goldstein were the Ravenclaw Prefects; Ernie Macmillan and Hannah Abbott for Hufflepuff and for Slytherin there were two people Harry didn't recognize.
As he was about to address the growing group in the compartment, the door slid open.
"Sorry I'm late."
Harry now thought of another reason why he felt a feeling in the pit of his stomach; He'd forgotten, and along he was just content with dismissing her and going along with his everyday life, he wasn't going to let his heartache interfere with his life. Not now. But all of that had been for nothing.
A/N Okay, so I haven't updated in a few weeks, I know. I began writing this chapter, with lots of reviews from you thank you very much, and then I went off to camp for a lovely 3 days. Anyway, I had a review from buff802y saying that it would be wonderful if you had longer chapters. So here you go. Not my longest, but this was a difficult chapter to write, and hopefully the others should come to me much quicker.