TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF RAPE, EATING DISORDER (BULIMIA), SELF HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ATTEMPT
A/N: okay I'm so sorry this took so long to post! life's just been a little nuts and well I've had a tough time recently...my grandparents had to put down two of their dogs, my grandma on my dads side was diagnosed with Alzheimers and well just last month my cat got really sick and we had to put him down and it's just been really hard, I've had him since my 12th birthday so it kinda hit me hard since I wasn't really expecting it...he always acted like a kitten so it never felt like he was old and then all of a sudden he was gone and I no longer had the one thing I could count on and my world sorta just feels like it's up in the air atm...not to mention we got mice, who ever came up with the phrase "quiet as a mouse" has never had mice in their house before! I had to tear apart my room and bleach like everything...my legs are covered in bruises rn, the last count was 22, not kidding. Anyway looks like we got that figured out but well I went from losing my baby boy to having my safe space invaded by mice and well I barely slept for 4 days (one day not at all and I had a massive day planned for that one, I was out all day!) and I'm still paranoid af, like I can't sleep without the TV on because every small rustling sound freaks me out so I'm like falling asleep rn but I just wanna get this posted and I finally got someone to read it last week so now I at least know it's not total crap but like yeah...I hope you like it...and I look forward to hearing what you think...
okay! so um thank you to everyone who's stuck around, to everyone who reviewed, and favourited/followed, welcome to the newbies, your reviews were great to hear, they helped me in a during a rough time so thank you all for reading this and reviewing and just sticking around...now I'm probably going to start crying if I keep this up so I'm just going to stop.
Take care,
Ang.
PS: Oh! And so you don't worry about a long wait Ch.26 is just waiting to be read and editing and Ch.27 is almost done :D.
Chapter 25
"Jane?" Maura called out, sitting up in bed and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, letting out a hiss as she made contact with her bruised eye, her hand moving to cup it gently as the tender skin stung causing her eye to water. She blinked a couple times to clear her vision before she looked around the dimly lit room, ears picking up faint voices in the other room.
"Jane?" Maura said a little louder as she slipped out from under the covers, slowly making her way toward the door and cracking it open to try and hear what was being said.
"I'm fine, Ma, would you please lower your voice Maura is sleeping in the other room."
Maura slipped out of the room, slowly walking down the hall, her eyes dropping to her bare feet for a second before raising to look down the hall, the mid-day sun casting the apartment in an orange hue.
"Janie, I'm just worried, nobody will tell me what's going on, Frankie is all secretive, I know when my boy isn't telling me everything, and you know how terrible a liar he is."
Maura heard Jane let out a puff of laughter, the honey blonde stopping to peek around the corner into the living room where mother and daughter were talking.
"Really, Ma, everything is fine I just wasn't feeling 100% today, is all."
"You look fine now." Angela pointed out, eyes roaming over her daughter and her hand raised as if to check for a temperature which had Jane letting out a frustrated sigh and pulling away from her mother's hand.
Maura gnawed on her lip before stepping out into the room, eyes looking over both women opening her mouth to speak but no sound came out, trying again she finally squeaked out the brunette's name, "Jane?"
Both turned to look at her, Angela breathing out a gasp and Jane smiling sweetly at her, "Did we wake you?"
Maura shook her head no, looking around the room again, "What time is it?"
"Nearly 4, sweetie."
Maura nodded, eyes moving to Angela, the woman still gaping at her, "Hello, Angela."
The woman blinked, "Are you alright, honey?"
"Yes, I'm fine…although I could use some ice. Jane, is there still some in the freezer?"
"Yeah, there should be…if not there should be a bag of peas in there somewhere. Is your eye bugging you?"
"A bit," Maura answered as she turned and moved into the kitchen, pulling open the freezer as the older Rizzoli turned on her daughter.
"What happened?" The woman hissed, Jane ignoring her mother as her eyes searched Maura to make sure she was alright, "Janie?"
"It's none of your business, ma."
Maura dropped the ice pack on the counter as she searched for a clean dish rag to wrap around it and once found she held the ice pack to her eye, hissing from the cold. "I'll leave you two to talk," Maura said as she slowly started making her way back to Jane's bedroom.
"No, Maur, that's alright, ma was just leaving."
"I was?" Angela questioned, eyebrows rising in indignation as she looked over at her daughter, hands now on her hips.
"No, that's alright, Jane, she can stay, she's your mother…" Jane looked at her with sad eyes, Maura bit her bottom lip before she continued, "You can tell her, she deserves to know since it will get around eventually."
"You sure?" Jane asked, taking a small step toward her.
"I'm sure, I don't want this getting in the way of your relationship with your mother."
Jane nodded, Angela's eyes moving between the two curiously.
"But if you don't mind I'd just rather not be here for it…I don't think I can handle talking about it right now."
"Maura…" Jane sighed, moving closer again, the doctor taking a step back toward the hallway, her casted hand raising, silently asking the detective to stop.
"I'm fine, Jane." She said, her voice hollow, "It was nice seeing you, Angela, have a good day."
"Nice seeing you too, Maura." She said, voice unsure as the woman turned and moved down the hall and after a few moments Jane moved after her.
"Maura." The detective called, stopping at the entrance of the hallway with a sigh, hand running through her hair as she turned to look at her mother.
"Is she alright?"
"I don't know…" Jane sighed, moving back into the living room and dropping onto the couch.
"What's going on, Janie?" Angela asked as she sat next to her daughter, worried eyes searching for the deep brown ones of her daughter.
"That's a long story…but to cut it short Maura was in an abusive relationship back in DC, she moved here a couple months ago to get away from him. He got out on bail a few days back and found her, started harassing her and Tuesday he attacked her in her home, I got there just in time but…it was bad, he was going to kill her."
Angela gasped, eyes moving to Jane's bedroom where Maura was, "poor thing…is that what the big commotion was about yesterday? Why the detectives were here from DC?"
"Yes, they're working the case. And that's also why Frankie is being so weird, he was at the house and sworn to secrecy, Maura doesn't want this getting out, understood? That means you can't tell anyone, not dad, not Carla, nobody, we can't have this gettin' out. Maura's important now, she's the new chief M.E. the papers would eat this up….people at the office would treat her differently, and she doesn't want that, I don't want that to happen, understood?"
"Of course, sweetie. Believe it or not but I can actually keep a secret."
Jane huffed out a laugh, "Sure, and the fact that all the moms on our street were congratulating me for becoming a woman when I got my period was just a coincidence?"
Angela rolled her eyes, "That's different, Janie."
"Right…" Jane rolled her eyes before she continued, "so now you know, and if you don't mind I'd like to go check on Maura so…goodbye, ma."
"Alright, goodnight, Janie…I swear I won't tell anyone, it isn't mine to share…she's not the first person I've met in this situation, Janie. I know how to keep people's secrets."
Jane sighed, running her hands through her hair again before meeting her ma's eyes, "Thanks, Ma."
Angela nodded, grabbing her purse from the cushion next to her, "You call if you girls need anything, alright?"
"Okay, drive safely, ma…"
Angela smiled patting her daughter's cheek, "Goodnight, Janie, go check on your girl."
Jane smiled up at her mom as she walked to the door, not bothering to correct the older woman.
When the door closed behind the older Rizzoli, Jane stood, moving to lock it before making her way toward her bedroom to check on Maura.
"Hey." Jane husked when she walked in the room, Maura laying back on the mattress holding the ice pack to her eye, A small smile stretching at the doctor's lips was the only thing that told the detective that Maura heard her.
Jane sighed, moving to the other side of the bed and dropping into it. She sucked in a breath as Maura suddenly turned, tucking herself around the detective's middle, her arm wrapping around Jane's hip as Maura buried her face in Jane's stomach, ice pack forgotten on the bed behind her.
Jane blinked down at the woman before her arm fell to run through Maura's hair, watching the orange hue of the setting sun dancing across freckled skin, casting shadows over the smaller woman's body.
"I hate him." The ME sniffled into Jane's stomach, her body trembling as tears slowly soaked into Jane's T-shirt.
Jane frowned down at the small woman, continuing to comb her fingers through Maura's hair to comfort her.
Maura sniffled, "Do you ever wonder what your life might have been like if you did things differently?" Her words muffled against Jane's stomach as she spoke.
Jane's hand paused, thinking over the question before she resumed, "Sometimes, I guess…like what might have happened if I stayed here instead of going to New York."
"If I stayed I never would have met Don…but then I also never would have trained with James…and maybe I'd still be together with Ari and that would mean she wouldn't be marrying Nikki and maybe you and I would never…maybe we'd never be this."
"I think we would have still met."
Maura smiled slightly against Jane's stomach, "does wishing one bad thing never happened, mean wishing all the great things couldn't too?"
Jane sighed as she brushed the hair from Maura's cheek, her eyes looking down at the black eye on the M.E's face, "Possibly…what has you so philosophical? I thought you didn't believe in 'what if's' and guesses?"
"I don't…" Maura answered, pushing up to lock eyes with the detective, "But I still wish I never met him…I know it won't magically come true, that suddenly the last year and a half of my life never happened but I still wish it didn't…but at the same time I don't think I would change it because it brought me you, do you understand what I mean?"
"Yeah, I do, I've wished you never met him too." Jane said, hand reaching out to caress her cheek, "But all we can do is keep moving forward, it's almost over, the trials soon and maybe he'll take a plea here…and if not well we'll make it through that as well, just one day at a time. We just gotta focus on us, on this, not him, you'll make it through this, Maura, I know it, and I know you."
Maura smiled, turning her head slightly to kiss the detective's wrist before she laid back down on the woman, "I can't imagine a world without you in it, Jane Rizzoli."
"I wouldn't wanna live in one without you in it, Maur."
The honey blonde sighed, relaxing into Jane as she continued combing her fingers through Maura's hair.
"Jane?" her voice trembled as she called out, eyes looking around the room as she heard faint voices flowing into the room.
She blinked as coloured walls turned white and personal items seemed to slip away leaving her on a single mattress in the middle of the room, her room back at her house.
"Jane!?" she called as she slowly moved from the bed, pausing as she noticed her cast was no longer on her arm, she moved faster opening the door only to find herself in the hallway of her old place, beige walls, and paintings hanging on the wall. The mirror on the wall stopping her in her tracks, her hair now back to the length it used to be and a silky grey negligee hanging from her shoulders by thin straps.
Her hands started shaking as she ran them across the wall until she got to the stairs, things morphing and shifting again making her pause as a figure approached, tall and dark, daunting as it towered over her, making her skin crawl.
Maura started backing away and then she was falling, falling, falling, then blackness was surrounding her until she landed solidly, her body bouncing on the mattress on the floor, eyes staring up at the white ceiling of her new house, the light flickering as the shadow started surrounding her again.
Maura sat up, shuffling away from the thing getting closer, her hands slipping from the back of the mattress, and her eyes looking behind her to see the once plain white wall covered in pictures, moments in time of Jane smiling and laughing, the images filling her with safety until that shadow loomed over again, a hand reaching out for her, grasping around her neck and stifling any scream that wanted to find its way out.
It lifted her up, her eyes dropped, looking down at the mattress that was now looking like a small piece of paper as she dangled in the air. Her hands wrapping tightly around the arm, holding tightly in fear of falling, in fear of dying.
A laugh filled the room, dark and twisted as it wrapped around her, the room growing dark until nothing was there but a faint ringing in her ears. The laugh slowly drifted off until she was back in Jane's room, back to the distant voices flowing to her, circling around her, twisting, pulling, gripping her heart and tugging until she was in the living room.
Jane
Maura stepped closer, hand reaching out to the woman sitting on the couch and then arms wrap around her, pulling her back, holding tightly, she screamed out but Jane didn't react, just kept talking watching TV.
She's whipped around, head spinning and ringing back in her ears as she saw Don's blue eyes dark and cold as they stared down at her, smirk twisted, evil as his hands ran up her sides before pinning her to the wall behind her, a wall white as snow, so bright it cast a light out, lighting Don's face as he stood close to her face.
"Please." She gasped, her hands flying out, trying to grab onto his arms as they move from her shoulders to around her neck, squeezing.
"Say goodbye, baby."
Tears fall from her eyes, dropping to the floor and plopping like they're falling into a puddle below, "Please…"
His smirk dropped, head tilting as he watched her.
Maura's hands move to wrap around his hands gripping her throat, scratching and pulling…everything goes black again.
Her eyes fly open, looking around the room, she tries to move but she's restrained, ropes bound tightly around her wrists. Maura looked frantically around the room, and then she sees her, like she just magically appeared in front of her, smiling a weak smile, hands twisting under her own restraints.
"Jane…"
"Hey, Maur, I was starting to think you might sleep through the whole thing."
"What's happening?"
"It's alright, it's all going to be alright, okay?"
Maura sniffled, scanning the room again, nothing but white walls surround them, "Where are we?"
Jane smiles at her, her hands wiggling in her ties trying to loosen them, "I don't know…but we're going to get out."
"You don't know that." Tears fall from her eyes, dropping onto her legs.
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes."
Just then Jane's ties come free and she stands, making her way across the room, running, hair flowing behind her and then she stops, suddenly, her hair whooshing, flying forward and she stares past Maura, eyes not blinking, face cold.
"Jane?"
"Do you trust me?" Jane asks again, eyes locking with Maura's.
"I already told you I do."
"Then run."
"I can't I'm –" but she's standing, her hands free and the white room seeming to shimmer as Jane smiles at her, tears sparkling in deep brown eyes.
"Run, Maur."
"What about you?"
"I'll be fine, go now, Maura."
And with one more reassuring yet broken smile from Jane she does as told, she runs and runs until she bursts out a white door, everything shining brightly and then she's standing in the middle of a forest, heart beating rapidly as voices call out around her, swirling.
"Maura…"
"You can't leave me."
"No one will ever love you."
"You're worthless."
"Baby, I'm sorry."
"You're a waste of space! Even your parents didn't want you!"
"Maura."
"OPEN THE DOOR!"
"It won't happen again, I promise."
"Maura."
She spun around, words hitting her like fists, like blades cutting through her skin and twisting.
"Maura the Bora." Young voices taunted.
"Freak."
"Queen of the dead." A voice whispered.
"Bitch!" Her body jolted as if she'd been punched.
"Maura…" this voice soft, the only one soft as it keeps calling her name but it gets drowned out by insults, pulling her this way and that until she collapses to the floor.
"No one will ever love a freak like you."
"Maur."
"Don't you ever speak to me like that again!"
"Just kill yourself."
"You have no one, you're all alone, baby. All you have is me."
She sobbed, hands moving to cover her ears, to stop the words from cutting into her.
"Maura."
"I love you, Maur."
Hands suddenly gripped onto her shoulders and she leaps away letting out a scream in terror and then she saw it, saw her, chocolate eyes filled with love, and unruly raven hair flowing around her.
"Trust me," Jane whispered just as everything started melting away again, Maura's hand reaching out and grabbing onto Jane's as she drifted away.
Maura's eyes flung open, worried brown eyes looking down at her, the detectives tangled locks falling around her face like a curtain. Maura reached out, twisting a ringlet around her finger as Jane just watched her with worried eyes, eyes flickering all over her face.
"Maur…"
Maura smiled sadly, sitting up and wrapping her arms around Jane and holding onto her tightly as Jane reciprocated the hug, arms gentle and comforting as they wrapped around her, encircling her waist and just being. It felt like safety and home, loving and tender, like a shield protecting her from the world, keeping her safe from all the voices, all her fears…
Maura sat at the breakfast bar, watching Jane as she moved around the kitchen, she was clumsy and fluid at the same time, perfectly imperfect in the best way possible as she fumbled with a spoon while she still somehow poured the sauce into the pan without spilling a drop.
Maura smiled, her eyes sparkling as a small chuckle left her mouth, Jane turned to send a glare, although failing as her eyes crinkled and a smile twitched on her lips.
"I never said I was any good at this."
"I know," Maura smirked as Jane added another layer of noodles to the lasagne.
"Why couldn't we just order in again? That seems to be working pretty well for us." Jane whined as she bumped a pot on the stove grimacing as it clanged loudly, "Sorry."
Maura chuckled again, "Because we're going to get fat if we eat delivery every day."
"We can workout?"
Maura rolled her eyes, smiling at the detective as she sprinkled a layer of cheese over the dish, "Did Korsak call about any updates on the case?"
Jane shook her head, eyes narrowing as she set the timer on the stove, "I really hope I'm getting this right or we're gonna get a visit from the fire department and end up sleeping in the morgue…or worse, my parents' house."
Maura rolled her eyes again at the look of over exaggerated horror on the other woman's face, "Don't be so mellow dramatic, Jane, it'll be fine…anyway, I think our senses will pick up on the smell of burning food before the house catches fire."
"Mhmm." Jane said as she wiped her hands on her jeans, "My question is, why lasagne, why not mac & cheese, or spaghetti?"
Maura smirked, the detective moving to lean on the counter in front of Maura, their faces close together.
"I know, it was my idea, you suggested something simpler but I wanted to be crazy." Jane's hand gestured nonchalantly before letting it drop palm down on the counter top once again.
Maura dropped her hand on Jane's caressing the olive toned skin, "The times right, Jane." Maura reassured, squeezing the detectives hand before Jane laced their fingers together as she let out a hum in acknowledgment.
"How about we go sit down while this thing cooks?"
Maura nodded, sliding her hand from Jane's before she moved into the living room and dropped onto the couch. Pulling her legs up and tucking them under her as Jane sat next to her, Maura falling into her side while Jane flicked on the TV, turning on some random rerun of an old sitcom that Maura only vaguely recognized.
Maura opened her eyes Saturday morning to the sun streaming through the cracks in the curtain, Jane's faint snoring filling the room and the comforting feeling of her arm draped over Maura's waist causing an easy feeling to settle the anxiety weighing heavily in her chest. Maura took a deep breath, her eyes falling to the ceiling before she rolled herself from under Jane's arm and headed toward the bathroom.
They took the day off again yesterday but now Maura had every intention of going into work, everyone from DC had headed back home, her case here in Boston was closed and she was just ready to get back to work, to live life normally and not in fear.
Maura exited the bathroom just as the alarm went off, watching with a slight smile as the detective's arm flung out silencing the device, a groan leaving thin lips as Jane flopped back onto her stomach. It wasn't long until Jane started running her hand across the bed in search of Maura, her head turning and her eyes fluttering open at the sound of Maura's chuckle.
A sleepy grin spread across strong features as Jane took in Maura as she stood in the doorway, her hair mussed from sleep and hazel eyes sparkling with mirth.
"Morning." Jane yawned, sitting up in bed.
"Good morning, Jane," Maura answered back before she pushed off the door frame and made her way further into the room to start looking for what to wear.
Maura could feel anxiety starting to swirl around her belly but she pushed it down as she pulled clothes from her suitcase like she used to just weeks earlier.
Her hands gripped the soft fabric of a forest green blouse, Jane's hands moving to wrap securely around hers causing Maura to look up into caring brown eyes, a gentle smile on sleepy features.
"You okay?"
Maura nodded, a grateful smile curling the corner of her lips before she stepped away, moving into the bathroom to finish getting ready, Jane looking after her with worried eyes and a frown now curling her lips.
Before Maura knew it, it was Tuesday and the funk she was in still had yet to pass, the anxiety now a death grip around her organs and she's woken up from nightmares nearly twice a night…at least for the first couple days and now, now she just stayed up after the first, not bothering to fall back into restless sleep, to dreams that have her gasping for air when she wakes up, hands holding her own throat….one night she even thrashed around, knocking the wind out of Jane and leaving bruises on her own pale skin…scratches marring her neck and chest, unconsciously clawing at herself to free herself from a hold that wasn't really there.
Jane watched over her with worry, most nights wrapping herself around the doctor trying to calm sobs and push away the anxiety that seemed to make Maura shake and quiver. The house was spotless….Maura's office so neat and straight, not one pen or piece of paper out of place, it worried Jane who was the only one who knew this is a little off considering on more than one occasion she'd seen files and papers placed about as Maura worked on a case, or updated files, but not even with the trouble they'd had with their recent case everything was in perfect order…too perfect.
Kit had also started to worry, recognizing the state of unease easily as hands constantly fiddled and eyes dashed around the room anxiously, which is why the teen stood in front of the doctors desk for at least the third time in the short hours she's been at work that she watched Maura organize the items on her desk, her anxious mind looking for something to do, anything to keep it away from the nightmares, from the memories...memories of hands gripping her throat and pulling at her body that had Maura running her hands over those parts to reassure herself that it wasn't real, that it was her mind, her very tired and anxious mind.
"Maura?"
Maura looked up from the pens she was fiddling with and meeting bright green eyes, "Yes, Kit?"
"Come to the meeting tonight, I think it could help."
Maura frowned at her, "I'm fine, Jane's helping, it's just a few setbacks but I'm fine."
Kit sighed, running her hand through violet hair, "I have no doubt Jane's helping out but she doesn't understand everything, not like we do, so please, Maura, come. I really think it'll be good for you to be around people who understand, where you can talk about everything that's been bothering you…stuff you can't tell Jane."
Maura frowned, hand reaching up to her throat, feeling the scratches at the side of her neck and remembering waking up to Jane grabbing hold of her hands and staring down at her with worried and frightened eyes.
"Maura…"
Her eyes refocused on Kit's, Maura nodding slowly as she realized the young girl may have a point, "okay."
"Good, this'll be good, I promise," Kit smiled, "after what happened with Josh I found it hard to go as well but with time it got easier…and when I found myself back in that dark place after so long being good, group helped, it helps, Maura, it's so great to have people that understand you, to look around a room and not feel out of place, to not feel judged."
Maura smiled softly, nodding once again, "thank you, Kit."
The teen nodded, taking a step backward toward the closed door, "I gotta deliver some files from the lab, I'll see you later, Doc."
"Wait, Kit! Could you take this up to Detective Crowe?"
Kit turned, eyes falling to the folder held out to her and nodded, "sure thing, doc."
"Thank you," Maura said as Kit took the file and made her way out the door, heading through the doors toward the lab, avoiding the morgue like her mom wanted…which means, no, Kit never told her mom about delivering a note in the middle of an autopsy, she'll save that for when she's graduated and explaining to her mom why she wants to be an M.E. and not some heart surgeon or whatever (not that heart surgeons aren't badass or anything, she's just realized Maura's got this thing figured out, and well, why can't her safe place also be where she works the rest of her life? She's sure other morgues will also feel just as safe.)
Her hands gripped tightly around a mug, the warm porcelain was the only thing keeping her together as she listened to her mother talk happily with Don about his work and her next installation, making hints about marriage that made Maura's blood run cold and a sense of dread seep into her bones.
"Are you alright, darling?"
Maura started nodding numbly, her attention focused on Don as he shot her a warning look, his jaw tightening in anger.
"Are you sure? You're looking rather pale, Maura."
She nodded again, hands gripping the mug tighter, "yes, I'm fine, mother, just a headache," she removed her hands from the mug, placing them on the marble counter top as she slowly pushed herself away from the table, forced smile faltering as she spoke, "Excuse me, I've got to use the restroom."
Her mother nodded but Don eyed her warningly as she moved through the house on unsteady legs, pausing to brace herself against the wall as the room spun around her, her head pulsing from the headache she's had for the last few days.
"What is wrong with you?"
Maura jumped when she heard the man hiss into her ear, spinning around quickly to face him and taking three cautionary steps back, "I-I'm sorry…"
"Get back in there and behave yourself."
She nodded, biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself together as his hand gripped her arm and tugged her closer before that arm wrapped around her, fingers digging into the barely healed flesh at her side, a small whimper escaping her mouth.
"Maura?"
The doctor startled, eyes shooting up to find Jane looking down at her worriedly from where she now stood in front of her desk.
"I'm sorry, I zoned out."
Jane smiled weakly, her eyes scanning vacant hazel eyes and the way her breathing faltered, "Flashback?"
Lost eyes became sad before Maura let them drop to the paperwork in front of her.
Jane sighed, her boots clomping noticeably on the tiled floor as she rounded the desk and placed a gentle hand on Maura's shoulder.
The doctor let out a sigh as she let herself go, her head falling to rest against Jane's abdomen and within moments Jane's arms were wrapped protectively around her, fingers combing through honey blonde hair.
She let out a content sigh and after a few moments Maura pulled back, smiling gratefully up at Jane, "so why'd you come down here?"
"To get the paperwork on Agnus Perkins, the jumper."
Maura nodded before she reached out to look through her files, handing the autopsy report to the detective, "I've released her body to the family, I there was nothing that pointed to foul play."
"Yeah…she left a suicide note at her place." Maura nodded sadly, Jane nudging the doctor with her hip, "meet me upstairs after work? Maybe we could go out someplace for dinner?"
Maura's smile grew slightly, as she watched the detective rock on her heels before her smile dropped slightly, "I'd love too, but I promised Kit I'd go to group tonight."
"Oh! That's great, it'll be great! I can drive you and pick you up if you like?"
"That's not necessary, Jane, I can take a cab."
"It's no problem, I can pick us up something to eat on the way there."
Maura sighed, "alright, but not pizza."
Jane gasped over-dramatically, hand over her heart, making Maura roll her eyes as a low chuckle rumbled in her belly.
"Why don't you pick something up from Petruccelli's?"
"Alright, hand over your credit card then, cause I don't have that kind of money in my account."
Maura laughed once again, as Jane held out a hand in front of Maura, a smirk plastered on her face.
"I don't know if you can be trusted with it, detective."
"I promise to share the yacht with you."
Maura blinked up at her before she noticed the smirk on Jane's face and the twinkle in her eyes which caused her to roll hers, "ask me again when we're leaving, maybe I'll change my mind and want pizza."
"Okay, see ya, Maur, meet me upstairs when it's time to go, Kay?"
"Alright, good luck with the paperwork."
"You too." Jane smirked, bending down and placing a kiss to the crown of Maura's head before stepping back and heading toward the office door.
"Maura?" Jane's brows furrowed when she walked into the crime scene to find her friend kneeling over the body.
Maura turned to look at her, a smile gracing her features, "Hello to you too, Jane."
"Hey, I wasn't expecting you here."
"Yes, well I still have some time before my meeting so I thought I'd evaluate Ms. Tisdale over here."
"So what've we got?"
Maura shook her head at the detective, eyes falling back to the body on the floor of the loft just as Jane knelt across from her, "Elizabeth Tisdale, 23 years old, a single gunshot wound to her chest, no obvious defensive wounds, but there appears to be some type of substance under her fingernails, I'll know more once we get her back to the lab."
Jane looked down at the young woman lying at their feet before she stood, eyes scanning the apartment, "She live alone?"
"Yeah, looks like no boyfriend either," Korsak spoke, picking up a family photo from the mantle.
Jane hummed, walking around the apartment, picking up a group photo amongst the others, "family?"
"Mother and two siblings." Maura said from where she stood by the body, "My first place looked a lot like this."
Jane turned to look at her, "Oh yeah? I would've figured you'd have something fancier?"
"It was part of my artsy stage, also Ari helped pick it out. There was something so intriguing about an open space loft, although my parents hated it."
Jane chuckled, "Now that I believe. How much do you think a place like this costs?"
Maura looked around the place, "About five hundred thousand, give or take."
Jane let out a low whistle, "So she's got money, or her mother bought her the place."
Just then they heard a gasp, all of them turning to look at the door of the apartment, a uniform restraining a young girl as she tried to rush into the suite.
"Or a roommate," Jane mumbled, sending a glare to her partner who shrugged, both moving to the young girl. "Miss, may I ask how you know Elizabeth?"
"She's my best friend! We were supposed to meet to go see a movie, I got worried when she didn't show up, what happened!?"
Jane ushered the young woman over, turning her so she was no longer facing the body, "Can I get your name?"
"Miranda, Miranda Keller."
Jane nodded, writing down the information as she asked, "Do you know of anyone who would want to harm your friend?"
"No, no…Everyone loves Lizzie, loved…I just talked to her this morning! How could this happen!? Oh, god…this will kill her family."
Jane rested a comforting hand on Miranda's arm, "I'm so sorry for your loss, I know how hard this must be."
The girl looked up at her with tear-filled eyes, "Catch who did this, Detective."
"I promise we will do everything we can to try and catch this guy."
Miranda nodded, "How am I gonna tell her family?"
"Don't worry, we'll handle that, okay?" She nodded once more and Jane squeezed her shoulder as she spoke, "Why don't you go with this officer and he'll take you home."
"Okay." She said, looking back at her friend laying on the floor, "She was working on a big story for her blog, I don't know what it was about but she said it was big, that it would put her on the map."
"Okay, we'll look into that, if you think of anything else, here's my card," Jane held out the piece of paper and smiled reassuringly as the young girl took it, "call me anytime."
"Okay." She nodded once more before letting the officer escorted her out of the building.
"Jane?"
The detective spun around to look at Maura, "Yeah, Maur?"
"I found this on her, it might be important."
Jane nodded stepping forward to take the piece of folded up paper Maura was holding out for her, "Thanks, Maur…"
The doctor smiled at her friend before turning to address CSU, "photograph the body before we move her."
A tech nodded before she approached, snapping photos of the vic as another one called out announcing that he found Lizzie's computer hidden under her pillows.
Jane was gone in a flash, Maura smiling after her as she crouched down next to the victim once again, gloved hand gently lifting the young girls right hand as a tech slipped a bag over it, not paying any mind as Maura whispered to the young victim, "Rest well, Lizzie." And with that she stood, signaling for the Morgue techs to bag the body, stuffing her gloves in a bag held out to her by one tech before she bent down to collect her bag,
"I'll see you back at the station, Jane, if you can't give me a ride to my meeting please let me know and I'll call myself a taxi."
Jane turned, looking over at Maura, "I'm driving you, got an alarm set on my phone and everything."
Maura smiled, "Alright, I'll see you then. Good day, detectives."
"See ya, Doc!" Korsak called from where he stood looking through some files.
Maura glanced over at the slightly nauseated apartment manager while an officer spoke with him.
"Have a safe trip, Doctor Isles." An officer said as he held up the tape for her to duck under.
"Thank you, Ramirez."
When Maura entered the Homicide bullpen a couple hours later she looked around the room, a murder board already started just off to the side. When she looked closer she spotted Jane and Korsak huddled around a young uniformed officer in the B.R.I.C and as she approached the open door she noticed how uneasy the young man looked with the two detectives peering over his shoulder while he tried to hack into the files on the victim's computer.
"Good evening, Detectives."
"Hey, Maur, time to go?" she asked, not looking up from the computer.
"Hey, doc." Korsak flashed her a smile, stepping away from the young man and dropping into a chair next to him.
"Yes." Maura answered Jane before turning to Detective Korsak, smiling back as she asked, "How's the investigation going?"
"It's going, Jane's friend here is trying to hack into her files, and hopefully we'll find what she was working on and if it got her killed."
Maura nodded, eyes falling on the uniform as he turned to look at her, "Doctor Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner."
The young man flashed a charming grin, "I know, I've seen you around, and well the big spread in the paper about you last week." He chuckled awkwardly, glancing at Jane before sticking out his hand, "Officer Barry Frost, I work with Frankie."
"Nice to meet you." Maura said shaking the officer's hand, "Jane?"
"Right, just gotta grab my things." She stepped away from Officer Frost finally, the young man releasing a breath, "Be right back." Jane flashed the doctor a smile as she dashed out of the room."
"So Doc, any idea when Ms. Tisdale will be up for her autopsy?"
"She's booked for first thing tomorrow morning."
"Thanks, Doc."
Maura nodded as Jane came back, "Okay, ready. I'll see you tomorrow, Korsak."
"Have a good night, Rizzoli, Doc."
"Thanks."
"Goodnight, Detective." Maura grinned, "You too, officer."
And with that, the two women left, Jane's hand on the small of Maura's back as she led them toward the elevators.
"So, you decide on dinner yet?" Jane asked as soon as the elevator doors closed.
Maura laughed, turning to look at the taller woman as she reached into her purse and held out a hundred dollar bill, "You think that'll be enough, detective?"
Jane smirked as she took the bill from her friend, "I believe so, doctor."
"Get me their Fettuccini Alfredo, alright?"
"Gotcha." Jane grinned moving through the doors, and making their way through the lobby to where Jane's cruiser was parked out front.
"Thanks for the ride." Maura said as soon as they parked in front of the women's shelter.
"No problem, Maur. You want me to walk you in?"
"No, I'll be fine, I'll see you in an hour, okay?"
Jane nodded, reaching a hand out and laying it over Maura's casted hand, gripping her fingers lightly, "if you need anything or it's too much give me a call and I'll come get you right away."
Maura smiled, reaching over with her right hand to take the detectives, squeezing it in gratitude, "Thank you, but I'll be fine, Jane."
Jane nodded, smiling at her as Maura brought Jane's hand to her mouth and placed a chaste kiss on it. "I'll see you in an hour, don't do anything crazy, alright?"
Jane breathed out a chuckle, nodding as Maura let her hand go, "I promise not to rob any banks."
"Good, I'd hate to have to visit you in prison."
Jane laughed at the serious look on her friends face, "and I'd hate to be in prison."
Maura smiled as she opened up the car door before stepping out into the cold, "See you, detective."
Jane smiled as the door shut, watching Maura as she walked the short distance to the front doors and didn't drive away until she saw that she was safely inside.
"Welcome back, Maura." Tammy smiled at her as Maura moved to take a seat next to Kit in the small group. "Well, that looks like everyone, who would like to start us off?"
A woman with dark skin at the far side of the circle raised her hand, "Alright, Sara will begin."
A few women spoke, Maura listening quietly until her eyes fell on Kit's fidgeting hands, and like she realized Maura noticed her the young girl looked over, flashing a smile before she raised her hand.
"Kit?" Tammy asked when she saw the teen's hand shoot up.
"Josh gets out in a few months." Kit began, her eyes dropping to her lap, "I know it's been two years and I've come a long way but how's that all going to change when he's back on the street?" Kit sighed, looking up again, "I was 14 when it happened…I should've known it was bad news dating an older boy but he made me feel special, pretty…he was the most popular boy in school and I was the shy freshman with a sister that was bigger than life, I just wanted to be noticed and he noticed me, y'know? I was so stupid to think he actually loved me…he only started dating me cause he figured I'd be easy to control…I mean what 18-year-old star football player would ever wanna date a freshman?" she pushed her hair back from her face, "sometimes I think I'm more mad at myself than I am at him…"
Maura looked at her, voice quiet as she asked, "What happened?"
Kit shrugged, "We were dating for basically the whole school year. It wasn't until we'd been seeing each other for a few months that it started, he just started getting so jealous out of the blue, he put his fist through the wall next to my head one afternoon after he saw me talking to my lab partner between break…I'd never seen him like that and of course he apologized right away and I forgave him, he was always so sweet and funny, I just thought it meant he loved me that he got so jealous." She looked over at Maura sadly,
"But it kept getting worse, he basically wanted a girlfriend to worship the ground he walked on, he figured since I was so much younger I'd give that to him but I was never a big fan of sports...so one day I missed his game to go to an art show I was a part of and when we met up later that night he hit me, I was so scared, he'd never done it before, I thought I deserved it, that it was my fault and I should have known how important that game was for him. After that night he started hitting me more, yelling, telling me I was ugly and worthless and I started believing him so I became bulimic to try and be what he wanted and then my self-hatred turned to cutting." She self-consciously pulled down the sleeves of her shirt, "then one night over the summer we went to a party, he wanted to have sex, he thought that since I was his girlfriend I owed him it, he said he'd waited long enough for me to be ready and…" Kit's lip wobbled slightly, her hands curling into fists in her lap and her eyes dropping as they filled with tears,
"He raped me and then when he was done with me he drove me home…I hadn't realized how bad I must have looked. When I walked in the door any lecture my parents had for me about missing curfew died on their lips, my mom stared at me from where she sat in the living room with this worried look and my dad asked with a shaking voice what had happened….I still remember that moment like it was yesterday but that might also be because they haven't really stopped looking at me like that since."
Kit sighed, hands uncurling and shaking as she ran them over her lap anxiously, "I told them everything. My parents took me to the hospital that night, and we filed charges against him…it was so hard, all the tests and having to tell my story over and over, I became suicidal, I just wanted to die, I didn't think I was worth anything anyway, who'd miss me? My mom was pregnant with my little brother, my dad was always working and my sister was just your typical 16-year-old girl….it wasn't until I tried to kill myself that my parents made me start coming here."
Maura reached out her hand, silently resting it on Kit's, the young girl looking up at her with a tear filled smile.
"That day you came to my school you changed everything, I was sure my parents were going to ground me for life, that I was going to get expelled from school but you offered me this internship, you gave me a place to call home, where I could feel safe, and I'm so grateful for that, Maura." Kit's voice dropped, the last of it meant only for Maura's ears.
Maura smiled at the girl before Kit crashed into her, wrapping her arms around her in a grateful hug, "It's because of you that I know what I wanna do when I grow up…I want to be just like you."
Tears filled Maura's eyes as her arms circled the young girl, holding her against her in a secure hug, "You're always welcome in my lab, Kit."
Kit nodded against her shoulder before pulling away, wiping at her eyes as she smiled awkwardly up at her mentor.
The group was silent for a bit, new members tearing up as they heard the girl's story for the first time while ones who have been there for the young girl's recovery smiled at Kit's progress.
"Okay, who'd like to speak next?"
"I would." Maura spoke up, smiling at the young girl before turning toward the group, "Last week…" she cleared her throat when it constricted slightly, "Last week Don skipped bail and started harassing me…he then broke into my house…" Maura's hand moved up to her throat, fingers grazing over the scratch marks she had left on her own skin,
"He tried to kill me….to-to rape me…" Maura shook her head at herself, "I've been trying to move past it, pretend it didn't happen but it's been hard, I've started to regress back to how I was two months ago, every morning when I look in the mirror I'm reminded of what happened, I haven't gone back to my house since that night, I've been living with my friend, Jane." Maura smiled slightly at the mention of her name, "And it hasn't been horrible, I mean we were basically living at my place before it happened but my nightmares have started getting bad again, I've…I woke up a few nights ago Jane had my hands pinned to my chest and she was looking at me with frightened eyes, tears welled in them as she let my hands go, moving away from me as she explained that she woke up to me screaming and kicking and when she looked over I was clutching at my throat…" Maura moved her hair out of the way to show the small scratch marks on her neck, "I clawed at myself thinking Don was actually strangling me when it was only a dream…every night since he attacked me I've woken up from a nightmare, I haven't had a proper nights sleep in days, and neither has Jane…"
Maura's hand fell back to her lap, "She says it's okay, that she understands and…it's just I kicked and hit her the other night, I…I hurt the woman I care for and that's the last thing I ever wanted to do." Maura's eyes filled with tears, "Since I met her Jane's been so great, and now I wake her up at least once a night and I've hurt her…she doesn't want to admit it but I can see how tired she is as well, I've stopped going to sleep after the first nightmare…I just go into the living room and make myself busy, leaving her to sleep…most nights it's only hours before we have to go into work…I just keep thinking back to the bruise I left on her thigh and to her scared eyes as she looked down at me, trying to protect me from myself."
"How'd he find you?" a woman spoke up and Maura looked up at her before she answered.
"They think it was from an article in the paper that was released the day before he contacted me…it announced my promotion and they think someone told him about it and he came to Boston to get back at me for charging him…but the detectives working my case are still looking into how he got my new number."
"You love this Jane?"
"Yes, very much," Maura answered right away, not having to think about it anymore, she knew she loved the crass detective.
"Then I think she was telling you the truth when she said it was alright, most people would be gone already not be letting em live in their place."
"Ay! I know where I've seen you! You're the new Chief Medical Examiner for Massachusetts, right? They did a massive spread in the paper about you last week."
Maura smiled at the woman who just spoke, tattoos running up her arms and disappearing under her shirt, jet black hair curling down past her shoulder while the other side of her head was shaved, revealing tattoos running up her neck. "Yes, that would be the article I mentioned."
The woman grinned, "You got an impressive resume, Doc, glad to see a woman running the office instead of an entitled old white man."
Maura smiled at her, "Thank you, but my predecessor was a great man, I'm sad to see him retiring, although I am also happy to have gotten the job, it's an honour to speak for the victims."
The woman smirked, "Very political response, looks like you're definitely ready for the job."
"Okay, ladies," Tammy interjected, "how about we focus, we only have so much time before the meetings over."
The tattooed woman leaned back in her chair with a nod, Tammy smiling at her before turning to Maura, "Is there anything else you would like to share today, Honey?"
Maura looked over at her, eyes sad, "what if I never get better? If I'm never ready to be with Jane the way I want to be…the way she wants us to be?"
"If she really cares she'll wait until you're ready, Maura. It does get easier, you won't ever be the same but you will get better, it'll get easier and soon you're nightmares will basically disappear…it won't happen overnight and I can't promise you'll never have a bad day but it gets easier, you just gotta keep working at it."
Maura nodded, eyes falling to look at her hands, the grass from Jane's drawing on her cast peeking out from under her sleeve and bringing a slight smile to her face.
"Alright, we've got time for at least two more, who'd like to share next?"
Jane was sitting in the waiting area waiting for their food when her phone started ringing, looking at the Washington, D.C. area code she answered the phone with furrowed brows, "Detective Rizzoli…" She answered, her confusion evident in her voice.
"Jane, it's Alice, you told me to update you if we ever found out how Don got Maura's number."
"Oh, Hey, so what'd you find out?"
"Turns out there was a leak at the D.A's office, her assistant left Maura's number out and well his lawyer was in visiting with Montgomery and the man's assistant saw it and gave it to Don…said he was promised a large sum when Don got out…"
"Of course…" Jane huffed, "Thanks, Alice, looks like Maura's gonna change her number again though, she doesn't want him trying to contact her from jail or anything…too bad she can't change the office number though."
"We got Montgomery to file for a TRO of sorts, he's to have no contact with Maura if he contacts her or tries to extra time will be put on his sentence."
"Well, that's a little refreshing to know." Jane smiled, glancing over at the kitchen to see if anyone was coming out with their food yet.
"Is Maura with you?"
"No, she's at a meeting at the women's shelter…I'm just pickin' us up dinner."
"Okay, um do you mind telling her to call me or Aaron tomorrow? We've got to go over a few things about the trial, looks like they're finally settling on a trial date."
Jane nodded, "Alright, can you tell me when that is or?"
"Sometime before Christmas…so in about a week or so, I should have a date by tomorrow, Montgomery is just dealing with a few things and would like to talk to Maura about what happened over there…also she wants to know if you would like to testify as a witness of the abuse, I told her you would but she wants me to ask anyway."
Jane chuckled slightly, "I had every intention of testifying, either during the trial or at his sentencing hearing."
Alice laughed as well, "I figured. Alright, I'll let you go, I got a little boy to get home and read a bedtime story to."
Jane smiled, "Alright, goodnight, speak to you soon."
"See ya," Alice said before the line went dead.
Jane let out a long sigh running her hands through her hair before leaning on her knees, hands holding up her head.
"Rizzoli?"
Jane's head shot up, making eye contact with the young man standing by the kitchen, a to-go bag in his hand. "Yeah, that's me."
"Here you go, one fettuccini alfredo, one eggplant parm, a side salad, and two slices of chocolate cake."
Jane smiled taking the large bag from the boy, "Thanks, here's the money, keep the change."
"Uh, thank you, Miss, have a nice day."
Jane smiled before she turned and walked out, glancing down at her watch as she put the food on the front seat of her car, five minutes until 8, just in time to go get Maura.
Jane pulled up outside the shelter just as a group of women exited the doors, breaking off from each other as they moved down the snow-dusted streets, Jane's eyes finding Maura as she stood on the sidewalk staring up at the sky with Kit standing by her, the teen bouncing on her feet as she looked around the area.
Jane just watched the woman she had fallen for, her reddish hair dusted with white flakes, and her pale cheeks and nose tinted pink from the cold, and Maura's hands buried deep in the pockets of her jacket. She could see Kit's lips moving before a smile stretched across the doctor's pink lips, her focus moving from the sky toward Jane, and she pulled her hand from her pocket waving at the detective as she moved toward the cruiser, Kit following behind her.
"Hey," Jane said as Maura opened up the passenger door, eyes falling on the food as Jane moved it off the seat to make room for her friend.
"Hi, do you mind waiting until Kit's ride gets here?"
"Not at all," Jane said smiling at the teen, "Why don't you get in and keep warm until then?"
"Thank you." Kit grinned and pulled open the back door slipping in and sighing as she was enveloped in warmth. "Looks like it finally decided to snow."
"Yes, took it long enough." Jane laughed leaning forward in her seat to stare up at the falling flakes.
Maura smiled, her chest feeling a little lighter as she watched Jane, childlike wonder gracing her features.
After a few moments Jane let out a sigh and turned to look at Maura, "So how was group?"
"Aight." Kit answered as she leaned against the seats, eyes looking here and there every few seconds to see if she could spot her parents' minivan.
"It went as well as expected, I do feel a bit better after sharing."
"That's great, Maur."
"Oh! That's my ride!" Kit exclaimed as she saw the van pull up in front of them.
"Okay, hold up, Kit I gotta come let you out." Jane said as she pushed open her own door and jogged around the cruiser to let her out, "we'll see you tomorrow."
"Goodnight!" Kit grinned at them both waving back at them before she jogged toward the van.
"Home?" Jane asked Maura as soon as she got back in the car, their dinner now placed on the floor between Maura's feet.
"Yes," was all Maura said before Jane put the car into gear and pulled away from the curb.
Maura's eye's moving to gaze out the window as the snow slowly covered the Boston streets.