"Realizations"
By Isis
Chapter 25

"Protesters and a mob of people have gathered outside the courthouse as you can see behind me. Signs and banners have been hung denouncing the four members of a group that just over two months ago made an attempt on the Vice Foreign Minister, Relena Darlian during a television interview. Frederic Toloma, the man supposedly responsible for leading the terrorist group, is the last to see his arrangement hearing due to the injuries sustained to him during the struggle. He is expected to make a guilty plea as the rest of the group did."

"And he'll make a speech with it," Relena corrected the newscaster as she closed the feed on her laptop. "Heero, I can't refute this if I don't understand why they did it," she added

Eyeing him standing on the opposite side of the room she felt very secluded from him. He had been flatly negating every effort she made to be allowed to speak with at least one of the group that had threatened her on that television set. She understood that it wasn't exactly the type of request most protectors wanted to hear from their charge, but she had hoped that he would understand the desire in her personally.

"No."

Or maybe not. "What danger would I possibly be in?" she tried again, keeping her voice gently prodding instead of throwing the tantrum she felt like. "The warden has already said he would allow a supervised meeting and you can be right there next to me."

Heero turned from his scrutiny of the photos on the fireplace mantle of her father's den, meeting her eyes darkly a moment before she cringed despite her best efforts not to. Relena shouldn't have brought that up again. He had not been pleased when she went behind his back to request the audience on her own.

Not pleased at all.

"He's a known enemy," came the rebuttal.

The man was sometimes infuriately calm. "He's a known enemy that's behind bars."

"We don't know what else he could be capable of."

"No, we'd have to talk to him to find that out," she ground out in frustration before turning back to the desk. "I'm not going to hide from this."

"You're clouding your judgment."

Her judgment? Spinning around Relena stalked towards him, tired of this. "What are you so afraid of?" she finally asked, not nearly as gently as she would have liked. Coming up to his side she stopped and watched him as he refused to look at her. "Heero, these people have willingly decided that pleading guilty is the best way to make a statement again myself, the ideals of pacifism, and the world order in general. And I don't understand why."

Turning his eyes to look sideways at her, he only seemed to scrutinize her a moment.

Searching his eyes she wanted to find something, anything, to give her a clue what he was thinking. He couldn't just be worried about her, could he? It didn't make sense; there was no discernable danger. "I don't understand you," she quietly challenged him with a worried look of her own.

Closing his eyes, he turned away from her again, thinking maybe.

Relena didn't bother to wait. Stepping around to face him directly she stood proudly in front of him, wishing she understood his mentality better. "I need to do this, Heero. Please don't just close me out," she quietly resorted to pleading with him.

Reopening his eyes, he looked into hers, unemotional and contemplating. It had been a while since she'd seen that out of him, but she stood in front of him and waited. She wouldn't do this without him, although she supposed she could. Her love for him was even greater than her respect for him.

And she didn't want to do it alone anyway.

"You're not going to find what you expect," he finally said.

Blinking, Relena was a little taken aback by the switch in sentiment. "What do you mean?"

Uncrossing his arms he stepped up to her and touched her cheek, looking down at her. His only answer was the soft set of his eyes and the motion of his thumb tracing her cheekbone.

"Frederic Toloma was sentenced just this morning for attempted kidnapping, two counts of assaulting of an officer with a deadly weapon, and promoting insurrection. He has been declared an enemy of the peace and will be forced serve a life sentence. Following this decision, a statement was released from the Water County Correctional Institute that Mr. Toloma will receive a guest before he is moved to his permanent place of incarceration. Vice Foreign Minister Darlian, the woman Toloma and his group attempted to kidnap almost three months ago, has been allowed her request to speak with the leader of the group. There has been no report from the Foreign Affairs Department as to what Miss Darlian will say to her would-be assailant."

"What?" Melton Pearl snapped, tearing his glasses off his nose as they stared at the television screen.

"What does that poor girl think she's going to accomplish by going to see that dreadful man?" his wife mumbled from her usual recliner, a cup of tea still in hand.

"Brilliant."

Melton turned to see his nephew in the doorway, his eyes fixed on the screen. "What's so damned brilliant about that?"

"A meeting. A trade of forgiveness-es. A servant of the people visiting her lost sheep."

The elder Pearl sighed and turned a grumble back to his wife instead, "I hate when he does this."

"It's his mother's side," she refuted, sipping at her cup.

Relena sucked down a deep breath before she nodded for Heero to open the door. Getting out of the car ahead of her he offered her a hand to help her out, which she took readily. She wore a simple pair of slacks and a cream, silk blouse, something casual, but it would stand out amid the brightly colored jumpsuits.

Heero pushed her past the flood of reporters, taking the lead position for once and silently scurrying the people out of the way with what Relena was going to assume was his best glare.

He wasn't in a good mood.

The others followed behind, watchful of the surrounding crowds. Relena didn't care. She'd already made the statement that her conversation would be private and that she would not be reporting to the media. This could have been a lot easier if this place hadn't leaked that she was coming.

Another fact that Heero was not thrilled about.

At the gate they were let through immediately. Once inside the inner offices her officers were relieved of their weapons even though they were licensed, and then allowed to pass into the facility beyond. Andrew and Byron were left in the front room to guard the entrance. Alli, Ry and Delano stayed just outside the meeting room that they were ushered to.

Heero stayed with her.

Once inside, the Warden excused himself to escort the prisoner, and Relena found herself sitting in a hard, plastic chair in front of a white, plastic table. The cold sterility of the room was one thing, but the foreboding of the actual event was finally hitting her with the reality of it.

The last and only time she had seen this man, he was racing towards her with a gun in his hand and a look of cold determination on his face. She could still remember Heero pressing her against him and taking aim at the man's wrist.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for Heero to be the one in here with her… as if he was going to let anyone else do it.

Quietly she told herself to just think of her questions as she folded her hands in her lap and squeezed them tightly together. The deathly silence from Heero behind her really wasn't doing her nerves any good either. She had gotten over the fact that he just wouldn't tell her what he was so troubled about with all of this. But he was here; he could have continued to refuse outright.

The door in front of her, on the opposite wall from the one they entered through, hummed a second and then popped open automatically. The man she was waiting for walked in, bound with a wrist to waist transport chain, and followed by three guards and the Warden himself.

A tether was linked from his back and was quickly attached a loop on the wall next to the door as Mr. Toloma took a seat in the chair set out for him. Which was almost exactly the distance from the door that the man had available to him by the leather strap. A precaution that Relena somehow felt Heero may have had a hand in.

"Miss Darlian," the man nodded with an almost friendly smile, "don't look so abashed about the chains. I'm gettin' quite comfy with them."

"Mr. Toloma," she nodded. She'd given away her discomfort at seeing him in such restraints. What had she expected, a sitting room and a quiet cup of tea while they chatted? "I wish this could be more comfortable for you."

"Comfort is a state of mind, not body, Miss," he rattled it off like a mantra.

He talks like….

"Miss Darlian, we will leave this to be a private conversation as we agreed," the Warden addressed her. "But the room will be visually monitored and we are just behind the door if anything goes awry," he took a glance back to his prisoner.

"See," Mr. Toloma waved one of his bound hands towards the Warden. "They look after me so well here. No more repair surgeries to worry about."

Relena didn't respond to the reference, and the Warden only motioned the other guards out as well. "When you're finished you may exit through your doorway as normal," he added before they left the room, the security door swinging shut on its own behind them.

"You know, this is fun," the man in question smiled at her again, his brawny features looking almost happy now. Dark eyes were a little closely set for his chiseled face, his hair was dark but cut so short that it was hard to notice. "I never expected this in a hundred years. What'd I do to deserve the honor?"

It wasn't what she was expecting, but Relena purposefully relaxed her posture a bit and even gave him a small smile for the compliment. "It was apparently very important to you to capture me. I wanted to give you the opportunity to say whatever it was that you'd planned on."

The man in question studied her a moment in surprise and slowly squinted at her a bit, the touch of a smile never quite leaving his face. "You're a smart girl, ain't ya?"

She blinked but didn't know how to respond to that.

"Well, I was gettin' to figure that," he nodded. "If I'd known the company you keep better before that it wouldn't have been worth the trouble." Raising his eyes over her shoulder, she could tell he'd caught Heero's, no doubt unflinching, stare.

That look. She knew that look. He was so much like the others….

For a moment she didn't fight too hard for something to respond to that with. She merely let the two men size each other up for a second. She knew better than to try to get between two soldiers… she'd tried that before and failed miserably. "Mr. Toloma, I really would like to know what you wanted from me," she called his attention back.

The look of happy surprise lit his face once more. "Miss Darlian, it wasn't anything personal." Leaning in a bit, he gave her a wink. "Actually, I think you're damned pretty to look at, giving all those speeches about working together and what-not."

Relena blinked at him, taken aback by the announcement.

"But your boy's already cranky at me, so I'd better shut my mouth about that," he chuckled to himself. "Miss Darlian, you were just proof to a point," he sobered some, leaning back in the chair again and setting his hands down in his lap. "One thing I would like to say though, Miss."

"Of course," she offered.

"You'll have to forgive my men's manners with ya. It wasn't part of the plan for you to be hurt at all, that bruise ya got included." Pulling out a grin, he winked at her again. "None of us expected you to kick a chair at me," he chuckled happily. "Got some spirit there. Hadn't expected that."

For some reason, Relena actually felt like she should take that as a compliment. "Thank you," she returned, not knowing what else to say.

With a nod he shrugged it off.

"You said I was to prove a point," she began again. "What point?"

With a heavy sigh, he watched her for a moment and then flicked his eyes past her to Heero and then back again. "Like I said, it wasn't personal."

"I know, you told me that," she called him on it. "But what was the point?"

Scrutinizing her a moment longer, he again glanced up to Heero and back. "This is private conversation, let me ask you somethin'. Have you ever been scared, Miss? Scared of the person standing right next to ya, but knowing you got to trust them anyway?"

She sat a little thrown off again, but studied the question a second. Normally she wouldn't admit to some things, especially in front of the man that her mind automatically clicked back to, but for some reason the prisoner in front of her was carefully judging her reaction. "Yes."

"Were you rewarded for it?"

"What do you mean," she asked, confused.

"Did they own up to it, or stab you in the back?" he clarified.

Well, she was still alive…. "My trust was well placed," she reasoned to him.

With a smile he nodded to her and then moved his eyes to look at Heero again. "Anyone I know," he peeked an eyebrow. Turning back, he looked at her again. "It's not that we wanted you hurt, or your guard there either—do be sure to send my regards," he added. "But I'll want to bet with you that that man wouldn't have answered yes to my question. What do you think?"

Delano? Would he have ever been in a place like that before? "I don't know."

"Tell you what. I do," he leaned in again, his expression serious, and propped his arms on the table, his handcuffs clanking loudly. "I do know he's never felt it. You know how I know? Because he didn't shoot me. He stalled. He clamed up, waitin' for me to back down like a good little boy should when someone's got the bead on ya. I didn't. If he'd been scared, he'd have shot me." Leaning back again he raised the little smile once more. "He'll shoot from now on."

Relena sat, staring at him, her heart thudding away in her chest. "What does that have to do with you?" she quietly asked.

"Nothing," he shrugged. "The boy was just on the wrong side this time. See, that's the problem. It takes too damned long to figure out what side you're on."

"There are no longer any sides. The war is over," she calmly reasoned to him.

And Mr. Toloma broke out laughing so loudly it startled her. "Over? Hell, Miss," he shook his head and tried to sober. "Your boy back there doesn't look like much of a talker," he nodded back towards Heero. "But you be sure to ask him sometime if he thinks the war's over. You run right along home and ask that guy I shot if the war is over. You find a soldier, Miss," he pointedly met her eyes, "then you still find a war."

"A war for what?" she asked, appalled at the idea. She knew the soldiers. She knew many of them. She knew that they were moving on to live in peace.

Peeking his eyebrow at her again, he tilted his head a little and scrutinized her. "A war is the ability of a person to fight. Don't matter much what for, none of us ever really knew. Things like that are left up to you, Miss. People with pretty words and big dreams."

He pause a second as she tried to make sense of that, but she couldn't respond.

"You want to know the point, Miss? I'll tell ya," he licked his lips. "You know what it's like to be scared. Now imagine switching those sides four—five times. That is what the war means. Fear is what the war means. Never trusting whatever side you're on this week is what the war means." Throwing a nod in Heero's direction, he sighed. "Don't know what battlefield you pull him off, Miss, but no little camp of a training ground gave him fight like that. And yet, you got people walking around with stripes on their shoulders working with others who they wouldn't trust to save a parking space for them."

Relena sat, completely confused with the comment, not understanding him in the least.

"You got too many soldiers, Miss. That means you got no place to put the fight, the war, the fear. It's all the same," he shook his head. "You still got too many sides, Miss. The point was to show ya that. Show ya the fight that people still have in them. What I didn't know was that you've got it too," he smiled.

"And now, I've taken you out of the fight?" she tried to understand him.

"You don't get it," he shook his head. "I've taken the easy way out. Look around me, Miss. I have blank walls and shared space, set bed and rising times, uniforms and a number better than a name. I have the comforts of a soldier all nicely lined up for me, and do you know the best part?" Leaning forward, he stared into her. "I, unlike your boy behind you, actually have forty years of peace ahead of me. And all with the same people."

She didn't understand, but the threads of this were becoming familiar to her. "What would you want me to do?" she quietly asked.

The man sat, looked at her contentedly. "You don't seem to know it, Miss. But you've made yourself a side. All those mobs of people stand around shouting for them to hang me? Those are your soldiers. You got the Preventers," he nodded towards Heero again. "And they be doing a damned fine job of recruiting. And you—you Miss," he pointed, "have the whole living generation behind ya."

"Then what is your point?" she asked again.

"My point is that you're gathering the next war."

Relena stared at him in shock.

Mr. Toloma shook his head, his smile easily returning. "You got the choice, Miss. You got an army at your call. I'm telling you that now, so ya know," he smiled. "Where you go, they follow. Like I said, pretty words and big ideas."

The pieces quietly clicked into place for her, and Relena Darlian sat very still and returned his steady gaze. "Do you find me a threat, Sir?"

Widening his smile, Mr. Toloma leaned onto the table between them again. "Not if I've scared you."

"Do you think that's really what I'm doing?" she quietly asked.

"Yeah."

"…Is it wrong? Is it a bad thing?"

"No."

"Why am I any different?" she whispered.

"You know better."

"Do you believe in me, Heero? Do you trust me?"

Stepping up behind her, he turned her around in the dim room and pulled her into him, finding her lips in a long, gentle touch. "Completely."

"Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within them the gift of miracles." - Samuel Smiles

AN: Thank you all for bearing with me through this hectic time in my life. I promise the next chapter of this story will be up sooner than this one was... and it should also be lighter. :)