The Wrong Snape At The Wrong Time

Chapter 25: Dumped By an Unconfirmed Death Eater

I have now officially sat here for hours studying him and contemplating the point that we are currently at.

Oh, rubbish. He is done. It really is about the point that I am at.

That being…insanity…but we are both a bunch of basket cases, perhaps me even more so than him.

Why should I feel this way? Why am I completely pissed off that here we are at a staff get-together in the staff room and he hasn't looked my way once. Not even to insult me, nor giving me the opportunity to tell his ass off royally.

It sucks.

I miss him…I really do.

Unclean, unsanitary robes an all…

Would I have done anything differently?

Instead of complaining about the dark mark could I have just thought, hey, that is a wickedly cool tattoo?

When he wanted to tell me what he knew, could I have just let him give it a go?

Because now I think he was trying to tell me…

I pouted. He just allowed Sprout to fill his tea cup and it has been nearly three hours and he still hasn't even let on that I am in the same room with him.

It's been the same for days. He just nods when we sit at meal times in the Great Hall and makes his exit at the end and walks the damned long way around the very long table so as not to pass me.

And I know people find it peculiar but don't have the gall or wisdom to even broach the subject up to either of us.

And if I get one more odd look from my friend Aurora again, I will scream!

The look that silently asked what the hell happened, are you okay, was it him or you, and other sundry wordless questions.

How do you tell someone what you can't even explain to yourself?

Er, it's complicated.

And I just got sort of dumped from a Death Eater who apparently has moved on with no replacement for his unusual and twisted affections for me in sight.

The man hasn't had a woman in years, but he doesn't want me anymore either!

Damn it the hell!

If I could only call him a sonofabitch loser one more time and have him glare at me in revulsion.

It would, er, make my day.

Even one heady, unsolicited gawking of my face or barely clothed body and checking me out would do.

Merlin, he really had wanted me.

And I completely blew it.

I had already dropped a tea cup and a pastry dish.

One on purpose to see if it would draw his attention….

An utter failure of a mission…I inwardly cringed.

And even one by accident due to nerves.

Still a failure…I sulked bitterly.

He hadn't looked over even when he heard two rather loud crashes and my raised voice proclaim

"Uh, I think I might be cut….badly…no problem, Filius, the sight of copious amounts of blood doesn't bother me much. I'll live. I hope."

He went on talking with Dumbledore.

For a blood lollipop actually has a use. If you put it in very hot tea for a period of time, it will melt.

Hence, my almost hemorrhage.

I could don my nightgown and get some type or reaction from him…

Well, really, that I am daft, but anything would do at this point.

So I continued to act over the top jovial and tried to engage others in conversation to pretend I wasn't examining Snape talking to Dumbledore in a corner of the room.

By this time, Filius had given me an odd look and tapped my papercut with his wand with a concerned look at my face.

I studied Snape some more.

He was engrossed in some type of conversation with Dumbledore. They had their heads close together, but were still looking around the room, and even those closest to them didn't seem to be none the wiser.

They were experts. They gave covert a new definition. And it only made my already upset stomach drop some more.

He was probably going somewhere tonight.

Which was worse: to Voldemort or with some woman in Knocturn Alley?

And it made me anxious. Probably to Voldemort's side, where one day, if he were not careful, even if the Dark Lord, or whatever he chose to call himself was in a particulralry paranoid mood, could just do away with him.

But their calm and composed banter never let this on to people as he and Dumbledore continued to speak softly.

But I knew better. I had heard a few things from him here and there.

It could be any night.

And I had many nights…many nights when he either tried to tell me something, tried to kiss me, or even worse, and I just shrugged it off or yelled in a panic, "Don't grope me,"when I had plenty of opportunities to just let us…happen.

Naturally, to a most unnatural person like myself and hell, him too, it just wasn't in the cards.

Now, could I accept this?

No, of course not…

But I would have to. I knew that.

But if I still felt the misery I had felt in a few months time like I did for the past few days, would I ever feel better?

It felt worse than when I saw him talking to some bitch at a quidditch match and he had to come over and inform me that he and Mrs. Malfoy had been friends since they went to school together. And I did not call him over. I was leaving. He felt he had to explain to me.

Uh…I miss those days. Our awkward, stunted relations…

Boy, was I a right idiot!

And if I felt jealous then, there was no telling how I would feel in the future if it happened again.

Highly unlikely, but what if he really did meet someone else?

It could be some psychotic Death Eater chit, but still.

And then I would really have to leave him alone because she would probably hex my face off.

But then she would go to Azkaban and he would be single again.

I just wouldn't have a face.

But really, I'm not sure he is or can be entirely picky with the ladies in his case.

He, er, has some stuff going for him though. I could admit that, but not to anyone else because they might think I was deranged.

His dark hair and eyes were surely his best physical features. They almost carried the team of his face because the nose was lacking in the attractive department.

But his nose didn't bother me….I couldn't picture him with another or even something smaller.

It just wouldn't be him.

Even the bloody robes he wore all of the time and never washed. I could just wash them for him. Or contact an elf which he could have done all along and not gotten the reputation for being a stinky heathen.

And the most important qualities…the non-physical. There was just so much more there.

The sarcasm, dry wit, brilliance, hands-on calm and cool demeanor… He just knew bloody everything about his own subject and everything else around him too.

And to tie it all together…the best voice known to any male that has ever graced our world.

He was an odd package, a distorted one, but I saw the strange charm in it all now.

And all the crap about the staring, half our arguments and then some, and here I was staring at him, maybe even more than I ever did before, and he didn't give a niffler's ass.

I would do anything to rush over and hand my tea cup gallantly and just burst out with. "Poison me or utilize Veritserum. Your choice. Just bloody talk to me already."

Oh, Merlin, I guess I did love him?

And I could feel the tears trying to come out but I held them in check. Speaking of risky potions, the incident with the amortentia… He didn't need any…he had lured me in…he wanted me to tell him what I smelled. Because he wanted to know…and he even told me what he smelled.

All attributes of me…of what I liked…and I dropped the ball there too.

I am the biggest idiot in the wizarding world.

The poor bastard tried everything and not only was I not the least bit receptive. I was the biggest asshole and shot him down how many times?

With a look, a retort, physical violence, some smart ass remark…and my foul language. Which he told me even Fletcher would hold his ears in my presence if I spouted such curses.

I wouldn't bother anymore if I was him either.

Somebody physically holds you in their arms in a very small and locked stock room and looks into your eyes and declares themselves to you, opens up all their feelings regarding you or why they had resorted to a lot of nonsense too, and you just resort to foul language and threats and brush them off.

I did.

And now the only looks I was getting still were from all the staff except him or Dumbledore.

Should I go to the top of the Astronomy Tower and scream from the roof tops?

"Yes, Wizarding World Severus Snape has dumped me."

"No, we were not together in any normal well-adjusted sense of the word, but we had something. A sick, teenaged, damaged souls type of thing. It had its ups and downs and I only appreciated it when it was too late."

"And no, he will not kill me in my sleep. He never really tried to sleep with me. Hinted heavily ,yes, but he did like me like that. And probably for even more sterling and purer qualities than that…"

I mean I have called him a rotten sonofabitch and a bloody moron and he did come back for more for the longest…

And it was too late.

So after hours of thinking these things I had finally had enough.

It was over so why sit here and torture myself?

I made my excuses and left.

And Aurora came with me, following me out.

And we went back to her quarters where she offered me tea.

However, this tea was spiked with some serious, nerve and emotion deadening amounts of firewhiskey.

And I pretty much told her everything.

She said she would tell nobody. She was my best friend after all.

No unbreakable vow to keep silence on her part necessary.

I guess I was a bit paranoid.

I mean, would she really tell him?