Author's Note:

So.. last chapter sucked. I admit. I don't even remember writing it so.. I apologize for that. But the idea of it was worth keeping, so I'm just going to leave it and move on, sound good? I'm sure I will rewrite Viva and WH eventually and I will deal with it then. So... Man, this is getting harder to write as we get closer and closer to the climax of the story. I kind of want to rush and I kind of want to stay where we are in the story.

Oh! I am thinking of writing a Dexter/Criminal Minds crossover - Spencer/Deb, but... I don't really know much about Dexter (other than the two seasons) - Anyone wanna do this with me? PM me!

Ryan stared at herself in the mirror. She didn't see much of a change. Her pants didn't fit as well, but...it wasn't visible to anyone. Still, She felt different. She felt... she didn't even know how to describe it. She turned to the side, trying to see if she was showing again, before pulling up her shirt. She sighed, feeling ridiculous before making her way to the bed. She laid down, thinking about how Spencer talked to the baby. She wondered if she should do the same thing? The baby heard her speaking all of the time, though, shouldn't she already know her voice? Ryan bit her lip before resting her hand on her stomach. What would she say? She couldn't speak to her stomach - that was Spencer's thing. Spencer, she smiled. He had called her today, telling her all the new things that the baby was doing and how her little body was growing. He had asked about her and if she was eating and drinking and doing everything she needed to be doing. He was being perfect. What would he tell her to do to conversate with their baby, if she felt stupid talking outloud. Writing. He'd tell her to write the baby letters; like he wrote to his mom. Could she do that? Dylan could read them once she was old enough. And if anything ever happened to Ryan, Dylan would always have the letters. She wondered if thats why Spencer wrote to his mother. She'd have to ask. She got up and grabbed a notebook, before starting to write.

My dearest daughter, she started before marking it out. They didn't know for sure their baby was a little girl.

Dylan, she wrote, before pausing. What did she want to say? She decided to just write; whatever came out was the right thing to say.

You are 7 and a half weeks old today. You are so little and barely look like anything (but believe me, daddy and I think you are the most precious thing in the world!). You have a long time until you come into this world and I can't believe how much I already love you. I admit, that at first, I was terrified of you and what you were going to do to my life, but each week that passes and as the day that I finally get to meet you comes closer, I get more and more excited. You have changed my world, Dylan, for the better. You and your father have brought something back into my life that I had almost forgotten about: Love. You see, your grandparents and your uncle died when I was just a teenager and I decided that I wasn't going to love anything like that again and I didn't for the longest time. And then I met your Daddy and...something changed. and then you came along and...Wow. I didn't even know a person could love this much. We saw your heart beating 4 or 5 days ago, and... to know that you are going to be my child, you are going to come into this world and I am going to be your mother makes me want to be...the best person in the world, just for you. I want to make this place safer for you. By the time, you read this, (if things are like they are now) you probably know that Daddy and I both have jobs that are pretty hard and that I travel a lot. Daddy stays with you a lot and I hope you know that you have one of the best Dad's in the world. I know that he talks a lot and says alot of obscure stuff about things no one knows anything about, but he loves you so much. Believe me, he talks to you and about you all the time. He knows more about you than I do at this point. And I know that your brother Henry is just the same way. He doesn't know about you at this point, because we have to wait to make sure you're going to be okay, but when he does, he's going to be so excited. He has wanted a brother or a sister for a while now. He will be a great brother! He's so adorable (but then again, I could be biased, because he's only two right now and just like your Daddy.) It's getting late though, Baby, so I should be getting to bed (You're exhausting me out, little one. I have slept more than in the last few weeks than in my life!) I will write you again in a few days. I love you so much. You and Daddy are my whole world. Don't forget that.

- Mommy.

Ryan stared at the word. Mommy. It was strange and amazing all at the same time. She was Dylan's Mommy. She was going to be a mom. God, she couldn't believe it. She was more ready for it, more excited now than before - but the fear was still there. Could she do this without her mom? And even if she could, would she be any good at it? She knew Spencer would be a great dad - he always was. She knew that he thought she was good with Henry, but Henry was only around her for a few days at a time and he was a good behaved little boy. Could she handle a crying baby at all hours of the night? She had always told her mom that she was never having kids - definitely since she had to put up with a very cranky Max a lot. Her mother had just rolled her eyes and said something in Georgian - a quote that she never translated for her daughter. Her mother had been so adament that Ryan was going to have kids. She always told her what type of man to date - smart, not too good-looking, gentle hands. Now that she thought about it, Spencer kind of fit that profile. He was very smart, and good looking in the average-joe type of way. He wasn't a 'complete hottie'. And his hands? Spencer always touched with a sense of insecurity, always careful and he had nice hands, long fingers. Ryan rolled her eyes; she didn't need to be thinking about Spencer's fingers, but the baby inside of her. Her baby. She touched her stomach again before grabbing her phone and dialing Spencer's number.

"Reid."

"I need you." She said, softly.

"You need me? What's wrong?" His voice was lower than usual, thick with sleep. She had woke him, and yet, he didn't complain.

"...Am I going to be a good mother?"

"You're going to be great, Ryan. Why?"

"I wrote her a letter and I.. was just thinking about... What if I can't do it?"

"We've been over this, Ryan. We can do this. and We'll have help. We'll be okay."

"I'm scared, Spence." She said, softly.

"Why are you scared?"

"I don't want to let her down."

There was a long silence and Ryan thought maybe he had fallen asleep. "Spence?"

"You could never let her down, Ryan. You're her mommy. You are the reason she is here. You're keeping her safe right now and you're going to keep her safe until she's out and crying, and the doctor is going to put her in your arms and she's going to know you're her mommy and she's going to love you and feel safe, because you are her mother. You'll... You'll just know what to do, it's instinct."

"What if I don't have that instinct?"

"You do. You have it with Henry and he's not even your biological son."

"He's not son, at all, Spence."

"Right."

"You promise you think I'll be a good mom?"

"I promise."

"Will you get up with her at nights?"

"You're going to have to get up to feed her. Well, if you breastfeed, and you are going to breastfreed right? Because breast milk is much-"

She started to tune him out as he rambled about the benefits. It was amusing that even half asleep he knew all these facts. In a way, it was comforting. Spencer would know everything that she didn't from the educational stand point. He would keep them from making any grand mistakes. And she had been a decent sister to Max hadn't she? Other than that one day, she had played with him and done things with him.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Were you listening?"

"I was."

"It also helps with bonding, so... I mean, that could help with your insecurities, feeding her and everything. It might make you feel more maternal."

"Yeah, maybe."

"And we could start taking birthing classes and a parenting class or something, so we're prepared."

"Yeah." She sighed and closed her eyes. "Thank you, Spencer."

"For what?"

"For being there for me. For doing this. For...just being you, I guess."

"It's normal for first time mothers to be nervous. The baby books say-"

"Just tell me you love me, Spence."

He was quiet for a second. "I love you, Ryan."

Criminal Minds || What Happens

"Daddy?"

Henry asked from across the table. Both men were drawing - Henry's idea. Spencer looked up from his picture. "Yeah, Henry?"

"Do you think Ms. Ryan love me?"

"You know she does. She tells you all the time."

Henry nodded, drawing some more. He paused for a second, looking back up.

"But that cause she love you? She said I call her even if you don't love her, but...can I?"

Spencer set down his marker. "Sure, Henry. Ryan likes you before of who you are, not because you're my son. I mean, she likes you before you're my son, but thats not the only reason."

Henry nodded. "So you think if she don't love you, she still love me?"

Spencer nodded, slowly. "Why wouldn't she?"

Henry shrugged and sighed, sadly. "I don't know, Daddy. I don't know."

Spencer watched his son for a second, trying to figure out the right thing to say. As he was about to speak, Henry's bottom lip began to tremble.

"I miss Papa." He said, little tears coming from his eyes. Spencer stood, quickly, and scooped up the little boy quickly as he whimpered.

"Oh, Henry."

The toddler clung to Spencer as he cried and Spencer looked around, helplessly, wondering when JJ was going to come for dinner.

"Shh, buddy. Shhh, it's okay. Papa... Papa is a total asshole."

Henry pulled back, looking at his Dad in shock, tears still running down his face. Spencer's eyes widened, realizing what he had said.

"I mean-"

"Daddy! That's not nice! You no say that! That my papa and that a bad word!"

"I'm sorry, Henry- I just-"

The door opened and JJ paused as soon as she saw the little boy and Spencer. She rushed over and grabbed the little boy, hugging him to her chest.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Daddy call Papa a asshole."

"Spencer Reid!"

"He-He-Henry started to cry and..it was because.. and He is! He is! He's making Henry cry and he's not calling and being there. He had responsibilities and he's just abandoning his son and it's... he's an asshole, JJ!"

"DADDY!" Henry yelled, so hocked that his dad was swearing and saying bad things about his Papa that he had forgotten about the sadness.

JJ stared at Spencer before setting Henry down. "Why don't you go to your room for a second while Daddy and I talk, okay, Henry?"

Henry looked at his Mom and his dad. "He go to time out, Mommy. He say bad words and he's being mean about Papa."

JJ looked at the boy. "I'll take care of it. Go to your room, okay?"

Henry looked at his dad. "You in trouble, Daddy. BIG trouble." He nodded before grabbing his markers and paper.

JJ grabbed his hand. "No markers in the room. Play with your rollercoaster, okay?"

Henry pouted and sighed, but set the markers down. JJ ruffled his hair and waited until he was gone before turning back to Spencer.

"Calling Will an asshole in front of Henry, really? Spence, really?"

"He is! Has he called Henry once since getting settled in down there?"

"No, but -"

"but nothing! He's abandoning him and that's not fair to Henry! He's hurting and he deserves to know that it's Will's fault. He shouldn't be blaming himself."

"And you think calling his Papa, a man that he loves almost as much as he loves you, is the right thing to do?"

"He should know the truth. His 'papa' is not a good man. Who just leaves their son like that?"

"Are we talking about Henry or are we talking about you, Spence?"

Spencer glared at her and she sighed. "I'm not attacking you, Spence, but Henry isn't you. He's got a great father and if Will is going to walk away, that's his issue. and Henry will hurt, but he has you. He has me. He was his uncles and his aunts and he'll get through this. We don't have to lower ourself to Will's level to do that. We can be better than that. You are better than that."

Spencer shook his head. "So what? we're supposed to make Will a good guy to him? That he had to go away to do a job and what? is too busy to call Henry? That's not right-"

"None of it is right, but making Henry hate Will isn't right either, Spence. Will was a good guy. He was. and He was great with Henry and we should let Henry know Will loves him and just can't be here for him right now. Maybe once things settle and Will gets better, he'll realize that he needs to be a part of Henry's life."

"He doesn't just get to walk away and come back when he's ready. It's not right."

"He's not his biological father, Spence."

"It doesn't matter!"

"It does. It does to him."

Spencer clenched his jaw and shook his head again. JJ sighed and took a step closer to him.

"I know your dad left you and you're angry. You deserve to be angry. You were 10 years old and you needed your dad and he wasn't there. He left you with your sick mom when you weren't old enoughto handle that. But Henry is two and he can get passed this and we can help him. If we can help him cope and deal with this where he doesn't hurt so much, like you, then shouldn't we?"

Spencer stared at her, his features softening. "I guess."

"I know it's hard. I hate him too, Spencer. Believe me. I've called him and chewed him out over it, but... we can't do anything about Will. All we can do is be the best parents to him we can and that doesn't involve swearing."

Spencer blushed a little. "I'm sorry."

She touched his cheek. "I know. You're a great father, Spence. You just want the best for him. and I love you for that."

Spencer nodded. "I'm going to go talk to Henry."

She smiled and nodded. "I'll start dinner."

He nodded before making his way to the boy's room.

JJ watched before turning back to the kitchen. She paused, looking at the pictures Henry and Spencer were drawing. Henry's was a bunch of scribbles and circles. It was beautiful to her. Her eyes moved to Spencer's. It said about it "Henry's family." Henry had obviously told him what to draw. She smiled as she looked over Spencer's drawing of her. He had also drawn himself and Henry and some of the gang. She sighed when she saw the brown curly haired figure - Ryan. She was going to have to get used to that. Would "Ms. Ryan" be "Aunt Ryan" soon? or "Mama", "Mommy Ryan"? She shook her head before making her way into the kitchen.