Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, but Carlisle Cullen owns me.

Free Falling

Carlisle Cullen's Point of View

I held Esme's hand as we moved slowly through the museum, our eyes wandering idly over the exhibits. The Clallam County Historical Society was holding a fund raiser to restore some of their holdings, and since I was amused by the idea of seeing events of my own lifetime immortalized, I had convinced Esme to come along with me.

Of course, I wasn't at all surprised when the conversation revolved around Bella. Lately it seemed that the girl was all any of us thought about.

"Do you know what the saddest part is?" Esme asked as we scanned an exhibit showing the method of census taking in the early nineteen-hundreds.

"What's that, darling?"

"That she doesn't know you love her. Because of Jasper, you can be relatively certain how Isabella feels about you, but she has no idea how you feel about her." She sighed softly. "Unrequited love can be such misery."

"Esme, sweetheart, you know I can't tell her."

"Oh, I know Carlisle," she said, patting my arm. "Unless you're considering changing your mind?" She gazed up at me hopefully.

I shook my head sadly.

"Then no," she agreed again. "You can't tell her. But I feel for the poor darling. She must be so lonely."

"I wonder if I shouldn't have Edward encourage her to start dating some of the boys at her school," I said softly. The thought of it was like a knife in my chest, but if it eased her unhappiness I would bear it.

"I'm not sure Edward would do it. He's determined to bring the two of you together."

"He won't listen to reason," I grumbled.

Esme laughed musically. "He says the same thing about you."

"This is all wrong, Esme. Edward has been my most trusted companion for nearly a hundred years. He has been my friend, my confidant, and my surest advisor. I could always rely on his counsel."

"Then why don't you trust him now?"

"He's letting himself be blinded this time. He's not thinking of what's best for Bella, he's thinking of what's best for me."

"I'm not so sure," Esme said, her hand rubbing my arm affectionately. "Edward and Bella have become good friends, Carlisle. He wants to see her happy as well." She stopped and pulled me around to face her. "Edward sees that what you want is Bella, and what Bella wants is you. It's very difficult for him to understand why there's any problem at all."

"Esme, I can't–"

She held up a hand, cutting me off. "I don't need to hear the arguments again, Carlisle. I remember them quite clearly. I just don't want you thinking that Edward is disregarding Bella's feelings."

"It's her safety he's disregarding," I said, my voice hard. "That comment of his, telling Bella he makes a great vampire . . . that was reckless."

"It was harmless. The things she noticed herself–our skin and our eyes–that was far more suspicious to her."

"I'm still not convinced he didn't point those things out to her."

Esme sighed. "Carlisle, darling, Edward has been absolutely obnoxious about all this, but he hasn't been lying to you. If he says he didn't point out our common traits, he didn't." She turned and started walking again, pulling me along with her. "Anyway, none of that matters now. Ephraim's heir has come straight out and told he what we are. I imagine it's only a matter of time before she starts to believe him. Regardless of what Edward said, she will know."

I shook my head, letting the worry that had constantly been on my mind show in my face. "How can I protect her now, Esme? What do I do?"

"I think you're worrying too much." She squeezed my hand. "It's not an ideal situation, but there's no reason to believe that any of us will attract the attention of the Volturi during Bella's lifetime. It's likely that they'll never know of her until she's gone."

But that still made my family accomplices to my crime, and I didn't want to think of how the Volturi would take that when they did eventually learn of her. My only hope was that they would pardon my family when they saw that the threat was gone.

That is, assuming they didn't find out about her until after her death. Our death. Once again, with the safety of my family to consider, I was wavering on my decision to die with Bella. I would desire nothing more than to end my life with hers, but when the Volturi learned of Bella's knowledge of us, they might want someone to punish. I could give them that. Perhaps it would be enough to kill me, and they would leave my family be.

But the Volturi were unpredictable, and I had no guarantee that they wouldn't discover my secret in the next few decades. What would I do if they came for Bella before her natural death? Would I change her? I had told myself that I wouldn't interfere if an accident took her–that is, if I couldn't prevent the accident from happening. Or if an illness shortened her life, I had decided I would not step in and change her. But if the Volturi took her, I would be the cause of her death. I couldn't bear that.

Then what? I couldn't allow them to take her blood, of that I was certain. She would never be merely prey for a vampire. If the need arose, would I kill her myself to prevent her from becoming their victim?

Or would I change her?

And if I would change her for the Volturi, why would I not change her for love?

"Carlisle." Esme's voice broke through my contemplations. Her hand raised and smoothed my wrinkled brow. "You need to stop trying to plan for every contingency. It's not possible. Just allow fate to guide you."

"Fate." I was unable to keep the bitterness from my voice. "Fate is the cruel mistress that drove a human child to fall in love with a vampire. What kind of confidence could I have in her?"

"Well if you've lost faith in fate, and if you've lost faith in Edward, where are you putting your trust these days?"

I sighed. "Rosalie."

"That's a heavy weight to rest on her shoulders, Carlisle. Do you think she's up to the task?"

"Hers is the closest perspective I have to Bella's," I told Esme. "I need her insight. I need her guidance."

Esme nodded. "All right then." She was silent for a moment, and then she sighed. "It's just such a shame that Bella doesn't know how much she's loved."