Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I just steal her characters for my own warped purposes.
"Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love." - Gabriel García Márquez.
It happened when I was hosting a house party at Jasper's country estate, the final step on my descent towards the dark pits of self-awareness. His name was Jared Wolf, an American entrepreneur. Tall, dark and handsome he had been relentlessly chased by the women of the ton. However, I was the only one he paid attention to. I was flattered by it and entertained by his compliments, so I invited him to the house party.
There was a secret flower garden where Elizabeth and I used to spend a lot of time. I always began my mornings, whenever I was visiting, by wondering around it, remembering the sweet face of my angel. But a certain morning an unexpected guest joined me.
Jared locked the door to the secluded garden, effectively leaving us alone. There on the privacy afforded by the high walls I allowed him to seduce me. I will not deny how much I burned for his touch, how skilled he was. I opened my body to him and took my pleasure as he did his. He was sweet but also demanding and even though it was short, our interlude left me eager for more. The feelings I experienced were so much like the ones Jasper used to incite that for a few seconds I entertained the notion of being in love with Jared.
However, I realized I did not know him at all; he was nothing more than a stranger with whom I shared a meaningless tryst. After almost four years of marriage I finally understood the difference between love and lust. It was not something we were taught by tutors or that could be learned from books. The young misses were left ignorant and defenceless against rogues who had no qualms about using our own sexuality against us; like Jasper had done to me.
That day he became my lover and on his arms I found some contentment. All was well until he asked me to run away with him, professing his undying love, he made a thousand promises which were bond to be broken. I left his bed and his life determined to not fall into the same trap twice. I should have seem the desperation on my lover's eyes, for that had been his last attempt to escape the duel that would cost him his life, after all my cuckolded husband had been in the army.
Why Jasper bothered to call Jared out is a question I cannot answer. Nevertheless, I felt Jared's blood on my hands and his death weighted on my conscience. Jasper never commented on the incident, I only found out about the duel because of Lady Clearwater's vindictive tongue. But I no longer cared about gossip, because that day I buried who I thought I was and faced the woman I had become.
See you tomorrow.