LEVI-
I was somewhere between being awake and dreaming, keeping my eyes shut to try and stay asleep for as long as possible. My head was beginning to throb and I felt queasy, but there was no way I was going to move and wake myself up. I exploited the peace of morning whilst I still could, knowing it was going to be a busy day. Breathing in deeply and letting out a long sigh, I enjoyed the unusual warmth of my bed. It turned out that I wouldn't be able to maintain inertia, however, as something shifted in front of me. My eyes flew open and I blinked, trying to drive the exhaustion from my eyelids and concentrate on the blurry figure before me. It took me a second to make out a figure laid in front of me... then I relaxed.
I was laid on my side, arms draped over her shoulders with her head on my chest. Her hair tickled my chin, splayed out on the pillow next to me. Lena snuggled into the blankets and as I woke up properly, I could see that she was beaming from ear to ear.
"Awake then?" I grunted, voice harsher than usual in the mornings. She opened her eyes and looked back at me, still grinning.
"Morning." she said.
"What's so funny?" I muttered, shifting onto my back and sitting up. Unwillingly, she sat up herself and stretched. I watched her, entertained by the bit of stomach she revealed as she raised her arms above her head, yawning.
"You're the type who takes a long time to wake up, then?" As she smirked at me, I frowned.
"What gives you that impression?"
"Your eyes are still half closed and you haven't even sorted out the fact that your vest has fallen off." I quickly glanced down and noticed that the strap of my vest was almost at my elbow, exposing the whole of my upper chest.
"Not that you mind, you perverted brat."
"Can't say that I do mind." Grinning at me stupidly, I couldn't resist the urge to ruffle her hair. She lifted her arms up in defence but I pulled them down, leaning forward to deliver a quick kiss to her lips. Afterwards, I swung my legs out of bed and regretfully, began to change.
"You better get back to your own room. Someone's going to realise you're gone, patients leaving the ward and all." As though the thought had only just struck her, she gasped and quickly scrambled out of bed. Hurriedly picking up her things, she staggered to the door and turned back to give me one last look.
"Thank you. See you later."
The door closed behind her and I let out a small smile. "What are you thanking me for, idiot?"
…
"What's put you in such a good mood, shorty?" Hanji sat next to me in the second of two chairs positioned in front of Erwin's desk. Erwin himself was no where to be found, and I'd been tapping my foot impatiently since I'd gotten here all of two minutes ago.
"Nothing in particular." I sniffed, trying to keep a neutral expression. Hanji leaned across, her eyes bright.
"Something good happen?"
"What gives you that impression?" I asked, in more of a way to ward off her suspicions than out of curiosity.
"You've not complained yet and I've been with you for an hour now. You didn't complain at breakfast, even though we'd ran out of tea. You didn't complain when the messenger came, either, telling us we had a meeting with Erwin. Even now, you haven't complained about the fact that Erwin's late."
"Give me chance to."
"Anyway." She swiftly changed topics and I noticed that her expression darkened. "Even we don't know of the aim of this expedition yet... I can't help but be curious as to why he's kept it from us."
"He's as careful as always." I nodded; I'd also been pondering about why we'd been left in the dark.
"What's your guess?" The scientist asked, though I was sure we were already thinking along the same lines without having to voice them.
"Whatever it is, we'll find out soon enough." I said, sensing Erwin's presence even before I heard the echoing footsteps. The door behind us opened and Hanji stood up to greet the commander. I remained seated, arms folded in hostility. Once the formalities were over with, Erwin lowered himself into his seat opposite us with the table forming a physical barrier between us.
"I'll cut to the chase." He announced and I nearly jumped for satirical joy- maybe I wouldn't waste an entire morning after all. "The female titan is still amongst us, as you know. We have yet to figure out her identity. After speaking to one of the new cadets, he suggested that the traitor would still be with us. For the sake of remaining hidden and to find another opportunity to capture Eren."
"Are you sure that thing is in the legion, then?"
"It's possible. Though it's equally possible that she isn't."
"So you don't have a fucking clue." My eyes rolled involuntarily. Sometimes I forgot who's presence I was in. He didn't seem to mind though.
"She obtained our uniform, which isn't such a great feat. It would seem less likely if she was in the legion though, as the amount of checks we complete on things would make it difficult for her. For instance, despite the mayhem of a battlefield, if a cadet went missing and suddenly returned before we entered the walls, people may start asking questions."
"I think it's likely that she isn't in the legion." Hanji intervened. "It's impossible to be in two places at once... she'd have to be extremely careful not to give anything away."
"It's proven itself to be intelligent though." I cut in. "Just because you hope our enemy isn't capable of getting away with that so easy, don't think that reality is the same."
"I'm guessing that the next expedition is bait then?" Hanji surmised, to which Erwin nodded.
"We shall tell the squads that the aim is to attempt to complete the last mission; a second attempt. But in actual fact, we'll be waiting to capture the female titan when she tries to capture Eren."
"Don't you think it'll figure that out?" I squinted at Erwin, who simply held my gaze without faltering.
"Most likely. However, after the extremes I've seen the female titan go to in order to capture Eren, I believe she will risk everything in order to obtain her goal. We're betting everything on the fact that she'll try again, regardless of the risk."
I said nothing, all the while envisioning the faces of those who'd been killed mercilessly in the last mission... to no avail. For seemingly no end result, they'd laid down their lives. Were we about to simply repeat our last mistakes? We could even lose more. I wasn't willing to put their lives at risk to bet on something with such high stakes. Then again, that could be why I was sat opposite the commander instead of the other way round.
If you don't sacrifice anything, you can't gain anything.
"Here's the layout this time around." Erwin said, pulling out a detailed, hand drawn map of our formation.
"It's practically the same." Hanji mused.
"With such a short time, it'll be hard to train them on a new formation." Erwin explained. I noticed something that interested me and I pointed to it on the map.
"'Levi's special operations squad'." I quoted, indicating that I wanted further explanation.
"I know you already reformed your squad for the sake of our conflict with the Military Police." He began, pulling out another sheet. "But I've changed a few details for this mission." He handed me what appeared to be a list of names.
Levi Special Operations Squad
Mikasa Ackerman
Connie Stringer
Jean Kirstein
Sasha Braus
Guthrie Eisenberg
Eren Jager
Lena Hertz
As I read down the list, I experienced a variety of emotions. They went from approval, to irritation, to approval again, to more irritation, to severe irritation, to premonition, to...
Shit.
The moment I read Eren's name, I had a premonition that we were going to be in the thick of the action. As protectors of the kid, this meant the female titan would target us. Last time, we'd been wiped out and so undoubtedly the same risk was posed this time around. Then I read the next name. A weight in my chest sank and suddenly my chest was tight.
"I disapprove." I noted, without thinking. "I agree of the power of some of them... Ackerman has proven herself strong enough. But there's two new cadets; surely they should be with the supplies?"
"Don't let personal emotions taint your decisions, Levi." Erwin said, keeping his eyes down as he shuffled papers. A spark of irritation ignited within me. Had he just claimed that I was making a decision based on personal opinions? I growled low in my throat as I responded.
"I haven't and I won't." My words cut like steel. "I maintain my view that they're too inexperienced."
"Cadet Hertz achieved 3rd in her intake and Cadet Eisenberg was 1st. There is no reason why their abilities should be considered inferior to those who enrolled mere months before them, such as Braus and Springer."
"Then why are any of them in my squad?" I gritted my teeth, unable to voice just how agitated I was. I noticed that Hanji hadn't said anything.
"I'm not discussing this any further, Levi." His gaze was hard but mine was a thousand times harder. "You'll have to put your personal feelings aside and deal with this."
I fumed internally. It wasn't often that I was angry with Erwin (excluding the first few rocky years of my legion life), but right now I wanted to reach across and strangle some sense into him. It pissed me off more that Hanji had remained silent. Either she agreed with him or... Something was off. My expression lost its viciousness and realisation hit me. All of a sudden, everything made sense and when I looked across to shitty-glasses, she only confirmed it with her solemn eyes. How had I missed that?
"You suspect her?" I said, completely aghast. "You suspect Lena of being the female titan?!" There was silence. Complete and utter, echoing silence that heightened my senses in stress. I could feel the thumping of my blood reverberate through my skull. My headache was returning with vengeance. Finally, Erwin spoke.
"Not only Lena." He confirmed my words. "We've worked out that the most likely traitors are within the 104th and 105th recruitment." He began to explain his reasoning, but I was barely listening. I was struck with internal confusion and panic and frustration all at once...
Lena... the female titan?
Such a thing was ridiculous. She was stupidly stubborn, carelessly clumsy and got herself in trouble more times than she could count on her only good arm. She'd raise her fist to a person, sure, but only after she'd snapped. She would definitely hurt a fly, and she hated midges more than she hated losing. And yes, she lied. A hell of a lot. She'd never say her true feelings even though it was clearly painted all over her stupid face. She wasn't even kind; she could cut glass with her words sometimes if you rubbed her up the wrong way. And she was so stubborn that she would never admit that she regretted her words.
But she wasn't a murderer.
I tuned into Erwin's final explanation and my confusion swiftly turned to violence in less than a second. "There's also the fact that she has gotten unusually close to higher ranking officers... namely, you." My fingers were around his throat before he could even finish his sentence.
"Don't you dare," I began, spitting out my words as Hanji stood up so quickly that her chair clattered to the floor. "insinuate that Lena did that." The stench of death in my memories flashed images of my squad- murdered. By the female titan.
"Levi, calm down-" Hanji began, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Its only a possibility." I loosened my grip in shock, glancing over my shoulder at her.
"You're on his side? You think she's the titan too?"
"Like I said, it's only a possibility." Hanji rushed the words out in self defence, prising my fingers from around Erwin's neck. Erwin had barely flinched. "Lena didn't go on the expedition, yet she was spotted running out of the walls. There's also the fact that her appearance is most similar. Her hair is a light brown, almost blonde. There is some variation in Eren's appearance with his titan appearance, so we can't count her out on a few shades of difference. Also, Lena was 3rd in her intake. The female titan took out Eren and many of our squad members. She's intelligent and strong." At my darkened eyes that glinted with suppressed violence, Hanji quickly finished her argument. "However. It's only a possibility. If Lena goes on this expedition and the female titan appears, we can immediately rule her out of the equation."
"And what if the female titan doesn't appear?" I snarled.
"We can't fully cross her off," Hanji spoke honestly, "But she'll be less likely."
I swallowed my anger and tried to calm my breathing. I stood up and faced Erwin again.
"Fine. I accept. Is that all?" I asked, words like daggers. Erwin regarded me calmly and I shifted my gaze to the glowing red mark on his neck where my fingers had been.
"That is all. Dismissed." He said. I didn't need to wait for any more confirmation. I was out of the door in record time.
…
I rested my head on my desk, trying to breath deeply. I was still raging and there seemed to be no end to the memories crashing around my skull. The warmth of the sun bathed onto my back from the window, but I was shivering. I sighed deeply.
Lena? A traitor?
Yeah right.
I was vaguely aware of a faint knocking at my door, but I ignored it. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, and they wouldn't want to approach me either if they weren't happy about being treated as a punching bag. I only looked up when my door opened slightly and a face peered around.
"Ah, so you are here." Lena smiled, already blushing. She was probably still bouncing from last night. I would be too, if it wasn't for that massive bomb shell that had been dropped on me about an hour ago.
"Don't you have training to do?" I didn't bother to sit up, sprawled out on the desk, exhausted. She frowned at me, curiously.
"I'm in your squad; we're all downstairs waiting for you."
"Join in with another squad." I grunted. She made her way over to me silently and I couldn't help but spot the character engraved on her wrist.
"What's up?" She asked, soothingly. I watched her crouch down so that she was resting her folded arms on my desk in front of me. The red raw scar was blazingly obvious and I glowered at it icily. She flinched at my glare.
"Get out, Lena." I huffed, turning my face away from her to try and suppress the raging dragon within me.
"Something happen?" She persevered. My hands were clenched into fists so tight that my knuckles were white and it felt like the blood in my hands had drained away.
"Get out." I growled, increasing the hostility in my voice. I felt her hand on my head, softly tickling my bangs. She stroked my hair slowly, rhythmically. She didn't realise it, but with every stroke a coil within me wound tighter and I was on the brink. The female titan? Her? This girl here, sat stroking my hair, oblivious that all she's doing is making it static? The girl trying so hard to see past the violent, monstrous behaviour I was showing her... desperately wanting to cool my temper? Get real, Erwin.
"There's also the fact that she has gotten unusually close to higher ranking officers." His voice echoed in my head. "... namely, you."
In a burst of uncontrollable anger, I sat up and grabbed her wrist. She yelped in pain at the force in my grip, eye's widening in fear. Fear. There you go, that's what I'm used to seeing. I felt the roughness of her scar under my fingers... and felt the usual calmness within me vaporise.
"Who the FUCK are you?" I hissed, dragging her close to me and observing the look of terror in her eyes as I oozed with killer intent.
"L-Levi!" She gasped. "Let go, it hurts-!" My grip tightened.
"Did you get close to me on purpose?!" My words were like venom... her eyes widened like two full moons. She was terrified, but a spark of something still persisted in her eyes. When I realised what it was, I threw away all my emotions. She was still trying to understand me.
I slammed her against the wall, pinning her arms to the side of her head.
"Who are you?!" I repeated.
"I don't understand-!" She was shaking. I could feel her trembling under my gaze, see her wincing in pain.
"WHO ARE YOU?" I said again, growling in her face with as much callousness as I could muster. There was a silence and she searched my eyes for several seconds. Then, she took a deep breath and calmed herself. Reopening her eyes with new-found bravery, she spoke.
"Lena Hertz. Who the fuck are you?"
We held each other's gaze for several moments and I assessed the timid rabbit under my wrath. No, not a timid rabbit. A lion cub, growling in resistance. I released my grip, gently, standing back and turning away from her. I took a moment to breathe. All of a sudden, I found myself laughing.
"'Who the fuck am I'?" I chuckled. "You've never respected your officers, have you?" I didn't have to look at her to know she was scowling in frustration. Obviously, she wanted an explanation at my sudden outrage. Before she could speak, I cut in. "Sorry, I can't tell you."
"..." When I turned, I saw exactly the expression I had anticipated- a pouting, furious little lion cub. "Need I say the words?"
"What?"
"Uncivilised, idiotic, stupid, frustrating, obsessive, little midget." She said. "That's what you are."
"I know."
"Why can't you tell me? From what I could gather, you were assessing me."
"Yeah, I was." I nodded, sitting back into my seat. I hadn't realised how exhausted I felt until now. "You passed, congratulations." She was far from ecstatic. In fact, she would have set fire to the cake instead of blowing out the candles at this point.
"Cretin. Incompetent. Half-wit." With every footstep she took on her way out, she punctuated it with a curse. "Ignorant. Foolish. Foul-tempered. Pugnacious. Obsessive. Fucking. Clean freak." She slammed the door behind her. A second later, it reopened and she glared around it.
"Yes, I'm going to be in a tantrum for the foreseeable future. Enjoy your time on the Lena Hertz roller-coaster. Expect frequent turbulence and know that the cart may veer off track at any time. Also, kissing, touching and other activities are prohibited. Have a nice FUCKING trip!"
BANG.
Rationalising my actions was impossible. But one thing was for sure- any doubts I had about her had gone. After looking into those eyes, I couldn't do anything less than believe her every word. Yes, she was dishonest. Yes, she was violent at times. Yes, she was as stubborn as a mule.
But she was my dishonest, violent and stubborn woman.
AN:
Okay so at some point I'll have to explain what's going on with the female titan etc. The first expedition where Petra and the others died happened, but in my story they didn't figure out who she was. So, things carried on as usual. You'll just have to ignore Eren's imprisonment...
Not long left! So excited as this will be the first story in my LIFE that I've ever finished. Don't forget to review!