"We're here now, Ma'am," the driver said, breaking into his passenger's reverie.
"Thank you," Tomoe said, stepping outside and finding herself at the airport once again.
The airport. A gateway to other countries, other worlds. An open door to escape. Making her way quite surreptitiously through throngs of people squealing at the sight of their loved ones, or tearfully muttering their goodbyes, Tomoe glanced up at the departure schedules for each major city in the world. London, New York, Paris… once, she had looked up at this list with excitement and eagerness. Had it merely been five years since she felt that way?
Tomoe felt her phone buzz, but she just simply tightened her grip on her clutch bag and let the phone ring. She knew instinctively, though, that the caller was Akira.
Akira… I'm sorry. Here she was, running away from him again. She would probably never stop apologizing to him for as long as she lived. This time, though, she swore she'd never come back.
Coming back was truly a mistake. No matter how much she tried to rationalize it, no matter what she believed she was doing, the fact remains that her presence was enough to affect Akira's peaceful life, the life he'd built for himself after she left the first time. She had done so well for five years, keeping away from him, fighting the urge to go back and undo everything she had done to him. Why couldn't she have held out enough for him to be able to completely forget her and everything they did together? Maybe a few years more, another five years more, and he would have found contentment in another person, peace in their life together, maybe even blessed with a gift to hold them permanently together. Why couldn't she have held out?
But she came back. She came back too soon for him to have forgotten her, too soon for him to have stopped loving her. Her professed intentions were to see if he was able to move on from the hurt that she caused him, and to know how well he had built his life after five years. She swore to herself she wouldn't interfere in anything. They sounded so noble to her, so reasonable that she had almost totally believed she was doing it.
She had to believe she was being noble. Because if she were just honest with herself, she came back with despicable, selfish reasons.
Why did she come back, really? Because she wanted to see him. Because she wanted to know if she could still be with him, despite the hurt that she had caused him. Because she realized everything she was, everything she had worked hard for, everything she had meant nothing without him.
She recognized these feelings the first time she saw Akira again. She was barely able to swallow back her jealousy when she saw how contented, how happy he was with Kaoru. She couldn't contain her anguish when she realized he was getting married to someone else, someone who made him smile again, someone he loved.
It could have been me. It should have been me. Regrets gnawed painfully into her heart, crushing the air out of her lungs, and filling her mind with images of what could have been. If she only had the courage and the fortitude to withstand the taunts and the leers of the haughty socialites, if she only trusted Akira more, if only she wasn't bent on proving to other people that she deserved him, she could have been…
But she wasn't. And what was worse is that she lost him to someone who she'd never dare hurt and who didn't deserve to be hurt, someone who reminded her of who she could have been had she trusted Akira's love. If only Kaoru was someone shallow, and selfish, and heartless, then she would have forgiven herself for having these desires, and maybe having the courage to act on them too. But Kaoru was what she should have been: strong, fearless, generously loving and generously loved.
What was she compared to Kaoru? Even when Akira himself came to her, offered himself to her, proved to her that he had always been hers, she left him, again, because she was afraid of the consequences that would inevitably follow. Kenshin would come after her, that she knew too well, but what Kenshin could do was nothing compared to the pain that she would definitely be bringing on Kaoru. She couldn't let Kaoru suffer because of her. She didn't want to bring on pain again on somebody who didn't deserve it, and who didn't have to experience it had she just stayed away.
This didn't mean, though, that she didn't love him, that she never loved him. God knows she did, she does, and probably will always do. It was just that it was now too late. It was now impossible for her to act on that love when that love now should belong to someone else.
Another life will now be affected by my mistake. It would be too unfair to Kaoru now.
Before she knew it, she found tears flowing silently down her cheeks. She hastily brushed them away. The phone continued ringing incessantly, demanding to be picked up. One last goodbye, she told herself, then answered the call. "Hello."
She was right. It was Akira. "Tomoe!" he shouted on the phone. "Don't you dare do this to me again! Don't you dare leave!"
"Akira…" Tomoe began, but Akira abruptly cut her off.
"Don't! Just don't, Tomoe!" he said. "I'm –"
Tomoe jumped as she heard a screeching noise from the other line. "Akira?" she tentatively asked, but when she heard the sound of metal being crushed, she couldn't keep the fear down. "Akira!" she almost screamed.
The other line went dead.
A kiss. It is an intimate gesture that leaves both participants vulnerable to strong, profound emotions, each person laid bare to the other, exposing truths no matter how deeply they are hidden within.
He kissed her.
Kenshin opened his eyes. In that one suspended moment, he knew. Looking into those bright, blue, innocent eyes, inhaling her intoxicating jasmine scent, the touch of her lips still lingering in his, he knew.
He knew he loved her with all of his heart.
But in that same instant, Kenshin knew what he had done. He hastily turned away from Kaoru and stood up. "I'm sorry," he said, moving towards his abandoned jacket. He stood away from her, put quite a distance from her. He had to take a moment to understand why he did what he did. Was it simply an impulse at the moment? Did his body simply move of its own accord? Had he lost control of his own body? If so, he must have his brain checked immediately. Or was it because he wanted to comfort her? He certainly did want to comfort her, he meant to comfort her, but how in the world was a kiss going to comfort anybody? Instead… he kissed her.
As Kenshin fidgeted about, Kaoru remained immovable, but her eyes followed him. "Kenshin…" Kaoru said softly. "I—"
Kenshin clenched his fists tightly. Gritting his teeth, he continued, "That… shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry."
"Kenshin," Kaoru repeated in a firmer voice, and stood up as well, but he raised his hand.
"Stay, please," Kenshin said. "But I have to go." Before I do something else I shouldn't do.
Kenshin caught up his jacket and walked away from her. "Kenshin!" Kaoru called out to him, but he continued walking until he reached the gate. I need to get out of here as fast as I can, before I reveal myself further. As he opened it, however, he noticed his phone lighting up. It was a call. He picked up immediately and was met with an unfamiliar voice. "Mr. Kenshin Himura?"
Kenshin's eyebrows knitted together as he answered, "Yes, this is he, speaking." Kaoru caught up with him and gripped his arm. He turned to her, and she, seeing that he had a call, closed immediately her mouth that had opened to say something angry at him.
"Dr. Megumi Takani of Tokyo General Hospital," the voice said. "I understand that you are the emergency person to contact for Mr. Akira Kiyosato."
Kenshin was momentarily frozen. Kaoru saw him clench his jaw and mouthed "Why?", but he simply shook his head. "Yes, I am. Is there anything the matter, Dr. Takani?"
"I'm afraid there is," the voice replied. "Mr. Kiyosato has been in an accident."
Tomoe nervously wrung her hands as she told the driver to go faster.
"Lady, I've been driving as fast as I can," he muttered, irritated at his customer's irrational demand. "That's already the third time you've said it."
The driver's curt response barely registered with her, occupied with the last sounds that she heard from Akira's call. Please let him be safe… please let him be okay… she repeated over and over again.
She was jolted as the cab came to an abrupt stop. "What happened?" she asked.
The driver looked out of the window. "Something's up ahead," he replied. "There's been an accident in the intersection ahead."
"An accident?" she said, a note of hysteria creeping into her voice. She took out a few bills from her purse, gave them to the cab, and without waiting for her change, got out of the cab. Heart hammering painfully inside her chest, she walked briskly towards the intersection, where a crowd was already gathering.
Then she saw an ambulance rush past the crowd, and her.
Kaoru and Kenshin frantically searched for Dr. Takani. The hospital receptionist pointed them to the ICU. At that, they both looked at each other as they rushed through the hallways of the hospital.
"Where is Dr. Takani?" Kenshin breathlessly inquired of the head nurse at the station.
"Yes?" The two of them turned around to face a tall woman with long hair and with a doctor's white robes. Kenshin's quick glance caught her name on the ID pinned on the robe.
"Dr. Takani, I'm Kenshin Himura –" he began.
"Mr. Kiyosato's emergency person," the doctor finished for him.
"How is he?" Kenshin asked.
While Kenshin interrogated Dr. Takani, Kaoru searched for the room where Akira could be in. She couldn't stop getting angry at herself for the selfish emotions that she was feeling while Akira was suffering elsewhere. An accident… Here I was, miserable and angry at you, and you're hurt and bleeding somewhere… God, Akira, please forgive me. Please be okay.
Then she found him.
"Akira…" Kaoru whispered, relieved. She walked over to a glass window, looking into a room where Akira was lying inert on a hospital bed. Various wires and tubes were attached to his body, just as bandages winded all over him. "Oh, Akira…" she couldn't help crying out. At a distance, Kenshin noticed that she found Akira, but was still in conversation with Dr. Takani. Meanwhile, Kaoru placed a hand on the glass window to at least somehow feel that she was near him. Please be okay, she pleaded again to God, or to whatever divine entity was watching over Akira. She moved to open the door to go in, but something made her look back again at the window.
She saw her.
Attired in a scrub suit, she was seated beside him, holding his hand tightly in hers. Even if the rest of her face was covered with a mask, her dark eyes revealed the same pain and anxiety that Kaoru herself was feeling at the present moment. Every once in a while, those eyes would dart towards the monitors, following every rise and fall of the graph, every change in the statistics on the screen.
At the sight, Kaoru was transfixed. Immovable, speechless, and momentarily breathless, she was transfixed at the sight of Tomoe beside Akira. "So…" she whispered. A tear silently fell from her eye. "So."
"He's going to be fine, Kaoru," Kenshin said as he walked up to Kaoru's side, startling her. "They've stitched and patched him up, and we just … have … to…" He couldn't finish his sentence because, just like Kaoru, his eyes were drawn to the people in the ICU. Instantly, they glinted malevolently, and his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He moved to open the door to the room, but Kaoru clutched at his arm to stop him.
"Kenshin…" Kaoru whispered. In response, Kenshin turned his gaze on her, and while the fire of anger in his eyes still smoldered, it was tinged with concern for her, more so when he felt her hand shaking.
"Kaoru…" Kenshin whispered. Gently, he touched the hand that held his arm.
Gathering her courage, Kaoru took a deep breath. "Let's not disturb them," she said quite forcefully, giving him a tremulous smile that soon faded away. "Let's… " she quickly swallowed and hastily continued, ''let's leave them alone, shall we?" She quickly slid her hand from his grasp and turned away from him, walking as fast as she could.
Kenshin sighed. In long strides, he soon overtook her and caught up her hand in his. Kaoru struggled against his grip, but he held her firmly. "I'll be fine, Kenshin, there's no need to worry about me," she insisted, but her glittering eyes betrayed her. Seeing them, he tightened his hold on her.
"I'll take you home," Kenshin quietly offered. Under his steady gaze, Kaoru nodded.
It was a quiet drive from the hospital, but of course, Kenshin expected it to be. He kept his eyes on the road, to give her privacy to weep. His hands gripped the wheel tightly. You shouldn't have had any cause to cry, Kaoru, he thought savagely, and cursed Tomoe to the depths of hell.
He was startled when Kaoru spoke."Kenshin," she said, "you don't have to strangle the poor wheel."
That choked out a laugh out of him. To oblige her, he loosened his grip. "There," he said. "Now it's alright."
"Good," she said. There was a pause, then she continued, "I'm quite alright too."
He didn't reply. Kaoru must have sensed what was passing on in his mind. "I am, really," she insisted. "I'll be fine."
He gritted his teeth at that. "You don't always have to pretend, Kaoru."
"I am not pretending," Kaoru replied forcefully. "You saw them, didn't you? Isn't it already clear, what it is between them?"
At that, Kenshin took a sharp turn and stopped the car along the highway. He turned to face Kaoru. "So you're just going to give up, then?" Kenshin asked her heatedly. "You're going to give up what you have with Akira that easily?"
"How can you say that?" Kaoru shot back. Her eyes blazed with anger. "How dare you say that I've given up the one person that I love, the one person I cherish?" She turned sharply away from him. "Let me out."
Kenshin didn't. "I'm sorry," he apologized. He started the car again and continued driving. They continued on in silence until they reached the dojo. All the while, Kaoru never wept, as he thought she should.
"Thank you," Kaoru said curtly when the car stopped, and she made to open the door. Kenshin stopped her by taking hold of her hand.
"I'm really sorry," he said. "I didn't mean…"
Kaoru cut him off by giving his hand a little squeeze. "I know," she whispered. She turned away from him. "I'm not giving up, Kenshin." She took a deep breath and continued. "I'm just going to let go." She stepped out of the car and closed the door.