Chapter 24- Part 2
Jude had been banned from the bar mitzvah for a G Major board member's son, D had arranged for her to be at and she had been angry, even though she had not wanted to do it in the first place. Karma had eagerly accepted the chance to replace her, getting her blood boiling even more. All because of those stupid pictures in Vanity Fair, which actually...had gotten her some great publicity. Apparently this kid's dad didn't think much of her new reputation, not wanting her to corrupt his son. So Jude did what any sane teenage girl would do, she crashed the party with Patsy in tow.
"Hey that song sounds familiar." Patsy commented, still scanning the party for the real booze and not those virgin drinks being passed around. Jude gaped as she stared at the girl on the stage.
"That's because it's my song." Jude said through gritted teeth as she left her friend to march towards Karma. Patsy grinned and wandered off in search of something stronger to get her through this annoying gathering.
Jude and Karma battled to one up the other with their singing, but it was clear Jude was the fan favorite. Karma could not stand that the spotlight was not centered on her, so when the cake was rolled out the two of them got into a fight as Patsy tried to help her friend how she knew best. Jude laughed as Karma got shoved into the giant multi-tiered birthday cake, not noticing the draft.
"Uh Jude. Boob." Patsy said and Jude looked at her chest in horror finally realizing that Karma had pulled her top down as she'd fallen, to reveal her breast. She put her arms to her chest in horror as the tweens continued to aim their picture phones and cameras at her.
*
Jude sat there, not paying much attention to the commotion in front of her as her father yelled at Darius for letting her be exploited like that. Of course Stuart had also caught SME making fun of her little incident in rather graphic detail of Spied having a grapefruit fall out of the bra he was wearing. She was lucky at least that no full frontal shots had made it online; Kyle had checked every site he could. She rolled her eyes thinking of her pervy band mates. BOYS! Stuart waved one of the multiple tabloid's featuring Jude on the cover, in front of D's face, asking how his seventeen year old could be exploited like that, that he had thought this place was about making music. Darius pointed out that the publicity was good for record sales and Jude had to stifle a snort. It was a little hard for Jude to be too upset about flashing her boob when a man has had you underneath him writhing and naked, screaming his name. Sure it was embarrassing, but she was no saint. Jude giggled and the two men turned to stare at her.
"Sorry..." She mouthed. They looked at her like she had two heads before Stuart turned back to Darius and demanded he fix it. She heard Darius say something about having to admit his daughter was hot and had to hide a laugh behind a cough.
*
"Um Harrison not that I would ever complain about getting naked pictures of you, but I have seen them before." Tommy commented at the tabloid picture she had emailed him. His nonchalance of it, lightened her mood. Although the pictures hadn't embarrassed her to death, she was still just a teenage girl and had never been much of an exhibitionist. And there had been the odd moral purist who had called her a whore. How was she supposed to take something like that?
"That's your only comment?"
"You're asking the guy who woke up in Strawberry Field's Memorial to Japanese tourists snapping pictures of him."
"So? That sounds pretty PG."
"I was butt naked." He smiled at her laughter as he found the old tabloid picture online and emailed her with it. When she opened the file she grinned. It was definitely him, a little younger, but familiar to her appreciative eyes.
"Mmmm I've always loved your body." Jude murmured as she stared at the poorly pixilated pictures of a younger undressed Tommy with the important parts blocked out. And she didn't even have to imagine the whole show, having gotten up close and personal with every part of him. She heard a groan on the other line.
"Don't say it like that Harrison...Not unless you can do something about it!" Jude gave a small laugh.
"Does my talking dirty turn you on Quincy?"
"Jude!" He warned, but she laughed again.
"What are you wearing?" She asked teasingly. "Or you could ask me what I'm not wearing?"
"You realize I'm at work? Maybe we can continue this discussion later?" Tommy ducked his head, shifting his lower body farther under the soundboard, as his rock band Destroyed Paradise played on the other side of the glass.
"Maybe..." She blinked as she heard the dial tone. He had hung up on her! Jude grinned to herself as she snapped her phone shut.
*
Stuart heard his youngest daughter on the phone yet again through her door. Jude never used to be such a girly girl. He shook his head and smiled, glad to be back home. Although he couldn't make out all the words to the conversation he could hear the bright emotion in her voice. He remembered there was once a time when Victoria had spoken to him like that, when they had first fallen for one another. He felt Jude slipping away, at the realization that she was in love for the first time. He frowned, because although he had tried to like her new boyfriend, the whole hitting on her while he'd been standing right there at the film premiere was a strike against him, hinting at a character he wasn't entirely sure he trusted.
As he made his way down the stairs, he heard a knock at the front door. He stared at the boy standing in the doorway in puzzlement as he turned his head to look up towards the second floor.
"Hi Mr. Harrison." Blake said politely. Stuart greeted him, still confused.
"Were you just on the phone with Jude?" Blake shook his head and it suddenly dawned on Stuart that he knew less than he should about his daughter's life. Jude had always been an open book. When did she suddenly have things to hide?
*
Kwest and Sadie took Jude out to a surprise lunch and they both looked like they had something to tell her, but neither of them seemed to be able to get it out.
"What?!" Sadie jumped a little at Jude's demanding voice. "Would you just tell me already?" Jude asked as she picked up some noodles with her chopsticks.
"Jude Kwest asked me to move in with him a while back. I told him I had to think about it, with Mom gone all the time...But now that Dad's here..." Jude blinked at them in surprise.
"You're moving in together?" Jude uttered.
"Yeah. We found this nice apartment near G-Major." Kwest explained as he wrapped an arm around Sadie's shoulder and she leaned into him. Jude looked down at her food again.
"Um that's great. I can get SME to help you move your stuff..." Jude offered, and wondered if her voice sounded strained to anyone but herself. Sadie smiled at Kwest in relief.
"See I told you she'd be okay with it." Kwest said to her as they kissed lightly. Jude turned her head away and concentrated on moving her food around. She felt like she was getting entirely too good at hiding her true feelings. Was there something wrong with her, that everyone kept leaving?
"So when are you leaving?" Jude asked over the lump in her throat.
"We can start moving the beginning of the month." Sadie said with a sparkle in her eye. It was exciting for her to finally be leaving home, like a rite of passage.
*
It was funny how things worked out Jude thought sometimes as she dabbed on a little eyeliner before Blake showed up. She had always considered them pretty casual with the occasional kisses thrown in, but he had pointed out the other day that neither of them had been seeing anyone else since they had met. She didn't take his comment too seriously, because they had both agreed going in that they hadn't wanted anything too heavy.
Jude left Blake in her bedroom, to get them some drinks, where they had gone to listen to the Pixies CD she had insisted he hear. He was glad that her father had gone out, leaving them all alone in the house. Parents had never been his thing. His eyes wandered to the laptop on her desk he and realized with all his traveling he hadn't checked his email in a few days. When he opened it and started to log onto his account an IM flashed onto the screen.
TMQN:
Hey big eyes haven't heard from you in a while
Blake frowned at the endearment this person had addressed his girlfriend with. His fingers were poised at the keys to reply, when Jude came back with two glasses of soda in hand. She could see what he was looking at and quickly put the drinks down to walk to his side. She had never told him about Tommy, knowing he could not have possibly understood. Her attempt to distract him was a little desperate, as she took his hand and pulled him away from her desk, sure to shut the laptop. She pushed him onto the bed and sat beside him.
"So how do you like the music?" He shrugged, not wanting to offend her by insulting her tastes.
"A little too punk for me. So who's TMQN?" He asked curiously.
"Just an old friend...So you never said hi to me." She said flirtatiously to distract him. He grinned as he put his hands on her waist.
"I didn't huh?" It all started with a kiss, but soon his hands wandered underneath her shirt and she froze. Her palms pushed at his chest until he let go.
"Jude what's wrong?"
"I'm not ready to do this with you."
"We've been seeing each other for months. You invited me up to your bedroom." He said in disbelief. "Come on Jude...You are so beautiful..." He whispered as he leaned in and his mouth grazed her neck. She flinched at his too intimate touch and shifted away from him.
"What is the problem? Do you like getting guys turned on and then leaving them cold?!" Jude stared at him as fury blazed through her eyes. No guy had the right to pressure a girl like this. She grabbed him through his pants and squeezed. Patsy would have been proud.
"Is this what you want from me?" He groaned and nodded his head. She let go and looked at him disdainfully. "Then you don't need a girlfriend. All you need is $40 and the right street corner." He gave her a half hurt, half shocked expression, but she did not soften to it.
"Are you going to hold onto your virginity until you're married or something?" She leaned in close to his ear, her warm breath tickled his skin.
"What makes you think I'm still a virgin?" He was still in shock at this side of Jude he had never seen before. She stood up with her hands on her hips in a combative stance. "I think you should leave."
"Maybe we should take a break so you can figure out what you really want Jude. Cuz it sure as hell doesn't seem like it's me." He said angrily as he grabbed his jacket from her bed.
"You're breaking up with me because I won't sleep with you?" She asked in disbelief, but he would not answer her. He slammed her bedroom door behind him as he left. She heard his shoes pounding down the steps and rolled her eyes, wondering if what he said was true.
.
After a long moment Jude made her way to her computer to see if Tommy was still online. He asked if he could call her and she agreed.
"Tommy do you think I'm a tease?" Tommy coughed, trying to stifle the laughter that wanted to break through.
"Girl I think you're asking the wrong guy." He couldn't control his mirth then.
"What's so funny?" She said in an indignant tone. It was a perfectly valid question wasn't it? Blake had just accused her of leading him on.
"Well you were busy fucking my brains out two hours after we met. So no, I know you're not a tease"
"I can't believe you just said that! That was so wrong!" Humor and shock were clear in her voice.
"Would you believe it sounded better in my head?"
"No!" They were both laughing so hard at that point neither of them could speak.
Sadie popped her head in the doorway, having just gotten home from the library. She was a little frazzled from working on an economics paper.
"Hold on" Jude said to the phone as she greeted her sister.
"Who's on the phone?"
"Uh Spied..."
"Great I'm the surfer dude now." Tommy grumbled.
"Where's Blake. I thought you two were hanging out tonight?" Sadie asked.
"We got in a fight and he left." Jude sighed.
"About what?" Sadie asked curiously as she walked into the room and sat at the desk, making herself comfortable. She loved gossip.
"I guess cuz I wouldn't put out." Sadie widened her eyes in surprise.
"Wow I kinda thought you already had...I mean he's hot and famous. And you've been seeing a lot of him." Jude just shrugged, not wanting to say too much with Tommy on the phone. She knew they both had jealousy issues.
"So why not Blake? You've been dating him for a while so you must like him. Is he a good kisser?"
"Yeah..."
"Has he done anything else?" Tommy waited with bated breath for her answer.
"Not really... It just didn't feel right Sades."
"How do you know until you try it? It's not like you have anything to compare it to." Tommy's laughter was unmistakable on the line and Jude growled under breath before she told him to shut up. Sadie blinked at her sister's angry tone.
"I don't think he's the one." That finally made Tommy quiet.
"Ahh don't worry about it little sis. You'll know when the time's right." But had she that first time? Jude didn't think so. Her reaction to Tommy had just been that all consuming.
*
Jude watched her angry friend take another shot as they sat at The Chain. There was no show scheduled that night so the place was pretty quiet. Patsy had shown up at her house earlier that day and immediately dragged her away. Jude had been with her all day, driving around and hanging out, trying to get her friend out of this angry mood she was in. All Patsy would say was not to let the corporate dogs get her down. Jude would not know until later that Patsy had counted Jamie among that list. Patsy took what looked like a contract out of her leather jacket and set fire to it, they both watched it burn on the scarred table, leaving a charred reminder behind.
"Uh Pat's that's not the only copy. They have the originals locked up." Jude said stupidly, not thinking how the other girl would react. Patsy was out the door before Jude could stop her. She frowned worriedly and reached for her cell phone to call Jamie.
*
They both arrived at G-Major at the same time, to find Patsy breaking into the locked filing cabinets, cutting herself in the process. Seeing Jamie had only fuelled her anger and she blew out of there before either of them could stop her. Jamie went to go after her, but Jude stopped him. She knew Patsy would listen to no one until she had cooled down. Later that night a call came that shattered both their worlds.
Jude paced the small waiting area as Jamie stood there, frozen in his own private nightmare. She kept saying Patsy would be alright, but deep down she didn't trust her own words. When the doctor came out asking who was there for the young crash victim, they both immediately rushed over. The news had Jude hugging herself tightly, unable to take in the reality. Patsy couldn't be gone... Jude had been with her just a few hours before. The police came then to ask them questions, explaining that Patsy had run straight into a cement bridge pylon. They asked if she had been drinking.
*
"Hey." Jude said softly, when he answered the phone. It had been so late when she had finally gotten home last night that she hadn't wanted to wake him.
"Hey..." He waited a beat for her to say something else as he tried to listen to his artist at the same time. "I'm in the middle of a recording session Girl. Is there something important that you called about or can I talk to you later?" He asked distractedly. He was always single-minded when he worked. There was something off about Anna's high notes and he appreciated Jude's vocal range that much more.
"Later is fine..." She said, her voice sounding hollow. Before he could remark on it she had said goodbye and hung up.
The next person to call him was Kwest. His best friend was more informative, but even he sounded a bit off.
"Are you okay man?" Patsy had been Kwest's first artist and although they had never become friends, they had worked closely together.
"Yeah. I'll be fine...Jude though...She was the last person to see Patsy alive." Tommy should have known something was wrong. She had not sounded like herself. When she answered her phone he asked her softly why she hadn't told him.
"There's nothing you can do." She said painfully honest, at least not hundreds of kilometers away, in another country. He would have offered to fly back to Toronto that day, but knew what had happened the last time he had offered. It was getting so hard to remember why he had left in the first place.
"Jude...Don't shut me out."
"I won't Tommy. I just....It doesn't seem real. I keep expecting to wake up and realize this is all just a bad dream..."
"I know baby..."
*
The memorial had gone the way it should have, without selling Patsy's memory to the highest bidder. She was surrounded by her friends the real ones that had been banned from the G-Major memorial, as they gathered at her favorite spot, the beach. Jamie was the only one absent from this gathering, having refused to miss work for this. Jude could only wonder if it was guilt and pain talking or had her best friend really changed so much without her noticing. Jude sang the beautiful song Patsy had shown her, Darkness 'Round the Sun, that last fateful day, using the scraps of paper she Kyle and Wally had found at the rehearsal space with the lyrics scribbled on them.
Somewhere there's a sea that has no other side Somewhere there's an airplane lost, beyond the sky So fly us up, above the clouds Live your life where you are now In the darkness 'round the sun There's life behind your eyes When you've lost the will to run You can feel it start to shine When the rain falls down so hard And you don't know where to start Drownin in the sun Somewhere someone thinks they've found the perfect love And you think you found the answer to all of this So hang on, sometimes we miss I'll be your perfect kiss In the darkness 'round the sun There's life behind your eyes When you've lost the will to run You can feel it start to shine When the rain falls down so hard You don't know where to start Drownin' in the sun Drownin' in the sun
They remembered her, speaking of the crazy things she had done and the gentle heart that lay beneath that tough as nails exterior. Jude couldn't help thinking Jamie should have been there instead of at G-Major with corporate executives that had never even met her. She did not know this new Jamie, that had sold out his girlfriend to make an album, using the song Patsy had hated as the title track. And he had blamed Jude for Patsy's death. They scattered her ashes, that Jude and Spied had stolen from G-Major late last night, into the water and said their goodbyes. There had been no listed next of kin, so her company had taken it upon themselves to hold a memorial. One by one everyone drifted away.
Spied and Jude were the last ones left on the beach with the small waves lapping at their shoes. They held each other as they thought of their friend, who was gone forever.
"I let her leave that night. She was so pissed off...I thought she needed to cool down." She sounded if she was confessing a multitude of heinous sins, which made him look at her with a searching gaze.
"Jude it was a horrible accident. You know how Patsy was. You couldn't have stopped her." Conviction was clear in his tone.
"Jamie blames me." She whispered as her voice cracked.
"The guy who she broke up with because she wouldn't conform to his music demands. You believe him?" Spied asked incredulously. Jamie it seemed didn't feel any responsibility, although it was his pressuring that had set Patsy off in the first place. She looked into his hazel eyes with shock.
"She broke up with him?" That explained at least part of the funk Patsy had been in that day.
"He didn't tell you." Spied said with disgust. "Come on Jude. You heard what they did to Shooting Star. Kwest might not have gotten Patsy, but Jamie knew her."
"Yeah..."
"So where's Blake? I thought he would be here for you."
"He never liked Patsy. Thought she was bad for my image. I don't think he really gets me Vin." Jude admitted to him. They had gotten back together on a conditional basis, after he had apologized for being a royal jerk. Jude had never been one to hold grudges and she had had a lot of fun in his company before. "What about Donna?" Spied had started dating a brunette from their school, who was one grade below them, a little while after they had broken up. Jude liked the girl, but had not gotten a chance to get to know her better.
"We aren't together anymore." He looked out into the distance to avoid her eyes. He didn't want to admit why they had broken up. "She didn't get the music. Or all the stuff that goes along with our work." Jude nodded, understanding right away. It could be hard for non-industry people to get their lives. Sometimes she felt so disconnected from Kat, but still made an effort to be in her friend's life, even though they had less in common than they once did. Spied couldn't tell her about the other woman who had seduced her way into his life, knowing she would not understand, especially not about this particular one.
"You know what I learned from this? You need to live life like you mean it. Cuz it could be over, just like that. Hold on to what you love." Jude looked at him in surprise, clearly wondering if he was trying to send her a deeper message as if he knew who she was aching for. She nodded her head slowly and she took his hand as they headed back towards her car. And she knew in that moment what she would do, for herself.
*
Jude walked away from him, not even believing in her own anger. Blake had come by after school the following day to see her, having just gotten back from California. He stood by his car and watched her stalk across the road to the school parking lot. They were taking another break. Maybe it would stick this time. He had come back and just expected her to act normal and let him take up where they had left off. Her friend had just died and instead of comfort or understanding he was merely puzzled, not getting why she had liked Patsy in the first place. She remembered clearly how he had said Patsy was bad for her image, and Jude snorted, knowing he only cared about his own. He had wanted her attention, but refused to validate her grief. Jude shook her head and wondered why she even cared.
Jude put on her sunglasses and finger combed her tangled hair out as she stared at her reflection in the rearview mirror. It was Friday and she had places to be.