February 19th 2014: Testimony of Rachel Berry Part One

Day eight of the trial came with no change to the weather. The snow was still banked up in the corners and thick winter coats, hats and scarves were still extremely necessary. As Rachel Berry stood outside the court, she paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. She was in rehearsal for the Broadway stage - all things going to be plan, she would be making her debut in less than a month. She had achieved her dream, but it was tinged with sadness - she was doing it without her biggest cheerleader and critic; her soulmate; and her equally talented male friend. There would be three empty front row seats on opening night - she already had the tickets for Kurt, Finn and Blaine booked. Strict instructions had been given to the box office that they were not to be resold on any condition. With any luck, three angels would be sitting in those spots. Now she had to make a performance unlike any she had made before. No singing or acting was required. The venue small enough that she would not have to project her voice. She was going solo, in the spotlight, on the witness stand.

"Calling Rachel Barbra Berry." As the clerk's voice rang out, Quinn rolled her eyes at the fact that she had actually used her middle name. She and Puck were sitting alongside Sam in the gallery. Burt and Wes were not accompanied by Carole - she had decided to take a day off and had made plans to head to the Met with Mercedes. Artie found himself sitting next to Dave Karofsky, whose presence had instantly attracted the attention of Jacob Ben Israel. Since Kurt's funeral, all of the New Directions had noticed a big shift in Dave's attitude - he was quite upfront and open about his sexuality now, and after last night, it was no secret that he and Sebastian were very good friends. Artie had long ago forgiven him for the years of slushie facials. The two were talking quietly as the court was called to order, and Rachel took the stand.

"From the moment that I saw him in my first week at McKinley High, I wanted to be with Finn Hudson. I also knew that I didn't have much chance. I was a short girl in animal sweaters, with a distinctive nose; he the quarterback, surrounded by a bevy of cheerleaders, not least his attractive blonde girlfriend, Quinn Fabray. If there is one thing about me, it is that I am determined, and when I want something, I go for it. Luck was on my side in my sophomore year - I persuaded Will Schuester to reboot the glee club, and to my delight, Finn was suddenly a part of it too. At last, I had him to myself. That was short-lived, of course, as Quinn and two of her fellow cheerleaders, known to the school as the Unholy Trinity, soon joined up. Then Quinn was pregnant, Finn the father - or was he? Turned out not, and it gave me my chance as he dumped her. That was the beginning of our relationship. Sure, we were on and off more than most celebrity couples. I nearly married him in my senior year, but in the end we both decided that we were too young, and that we had lots of time. As it happens, we actually had less than a year."

"Finn decided to join the army straight out of high school, whilst my life brought me to New York and NYADA. At first I was alone in the city, and I seriously wondered if I had made the right choice. Back in Lima, Blaine was making a decision that would have a major affect on all our lives - he pushed Kurt to follow his dreams, and soon he had joined me. He was my best friend, my biggest critic and my fashion guru. He found us a loft in Bushwick, and got himself an internship at Vogue. In our professional lives, everything was going well - in our personal lives less so. I had made a break from Finn; Blaine and Kurt's relationship had floundered over the distance between them. Both Kurt and Blaine ended up with broken hearts - there was blame on both sides for that. Finn was still around, and we both still loved each other, but we agreed that at that moment in time, it wasn't going to work. Not now that we both needed different things - I had New York, but Finn, he needed the comfort of Lima. Stability after he had been forced to leave the army when he shot himself whilst cleaning his gun." Rachel paused as a small ripple of laughter rang out around the court. She glared at Hunter, who was laughing the hardest and loudest. It ended when the judge banged her gavel and called for order.

"With Finn in Lima, I was all the more glad of Kurt's friendship. He kept me from making mistakes, to the point of staging an intervention at one point - he summoned Santana and Quinn to stop me making one major error. Santana never left - she moved in and also helped me out - she summoned Finn to deal with an issue with my then boyfriend Brody. The fact was that, regardless of whether we were officially a couple or not, Finn still loved and cared for me, and I for him. The same was of course true for Kurt - he and Blaine were hopelessly lost without each other. It had only been a matter of weeks before they were reunited, at first just as best friends. Then they hooked up at a wedding on Valentine's day. Admittedly, I did exactly the same with Finn. We were two pairs of soulmates, unable to function properly without each other. Finn was, and still is, the love of my life. That will never change and he will always be in my heart."

"He had been doing so well - he had decided that he wanted to be a teacher and had gone to a local college. He was coaching the New Directions whilst Mr Schuester was in Washington DC. He had triumphed over adversity, bringing the club back from the brink. He never lost his belief or faith in the power of music. It was something that gave him joy. He had confided in me about Sam's suspicions about the Warblers, and how he was reluctant to pursue it without firm evidence. That of course, ended up coming from Trent Nixon. What else he subsequently found out shocked him to the core, but he refused to go into any great detail with me - all he would say was that it made him shudder just to think about it. Blaine did tell Kurt a lot more - I know because I came home one night to hear the two of them crying on the phone. They mentioned the name's Nick, Jeff and Sebastian - the latter a shock, as he and Kurt had never been friends. But like Finn, Kurt kept his lips sealed on the full details."

"That was the first time that I came home to find Kurt in tears on the phone. The next was worse. That first time I went out and bought a cheesecake, put on a DVD of a musical, what now escapes me, and hugged him to my side for the rest of the night. The next time I walked in…. his eyes were unable to meet mine; his tears were just coursing down his face. Yet, he calmly asked me to sit down next to him, took my hands in his, and said "Rachel, I need to tell you something. It's very bad news and it affects us both in particular. My dad just called to tell me…" I instantly started to think that something had happened to Blaine; that Burt's cancer was back. He stopped me and said no. Then, he told me. I didn't believe it for a second. I had only spoken to Finn the night before. He had told me that he loved me and that he was going to try and come to New York for a weekend very soon. He couldn't be dead. It wasn't possible. Then I looked into Kurt's face, into his glasz eyes and realised that he was broken inside. That was when I knew that he was telling me the truth. I started to cry then and I just couldn't stop. We spent the next few hours on that couch. I didn't stop crying the whole time, as Kurt organised flights, spoke to Blaine, tried to sort things out with his dad. Santana had come home whilst he was telling me and she held me in her arms, her face sad, but no tears. I thought she was almost unaffected, but I know that the moment we left she burst into tears. Because I heard her sobs through the door."

"That whole period still seems so surreal looking back on it. Santana turned out to be a real rock for both myself and Kurt. She held me in her arms and let me cry. She sorted out so much for us in New York once Kurt and I had left - then was there for me the whole time at the funeral. I was glad to be able to call her my friend. Another person who figured a lot at that time was Blaine, of course. He was the one that came to pick us up at the airport - Burt was too busy with Carole - and he never left Kurt's side after that. He was a rock for Kurt to hold on to - he never cried in front of him, at least until our memorial at McKinley for Finn. He burst into tears when I sang. After that, he had apologised to Kurt - he told him that he had nothing to apologise for and told him just to let it all out. Blaine sobbed in his arms for three hours. Finn's death had left a massive hole in all our hearts. He was the love of my life. There will never be anyone else quite like him for me. I have never admitted this to anyone, not even Kurt, but I had his name tattooed over my heart. In retrospect, that should have been one of the happiest times in my life - I had just been offered a lead in a Broadway show. Kurt and Blaine had got engaged after one of the most elaborate proposals I have ever witnessed. Everything was going so well. Finn died, but nothing really changed too much - I just had a new heaviness in my heart. I knew that I had to go on for him. I believed strongly that he would be watching over me, proud of me as I achieved my dreams. Watching over his 'little brother' as he married the love of his life. But that was an assumption that turned out to be untrue…"