Rey cried softly, tears streaming down her cheeks and soaking into the pillow beneath her. She didn't know what time it was, she didn't care. She was spent, drained, and overwhelmed with wariness until mercifully, sleep claimed her.
In the end though, sleep was not a friend. Dreams turned to nightmares and visions mixed in swirling whirlpools of memory.
Rey was a child. Not quite alone.
She was scared, no, terrified. The large, ham-handed Plutt, held her arm tight as she reached toward the sky, begging, pleading to the one who left her to return.
She waited. Alone. Counting the days until they returned. Marking them each down, etching them in metal.
She felt herself riding, bumping along on a sled through endless desert sand.
Then he came to her.
Not in body, not solid.
In dreams.
Or nightmares.
His eyes, dark and on fire at the same time.
Standing beside her. Always there. Pulling her close to him, shielding her from harm.
Then the dream shifted and the floor beneath her turned. She was older then and so was he.
He was reaching for her, protectively, tucking his arm around her waist and holding her close against his chest. His hand stole to her face, his thumb under her chin, lifting her lips to meet his.
Softly. Gently. Coaxing.
Drawing her in, his warmth surrounding her.
But then he pulled away from her, pushing her back as she clung to him. She twisted her fingers into his cloak desperate to hold on, but he wrenched her free.
His metal mask distorted in her mind's eye, not quite defined, not really there. It was always just the surface, but she could see who he really was inside. She always could.
Or did she?
She was in the interrogation chair again.
Kylo Ren was there.
His mask, his eyes, cutting through her. Not the curious, awestruck eyes she held in her memory that let her read him as easily as the words on a page, but hateful, deceitful eyes that mocked her.
Suddenly, the whirlpool solidified around her.
The walls were grey and she could feel the rough cloth of the First Order issued shirt, scratching at her throat. She had been told that she would get used to it, that she would learn not to notice and be distracted by such mundane frivolities. But she longed for her old clothes. Her mother.
Rey remembered her face. She remembered being held close to her mother's heart, feeling the rise and fall of her chest with each breath.
She was small enough there in her uniform that she could imagine crawling back into her mother's lap as she went to sleep each night.
She remembered the tasteless mush served in the mess hall.
Cardinal.
His face younger than Rey remembered him as Vi's friend. She could see him across the hall eating his own flavorless fare.
Phasma. Her helmet was shiny against the glare of the harsh sun's rays.
The world started to spin again.
Then he returned. The scared boy who never really grew up. Who wanted to finish a dream, abused and afraid.
The man who could have hurt her, but saved her life instead, taking the risk for her, sparing her life. But he dissolved away and was replaced by the man on a high bridge talking quietly to Han.
Igniting his lightsaber.
Turning his gaze in her.
She was next.
She screamed from the balcony as his hateful eyes locked her in place. Her body wouldn't move, she couldn't run, she couldn't hide but suddenly she was in the woods, cold, alone.
His Force strength sending her flying through the air.
His face was hot anger and rage, the face of a monster.
But then monster melted away and she opened her eyes and he was her Ben again. Her scared, flawed, Ben, who would never hurt her, who saved her life from Snoke. Who would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat to protect her.
His eyes pierced her heart and pulled her toward himself in a gravitational draw.
Ben was hers, and with him she would never be alone.
Family.
Love.
It was in his eyes, his face.
She reached up to touch him, needing to feel his skin against hers. He was bending down to kiss her face, cradled in his warm hands.
Her lips pressed against his lightly.
Then he was gone.
She was alone in the desert with sand whipping into her eyes.
She wept softly in her sleep, too exhausted to wake.
The door slid open quietly, Rey never knew when exactly. She felt Ben through the Force moving around the room. Something about his presence unconsciously lulled her into a deeper sleep, no longer aware of her surroundings.
Rey knew she was alone as soon as she woke, even before she opened her eyes. She sat up in the darkened room and looked around. The suitcase lay opened on the floor, Ben's things were removed leaving her clothes neatly stacked to one side.
She snatched up her pillow and sent it soaring across the room.
She picked up her comms unit and started at the number of notifications. Connix had sent seven messages, Vi five, Rose, Finn, Poe all sent one each.
Poe's was the only one she opened.
He'd offered to let her search all the data files using his government access.
That was all she really needed.
Rey could feel Ben through the Force, the strength of his emotions clouded her own thoughts as she dressed quickly and splashed water on her face. Then as she wiped the water off with the plain white towel, he appeared through the mind bridge.
"Rey, I'm so sorry." He told her, the love in his eyes and the quivering of his lips matched the emotions she felt flowing into the Force from him.
"Where are you?" She asked, stepping closer, "Why didn't you wake me?"
He looked down a second before answering, "You were crying in your sleep, you were so scared and tired."
"You used the Force to calm me," she whispered.
He nodded, reaching for her hand. She wasn't sure she was ready for that after the night she'd had. The vision of him as a monster still clung to her. There was none of that in his eyes though.
She lifted her hand to hold his, "Where are you?" She asked again.
"I'm off planet, on my way to Parnassos."
She shook her head, "Phasma's home world?"
"Yeah, I'll let you know what I find." He answered, searching her eyes.
She shook her head, there was already too much he wasn't telling her, "Tell me what your remember. Why did you never say?"
"I need you to trust me," he whispered.
"Always," she said.
They both knew it was the truth.