Author's Note: Those of you who have read "How to get to School When the Portal's Broken" may recognise parts of this chapter. There's a very good reason for this: "How to get to School..." is the prototype of this chapter, and was also a way for me to suss out if it was worth making a TARDIS for Harry and his friends. The result of that little poll was a resounding 'yes', provided it doesn't take the piss. So, it won't. This has been tidied up a little, as well, to make it a little more readable.

– CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR –

Getting to School and Sorting Yourself Out

Tuesday, September 1st, 1992, dawned with bright sunshine. Of course, since Harry lived in the centre of London, one of the most polluted cities in the world, the sun shone through a haze of smog.

After yawning, scratching and farting, Harry made his way to the bathroom, peeing noisily and brushing his teeth, desperate to remove the taste and smell of mouldy carpet from his mouth. A quick work-out, followed by a long, hot shower, soon cleared his mind, and three litres of coffee provided him with enough energy to amble around his flat.

He put Hedwig in her cage, ignoring her squawk of protest, because he had a vague feeling of needing her. Of course, he expected Dobby to seal the barrier again, so Hedwig would be necessary. He explained this to his familiar, but she was sulking, so he passed her a treat, hoping to mollify her enough.

He grabbed his trunk, shrinking it down and slipping it into his pocket. Huh... there's a thought. How am I supposed to walk the streets with an owl cage? Nyah, this is London. I doubt people would notice if I walked down the street naked. He shrugged, deciding against taking the Floo, simply because he had no desire to go flying out the other end, especially since he was carrying Hedwig.

Making sure everything was switched off, he activated the safety systems in his flat (a fire-fighting charm, as well as a stasis charm, making sure his Venomous Tentacular wouldn't eat everything in the building while he was gone) and left, whistling gaily.

His arrival at King's Cross ten minutes later went without remark. People just bustled past him, ignorant of the fact he was holding a diurnal bird-of-prey. Londoners... He scoffed as he entered the café, quickly ordering himself a coffee and a muffin.

While he was waiting, he flicked through the Financial Times, happily noting that the stock value of his recent investments into mobile phone companies had gone up significantly. That'll cheer the goblins up.

A shriek of pleasure announced the arrival of Hermione, as she rushed over, and wrapped him in a hug. Her parents had dropped her off outside the station, knowing that she needed to speak to Harry in private.

She went to the counter and ordered herself a Diet Coke and a bag of crisps, before sitting opposite Harry, looking distinctly nervous.

"So..."

"Hermione." Harry said firmly. "It's fine. Stop it. I know Lockhart attracts young witches. Don't like it, but I know it happens. I just... I'd have thought you'd have been immune to his charms."

"I will be, Harry." Hermione replied. "It's just... I mean, he's famous."

"So am I, Hermione." Harry replied quietly.

"No." She contradicted. "You're just Harry."

Yes! "Okay." He said simply. "But, please... if you'd rather chase after him, let me know, so I don't waste my time with you."

She reached over and took his hand. "You're not wasting time with me, Harry. I... I like you. I like being your girlfriend. I wouldn't risk that by lusting after him."

"Then we're good, My Only." He smiled at her and squeezed her hand, reaching up with his free hand to drink his coffee.

The two sat in the café until 10:55. Harry noticed the time, and stood up quickly. He grabbed Hermione's trunk, and loaded it onto a trolley. Hermione grabbed Crookshanks' carrier, and the two walked towards Platform 9¾ at a brisk clip. In front of them, the Weasley family passed through the portal, leaving Ron out, who was fussing with his trolley.

"We need to hurry, Harry." Hermione said. "It's almost time for the train to set off."

Harry increased his pace, Hermione keeping pace next to him. In front of them, Ron was still manhandling his trolley. Harry broke into a trot, remembering that it was best to go through the portal at a brief run. However, his plan was thwarted when the trolley impacted the wall savagely, throwing him to the floor, and letting Hermione's trunk and Hedwig's owl cage collapse on top of him. Hermione managed to pull herself to a stop before impact. Behind them, Ron was scowling at the two.

"Are you gonna sit out here all bloody day?" He snapped.

Harry looked up, ignoring the hostility in the tone. "The portal's shut." He said, placing his hand on the wall. Normally, his hand would have passed through, but now it rested on the cold brick. "Why has the portal shut?"

The trio looked up at the clock hanging from the ceiling. "Oh, no!" Hermione cried. "It's 11 o'clock! The train will have gone, now."

Ron looked at them for a moment, before his face lit up. "I know! My dad's car flies!" He looked at Hermione. "We could use that to fly to Hogwarts!"

Hermione glanced at Harry, matching his expression of incredulity. "Are you serious?" She snapped. "You expect us to take an illegal flying car to school?"

"Yeah!" Ron said in a jaunty tone, nodding vigorously.

"No!" Harry replied, using the exact same tone of voice. "I refuse. I'll send Hedwig on."

Ron scowled at Harry, before turning to Hermione, who shook her head. He grabbed his trolley and dashed out of the door.

"Shouldn't we stop him?" Hermione asked.

Harry shook his head. "I seriously doubt we could, at least, not without hexing him. And we can't do that in public." He head the sound of the battered Ford Anglia start up, Ron grinding on the gears, before the car backfired. Harry peered out of the door, and saw the Anglia, in full view of the people around the train station, start to rise into the air.

"The obliviators'll have a hell of a time explaining that one." He muttered, before heading out of the exit.

"What do we do now, Harry?" Hermione asked, following him out of the door. "And why couldn't we get through the portal?"

"Well, the first part's simple. We head back to my place, and I'll send Hedwig on to Professor Dumbledore explaining that we couldn't get through. Then, we might as well take a Portkey directly to school." As to your other question, I don't think I can really explain that Dobby's being a little arse and trying to keep me away.

Once the two were outside, the ducked into an alley to shrink Hermione's trunk, and headed into the sunshine, Hermione shyly taking Harry's hand, and leading them back to Charing Cross Road.

"And where do we get a Portkey from?" Hermione asked, squeezing his hand gently.

"Normally, you'd need to contact the Ministry of Magic, who'd charge you for it."

"Normally?"

"Well..." Harry blushed lightly. "As the head of an Ancient and Noble family, I automatically have Portkey creation rights, so I can make them. I've been playing around with them over the summer. I thought I could use them instead of the Floo."

Hermione sniggered. She'd seen Harry's attempts to Floo. No matter how he entered the fireplace, he'd come flying out of the other end. "I understand that, Harry. I've seen you Floo."

Harry mock-glared at her, before relenting, and letting out a small laugh. "The main problem I've found with Portkey travel is... well, it leaves me feeling... naked."

"Naked?" Hermione squeaked.

"Not literally." Harry was quick to reassure her. "I don't mean that you end up unclothed at the end of the journey. It's just..." He thought for a moment. How best to describe the sensation? "Imagine being in the eye of a cyclone, spinning around wildly. That, combined with the sensation of somebody dragging you around by a hook in the navel, and that's a Portkey."

Hermione wrinkled her nose. "Sounds unpleasant."

Harry nodded. "It is. So, I started thinking to myself. What if you were inside a Portkey?"

"How would that work?" Hermione asked, entering the Leaky Cauldron, Harry close on her heels.

"Well, I was thinking. If you were to make a Portkey out of a box or something, you'd be inside, and the Portkey itself would contain the momentum, leaving you without the horrid sensation."

"That sounds like it makes sense." Hermione allowed. "You'd be a bit uncomfortable, though, being inside a box."

Harry scoffed as he opened the portal onto Diagon Alley. "Hermione, do you forget you're a witch? All you'd need is a space expansion charm, and you'd have plenty of room."

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. "Sometimes, Harry, in my excitement, I do forget some of the important parts of our world." She gave a mock-sniff. "That's no reason to mock me."

Harry could read Hermione like a book, and gave her a hug, even though he knew she wasn't upset. "You know I'm not mocking you, Hermione. My Only." He added the last part tenderly.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Are you going to insist on using that nickname?" She asked.

"I think it fits you rather well." Harry defended himself. "You are My Only, Hermione." He gave her his 'heart-stoppingly gorgeous' smile, making her knees go weak for a moment.

"Fine." She pouted. "I still need a nickname for you, though, Harry."

The two approached the vacant shop, no. 93 Diagon Alley. Harry glanced around, making sure no-one was looking as he opened the door. They entered the flat, Harry locking the door behind them.

"I'm sure you'll think of something, My Only."

She looked around. "So, where's this box?" She asked. "Don't tell me you don't have one." Harry took her hand, and led her to his bedroom. "Harry, if my parents were to walk in..."

He rolled his eyes. "Please, I'm twelve. Not quite ready to do that." He cocked his eyebrow. "Yet." He added impishly. Hermione looked at him, probing him with an intense stare. He shifted, slightly uncomfortable with Hermione blatantly checking him out. "Plumbing's not quite ready for that."

She relented, smiling warmly at him. "Not a problem. I'm not ready to do that, either." Although when I am... I hope it's with you.

Harry opened one of the cupboards in his room, where a tall shiny silver box rested. It was about seven feet tall, three feet wide and three feet deep. On the top was a white light.

"Not a lot of room in there." Hermione commented. Harry arched a brow at her, making her nod in realisation. "Right, space expansion charm. Got it."

He opened the door, letting her in. She got her first glimpse, and let out a tiny gasp. Inside the box was a large, well-lit room. In the centre of the room was a round console, with some kind of technological device sitting on top. For a moment, she thought the blue spikes inside looked like interlocking-fingers, before she made her way over, and looked at the console.

There were a number of pieces of technology on the console. The only thing she truly recognised was a laptop computer, which appeared to be melded to the console. "Harry? What is all this?"

Harry went over to the console, and tapped a few buttons. "It's mainly Muggle electronics, charmed to work off magic. Have you heard of the GPS system?"

She nodded. Her dad had been desperate to buy one of the devices when it had been release a couple of years ago. "From what I understand, satellites in orbit determine where you are, and give you your exact position, to a couple of feet."

"Spot on." Harry said, smiling at her warmly. "There's a GPS positioning scanner inside the console. As such, we'll always know where the box lands."

"What else?"

Harry looked at the packed console. "Well, the laptop's for interfacing with the GPS scanner, has a database I've been putting together. It's also useful as a CD player, and can play games on it." He looked at her, a little sheepish when he admitted that. "That panel," he pointed to a large panel, with a shiny reflective surface, a few buttons and an odd funnel, "is for communications. The mirror is the same as I gave you for last Christmas, the buttons are actually Runes. That weird little nozzle is a connection to the Floo system. You can't travel through it, but you can use it to communicate."

Hermione ambled over, looking at a small numerical keypad. "What about this?"

Harry glanced down. "Ah, that hooks into the portable telecommunications network."

"Huh?"

"It's a link into the mobile telephone grid. You can use that to contact any telephone line in the world." He grinned at the last part. "It's free, too."

Hermione glanced at him. "And is that legal?" She asked archly.

"Well..." Harry glanced at her. "It's not illegal... as such..."

"What about this bit?" Hermione had abandoned her bollocking for the next panel.

"Ah, the internal dimensions." Harry said, eager to leave the telling off. "Basically, it's another set of Runes for manipulating the space enchantment charms. You can use that to expand the inside, or shrink it down."

Hermione nodded. "This is really cool, Harry. How did you make it?"

Harry picked a book up off the floor, and handed it to her. It was a Runes textbook, an old one by the look of it. "It's all in there. It took me a while to inscribe the Runes. And, I had to use blood-runes, so that only I would be able to use it."

Hermione stared at him. "And how does this console work with the box? If you make this into a Portkey, wouldn't just the console go?"

"Again, Runes." Harry said. "The centre of this console is sitting on a... well, I call it a Runic Keystone, which is etched into the floor of the box. That, and a Permanent Sticking Charm."

Hermione's brain began working through the details. "So... the console itself becomes the Portkey, which takes the rest of the box, and whatever's inside it, to wherever it needs to go."

Harry nodded. "In a word, yes. The best part is, there's a small reactor inside the console, so it doesn't take loads of magic to make it work."

"Do you have blueprints? And the Arithmancy formula you used on it?" She batted her eyelashes at him. "I wouldn't mind taking a look at it."

"I'll show you some other time." He grumbled. Making his way around the console, he jabbed a few buttons on the computer, then began typing. "Okay, where should we end up?"

Hermione had opened the old textbook, and was starting to make her way through. "Hmm? Sorry, Harry, what was that?"

"When we set off, where should we end up? Hogsmeade train station? Outside the main gates? The main doors? The Great Hall? Where should we materialise?"

Looking impish, Hermione grinned at him. "I take it you want to make an entrance?"

"Hermione!" Harry looked innocently at her. "I'm shocked, shocked and disappointed you'd think that of me! You know how much I hate my fame! Why would I do more to call attention to myself?" She stared at him, hard, for a few moments. "All right, fine, yes, I do want to make an entrance." He pondered for a moment. "Well, a better entrance than shit-for-brains Weasley'll make, anyway."

"So, Great Hall. During the Sorting would have the most impact."

Harry tapped a few more buttons, setting the co-ordinates on the console. "Okay... co-ordinates are set. All we'll need to do is activate it, and then we'll set off. It'll take about ten minutes to go from here to Northern Scotland, and the Sorting usually begins at about seven, so we'll set off at 6:50, yeah?"

She nodded at him.

"Now, I'd better send Hedwig off. It's good manners to tell Dumbledore that we'll be a little late." He quickly scribbled a note. "Oh, and let Crooks out of his basket, will ya? He'll be in an evil mood if he's in there for too long."

Hermione complied, letting her cat out of the basket. Harry cleared his throat. "Now, listen here, furball. You destroy any of my curtains, and you'll end up singing soprano, is that clear?"

Crookshanks just gave him a nasty look, and leapt up to the back of the couch, before he promptly fell asleep. Harry, shaking his head, made his way over to Hedwig's cage. "Hey there, beautiful. Can you take this letter to Dumbledore for me? Just let him know that we'll be a bit late. When you've dropped it off, head up to the Owlery for a sleep, okay?"

Hedwig nodded, before flying out of the apartment.

"So... we appear to have several hours to kill, Miss Granger." He said, leading her into the living room. "What shall we occupy ourselves with now?"

The two had occupied themselves with watching Bond movies, eating enough junk food to cause cavities and sneaking little kisses while changing tapes. Hermione had tried to play Time Crisis on his Playstation, but was utterly crap. She just didn't have the killer instinct necessary to blow the bad guys away.

Hmm... I'll need to change that for the future... At six-thirty, Harry had Hermione try to get the evil cat back in his travel carrier. At quarter-to-seven, they finally succeeded, Crookshanks hissing and spitting a storm at Harry.

"Hey, don't pick of me, evil git!" Harry spat at the cat. "It's not my bloody fault." He glanced up at Hermione. "Why did I pick him for you in the first place?"

"He's gorgeous, Harry." Hermione said primly. "He's a very nice cat."

"He's a twisted, evil little bastard." Harry mumbled under his breath. "Honestly, he wasn't nearly this nasty to me the first time around." Actually... that's something to think about.

He and Hermione bustled themselves into the Portkey box, Hermione gently placing Crooks' carrier on the floor, while Harry carelessly dropped Hedwig's empty cage.

"Are you ready for this?" He asked.

Hermione suddenly looked up. "I thought this was supposed to be a smooth ride?"

"Oh, it should be." Harry replied, before grinning at her. "Did I forget to mention I haven't actually tested it yet?"

"What? Is it safe?"

Harry didn't answer. He just jabbed a button the console. Underneath the floor, a loud, ominous clang was heard, as the blue fingers at the centre of the console began to move up and down.

"What's happening?" Hermione called over the noise.

"The gyroscope's starting up." Harry replied. "It should quieten down..." The noise faded to a background level. "Right about now. The gyroscope needs to get up to speed. Basically, you spin at something like 600rpm using a Portkey, so the computer works out how fast the gyroscope needs to spin in the opposite direction, cancelling out the nauseating sensation."

The floor began to vibrate slightly, before evening out. "Takes about 10 seconds for everything gets up to speed, and now we're moving through a magical vortex." The blue fingers in the console moved up and down regularly, a faint wheezing/groaning sound coming from them.

"So, we should be there in about ten minutes." Harry said, stepping back from the console and sitting on one of the chairs, bolted to the railing surrounding the console. Hermione let go of the console, and sat on the chair next to her boyfriend.

"Harry?"

"Yes, gorgeous?" He replied, noting that she yet again blushed at the compliment.

"I swear I'll be good around Lockhart this year."

"Hermione, please, leave it. We've had the discussion, it's sorted, over, forgotten. Let's worry about the fop if he does anything annoying in future. For now, it's me and you, My Only. Me and you."

She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Me and you, Harry." She replied. "I just wanted you to know, though."

"I know, sweetie."

In the Great Hall, moods were strained. Ron Weasley's... unorthodox arrival had sent Snape into a massive rant on foolish Gryffindors. It didn't help that McGonagall agreed with him, assigning Weasley a month of detention with Mr. Filch.

Of course, when Ron had told McGonagall and Snape that Harry and Hermione couldn't get through the barrier, but had refused to join him, they became a little worried. That worry faded when Harry's owl arrived, bearing a note saying the two would be arriving by Portkey at around 7pm.

Dumbledore had read the note, one bushy eyebrow raising up, as he wondered how young Harry would get hold of a Portkey, or how he expected to Portkey through the heavy wards surrounding the school. He wasn't too worried, though. When Harry couldn't get through, he'd be able to go and get him, thereby earning himself more points with the 'Boy-Who-Lived', and getting himself one step closer to being able to guide the boy in the direction he needed to go.

McGonagall led the first years into the hall, and took up her customary place at the side of the stool with the Sorting Hat on.

She was about to call out the first name, when a wheezing/groaning sound filled the air. All the teachers, and several of the older students, drew their wands. Quickly looking around, McGonagall saw a flashing light in the corner of the hall, just next to the stage and staff table. As the sound got louder, a tall silver box began to appear, filling slowly as the sound reached a crescendo, then became silent. After a moment, the door opened, revealing Harry Potter, carrying a trunk, and Hermione Granger, holding a pet carrier with a spitting animal inside.

Harry waited until Hermione was out, then shut the door, and waved his wand. The box made a strange 'blip' noise, the light on top flashing once, before the wheezing groaning sound started up, the box gradually began to dematerialise.

Harry took Hermione's free hand, and led her to the Ravenclaw table, ignoring the odd glances he was receiving from the rest of the students.

"Thank you, Harry." Hermione said as she sat down. Harry looked up at the staff table, smiling at Dumbledore's gob-smacked expression.

"Good evening, sir. Sorry we're late. Had a bit of problems getting onto platform 9¾."

"O-Of course, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore replied. "Still, you're here, now." He turned to his deputy. "Please, carry on with the Sorting, Minerva."

Harry watched the Sorting with ambivalence. Most of the people there waiting to be Sorted were in the right houses. There was only one that Harry wanted to influence.

When the name was called, "Lovegood, Luna", Harry sat up marginally straighter in his chair. When the hat fell on her head, Harry swore he could hear the Sorting Hat start to giggle.

This one is different. The Hat sent via Legilimens to Harry's mind.

She is, isn't she? A thought occurred to Harry. Adrian, can you do IQ tests?

Yes, I can. In fact, I do. I measure everyone's intelligence when they place me on their head. After a moment, the Hat started up again. In case you were wondering, your IQ is 196.

And Hermione's?

202. Only three people smarter than her in the history of my Sorting.

Out of idle curiosity, who were they?

Rowena Ravenclaw, Wendelin the Weird, in 1487, and Lily Evans in 1971.

Huh. Curious...

You're wondering about Miss Lovegood, I assume? She's 199.

She's Ravenclaw material, definitely.

Well... that was my first instinct as well. I assume, since your knowledge of the future includes her, that you know she's... different, from most people.

Very much so. She was one of my best friends. I hope she'll be that again.

Very well, Milord. "Ravenclaw!" The Hat shouted.

Luna stood up calmly, taking the hat off, and placing it back on the small stool. She calmly skipped down the aisle, causing several people to laugh, before she stopped directly in front of Harry. He looked at her, curious as to why she'd stopped there.

"I've been told to tell you something." Luna said in that sing-song way.

Harry's brow arched. "Oh?"

"Yes." Luna replied. All of a sudden, her dreamy air vanished, as her eyes turned jet-black. This was a new one to Harry. When she'd channelled visions before, her eyes turned pure white. Never black. Her voice became harsher. "The stream has been diverted by your actions. The lessons you learnt have become unravelled."

She grabbed his face with both hands, her fingertips resting against his temples, as she leaned forward. "Embrace eternity, warrior, and learn!" She kissed him. Out of her eyes and mouth, streams of yellow energy pulsed into Harry, who after a moment started to scream into her mouth. He dropped to his knees, Luna dropping right with him, as the energy transferred.

Hermione leapt to her feet, drawing her wand from her sleeve. She couldn't think of what spell to use, as anything she shot at Luna could hit Harry. "Stop!" She shouted.

At the Head Table, Dumbledore leapt to his feet, making his way around the table, closely followed by McGonagall, Flitwick and Snape. They stood behind Luna, very aware of the energy fluctuations she was causing. In the background, all four hundred-plus students in the hall could hear a four-note drumbeat, repeating over and over.

The instant it stopped, Harry slumped backwards, closely followed by Luna. Hermione dropped to her knees, pulling Harry's head into her lap. "Harry? Are you okay?"

Luna slowly, almost painfully, pulled herself to her knees, panting heavily. Hermione shot daggers at her. "What did you do to him?" She spat.

Luna's determined air was replaced by her conventional serene madness. "I don't know." She said, her voice back to it's dreamy normality. "I didn't understand the words."

"What words?" Hermione asked quickly.

Luna fixed her with a gaze. "I was told to 'e-mail an upgrade' to him. I don't know what that means."

"It means you were passing information to me." Harry's dry, scratchy voice suddenly spoke up. He opened his eyes, hissing in pain before he closed them again. "Oh... migraine, migraine..."

As if on cue, Madam Pomfrey entered the hall, rushing straight to Harry with her bag. "What's wrong?" She snapped.

"Headache potion, please." Harry requested, keeping his eyes closed. A vial was pressed into his hand, which he quickly swallowed, gagging for a moment on the revolting taste, before his headache began to fade. He sat up, quickly wriggling, to make sure everything was working. He fixed Luna with a sharp gaze. "Luna?" He asked calmly.

"Yes, Harry?" Luna sing-songed.

"If you ever feel a need to do that again, bloody warn me!" Harry slowly pulled himself to his feet, before slumping onto the bench. Hermione quickly sat next to him, squeezing his hand. He pulled it loose, and wrapped it around her shoulder, pulling her close. "I'm all right."

Luna sat on the bench next to him. "I'm sorry, Harry."

"I know, Luna." He replied. "A bit of warning would have been nice, though."

Dumbledore cleared his throat. Harry looked up. "Oh, sorry, sir."

"What is happening, Mr. Potter?" He asked.

"Damned if I know, Headmaster." Harry replied casually. "From what I can tell, Luna passed... something, some kind of knowledge into my brain. Could just be a recipe for a perfect chicken soup, as far as I can tell."

Luna shook her head. "It's not. I don't like Chicken soup."

Harry closed his eyes. "Treacle sponge pudding?" He said after a moment. "It's very fattening, you know, Luna. Especially if made with proper custard."

She just smiled, looking at Dumbledore curiously.

"I believe we should continue this conversation later." Dumbledore replied firmly.

"Wouldn't be any point, Headmaster." Harry said, equally as firmly. "Whatever... this, is, it's protected. I can feel it integrating with my mind, and there's a hell of a lot of protection mixed in with it."

Dumbledore just walked away, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Harry?" Hermione whispered from next to him.

"Later, Hermione." Harry said, gesturing to the student population, who suddenly seemed to find Harry so very interesting. "Too many people around here."

After the puddings had vanished from the table, drawing a tiny moan of protest from a certain blonde first year, Dumbledore stood up.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to a new year here at Hogwarts! Now that we're all fed and watered, I have a few start of term announcements for you. All students, especially the Gryffindor fourth years, should note that the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds. That's why we call it the 'Forbidden' Forest, instead of the 'You-shouldn't-really-go-there' Forest. Our caretaker, Mr. Filch, has asked me to remind you that magic is not to be used in the corridors. The list of banned items has now reached two hundred and twenty-one items. The entire list can be seen in Mr. Filch's office if you so desire.

"This year, we have a new teacher. Please welcome our new Defence against the Dark Arts Professor, Gilderoy Lockhart!"

The irritating man stood up, waving around and smiling that inane grin at anything female.

Harry felt, rather than saw, the mood in the room change. A cloud of pheromones rose up, choking the hall. Deciding to be irritating, Harry rested his head on his fists, and stared at the man, sighing dreamily.

Padma looked up. "Harry?"

He looked at her, and sighed. "He's so pretty." He said, getting a few odd looks from the people sitting near him.

Hermione leaned in to whisper in his ear. "You look like a bloody idiot, Harry." He stared at her, arching an eyebrow. She nodded, grimacing slightly. "Yes, I know... I was one when I met him in the bookshop. I'm better now, promise."

Padma realised she was being a bit obvious with her crush, so just helped herself to a glass of water. She glanced around, noting that even some of the teachers were staring at the new professor. She leaned towards Harry. "Do we all look that bloody stupid?"

Harry nodded, grinning at her.

"Hmm." She decided, there and then, to ruthlessly stamp the crush out of her system.

When the feast had ended, Harry and Hermione vanished to the first empty classroom they could find. As expected, Hermione was positively bristling with questions.

Harry cut her off before she could begin. "Hermione, let me tell you what I know. But, this information has to be kept secret. Not just for me, but for everyone."

She nodded, a bit put out that he'd interrupted her rant.

"Luna is a Seer. Not a fraud like Trelawney, but a genuine Seer. She has visions of the future. When she kissed me... and I know you didn't like that. I didn't either, she passed some of that knowledge on. I don't know why."

Hermione thought for a moment. "So... she gave you a vision of the future?"

Harry pondered for a moment. "I think so. Divination's such a woolly bloody discipline... The future's not set, though. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves."

"'A man looks one way and coughs, the world lives. He looks another way and coughs, the world dies.' Chaos Theory."

"Something like that." Harry said. "But... temporal mechanics scares the crap out of me. I mean... I've got an image in my head. We live. We die. I don't know the difference. I do see an explosion, though."

Hermione bit down on her lip, causing Harry's usual distraction whenever she did that. "So... what are you gonna do about it?"

"Not a lot I can do." Harry replied, running his fingers though his hair, causing her distraction, as usual. "I suppose just carry on as normal."

"What about Luna?" Hermione asked in a small voice.

Harry pulled her into a tight hug. "You're still My Only." He said into her hair. "You'll always be My Only." He breathed deeply, smelling the faint vanilla in her hair. "But, I think we should stick close to Luna."

She nodded, breathing in his musky scent as well.

When Harry dropped into bed, he started to pick through the 'e-mailed upgrade' Luna had given him. It contained a series of scenes, a montage of sorts, of the next couple of years.

Dumbledore stood in the Great Hall, wearing dour black robes. Black banners hung from the roof, and a sombre mood permeated the air.

"We are gathered here to pay our final respects to one of our students. Harry Potter."

Whoa! Harry thought. I'm dead? How the hell did that happen? He closed his eyes, immersing himself back into the memory.

"It is the first time in the history of Hogwarts that a student has lost their life during a Quidditch match. Evidence shows that the Bludger which hit Harry's head was tampered with. Officers from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement will be here tomorrow. I would like every student to give them their full co-operation."

Harry sat up, fuming. "Dobby!" He screeched. "Dobby kills me? Little bastard... after everything I did for him!" He let his aura flare for a moment, before he pulled himself under control. There was more to see.

"Students, this is the second time this year we have gathered to pay our respects. Ginevra Weasley and Penelope Clearwater will be missed. As we have been unable to contain the Chamber of Secrets, Hogwarts will not re-open for the next school year. We have arranged with the Board of Governors for an alternative site in the Ministry Building be made available."

Harry breathed a heavy sigh. Without him around to stop the attacks, Blink the basilisk had apparently run rampant through Hogwarts, killing Ginny Weasley in the Chamber of Secrets.

But, there was one more memory, that simply didn't belong in that future. From the looks of it, it was at some point in Harry's third year, and it involved Sirius Black. Which is fine... but if I died in second year, how the bloody hell can I be alive in third year?

Harry looked about the memory. The 'e-mail' from Luna seemed to work like a Pensieve, allowing Harry to pause, rewind and fast-forward the memories.

Harry jabbed several buttons on the console, talking to another person, out of view in the memory, before Harry dropped to his knees, ripping a panel from the console.

He recognised the room as being a more advanced... more complete version of his Portkey box, but he didn't understand why he'd be using it with Sirius.

He pulled his head out of the console, shouting something, his face a mask of panic. He shouted a word at the other person, before pulling away from the console, which began to spit sparks as small explosions rocked the surface. The glowing column at the centre of the console stopped, leaving the floor to rock. A flash of light...

The memory ended.

"Luna... what the bloody hell did you saddle me with?"

The following morning, Harry woke up early, before heading outside for a jog. After a mostly-sleepless night, he had a lot of energy to burn. He warmed up, before starting on a fairly high pace, jogging round the lake. He'd spent the night wondering how the Quidditch game could have killed him. Thanks to Hermione, he had Quidditch armour, with additional protective measures from Susan, Blaise and Padma for his birthday.

It's odd... the only way a Bludger could kill me is if it hit my head at full speed... but even Dobby wouldn't want to do that. He wants me at home, not dead. Silly bugger probably made a mistake with it. He made a mental note to keep a strong shield charm up whenever he was on his broom.

In the second vision, Penelope Clearwater was dead... but, it's odd. Nobody died the first time. Petrified, yes, but not dead. And why Penny? She was with Hermione... realisation slowly crept into his mind. Unless Hermione wasn't in the same place at the same time. It was her mirror that helped Penny. No Hermione equals dead Penny. Better keep an eye on that one, as well.

He circled the lake twice, before slowing to a walk to cool off. As he got to the doors, he noticed Luna stood there, watching him make his way back.

"Hello, Harry." She said dreamily.

"Luna. You're up early." Harry replied.

"So are you."

"Spot of exercise. Healthy body, healthy mind and all that... bollocks. How come you're up?"

"Oh, I don't need a lot of sleep. If you're up early enough, you may catch a glimpse of the Nargles."

"Really?" Harry asked. "I thought they were mainly nocturnal. Don't they follow the moon patterns?"

Luna's face lit up with glee. "You read the Quibbler?"

Harry nodded. "Yes. You learn all sorts of things in that paper."

"My daddy's the editor. I do a lot of the research for him."

"Sounds like fun. Didn't I read that you're going to be looking for the Crumple-Horned Snorcack next summer?"

Again, Luna's face lit up and she nodded vigorously. "Yes. Me and daddy are going to look for them in Sweden. He's very excited."

"Try Greenland." Harry suggested. "They prefer a slightly cooler climate." He tried to give her the hint, without actually telling her she'd found them in 1999, hiding in Greenland.

"I'll tell Daddy." Luna said, humming happily to herself.

"Luna, would you like to join myself and Hermione for breakfast?"

Luna's eyes cleared, as she stared at Harry intently for almost a minute. "I'm sorry, Harold, but I won't be able to join your harem. I'm not that way inclined."

Harry grinned, before turning it into a mock-pout. "Really? Are you sure? It could be fun..."

Her eyes glazed over again. "It's strange, you know... all the futures that I can see have Hermione in them. In one, she's your wife. In another, she's your mistress, while you are in an Amortentia-fuelled relationship with Ginevra. In another, you are her slave. Another, she is your slave. However, there is always love between you."

"Really?" Harry was impressed. "Cool."

"There is something about you, Harry. You are not who you say you are, and yet you are. You do not belong here, and yet you do. You are an enigma, wrapped in a mystery and shrouded in confusion, and yet you are an open-book."

Harry just grinned. "There's worse things to be, Luna."

"Yes." Her eyes turned silver. "The seven deadly sins walk these halls, Harry. They shall be assembled when the Snake Lord returns. The seven virtues will need to be gathered. Six stand together now, with the seventh on the outside."

Harry stepped closer, resting his hand on her arm. "Are you one of them, Luna?"

She swivelled her face towards him. "Like all beings, Harry Potter, I have the capacity for good and evil. I could be a sin or a virtue. Only when the choice is made will the future reveal itself."

Nodding slightly, Harry lead her into the school. "Come on, Luna... let's get something to eat."

Luna wrinkled her nose. "Go and shower first, Harry. You smell."

Chuckling to himself, Harry ambled back to his dorm room. "Love her or hate her... she'll always tell you the truth."

Harry showered and dressed, meeting up with Padma and Hermione in the common room, before heading back down to the Great Hall. On the way down the stairs, he met up with Neville and Susan. The quintet stopped in the entry way, waiting for Blaise to make his way up from the dungeons.

As the group of six entered the Great Hall, they ambled over to the Ravenclaw table, the other house members deciding to eat with the 'Claws.

As they sat down, Harry noticed Luna standing near them, just out of range. Harry met each of his friends' eyes, flicking them slightly towards Luna. One by one they nodded, giving their approval. "Luna, come and join us."

She smiled warmly, a genuine smile, as she sat down next to Padma. "Thank you, Harry."

"Not a problem, Luna." Harry said, reaching for a platter of bacon. "So, remember at my party, I said we should start training?"

The five who were at the birthday party nodded, each giving a quick glance at the newcomer.

"Don't worry about me." Luna said. "I know you six are the ones who'll fight."

"No." Harry said. "We seven are the ones who'll fight."

Hermione glanced at him. "Harry?"

Luna placed her cutlery down. "You need to talk about me. It's okay. I'll leave."

Padma placed a hand on Luna's arm. "There's no need to run away... Luna, was it?" The blonde nodded. "We're not gonna bite."

"Not unless you ask us to." Blaise deadpanned, arching his eyebrow at the girl.

Luna turned her silver eyes on Blaise. "You're unique. You don't want people to get to know the real you. You're afraid if they do know you, they won't like you, so you hide behind impassiveness. You shouldn't, you know. Your friends, your true friends, will like you for you who are."

Harry covered his mouth with his napkin, not wanting to show off the manic grin he was wearing. Trust Luna to introduce her gift in the most... dazzling way she can.

The blonde turned to Neville. "Your mother's very proud of you, you know? She may not be able to show it, but she loves you, and wants to come back. She's fighting it, but the damage is severe. She will return to you in time, Neville. Be patient." She smiled at the group, and stood up. "If you'll excuse me?" She turned and skipped away.

The group, sans Harry, stared at each other in shock. Hermione was the first to speak. "I like her."

"She's... interesting." Blaise added.

"How... how does she know about..." Neville trailed off, as he realised carrying on with that sentence would lead to questions he really didn't want to answer.

"Ah, bless her." Harry said, finally wiping the grin off his face. "She's unique, isn't she?"

"She's odd." Padma said bluntly. "But... interesting."

"She's a Seer." Hermione said. "That's what you said last night, isn't it, Harry?"

"After she dumped a bloody vision of the future in my head, yeah." Harry groused. "I think she'll be useful to us. And a good friend." He looked down the Great Hall. "I get the feeling she's not had many friends in the past."

"Well... she's got six friends now." Susan said, daring her friends to contradict her.

Ah... Hufflepuff loyalty. Gotta love it. Harry thought, before beginning to shift uneasily in his seat. He looked up at Padma and Blaise, who were sitting on the opposite side of the table to him. "Pad'? Can you do me a favour?"

She nodded at him, quirking an eyebrow.

"Have a look at the Gryffindor table. Am I being stared at, by any chance?"

Nonchalantly, Padma looked up, glancing around the Great Hall, before sighing and carrying on with her breakfast. "Ron Weasley's staring holes in your back, and that new redhead in Gryffindor's staring at you. She looks like she's about to start dribbling."

Harry and Hermione shuddered together. "Ginny Weasley." Harry grumbled. "God damn it, I was hoping to avoid this."

"Ooh, is this gossip, Harry?" Susan asked, fluttering her eyelashes. "Share with the group."

Harry pouted at her for a moment. "Fred and George told me about her. Apparently, she's in love with the bloody 'Boy-Who-Lived', and thinks I'd make the perfect husband for her." He grimaced. "The fact that I'm in the top ten of richest families in Britain probably doesn't help matters, either."

"Ah, bless!" Padma cooed. "Is our 'ickle Harry afraid of the tiny little girl?"

When the little bitch uses Amortentia, yeah, I am. "Not at all," Harry replied, "because I have a secret weapon against stalker fan-girls."

Blaise smirked at Harry. "Do you?"

"Me." Hermione replied coolly. "If she makes a move on my boyfriend, she'll find herself in a world of hurt."

The group smirked at the thought for a moment, before seriousness raised it's ugly head. "So... we include Luna, yeah?" Harry asked, getting nods from the rest. Blaise cocked an eyebrow.

"She should liven things up a little."

"That's one way of putting it." Harry mumbled. "Luna's nice, but she's very... direct. She'll say exactly what she means, regardless of who she's talking to. She said something else, though, when I saw her outside before." Harry offered, not sure about this at all. "She said 'the seven deadly sins walk these halls'. She also said 'the seven virtues will need to be gathered. Six stand together now, with the seventh on the outside.' Do you guys think she meant us?"

Hermione was the first to respond. "Well... the seven deadly sins are Lust, Gluttony, Envy, Wrath, Pride, Sloth and Greed. Let's be honest, in a school full of teenagers, it's not exactly hard to find those things."

"I've heard of the seven deadly sins," Blaise said, "but not the virtues."

The group made various negative noises. A voice behind them called out. "The virtues will know who and what they are when the time is right."

"Luna, please don't sneak up on people." Harry said, the only one of the six who didn't jump when Luna spoke up. "Please, join us." She sat down next to Padma again, who smiled warmly at her.

"Welcome to our team, Luna." She said happily. "It's nice to meet you."

"Thank you." Luna replied dreamily. "It's... different, having friends."

The group grinned at her. "You'll not be alone again." Harry offered. "We'll stick together."

Another Author's Note: It's curious... In the 12 hours since I announced I've put a smutty version of one of my stories on my Yahoo group, 85 people have requested to join. That's compared to 52 in the entire month previously. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?