She Wouldn't Say
EPOV
"I'm just so pissed off at her. How could she have said something like that?" I gritted my teeth and tried to keep my composure.
I was currently telling Tanya all about Rosalie's words to Bella. I didn't know if it was really fair too, but I needed to speak to some one. Tanya was trying to be supportive to me, rubbing my shoulder to try and calm me down.
Every time I thought about it, it just worked me up all over again.
"Just forget about it, Edward." She pleaded and I could only glare back at her.
"I...I don't mean just forget it, but don't let your brain think about it too much, You're only going to upset yourself more if you keep thinking bout it." She quickly added.
She was right. I knew she was but that need to open up and scream at Rosalie...it was overwhelming.
Bella could have died. And it would have been Rosalie's fault.
"She could have died." I argues my just point.
"But she didn't. She's safe. She's getting help." She sighed and gripped at my shoulder. "If Bella was fine she would have known Rosalie was a bitch, but instead she choose to believe it and take it in. Its left a big flashing warning above her head about just how much help she needs. Least she is getting it now."
Her words didn't help but I understood them.
"You can't focus on it this way. You need to focus on Bella and not a fight with Rosalie. You need to see the issue here. Bella has sever lack of self worth. You need to show her Rosalie's was wrong. Be there for her. Don't go on about it, it will only remind Bella of her words."
I closed my eyes and rubbed at my face. I was exhausted after my taxi journey all the way back home. After I got in too, all I did was worry how Bella was.
I called Charlie and he said that she was doing a lot better than he had expected. That the two of them had even went out for coffee.
I was a little jealous of there time together but I knew it was a step towards the two of them growing closer again. She needed him in her life. He had been there for her ever since it happened and even thought he had struggled to do what was truly right for her; he had tried.
I nodded at Tanya's words knowing how right she was. Keeping it at the fore front of Bella's mind wasn't going to make it go away. What would make it go away would be to show her. Shower with affection and get across to her exactly what we thought of her.
She had completely consumed me and I struggled with Rosalie's verbal attack as she had been the one that had promised her life to my brother that same day. Surely she should have been a little more compassionate about peoples feeling. Especially after her own trauma as a teenager.
I didn't know what one of those points I was more pissed about.
"I miss her." I mumbled out, Tanya giving out a light laugh in return.
"You only saw her yesterday. I'm sure you will survive. Bella's more of a man than you ever will be, Cullen." She was totally mocking me and I knew it. Truthfully, I needed it. She wasn't being rude, she was teasing.
I laughed at her words. "I know." I agreed without doubt. "I just want to know how she's doing, you know?" my mind constantly worried. I didn't want my return to work to cause upset with her treatment. She was doing good. A lot better than I had anticipated. But then again, she was a lot stronger than I could ever imagine. The good thing about her treatment was that she was now beginning to see this for herself.
"She will be fine. Besides you will speak to her later. Wont you?" She asked.
I nodded as I looped my stethoscope around my neck, ready for my day of work.
"Good. Then move and do what you need to do and just remember that she is doing what she needs to do - without you glued to her side." She smirked, knowing too well of what we had been like.
Slumping down in the plush couch I let myself disappear into the obscene amount of cushions my mum seemed to have along it. What was the need for so many if the first place?
"Here, son." My dad called on me, offering a cold bottle of beer that I knew I had deserved after my day of hard work. My back was killing me after spending the entire day on my feet.
I took the bottle and took a swig of drink from the neck of the bottle, letting it slide down the back of my throat.
"Have you spoken to Bella, today?" My mother asked me as she slapped my feet off of her pristine couch, before wiping at the soft leather as if I had dirtied it. I hadn't. She was just a little too house proud for her own good.
"Not yet. I was waiting on her calling me...but I haven't heard from her. Maybe I should try calling her?" Looking to my dad for some kind of guidance on what I should do. Maybe it was good that she was coping without me, but I worried that she wasn't and that they had to medicate her.
"Maybe you should try calling Charlie, see if he knows what's going on?" My dad pushed gently and even though I had called him last night, I didn't particularly relish the thought of having to call him again.
I wanted to speak to Bella.
"Though it is still early. Perhaps she's chatting to the others. It would be good for her if she is."
My brain couldn't make up its mind. Though I could have called the desk at the centre – just to ask how she was doing.
Though with confidentiality, I doubted they would.
Drinking down more of my beer I decided to stay at my parents. In all honesty, I just didn't like to be alone in my apartment.
I hadn't really been "just" my apartment, it felt like it somehow belonged to Bella as well. She was always in the damn place. Though I did love her being there. I would have been lonely in that place myself and I had been alone long enough to decided, that I really didn't like my own company too much.
I wasn't one for cheap thrills and chasing after girls for fun. I knew I was a bit old fashioned, but it was the way I was raised. I wasn't here to try and get as many girls as I could into bed. I was here to fall in love and let my self be vulnerable and let someone in.
I had let Bella in. She knew of my past, my adoption. Hell she even understood and got along with Alice, as well as being on good terms with the rest of my family.
The one thing that I struggled with, with Bella, was her lack of friendships. She had been closed off and hadn't really been accepted by many. Despite my concerns over her other friendships, I needed to help her. I needed to help her build her bond with Jacob once again.
It had been my fault, the fall out between the two. I knew what she had done was wrong but that night, it had been me that pushed her away. She had no one else to go to, of course she would have went to him.
When I had went over there and caused the fight, I had unintentionally caused the fall out between her and Jacob and for that, he had made her choose. Him or me. I was thankful she had picked me, but she shouldn't of had too.
Sifting through her pictures in my apartment, it was so good to see her smile like that. There were almost a hundred photographs, most of them blurred messes that hadn't been deleted, but they had something about them.
Getting to the last one, it was of Bella. She had complained of not being ready. But in the photo she looked so natural. A lazy smile played her lips and it was there because she was happy and not just put on for the camera.
It gave me hope.
Maybe there were many more pictures of her to be taken looking like this. I could only pray.
She was growing in so many ways in the matter of days, but I waited for the fall out.
It was inevitable. She had reached a high in therapy with the discussion of her future, but the real reason why she was there was about to play out.
She abused her body with alcohol, sexual contacts and even her love for thrill seeking adventures would be seen as a reckless way to harm herself.
The sobs would start again, and for that, I needed to be there. I needed to be by her side when she felt like it was falling apart all over again.
She also needed to face the death of her mother. She had blocked it out to an extent and the fact that she had still called her mobile and left messages, it was a concern.
She needed everyone around her, all of the support that was possible. She didn't need to keep her fall outs continuing.
Tomorrow I was going to see Jake.
On the phone she had been a little distracted, but she seemed okay. She told me that she missed me and she wanted me to go back to see her as soon as I could.
She knew when I could go back and so she never argued too much, despite the tone in her voice seeming strained. It was as if words weren't being said.
Pulling up outside the huge garage that I had remembered from last time, I gathered my thoughts before I even attempted to get out of the car.
I needed to talk to Jake. For Bella, I needed to do this.
I knew I could expect a fight with the fact I was here, but I had to be firm. As much as I hated it, Bella needed him as much as she needed me.
Opening the car door I slowly walked to the large doors, noise coming from within, indicating someone was in there. I could hear the hum of the radio carry out to me as I stood at the door collecting my nerve.
Pushing at the partially open door, I knocked trying to show I was here and not to frighten him.
He was bent over the engine of the car I had caught him in with Bella. He was quick to turn around in my direction though with the knock I gave.
His eyes narrowed in on me, sizing me up.
"Get out." He gritted to me before I even had a chance to say a word.
He turned his back to me, drawing his attention back to his car. "Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it. Leave." His words were low and it was as if a small growl had came from his gut.
"I need to speak to you." I told him. "It's important." I snapped the words at him, trying to demand back his attention.
"Whatever it is – I don't care. I don't have any interest in you so get off my property and go back into town where you belong." he still had his back to me, his head dipping forward back to his engine.
"You care about Bella don't you?" I knew he did. There was no denying it. I saw it the time I had fought him and I knew with the way Bella had spoke that he did.
"As long as she's hanging around with a parasite like you, no, not really." He turned towards me once again, folding his arms across his chest. If she truly had meant nothing to him, he wouldn't have turned to hear what I had to say.
I wasn't dancing around this. I needed his co-operation. "She took another overdose." The words rolled out from my mouth and his forehead frowned, his arms dropping by his sides. He was concerned. It was written all over him.
He quickly collected his composure but he still shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "I caught her in the middle of it and got her to the hospital. She's fine...physically."
He sighed and I waited him to ask the question. To see how much he really did care. "And mentally?" He eventually asked.
I strode a step or two forward knowing we needed to talk about this, not just glide over it. "She's...she's okay, actually. We'll, when I spoke to her last night at least."
His lips pulled into a tight line, no doubt at the fact that he had no idea of this and I did.
"She's in Seattle. She's getting help for all of it." I didn't need to go into detail, he never knew her secret but he wasn't dumb to the things she had been up too.
"What about Charlie?" He asked with a little hesitance.
"He's okay. He's down there with her and they seem to be building some bridges of there own." He gave a meek nod at my words, absorbing them.
"I came here to ask for you're help. You and Alice are her only friends, she needs you."
At that, he seemed to snap back to life, the angry life where he wasn't speaking too Bella.
"I don't think you could call us friends. I told her to pick – she picked you. You win, you get her. You can fix her." He spat his words at me. His tone viciously sarcastic on his last sentence.
"It's not about me or you, this is about Bella. She needs the people who love her, around her. Don't tell me you don't care." I screwed my eyes closed in frustration. "You need to step up and be there for her. She's asking for help. She's trying."
Opening my eyes I could see his jaw set tight. "She went to you for that. It was you she told her secret too." he reminded me.
"I know she did. It doesn't mean she doesn't need you too." I gritted out. He was still so angry about it all.
"What's the big damn secret anyway? Huh? I mean what can be so top secret that she tells no one?" He rose his eyebrow trying to get an answer out of me.
"It's Bella that needs to be the one to tell you. I can't do that for her, it would be to easy on her. She needs to learn to speak about it. You would be helping her by just being there and listening." I told him truthfully.
"Where?" He asked confused.
I frowned. Wasn't he following? "Seattle. Come down with me when I go back. Show her that you are there for her. I know your angry and I know I'm the last person you probably want to see but I'm here asking you to help her. Not me. Bella."
"What's going on between you two? Are you something? I heard that you are." He asked suspiciously.
"Who said that?" I snapped back, thought I couldn't be surprised at the gossip's interest.
"People..." He answered vaguely. "it's going around town."
I didn't want to get into this with him. I didn't want any more fights but I knew I had to answer him. I couldn't just say nothing.
"We're something..." I sighed in pure frustrations at not knowing exactly what we were. I wanted a label on it. I needed an easy answer. "We're close, but my concern is getting her better before we think about us. It's how Bella wants it." I shrugged.
"Does that mean she still gets to go around screwing other guys?" A smirk appeared across his face and it took everything in me not to reach out across to him and punch him.
"Watch what you're saying. I'm asking you to help 'cos I know you care about her. I'm not needing to take your shit and neither is Bella. Either grow up or just stay out of her life. It's up to you..." I was challenging him. I knew he would never walk way from Bella, just like I never would either.
"You think its fun do you?" He growled at me, his eyes darkening.
I had no idea what he was talking about now. "What?" I asked knowing he was no doubt trying to push my buttons.
"Taking advantage of some young, confused girl. You never went after me like you did because you were concerned. You were jealous." I could see him practically glow in the knowledge of that one.
"You had either got her into your bed or were planning on it. Am I right?" His smile was wide and I was determined to rip it off of him.
I lunged forward at him, grabbing at the material of his t-shirt and bounced his back of of the car before throwing him to the ground.
He went down easy and I some how managed to resist the urge to lunge at him and beat him up.
Instead I hovered above his face as I gripped onto his shirt once again. "Don't ever speak about Bella like that. You were right. I win. She's mine and she's never going to be yours. You can either be in her life as a friend, or you're out of it for good." I hurled my words at him, each of them laced with venom.
I didn't know who the hell I was giving ultimatums like I was but I knew he couldn't mess her around and he certainly wasn't getting to speak about her like that. I knew it was just all for a reaction out of me but I refused to get in a fight with him once again.
I did worry though – was she really mine? Would she ever want Jake over me?
He pushed me back off him with his forearm and I stood up straight as he made himself steady on his feet once again.
"All I'm saying it must suck not being able to find girls your own age..."
I closed my eyes and composed myself as I turned away from him. This would not turn into a battle.
I kept my mouth closed.
"Are you coming or not?" I asked him sharply. I had came to do what was needed, now all I wanted was to get back to my parents.
You could see him think about it. He wet his lips considering his options.
Finally he gave an answer. "Okay." He nodded. "For Bella."
"Good." I gave a tight lipped smile. "Now I need to ask you for a favour..."
We had decided to drive down after I had finished work on the Friday evening. We knew we wouldn't see her that night but we would be there for her first thing in the morning. It was better than to attempt the city traffic on the weekend, spending half the day on the road.
Picking him up, I squirmed in my seat at the knowledge of how awkward this drive would be. It was either going to be silent or he would say anything to try and get a rise out of me. We were never going to be friends but I hoped, for Bella's sake, that we could be civil.
His heavy hand caused my car to bounce as he slammed the boot closed after placing his bag for the weekend in it. I felt the pull on the rear of the car and I knew he was only doing it to try and get at me.
I ignored it.
By the time we had driven past the town limits, he had his foot pressed up against the dashboard.
Another attempt to try and piss me off.
It worked.
I had pulled into the side of the road, quickly explaining if he didn't show some respect to me and my belongings, he was out of the car.
I was trying to help Bella but I wasn't having him think that he could use her as a weak spot just to rile me up.
He cared for her. He perhaps even loved her. But she was mine and I would be there for her. She didn't need an ass like him.
We had driven half way in silence when I decided I should attempt to talk, to explain some things to him.
"Bella needs a lot of help right now." I looked across at him, him giving an eye roll.
"I know that." he bit quickly.
"Really? Well care to explain to me why you were happy to try and get her into your bed?" I glanced across at him once again before I moved my eyes back onto the road, waiting for some kind of response. I just didn't know what I would get.
He sighed contently. "We never did it in my bed...We did it in my car, her truck, my lounge..." He grinned across at me, clearly amused. "We did it in her bed a couple of times too thought..." he told me as if it was some kind of after thought.
My fists gripped onto the wheel, my knuckles turning white.
"But why I did it..?" He continued. "The same reason you got her into your bed...We wanted her." He told me simply.
He shrugged. "Though I love her. I know that you think I'm just like all the rest of those jackoffs, but I'm not. I hoped that...I hope that she will come to me sometime and see that I could make her happy. I hated her being with all those guys and your just another one in that long list, but me, I've been here for a long time. She always comes back to me." He sounded sure of himself. A little too sure. I was running scared with that thought.
"It's not like that with Bella. I'm going to out run you and whatever little fantasy you have going on." I told him sharply. I wasn't having this kid think he knew our love. I was sure he loved Bella, but he wasn't getting to have her – in any way other than a friend.
"So why did you try and get her into your bed?" He asked me my own question. He had answered me so I would answer him.
"She was in my bed first. I went to her. She held onto me." I smirked back, determined to rub it in the way his words were rubbed into me.
I laughed a little as I began once again. "You can say what you want...think what you want. We have been together, but that was never my intention. That happened because we fell in love." I turned to him, determined to see the pain at my next words. "She loves me. She tells me all the time." Okay so I was embellishing a little but the look he wore was worth it. I could practically see him shrinking in his seat.
My eyes turned back to the road, the white and red dots across the highway in the dark evening. It seemed almost romantic. It was a shame that I was in the car with this ass hole.
He fell silent at my words and I was happy that something had taken that egotistical look off of his face.
"Like you say...She needs a lot of help." the grin began to show on his face once again and I did my best to ignore it and get back to what we really needed to talk about.
I ignored his attempt to start another battle. His words were like bombs.
"The three of us; Bella, Charlie and me." I clarified for him. "We all have a session together. Charlie invited me in to be part of it, since it was me who she trusted with her secret-"
"Ohhh yeh, the big secret." He sarcastically spat.
I gripped on at the wheel again, aware that this was going to be his attitude for the entire journey. "I was going to suggest that you go in my place tomorrow. Usually there isn't any sessions at the weekends but I called Aro – her doctor – and explained to him, who you were. He thinks it would be good."
"Of course he does. I'm the one that's been by her side since she got to Forks."
I tried to warn him of Aros methods thought. His brute honesty. "He will challenge you too though. He will question your relationship with her and everything that it involves."
"I can handle that." He told me sure of himself.
I nodded at his determination.
"I just want you to be prepared for anything. Bella has been a little up and down this week. She's been through hell and as much as I really don't think it's my place to tell you what happened...I just want you to be prepared. You say you're close so you might struggle to understand why she kept it quiet, but remember it was the way she coped. Don't take it out on her as if she didn't trust you. I know she does." I begrudgingly admitted. "She just struggled to tell you what had happened."
"But she told you..." He reminded me.
"She did. I have no idea why. She's been staying at my apartment." I carefully admitted to him. "It started when I found her in a bar in Port Angales. I took her back to Forks. She lied and said that Charlie would be mad with her so she asked if she could stay. I said yes, only because I saw that there was already a lot of friction between the two that day we ran into one another on the road."
I glanced at Jake and he kept quiet, he was looking back at me, listening intently.
"The next day I took her to get her truck and we went our separate ways. That was it. I thought I would never see her again. But she stole drink from me and I was just so mad, I had trusted her in my house and she was lying and stealing from me."
The look that played out across his face showed no surprise. I wondered if she had done the same to him.
"So I went after her. I knocked on the door and there was no answer. I had known by then that Charlie was actually away for the weekend so I tried the door, determined to find her and give her hell." I let out a sigh at the image of her, the way I had found her.
"She was unconscious when I saw her. She had drank a load of the alcohol and she was out cold."
I quickly jumped to explain myself. "I couldn't just leave her. I took her back to mine in-case she choked." I rubbed at the back of my neck, frustrated that I was having to explain all of this to him. "I got mad, I shouted at her – I even threw her in the shower." Jake Laughed hard a that one.
"She gets so pissy when she's hungover, she must have wanted to kill you for that one." He informed with more amusement.
I rose my brow knowing that she must have wanted too, especially when I stripped her of her clothes. But I wasn't about to tell Jake that little fact.
"I interrogated her, trying to find out why she did it. I already knew she had the nightmares from the night before and it didn't take a genius to see that was why she had drank. But we started arguing...over Alice." I looked back across at him once again and he nodded, understanding.
I rubbed at my eyes, knowing that he could get really pissed off at me for my actions to our argument we had. "I really didn't give her reason to trust me. We argued and I...I suppose I tried to intimidate her..." Did Jake know about Alice?
"Do you know about Alice?" I questioned carefully.
"The tequila and the cocaine..?" He asked as he nodded, clearly not needing to be filled out on that.
"Well she...she just got at me with that. She said Alice was holding some secret..." I shrugged.
"I know that you have sisters...you can understand me being mad, right?" I asked a little worried. Had I over reacted?
"I know what happened and I know the lie that they told to cover it up. If it was one of my sisters I would be hell bent on finding out exactly what happened." He shrugged answering me. Siding with me. "I never liked how they put the blame on Bella. Yeah, I know what she did was stupid. I was so mad at her for that. Especially when she went to that creep for the drugs too..." he sighed frustrated and there was something I was missing. I was sure of it.
"You know the guy that gave her the drugs?" I asked carefully, hoping that he would tell me.
"His name is James. He's a right low life. Refuses money from Bella." Why would he do that? "He prefers her to pay him in other ways." His tone was low and angry. I knew exactly how Bella paid him.
"She slept with him?" I asked, still completely shocked but not really needing an answer.
What world did this girl live in?
What other secrets was she keeping?
Who the hell was Bella Swan and just exactly was she not telling me?
He shrugged in his seat once again. "A half a dozen times or so...I really don't try to think about that too much." His face looked disgusted and I had to admit I was having a hard time accepting her past, but this was killing me.
"Jake, I need you to tell me everything you can. Anything that you know. She isn't getting away with this." I pleaded firmly and the look of understanding passed from him alerting me that I was as much in the dark about this as he was about Katrina. "She is better than this."
a/n: Please review! what are you thinking just now?
okay, I am so sorry for the delay – I'm sorry to do it to you guys – but I honestly didn't see this chapter up so soon. Life is CRAZY – it will settle - nothing dramatic, I'm just really busy with work. I hope to get back to the writing as soon as I can and properly – a couple of chapters a week – but I just need a little more time before I get back to managing that one. A few weeks... I will try to get another chappy up soon though, but no promises. I really am gutted and so so sorry. You are all great to me.