Chapter Twenty-Five
"Alex, are you sure you're going to be okay?" John asked, a small frown creasing his face.
"Yeah…" Alex muttered, dismounting the motorcycle and walking unsteadily towards his dorm room.
John quickly ran up to Alex and took his arm.
"Let me help you," he murmured.
Alex sagged with relief, and leaned a little on John as they limped towards his apartment room. Alex unlocked the door and John pushed it open. The freckled boy stared, wide-eyed, as he surveyed the apartment.
"You live here?!" John gasped.
Alex blushed, nodding. The small and dingy apartment looked horrible and forlorn next to the dorm rooms where he had been staying the past weeks.
"Hell naw." John said. "You're not going to stay another day in… there... especially while you're like… this."
"Where can I go, then?" Alex whined. "I can't afford anyplace else!"
"You're going to move in with me," John decided.
"What?" Alex spluttered. "N-No, John, it's okay, really!"
John grabbed Alex's shoulders and spun him around. "No, I insist. You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not!" John announced with an air of finality.
"John, really. Don't do this. I'm fine on my own!" Alex argued.
"No you're not," John countered. "You can barely even walk by yourself!"
"I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, thank you very much! I don't need a nanny!" Alex snapped.
John looked at him softly. "Alex, stop lying. Move in with me, please."
"Oh… John, you don't have to… please don't..." Alex whispered, despite the fluttery feelings rising in his chest.
Then John took a step back, hurt clear and shining in his eyes. Alex blinked, confused, before smacking himself on the forehead with his hand.
"Fuck it, John, of course I want to move in with you! Don't listen to me, that was stupid, what I said!" Alex exclaimed, babbling a little.
John shook his head and flashed Alex a smile, but it was tight and sad. Then he took a deep breath and stepped forward, giving Alex a little squeeze. The two smiled at each other, but John's was forced and Alex's small.
"Well, in that case, let's move your stuff into my place." John said.
"Yes," Alex agreed.
John kicked open the door and gently placed Alex's bassoon case on a chair. He then made a second trip to hook his Christmas present on the wall over Alex's bed frame. Alex set down his computer bag next to his book bag. That was all he had. But what did he expect? Alex was dirt-poor. Scratch that, Alex is dirt-poor.
"Say we find Hercules and Lafayette?" John prompted.
"Oh— yes."
John swept Alexander out the door and shut it with a snap. Then they set off down the hall, silence slithering in between them like a venomous snake.
John twisted open the knob to Laf's and Herc's dorm room. He pushed the door open and a wondrous sight met them. Lafayette and Hercules evidently decided to build a blanket fort, and they were fast asleep inside, curled up around each other.
"How cute…" John breathed, taking out his phone and snapping a quick picture.
"Send it to me?" Alex asked.
"Sure," John replied, his voice falling a little flat.
There was a pause and then John quietly backed out and closed the door gently. Alex watched John walk up the hall, and then pass his — and now Alex's — room.
"John?" Alex questioned. "Where're you going?"
John started and then turned around. "Oh… somewhere."
"When are you coming back?" Alex asked.
"I don't know."
John turned back around and slipped out of sight as he walked lightly down the stairs. Alex walked into their room and plopped down on his bed, burying his face in his hands.
What did I do wrong this time?
John pushed his way blindly outside. It just wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. It's just not fair.
Why does he keep on showing me mixed signals? What's wrong with him? He lets me hold him and kiss him, but he fights and almost flat-out refuses to move in with me! He hurts me on so many different levels so many different times! God I wish I knew what was going on in his top-notch brain! I wish I held the key to unlocking him!
John squeezed his eyes shut and sucked in the cold January air. He started walking. He was walking. He would be walking.
John wandered over to East Meadow Park, the very same one where he had seen Eliza and Alexander in… what was it? October? November? September? God, that was a million years ago.
He slumped under his cherry tree and closed his eyes, hugging his knees into his chest and dropping his head down. John felt the chilly breeze flutter around him, stinging his fingertips.
The swish of shoes over grass caught his attention, and John looked up. Aaron was staring at him.
"John… are you okay?" he asked, settling down next to his friend.
"Yes," John mumbled, looking away. He felt like crap.
"You're not," Aaron murmured. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," John insisted.
"Is it Alex?" Aaron asked.
"N-No!" John stuttered, caught off-guard.
"You look lovesick," Aaron whispered.
John turned his head back towards Aaron. He sighed and ruffled his curls.
"Maybe I am," John muttered.
"Spill." Aaron instructed, scooching over to sit in front of John.
John looked up into Aaron's gentle black eyes and sighed.
"I really like Alex…" John confessed. "But I don't know if he likes me back—"
Aaron snorted, cutting John off.
"Look, John, Alex has it bad for you. That, I can guarantee."
"No," John countered, "he mig— probably doesn't feel the same way about me. Earlier today, I offered for him to room with me. He practically fought tooth and nail to stay independent. He doesn't want to be around me at all…"
"He moved in though, at the end, right?" Aaron asked.
"Well, yes."
"There you go!" Aaron said.
"No," John protested, "he just felt bad about me being all alone and lonely… so he decided to 'quote-on-quote': 'fuck it' and move in with me... I think…"
Aaron smirked. "Suuuure…"
"S-Shut up, Burr!" John said, flushing.
"Go talk to him," Aaron said. "You should tell him about your feelings."
"Absolutely-fucking-not." John said.
"Why?" Aaron sighed. "What's the worst that could happen?"
John paused for a moment. "Alex hating me forever and ever, and then die hating me."
"He wouldn't hate you for liking him," Aaron reasoned.
"How do you know?" John snapped.
Aaron looked him dead in the eye. "Would he?"
John paused again before sagging in defeat. He knew Alex so well that he was sure of the answer.
"No."
Aaron smiled and squeezed John's arm, getting to his feet. "I'm actually supposed to be looking for Jefferson's stray dog. It ran off somewhere around here. Me and James are searching for it."
"Oh," John said.
"Well, see you tomorrow? Y'know, the first day back from Winter Break?" Aaron said, hesitating a little.
"See you," John mumbled and Aaron jogged away.
Still, it was a while before John got to his feet and finally made his way back to the dorm room, where he knew that he would have to face Alex.
"Alexander Hamilton!"
Alex turned around to face a furious and sad-looking Eliza. She was advancing towards him, waving her pale blue phone around, her eyes smoldering. Alex swallowed nervously.
"Eliza…?" he tried.
"Tell me what you see!" she demanded, thrusting her phone into his face.
Alex took it with trembling hands and saw that she had opened it to their chat room. He counted at least fifty messages on her part. Fifty unread messages on his part.
"Damnit, Eliza, I'm so sorry!" Alex exclaimed.
"You'd better be!" she snapped. "Do you have an explanation for that crap?"
"Yes, I do, actually," Alex said, "I was, um, staying at John's for Winter Break, and I left my phone charger at my place. I just never really remembered to go and get it, I mean, I rarely use my phone anyways…"
Eliza glared at him, jealousy flashing in her eyes, which was poorly disguised. Alex cringed, remembering that he shouldn't mention John to her under any circumstances; vise-versa.
"Eliza…" Alex began.
"Alex, I was so fucking worried! This is the second time! Stop doing that!"
"Eliza, I'm sorry!" Alex pleaded. "You have to believe me!"
Eliza sighed and shook her head. "Alexander…"
"Eliza, please. This won't happen again!"
"Do you have any idea of what I felt like? I was so scared for you at first, I thought something was wrong, 'y know? But then, after, I started feeling all sad, and I was like: 'Does he not like me anymore? Is he ignoring me?' And then I was like: 'Screw him! I don't need him as a friend!"
"Eliza, please, you have to re-trust me, I promise I won't fail this time; promise that I'll make you proud!"
"I have a band concert next week Tuesday," Eliza announced abruptly. "D' you want to come?"
Alex smiled and took her face with both of his hands. "My dearest Eliza," he said softly, "of course I would love to see you play."
Eliza smiled and clasped her hands over his. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
Alex engulfed her small yet sturdy frame into a hug.
"I-I've missed you, Liz," he admitted, not realizing that it was true until then.
There was a sweet pause before Eliza sighed, pressing herself closer into Alex.
"I've missed you too."
"Why the fuck are we here again?" Hercules muttered.
"Because it's a beautiful day in New York City and no one's at the beach!" John exclaimed, romping around on the ice-cold sand.
Alex looked up at the sky. It was full of pale gray clouds, barely a patch of blue in sight. The sand was gritty and frozen, a layer of frost coating everything.
"John," Lafayette said, "I doubt there's any turtles here in this type of weather, let alone in January, mon pauvre garçon."
"I know," John said. "Now, who wants to come down to the water with me?!"
Hercules and Lafayette glanced at each other and grimaced. Alex looked away. John had been acting strangely these past few days, with his fake happiness and forced smiles. He was trying too hard to be cheerful, and that bothered Alex.
"Alex?" John turned to him, hope simmering in his eyes.
Alex took a pace back, and felt ice form in his chest when John's eyes darkened and glanced away. Alex closed his eyes and thought again of Eliza. A pang resonated deep inside his chest. He hadn't had the chance to get her alone again after Monday, and thought of her nearly every waking second.
I miss you, Eliza. I'm so sorry. I'm sabotaging our friendship. I miss you. I want to see your face.
"Alex!" someone hissed, jerking him from out of his thoughts.
"Huh?"
"Alex!" Lafayette repeated, tugging at his friend's sleeve. "Down! Now! Here!"
Alex flopped down next to Lafayette next to a sand dune.
"What?" Alex complained.
"Ssssh!" Lafayette shushed him. He pointed to something off into the distance. "Look!"
Alex squinted and pushed his glasses further up his nose. Two figures, one dressed in yellow, another in red, were leaning in towards each other. Alex's jaw dropped.
"Holy fuck, is that—"
"PEGGS! MARIA!" John screamed. "CONGRATULATIONS!"
Peggy and Maria jerked backwards in surprise, their kiss broken by John's gleeful outburst.
"John!" Peggy's exasperated wail floated over to them through the cold and salty air. "Have you been watching the whole time?!"
"Yea!" John hollered back.
"Fuck you! I'm never talking to you again!" Peggy shrieked, grabbing Maria's hand. The two of them took, off, giggling and running along the wet sand, waves lapping at their toes.
John chuckled and clapped his hands, looking very pleased with himself. Something stirred inside of Alex, and he glanced at Hercules and Lafayette for confirmation.
It was the first time in the past few days that John had sounded truly happy, laughter pure and not forced.
Maybe he'll be okay. Maybe I'll be okay.
Alex smiled at John and caught his eye for the first time in a while. John squeaked in surprise and tumbled down. Lafayette and Hercules snickered.
"S-Shut up, you pricks!" John stammered, blushing.
"No," Hercules said.
"You two are so madly in lo-ove!" Lafayette sang, sticking his tongue out and crossing his arms playfully.
"What? No!" Alex cried as John laughed nervously and exclaimed: "In your dreams!"
Lafayette and Hercules exchanged a not-so-subtle glance and smirk.
"Do I need to remind y'all about who cuddled and fell asleep under a blanket fort in their own dorm room?" John sickered.
"Wha—?!" Lafayette spluttered.
"How the fuck did you find out about that?!" Hercules said in idnigation.
"Ahh, you don't even deny it, Herc!" John said, grinning broadly.
"... Fuck you," Hercules grumbled.
"How did you even find out about that, vous intelligent espions?" Lafayette demanded.
"Magic," John said while Alex nodded.
"Magic," Alex echoed, whispering.
OKAY EVERYONE LISTEN UP. THERE IS A VERY AWESOME PERSON CALLED IJustCameHereToComment! She's so awesomely awesome in her awesomeness! She's so awesome, she makes awesome people look… um… less awesome! Tbh, she's actually really awesome, guys. You NEED to check her out, her Ham one-shots are so good! I really like her fic: "Best Friends, Lovers, and Roomates"... IT'S SO GOOD! *screams* Idk. Writer's block sucks. And school. SCHOOL. I IMAGINE DEATH SO MUCH IT FEELS MORE LIKE A MEMORY. This chapter sucks but I'm tired and cranky so RIP my life. Yay. Anyways, thanks for reading this! *blows a kiss and skips away*