Disclaimer: Not mine.
This chapter is M rated. I am sorry for any miffed feelings over this. However, the characters demanded it. I think it is a soft M, but an M. I planned on keeping to the T but the characters are scowling at me, telling me this is important.
Finding Home
Chapter 25
Hermione worked at the Ministry for just under three years before she was able to look forward to her impending promotion. She was unsure if this was what she wanted, and knew that if she accepted it she would be cutting off her options to change departments.
She had left Hogwarts, and later Diagon Alley, after Draco's death. She was unable to come to terms with not only Severus' refusal to see her, but her own inability to live where he was a constant reminder.
Now, she sat at her desk in the London walk-up and studied the offer in front of her, raising her head when she heard a knock at the door. She sighed and walked across the small sitting room thinking that Ginny had come again with her now three children and dreaded the thought of trying to appear happy to hear her stories of motherhood.
When she opened the door she was surprised to see Severus standing there looking down at her. She self-consciously raised her hand to her hair and pushed it back to smooth it away from her face.
"So, I take it our three years are up." She stepped aside to let him in, not meeting his eyes.
"Yes," he shrugged off his wet robes and hung them on the hook by the door, "I did not have time to bring the papers earlier."
"Really? I must say I am not surprised to see you. I thought you were retired, or living off your Ministry war pension. Minerva said you quit teaching a year ago."
"I have started a small business. It takes most of my time," he said stiffly as he reached in his pocket and brought out a small scroll.
She took the parchment from him and carried it over to the window where she could read it by the fading sunlight. She turned it over to look at the back, as if something more were printed there that would explain what she was looking for, before turning back to him.
"I saw nothing in the Daily Prophet, nor did I get a notice from the Ministry."
"I can assure you it is in order."
"I'm sure it is." She looked at him, at last locking her eyes on his until he looked away under her gaze. Sighing, she padded barefoot to the desk and sat down heavily as she reached for her quill.
"It seems strange, to sign this I mean." She looked down at the parchment turning her back to him to hide her face. "Does it matter who signs first?"
"It does not matter as long as it is signed in the presence of each other. The document is…"
"Yes, I know. All the documents here are magical." She poised her quill over the document and touched the tip to the line above her printed name. "There was a time I thought that… I guess it doesn't matter now."
"Finish. You thought what?"
"Until that day that I brought you that book and saw Jennifer in your chambers, I thought perhaps we could… you know, that we could actually make a go of this. It was a foolish idea. I was too young to understand I guess."
"I told you that she was only with me to gather information on her sister." He stepped closer to her as he peered over her shoulder to see her hand shake. "There was never anything more than a business arrangement between her and me. I did not sleep with her, Hermione. Not then, and not since."
"It wouldn't matter. You have every right to sleep with whomever you please. If I remember correctly you balked at the wedding, refusing the normal vows." She lifted her quill and made the first slash of the H in her name before laying the quill down. "I think you should sign first, your name shows at the top as the primary petitioner."
"Hermione, you need to do this."
"Or course I do. I want you to do it first. Just on the off chance that it makes a difference." She turned and looked up at him, holding the quill out to him. "Please, just do this one last thing for me, then you never have to see me again."
He took the quill and walked to her side turning the document toward him. Lowering his hand to sign he heard her sharp intake of breath and turned to see her staring at his hand with tears forming in her eyes.
"Hermione?" He looked at her strangely. "I thought you would be relieved to know our time is over. Now you can truly be free. It has been long enough."
"Of course I am happy." She smiled thinly although her chin trembled. "After all, I have wasted eight years of my life on this. It's time to move on. I still find it strange that after all this time all we have to do is sign a paper."
"We thought it would not last more than a few months," he frowned at her. "Tell me Hermione, when you walked into Minerva's office that day, what had you come for? I always wondered about that. I know it was not for a lesson plan."
She stood and walked to the window looking out at the darkening streets. "Just sign the thing. I was a child, a stupid ignorant child when all this started. I can't remember why I went to see Minerva. At the time…why would it matter now? Just sign the damned thing."
He crossed the room to her and took her by her upper arms turning her towards him, and then lifted her chin until she looked at him.
"Tell me," he whispered to her. "I need to know. To put this behind me, I need to know."
"You need a lot don't you? Eight years of my life isn't enough for you? I told you once how I felt and you chose to disregard it," she twisted away from him.
He reached in his pocket and brought out the ruling he had received from the Ministry and shoved it in her hands.
"Read this. You won't quit until you do." He lowered his eyes and turned away as he heard her unroll the parchment.
She read slowly, seeing it written in a hand she did not recognize and carrying the seal of the Ministry.
.
.
Mrs Snape;
Your husband, by virtue of an agreement reached prior to his assistance in a matter of some importance, is hereby granted the right to seek an annulment of his marital vows.
He has made a case against you retaining the position of his wife. In as much as he finds he is unable to consummate the marriage, due your past indiscretions, he is now granted this petition.
As we still hold all Wizarding marriages to be unbreakable, this special request is in no way to be considered a precedent.
Ministry of Magic
Registrations and Rule Division
.
.
He waited until he knew that she'd had enough time to read it before turning back. She had slid to her knees and clutched the paper to her chest as tears flowed down her cheeks.
"You did this? The law was not repealed? You bargained before going to Malfoy that night? You bargained with Kingsley? You told him you didn't want to …?" She looked up at him, her eyes large and full. "I thought… I used to think…I know what Ronald thought… I used to think you saw me differently, that it didn't matter."
"Merlin, no." He squatted in front of her and pulled her into his arms. "I promised you at the beginning that I would not touch you. I promised you, do you remember?"
"I was young, and when Ronald… when he… sign it Severus, just do it and go."
"Hermione! I just led him to believe it was what I thought to gain your freedom. It was all I had to bargain with. I wanted to do this for you, to give this to you."
"For me? I never wanted you to push me away. I never wanted to leave. I wouldn't have minded, I mean if you wanted to … I told you that once. I told you how I felt, but you didn't want to do anything about it."
He smirked at her and allowed a chuckle to fill him. "I think it is a little late for regrets over what was not done. Don't you?"
She nodded at him and lowered her head. "I told you once I would try to be a wife. At the beginning I was scared, I know I couldn't have done it then, not with anyone, but now…"
"Have you been with anyone else?" He held her chin not letting her look away.
"Only when Mal…"
"No!" He scowled and shook his head. "That was not love, or even sex. That was power and control. That had nothing to do with what we could have between us. I told you that once before."
"Us?" She reached a finger and traced his mouth. "Did you ever want to? I mean, I just want to know. I know it's too late now."
"Is there someone else? Someone you truly love? Someone you think you could?" He locked his eyes on hers and waited for her answer. "It's been three years Hermione, have you met someone?"
"I thought you understood." She looked at him then squeezed her eyes shut. "You. I told you that day by the lake. Only you."
"Hermione?" He sighed and shook his head, then stood up and began to pace, unable to trust what he was hearing, and not sure he should say what was in his mind. "If this is real, if this is what you want, then you need to know that it is forever."
"If you don't believe me sign the bloody paper, Severus." She hugged her arms around her waist and lowered her head. "Just don't tell me what I feel is not real, or that you are too old, or that I am too young, or you are too much of a bastard. You are you know. A perfect bastard. It is the one thing you have always been good at."
Severus looked at the ceiling, took a deep breath, lowered himself to the floor, pulled her onto his lap and began to chuckle. "Gods girl, why the bloody hell did we waste so much time?"
"Because you're an arse." She bit her lip and looked up at him. "With a little practice you could be perfect at that too. You could be perfect at both, being an arse and a bastard."
"I couldn't do this then Hermione, I don't know if you can understand that, but I needed to get past it all, past all the…" he was uncharacteristically at a loss for words.
"Past Voldemort and then Draco?" she asked softly, fisting her hands to keep from reaching for him.
"In a way." He pulled her closer and buried his face in her hair. "I needed to get past the hate. Past the need to hurt someone and afraid that you would be there when it happened. I would have hurt you, I know myself too well to think differently. "
"And now?" she pulled back and looked up at him.
"Ask me again if I care for you and I will say no. I will say I love you and have done so ever since you walked into the kitchen with your hair wet wearing that shirt." He raised an eyebrow as she reddened.
"So, what do we do now?" she asked.
"We either sign the paper, or give this a try."
"A try?"
"A try," he smirked, "if it does not work the first time I am willing to keep trying until we get it perfect. I may have to practice with you every day, morning and night, maybe an afternoon study session as well."
"Practice what? " She turned scarlet as she saw his smirk and understood his meaning. "Arse."
"I bought a small house near Hogsmeade. Nothing grand, but large enough to study this in."
"Are you asking me something or just giving me information," she smiled widely.
"I don't ask my wife to live with me," he answered her firmly. "She does so because she wants to, or she signs the paper and I leave."
She began nodding and talking fast. "You can get my belongings that I left at Hogwarts. I can be packed by noon tomorrow. I will…"
"Umm, about that," he sniggered at her. "You have nothing left."
"What do you mean I have nothing left? My books are still there."
"I got a little angry. Angry with you." He looked down at her and raised his eyebrow. "Well, think of it this way. If you had come to my bed none of this would have happened."
"If you had taken me to your…"
"No, before you come home, and it will be your home, you have to understand what I was thinking that night you were not…"
"Oh, my gods," she pushed away from his chest and sat up, "you destroyed everything?"
"Not everything," he snorted. "I let that damnable cat live."
"Everything?" She felt her lip twitch.
"Except the cat."
"The cat."
"Yes."
"Severus?"
"What?"
"That's not my cat."
"What?"
"Crookshanks died years ago."
"Why…?"
"It was Draco. I had to have an excuse for when I was buying two books at a time, and when I moved into the dungeons it just followed me in one day. I think it belongs to the Johnson kid that used to be in Ravenclaw."
"Dare I ask why you do these things?"
"What things?" she frowned at him. "Severus, do you have any idea how old my cat would be?"
"Fine, let it go," he smirked. "I just don't understand you half the time."
"I do love you. You do understand that? You are not as dense as I think you are, are you?"
"I know," he nuzzled her neck. "I do however expect some convincing."
"And? Don't you have something to say to me?"
He looked down at her and scowled, "Hermione, I am sitting on the floor allowing you to drench my robes and did not kill your cat. What more proof do you need?"
"Arse," she said and laid her head back on his shoulder. "You do know I am not helping clean up the mess."
"It was the night Draco died." He stopped nuzzling her and sat up a little straighter. "I wanted you there, I wanted this then."
"You never told me."
"If I had died I did not want you to care," he sighed. "If I came back I didn't want you to leave. I wanted you there if I returned and when you weren't it took me a long time to realize it may have been at fault."
"You think? What ever gave you that idea?" She moved until she could see his face more clearly. "Severus? If we do this you…okay, we have to be a little more honest with each other."
"You think?" His lip twitched as he looked down at her and saw her smile at the same time her eyes filled.
"You do know that I will spend the night here." He leaned down to her ear, pulling the lobe gently with his lips. "You do know we will consummate this."
He stood up and reached his hand down to her, pulling her to her feet and into his arms. "Last chance, Hermione. Make sure this is what you want. Make sure you want this to be real and forever. To come home with me and call it your own. You once said you wanted to go home but didn't know where it was. Tell me that I will be your home, that you have found it."
"I have wanted this since I found the owl that was bringing the news to Minerva about the new law. Why did you think I just happened into her office at almost midnight you fool? I figured it would take at the most two years before I could make you love me. So I was off a little."
He pulled her to him and covered her mouth with his as she stood on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around his neck, bringing up her legs until she had them wrapped around his waist. He ran his hands up her back, under her tee, not releasing her mouth until he was lifting it over her shirt over her head. Reclaiming her mouth, he moaned as he felt her tug to release his shirt from his waistband.
He kissed a line from her mouth to her ear as he undid the clasp of her bra, her head falling back to give him full access to her neck, then fell to his knees, leaning forward until her back was on the floor, and he was kneeling over her. She lowered her feet, releasing him, and watched as he sat back on his heels and raised his arms over his head pulling off his shirt to avoid wasting time on the buttons.
He shuddered when she sat up and kissed her way across his chest, her hands moving to his back, running her fingers in delicate patterns across his skin as he struggled to pull the last of the fabric over his head. He tossed his shirt across the room and turned back to her, pushed her to the floor and slowly pulled down her zipper and undid her waistband.
He moved back, looking at her face to see if her eyes held any fear. Seeing none, he pulled her jeans and knickers down at the same time, falling over her with his legs between hers, his weight on one arm and his other reaching down to undo his belt. He unbuttoned his trousers and lowered his zipper, releasing himself, not able to spare the time to undress.
He pulled his head back to look at her face, seeing that she had closed her eyes and sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. He slowly moved his hand between them, running his fingers along her labia, feeling for the wetness he needed to find. He lowered his head as she turned back to him, and saw her eyes as they locked on his.
"Trust me?" he whispered and saw her nod as she arched her body up to his, needing the contact of skin on skin.
He positioned himself again, resting his forearms on either side of her head. "Hermione, I am sorry," he crushed his mouth to hers, sliding into her, swallowing her gasp, and feeling her arms go around his back as he struggled to hold still.
"Severus," his name fell from her lips as she pushed her head back to the floor, afraid only that he would stop, "Severus, please."
He moved slowly at first, wanting to make her feel what he knew she should, but not able to still his own desire to wait for her. He threw his head back and stiffened as he felt a quickening that signalled his own release. Then lowering his mouth to hers, he completed the consummation.
Feeling like a hormonal teenager he grinned, nuzzling her neck and chuckling. "Gods girl, I haven't come that fast since…" he looked at her sheepishly, knowing not to finish his thought. "I'm sorry Hermione, I couldn't…"
Her hand covered his mouth as she looked into his eyes. "I wanted you to do this. I wanted you to enjoy it. To want me again."
He kissed her hand, grabbing it with his own and moving it to press against his cheek. "I should have waited for you. I should have gone slower."
She began to chuckle at him, "I don't think you could have waited if Dumbledore himself were standing here clicking his tongue and giving instructions. But I do expect more next time."
"I need you Hermione. I need you more than you can imagine." He sighed as he began to roll to her side.
"Then we need to practice again." She reached up and pulled him back, not letting him leave her.
He nipped at her lips until she opened her mouth for him, moving slowly under him, hearing her gasp as his hand moved to her breast.
He snapped his head up suddenly as he frowned. "What did you say?"
"That we need to practice again." She reached for him, wanting to feel his skin against hers and taste his mouth.
"No, before. The last thing before we did this. Something about finding an owl before coming to Minerva's office." He looked down at her suddenly aware that she had fooled him from the very beginning.