Three weeks later, Adrien sat on the same place on the fence, just waiting for Adam to return. She looked intently toward the western skyline, hoping to see him ride over the horizon. She couldn't wait for him to come riding to her, but then again, with what she thought he was going to say, the longer he took, the longer she could live in the allusion that he loved her.

The last three weeks had been torture for Adrien. She was sure Adam was going to leave her. There was a pull at her heart sometimes, and she couldn't stop crying. She thought she could deal with losing him, but she realized how wrong she was. It had been seven years since they first met, and Adam had only mentioned the 'M' word once, and that had been the end of that conversation. Why would he ever want her anyway? They'd made two children together, and lucky for him, they were baggage no longer. But that wasn't the Adam that she really knew, not the one she'd known in Boston, but everything that had happened in the past few months had changed him too…

She hated being alone lost in these thoughts. Luckily, Adam would be home soon, and all of this could be over with.

Her thoughts were broken by the sound of hooves in the distance. Her heart leapt, but her feelings were still mixed. She longed to see Adam, to feel his arms around her, to kiss him just one last time. The horses drew closer; she could not see Adam or Travis. They drew nearer and nearer, and she still could not see either of them. The men came arrived and were riding all around her, and Adam and Travis were nowhere in sight.

"You lookin' for Adam, Miss Cooper?" one of the hands asked, she thought that they called him Slim, but she was not sure.

"Yes," she answered, "Are he and my brother running behind or something?"

"Miss, we can't find Adam 'atoll, and Travis has stayed back lookin' for him. You're wastin' time waitin' 'ere for them."

"Why, what happened?" She asked, not wanting to believe what was going on.

"We were in Frisco and we were all livin' it up when there was just a big fight and a buncha' people got chased out, and hurt and some got dragged off to jail. No one's exactly sure where Adam went. Travis stayed behind to find where he is, but Frisco's a big town. There's no tellin' if he'll be found or not."

Adrien did not say anything in reply. She got down off the fence and on to Beauty and just road off.

She knew what had happened. He did not even want to bother with telling her goodbye, he was just going to leave and never come back. Well, Adam Cartwright, she thought, I won't be here if you ever do decide to come back...

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Adrien, Adrien, are you there?" Travis called at Adrien's door the next morning.

She opened the door, still in her blue dressing gown. Her hair was braided but going in a thousand different directions from tossing and turning all night. There were dark circles under her eyes from a lack of sleep. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying. Upon answering the door, she leaned on the frame because she could barely stand up.

"What do you want?" She asked, wanting to just be left alone.

"I have some bad news, sis. I think you really ought to know."

"Don't tell me. I know what he's told you to tell me." She answered.

"Adrien, he hasn't told me anything. Just go inside. I really need to tell you something."

She sat down on the settee in the sitting room. Travis sat on the coffee table across from her.

"Travis, there's no point in dragging this out. I know Adam has wanted to leave me for a very long time. He probably has another girl waiting for him in San Francisco. He's just waiting to bring her home until I leave in April. And don't worry; I am leaving." She took a piece of paper from the coffee table and handed it to her brother. "I wrote it last night. It's my letter of resignation; give it to Ben when you go back to the ranch. After this school year is over, I'm leaving so I never have to think about or see Adam Cartwright again."

"Adrien, I'm afraid you're going to wish you'd never said that." Travis told her.

"Why, Travis, why don't you just tell me?" She pleaded, so the torture would end and her fears would be confirmed.

"Adrien, we suspect that Adam maybe dead."

Suddenly, it felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on her. She could not think. She almost could not breath. Every thing started to shake. She started to shake. Then, everything went black.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

When Adrien woke up, she was lying on the settee. Travis was wiping her face off with a cold rag.

"Sis, are you alright?"

"Yes, I think I am." A tear ran down her cheek.

"Travis, are you sure?"

"No, not exactly, I was shown a body, but I'm not positive that it was him."

"Travis, please just leave me alone, go back to the ranch, take my letter to Ben, and just leave me alone."

"Adrien, I'm not so sure I should do that."

"Travis, leave me."

"Will you at least promise not to hurt yourself?"

"I promise, I won't."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Later that evening, there was another knock at Adrien's door. She opened it find Ben.

"Miss Cooper, I really think we should talk about this." He said holding up the letter she had sent with Travis.

"What is there to talk about? My decision was made before today anyway. It's time that I move on with my life. And today's news only confirms that."

"I wish you'd reconsider, we aren't even sure if Adam's really dead, you've done so well here. Better than we ever expected of you."

"Why don't you come in?"

They stepped inside the sitting room. Ben was stunned at the workmanship inside, this being the first time he had ever set foot in this house. And it was the first thing Adam had built since he'd come back from college and the last thing also. He had no idea that his son could do such beautiful work.

"Ben, for a long time I have dreamed of settling down and having a family with your son, and for six years I've let that dream live and grow, as I've prayed and prayed for it to come true. But it never has, and it doesn't matter if Adam is really dead or not. I know he'll never want to marry me. I've spent six years trying to make a dream come true that I knew all along was unreachable. I love him with everything I have in me, and that's why this hurts so much. I have to go on, or I'll die waiting for the love of my life to let me be his. I can't stand it that he's gone now, but that's even more reason for me to leave. When I first came here I believed that he was dead, and I thought being close to his family would ease the pain, but now, I'm not so sure. I doubt that I'll ever get though this, and I know I'll never stop loving him. But I can't live in unreachable dreams."

"I understand, and I'm glad you're staying till the end of this school year." Ben answered. "And for what it's worth, I wish you would have ended up marrying Adam. I thought that you were the one for him. You put a fire in him that I'd never seen before. He really did love you, and probably the whole reason he never asked you to marry him was just because he was scared you'd say no, and then he'd lose you for good."

"Thank you, Ben." Adrien replied. "But if you don't mind I think I'm going to turn in. It's been a long day."

"I understand, but I'm keeping my hopes up until we know something for sure. But to your credit, I think you're taking this rather well."

"No, Ben, I'm not. I'm scared. I can't fell a thing, not a damn thing."

"I can't either dear. I know it's happened, but it hasn't hit me yet. And to tell you the truth, I don't want it too."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The next morning, the truth still was yet to hit Adrien. It took her some time to realize that Adam may not ever come riding up to that house again. Even though she expected never to see him again, she never expected this to be the reason why. She could not stand to think about the possibility that he was gone. She did not want to get out of bed, ever again. She really just wanted to lie there and die. Maybe he would want her, maybe even need her in the afterlife.

However, another knock at her door, forced her to rise.

Who would be here this early in the morning? She thought. It's probably Travis. Doesn't he get it? When I say I want to be left alone that means I want to be left the hell alone.

She quickly got dressed. She did not want to even get up, but she knew that if she were dressed, then Travis would not give her so much grief and leave her alone.

She quickly went downstairs, and quickly opened the door.

"Travis what didn't I tell you to…" She began, but she found no one at the door to hear her. There was only a long stem red rose with a note tied to the stem.

It read:

A rose's beauty could never compare

To stars in your eyes,

Or the light in your smile.

I long for you with the power of ten thousand suns,

And the light of a million stars.

I wish for a way to show you my love

And fulfill your every desire.

Let me show you my love, tonight.

Meet me on the east hill at sunset.

And maybe….

It'll become our special place from now till the end of time

Love Always,

Your Secret Admirer