Chapter 25- What's "Good" in Goodbye
Note: Thanks again to those who are reading my story. I hope that you are finding it as enjoyable to read, as it is to write. I would greatly appreciate any reviews that you feel inclined to provide. Your reviews are what keep us going, inspiring us to move forward. Thanks again for reading!
Several weeks have passed, and Elizabeth was looking forward to having the stitches removed from her hand. She sat and enjoyed lunch with Jack and Abigail before heading over to see Emily.
"Where are you going, Jack?" Elizabeth asked.
"I'm going with you. I want to make sure that your hand is completely healed." Jack responded as he reached over and took her right hand in his.
"Jack, you don't need to babysit me. I am capable of going to a doctor's appointment alone," Elizabeth said as she let his hand go, and continued to Emily's office, leaving him standing in the street.
Jack had too many occasions of misunderstandings, and chose not to let this one be added to the list. He continued alone into Emily's office and sat next to Elizabeth in the waiting room. "What's wrong Elizabeth? Are you nervous about having the stitches removed? If that's what's bothering you, you've had stitches removed before, it's not that bad."
"It's nothing, Jack," Elizabeth said as she continued to look down, refusing to make eye contact.
Emily called Elizabeth back to the exam room. Jack stood up to accompany her, but she asked him to just wait for her instead. Jack sat back down, feeling totally lost. "Did I do something to upset her?" He asked himself.
Elizabeth left the office without acknowledging Jack's presence. She walked down the steps heading back to the café, paying no attention to Jack who kept calling her name. Jack ran up beside her, taking her arm to stop her. "What's wrong, Elizabeth? Don't tell me it's nothing, because the way you are acting, it has to be something."
Elizabeth looked at Jack, knowing that she loved this man more than life itself, but also realizing that she could not open up to him right now. She needed to process her emotions, because the fear of loss that she was feeling was quite strong. "Jack, I love you, but I can't talk to you about this right now," Elizabeth said as she turned and walked into the café, leaving Jack standing in the street, alone and confused.
"Women…I guess I now know why Pa once told me that you will never understand them!" Jack thought, as he turned to walk to the Jail. He walked halfway before stopping, "No, we have had too many misunderstandings. No more…She needs to confide in me; we can work this out," He whispered to himself.
"Jack? Who are you talking to?" Emily walked up on him in the street.
"You caught me talking to myself. It's nothing…I didn't know anyone else was around." Jack said as he smiled, showing those dimples that Emily loved.
"Is everything alright? I couldn't help but notice some tension between you and Elizabeth." Emily couldn't help but hope that there was trouble in paradise. "Is planning the wedding starting to cause some tension? If so, that's normal, Jack, but of course, if she isn't the one for you, it's better to find out now, right?
"What? I'm sorry, I have something on my mind…What did you say?" Jack was caught between getting back to talk with Elizabeth, and being polite to Emily. "I have to go…we can talk later," Jack said as he headed off back to the café.
Jack casually walked into the café, trying not to draw attention to himself. He walked through the dining area, and into the kitchen where he found Abigail at the stove. "What's wrong with Elizabeth?" He asked.
Abigail took the spoon she was using to stir the stew out of the pot and said, "I don't know. She received a letter today, and her entire mood changed after she read it."
Jack turned and walked to Elizabeth's bedroom, knocking on the door, "Elizabeth, may I come in?" There was no answer. "Elizabeth, please let me come in. I'm worried about you." There was still not answer. Jack turned the doorknob and cracked open the door. He peeked in to find Elizabeth sitting in her bed with her knees to her chest; her arms wrapped around her legs, with her head down, and rocking back and forth. He could tell that she was crying as she held what appeared to be a letter in her hand. "Elizabeth? What's wrong? Please talk to me," Jack begged her.
Elizabeth looked up and through her tears said, "It's not fair."
"What's not fair?"Jack asked.
"You give your love to someone, and in a split second it's all gone…they are gone." Elizabeth continued to cry, laying back on the bed and turning away from Jack.
He sat on the bed beside her, tenderly rubbing her back with his hand, wanting her to know that he was there for her…needing her to know that he would always be there for her. "Elizabeth, please tell me what happened. I can help you…Let me help you!" Jack pleaded with her to talk to him.
"Jack?" Abigail stepped into the room, "Mr. Trevoy is here, and needs to speak with you.
"I'll be right there, Abigail." Jack responded as he stood from the bed and headed for the door. "Please sit with her until I get back," he asked Abigail, "there is something wrong, but she won't talk to me."
"I'd rather be alone, please," Elizabeth called out and she withdrew further away.
"I'll keep an eye on her, Jack," Abigail promised. "You take care of Mr. Trevoy, and I'll try to figure out what happened."
Jack walked outside with Mr. Trevoy, but his thoughts and attention remained with Elizabeth.
"Constable? Constable?" Mr. Trevoy called out…"Are you listening to me?"
"I'm sorry, you have my attention…What can I help you with?" Jack asked.
"I've had problems the past few nights with several of the miners. Nothing has been damaged…yet, but I would like you to come over in the evening and just keep a watch on things." Mr. Trevoy asked, knowing that a Mountie's presence would likely keep order at the Saloon.
"Either Inspector Avery or myself will be over this evening to check on things," Jack said as he excused himself and headed back into the café.
Abigail was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of hot tea when Jack returned. "Did you find out anything?" He asked.
"Jack you were only gone for a few minutes. She asked to be alone…I'm abiding by her request. Apparently she needs some time to think. Go take care of your rounds, Jack. I will be here if she needs me." Abigail was hoping Jack would give Elizabeth some time to be alone and think.
"How can I leave her like this? I don't even know what I've done, or if I've done anything." Jack seemed so confused.
"Jack, I don't think it's you. I believe that she received some disturbing news in that letter, and it has really thrown her. Let her think and she will talk with us when she is ready." Abigail said as she ushered Jack out of the café.
Jack rode out of town to complete his rounds, but truly only had one thing on his mind…Elizabeth.
Elizabeth sat up in bed, wiping her eyes, as she pulled out her journal to write...
"Truly, what is so good about goodbye? It is true that we shouldn't waste time mourning love lost, but be thankful for the time we have together. For love is a journey, a new awakening, but death is its own odyssey; not the journey we want to take, but one that is essentially necessary to life. However, one must ask if you want to put all of your emotions on the line when some goodbyes are so final. Can you truly recuperate from the pain and loss?"
Elizabeth came out of her room, fixed herself a cup of hot tea, and sat at the kitchen table. Abigail was in the dining room tending to her customers, and was surprised to see Elizabeth when she returned.
"Are you okay, Elizabeth? I don't mean to pry, but I am here to help if you want to talk about it," Abigail said as she fixed herself a cup of coffee, and sat down at the table. She reached over, taking Elizabeth's hand in hers, giving it a squeeze, showing her emotional support. "Please talk to me, Elizabeth. If you don't want to talk to me, please talk to Jack. He is so worried about you. He's afraid that he has done something to upset you."
"No, it isn't him…well, it isn't anybody really. It's just life, or actually death." She responded.
"Death? Who died?" Abigail asked, noticing the deep sadness in Elizabeth's eyes.
I grew up with Thomas Whitman and Sarah Rossman. They fell in love and married soon after completing secondary school. There was never a stronger love between two people than Thomas and Sarah. They were married a few years, and Sarah gave birth to their son, Jonathan, last year. I haven't seen them since I left home, but we did keep in touch through letters. Julie sent me a letter to let me know that there was a fire in their home, and Thomas and Jonathan were killed." Tears began to pool in Elizabeth's eyes.
Abigail reached over, wrapping her arm around Elizabeth's shoulder, hugging her tightly. "I'm so sorry. That is such sad news. How is Sarah?"
"Julie wrote that she has some injuries, but physically she will be fine. I'm not so certain that she will recover mentally. I don't remember ever seeing one without the other, and then when Jonathan was born…" Elizabeth began to cry again, "What a beautiful family they made. Sarah had such a difficult time carrying Jonathan, and they were so blessed when he was born healthy."
Abigail had tears in her eyes as well, remembering that horrid day of the mine explosion, when so many lives were lost, leaving those left behind to pick up the pieces. "Is there anything I can do, Elizabeth?"
"You know Abigail," Elizabeth started out, "I was fine being alone when I came here. I never had expectations of getting married…sure I dreamed of my wedding, but I never felt like it had to happen for me to be whole." Elizabeth stood up and started for her bedroom, "Abigail, is it really worth giving your love…your life to someone, and running the risk of losing them and feeling such emptiness?" Elizabeth asked, but didn't wait for an answer, as she walked into her bedroom, and closed the door behind her.
Abigail saw to her customers before she came back in and sat at the kitchen table, saying prayers for peace and comfort for Elizabeth, Sarah and herself. She remembered those dark days following the mine explosion, and how difficult it was for her to move on with her life. Although Abigail knew that Elizabeth was wrong to throw love away because she was afraid of the possible loss, she did understand. "I just hope that Jack can help her through this," she said softly.
As if on cue, Jack walked into the kitchen, and immediately to Elizabeth's bedroom door.
"Wait Jack," Abigail called out to him. "We need to talk."
"Oh no…what did I do?" Jack asked as he took a seat at the table.
"Nothing…for the first time, it's about you, but not really about you," Abigail started out, but realizing that Jack was quite confused.
"Were you able to talk with her?" Jack asked.
"Yes, Jack. We had a long talk a little while ago." Abigail began to explain the information that she had. "She received some bad news from home about a dear couple she grew up with. She's very sad, and doesn't know how to make sense of it all."
"Please, Abigail, tell me…" Jack looked lost, and needed to know what happened so he could give Elizabeth his support.
Abigail provided Jack with the information she obtained during her talk with Elizabeth. "Jack, they were very close friends, and Elizabeth is now feeling lost. Not only that, but she is afraid of putting herself in that situation of loving someone so much and losing them."
"What are you saying, Abigail?" Jack asked as he stood from his chair. "Please don't tell me that she is having second thoughts about us!"
Abigail poured some milk into her coffee and said, "Jack, Elizabeth loves you…probably more than she has loved anything or anyone in her entire life. Now she sees a close friend, who also had that kind of love; it is lost in the blink of an eye, and she is wondering if loving someone is worth the risk."
"No, no, Abigail, she isn't going to throw everything away, because she is afraid of losing me. I'm not letting that happen. We have come too far…No," Jack said as he headed for Elizabeth's bedroom door.
Jack walked inside Elizabeth's room but she was not there. He walked over to her bed; found the letter she received from Julie, and her journal, open to where she had been writing her thoughts. Jack sat down on the side of her bed, picked up her journal and began to read her last entry…
"Truly, what is so good about goodbye? It is true that we shouldn't waste time mourning love lost, but be thankful for the time we have together. For love is a journey, a new awakening, but death is its own odyssey; not the journey we want to take, but one that is essentially necessary to life. However, one must ask if you want to put all of your emotions on the line when some goodbyes are so final. Can you truly recuperate from the pain and loss?"
Jack sat on the side of the bed, already beginning to feel a loss, even though Elizabeth was still there. "I have to find her," he thought.
"Abigail, where did Elizabeth go?" Jack asked as he ran to the back kitchen door.
"I never saw her leave, Jack. She went into her room, and I was out here, except for a few moments when I went into the dining room. She never said anything to me." Abigail responded.
"I have to find her." Jack ran out the door and to the Livery to get a horse.
Jack rode to the lake, just knowing that she would be there. That was the place she always went to think…to put things in perspective. He rode through the clearing, and all the around the lake, but did not see her. He left the lake and headed to the church, hoping that he would find her there. As he arrived at the church, Adam Miller and several workmen were painting the rear of the building.
"Adam, have to seen Elizabeth?" Jack asked.
"She's inside, I believe." Adam responded.
Jack dismounted and ran inside the church to find it empty. He walked around, finding Elizabeth's shawl lying on the first pew. Jack took her shawl, bringing it to his face and inhaling deeply. He knew that smell...he loved her smell. "I have to find her," he thought as he headed back to town. It was now dusk, and too late to go to the lake, but somehow he truly felt that there is where he would find her.
Jack arrived at the lake, walked through the clearing, and found Elizabeth standing by the water…crying. "Elizabeth?" Jack called out, not wanting to frighten her. He walked up, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight.
Elizabeth initially tried to break away from Jack, but soon found herself holding him as tightly as he held her. "I do love you, Jack, but I…I know that…I just don't think I could live without you."
"What makes you think that you have to live without me? Jack held Elizabeth's arms, making her face him. "I know what happened to your friends, Elizabeth, and I am so sorry…but they aren't us."
"My friend, Sarah, now has to start over. Thomas was her whole life for many years, and then when Jonathan came along they were so happy and blessed to be a complete family. How is she supposed to do that, Jack? How do you lose everything, and start over?" Elizabeth asked, as she broke away from Jack and started walking around the bank.
Jack ran up behind Elizabeth, taking her right arm and turning her around to face him. He put his hands on either side of her face, wiping her tears as they fell, "Sarah will fight, Elizabeth, just like I am fighting right now. She will do whatever she has to in order to live her life in honor of her husband and son. I know it's hard, but life does go on. Do you honestly think that Sarah would be happier right now if she had never married or given birth to her son? Think of all the years she had with Thomas, and the joy that little Jonathan brought to both of their lives. Elizabeth, loving someone can bring you the greatest joy in life…you taught me that. Don't you remember the Alfred Lord Tennyson poem where is says, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I'm not giving up on us Elizabeth, because my worst day with you is better than my best day without you." Jack leaned in and kissed her lips, softly at first, and then becoming more powerful. He put his arms around her waist, holding her tight.
Elizabeth leaned back, looking in his eyes, feeling his love. She wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him as close to her as space would allow. "I'm sorry Jack. You're right…I do not see myself without you…"
"Or I without you," Jack smiled warmly, showing those dimples that always made her forget her troubles. Jack took Elizabeth's hand and slid it through his arm as they walked through the woods and back to the road. He helped Elizabeth mount the horse, and then jumped on behind her as they headed back to town.
It was dark when they arrived back in town. As they approached the café, Elizabeth could see Abigail sitting on the porch swing. They rode up to the café, and Jack dismounted, and then helped Elizabeth down.
"Are you two alright?" Abigail asked hesitantly.
"We're fine," Jack responded.
"Yes, Abigail, I'm sad for my friends, but I know I need to live my life like today may be my last…no regrets, and to be so very thankful for the love and the people I have in my life." Elizabeth was pouring her heart out to her two closest friends. "You above all, Abigail, understand what I'm saying. You experienced the darkness, and fought your way out of it. I truly admire you." If you will excuse me for a minute, I need to go inside to get something. I will be right back.
"I'm so glad you found her, Jack. She is so lucky to have you." Abigail said as she took a deep breath, feeling so relieved.
"She is no luckier than I am to have her, Abigail." Jack smiled as he leaned on the railing.
Elizabeth came back outside and walked to Jack, giving him a kiss on the lips. "Jack, would you please put this back on my finger?" Elizabeth said as she handed her engagement ring to him.
"Gladly!" Jack took the ring and slid it on her finger. Once the ring was situated, he took her hand in his and kissed each finger gently.
"Well, if you two will excuse me, I will leave you alone." Abigail said as she headed for the café door. "Oh, Jack, Mr. Trevoy came by a while ago, and said that you promised to check things out at the Saloon tonight."
"That's right. Well he can wait for a while. I have something more important to do right now." Jack said as he leaned over and kissed Elizabeth's cheek.
They stood by the railing, arm in arm, enjoying the feel of the warm breeze. Jack turned her to face him and kissed her lips softly. He kissed her cheek, and then moved to her ear, where he whispered, "I love you," and she held him tighter. A chill went down her spine as she felt his breath on her neck. Elizabeth looked into Jack's eyes and said, "Meeting you was fate; becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was totally out of my control."
Elizabeth knew that Jack had to leave for work, but hated to see him walk away. She never liked watching him walk away. "Jack, we haven't really discussed when we want to get married, but I really don't want to wait any longer than necessary to start our lives together. If I have learned anything through all of this, it's that life is precious…too precious to waste it on fear and worry over things of which we can't control.
"I would marry you right here, right now if I could, Elizabeth," Jack said with a smile, as he walked Elizabeth down the steps of the café.
Elizabeth reached over, taking Jack's hand in hers, "Well, tomorrow maybe we can sit down and start doing some planning? I mean, we need a place to live, and a place for the ceremony, among other things. Enough about all that…You go take care of your business with Mr. Trevoy, and I will see you tomorrow."
Jack headed toward the Saloon before stopping and turning toward Elizabeth, who was almost at the porch steps. He took Elizabeth's arm, turned her around, and under a dark, but beautiful clear sky with what had to be a million stars visible kissed her with such passion, as if they were on fire from within. Jack didn't want to leave, but realized that he had other obligations that needed to be fulfilled. But one day, hopefully soon, they would spend every evening together in their own home!
To be continued…