A/N: Once again, I apologize for my posting paucity. I've had such a hard time writing anything lately. Not for lack of inspiration and not for lack of love for the story but because writer's block sucks. I hope you enjoy this, even if it's short and even if I couldn't make it work exactly like I wanted. Thanks for reading!
She's never entirely sure if it's fussing from the baby that wakes her around four in the morning, or if her sleep cycles have synced to his needs, but whatever it is, she's swinging her legs over the side of the bed and pulling her robe over her pajamas before her eyes are even open. Moving her son to his own bed in his own room had really not rocked her hormonal corner of the world as much as she anticipated, but the nightly treks all the way across the loft and up the stairs are getting to be a little much. Yawning, she leans heavily on the handrail and almost pulls herself up the stairs, finally making it into Finn's room , peeking into the crib where he lays, grunting and waving an arm unhappily while he stretches.
"Hey buddy," she whispers, leaning over to pick him up. "Are you hungry this morning?"
He curls into her and sighs, dropping his head to her shoulder and holding on to a strand of her hair.
"Not quite yet then," she smiles, sinking down into the plush rocking chair, tucking one foot underneath her while the other pushes them gently back and forth. Sometimes he wakes up and simply wants attention, which is less tiring than having to feed him while half asleep.
Motherhood is proving to be the hardest thing she has ever done, and not because of the lack of sleep or the worry that she isn't doing things right, but because of all the balance required to keep everything rolling along just right. Some days she feels like she hit the nail on the head and fulfilled every one of her duties from protect and serve to bathe and feed. Other days she wonders what the point of even getting out of bed was, for as much as she accomplishes.
Marriage is hard work now too, and though they are happy, communicating, and working together as well as they ever have, she suddenly understands why many marriages fall apart after children and careers go head to head over top billing. Very aware that they may start to feel the heat, they go out of their way to spend time together, even if it means forgoing an hour of sleep here and there. Family is sacrifice, but it is worth it.
"Good morning," comes a soft voice from the doorway.
"Hey sweetie," Kate greets. "Headed out?"
"Not quite. I wanted to give you your gift first."
"I get a gift?"
"Well it is your first Mother's day, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is."
"You'll need both hands; can I take him?"
"Yeah, sure."
She hands the gift to Kate then picks the baby up, kissing his cheeks and settling him in her arms before perching on the arm of Kate's chair.
"I didn't wrap it, mostly because I forgot," she starts with a smile. "But it kind of wraps itself."
Kate smiles and unties the ribbon, then unfolds what she finds to be a new quilt. Just as she's about to say how beautiful it is, her breath catches in her throat, familiar eyes staring back up at her. The entire quilt is covered in pictures of her and her mother, from the time she was an infant up until that last Christmas. Most of the pictures she's seen, but some she hasn't and she's speechless while she looks them over.
"Alexis… how did you… when…"
"I spent an afternoon with your dad a couple months ago. He was more than happy to regale me with stories about his girls. I think this is my favorite one," she says, pointing to a picture near the middle. "She was beautiful."
"Yeah, she was."
There's a bit of silence and Alexis looks over, finding Kate with her eyes full of tears.
"Is it okay that I did this? I didn't want to make you sad, I just-"
"Sweetheart, this is one of the best gifts I've ever been given."
"Really?"
Kate looks up and nods, then pulls the girl into her arms, hugging her tightly and kissing the top of her head.
"I love you kiddo. You know that?"
"I know. A lot. I love you too."
They stay like that for a moment, neither of them needing any more words. There are probably dozens of things to say, and someday maybe there will be time, but right now the silence speaks more.
"Hey Kate? Thanks for doing all the stuff you don't have to do."
"Thanks for letting me."
They sit a moment more before righting themselves and wiping their eyes.
"You be safe while you're gone, alright?"
"I will. Show Finn my picture so he won't forget me?"
Kate laughs.
"You're only going to be gone for two nights."
"And you miss me already so don't make fun."
"Are you sure you don't want us to take you to the airport?"
"The car service is fine. Besides, you're going to go crash for another three or four hours once he settles."
"Fair enough," Kate smiles, squeezing her hand. "Have fun with your mom sweetie."
Alexis nods and points at the card, which had been tucked in with the quilt.
"Read that once I leave, okay?"
"Alright. I love you."
"Love you too."
She stands up from the chair, giving her little brother a kiss goodbye before handing him back to his mother.
"I know you're busy but do you think… once I get back and finals are over, do you think we could do something? Just us, no boys?"
Kate smiles and nods.
"Absolutely."
"Thanks. I'll call you guys when I get there."
She slips out of the room and Finn sits up a little, looking around for her, slightly more awake now.
"She'll be back," Kate assures with a little chuckle, even as Finn whines. There's no doubt that he's attached to all of them and though he doesn't have a clear favorite, he doesn't like it when anyone leaves.
"Okay Smudge, why don't we head downstairs and cuddle with daddy? That usually puts you right to sleep."
She's had these moments more often than she thought she would. Times where everything is perfect, all the little bits have fallen into place and she feels- no, knows- that she is doing a great job. When her little boy scoots across the grass to her, lips popping in concentration until he falls against her chest, she knows. When her husband looks on, eyes shining, smile wide across his face, she knows. She's a good mother, a great mother, one her own mother would be proud of. The feeling wells up in her chest and she hugs the baby close, breathing in his little boy smell and memorizing the way his chubby cheek feels mashed against hers. There is nothing else like him, nothing else like the love she feels or the ways he's changed her.
"Ready for presents?"
She glances up at Castle, smiling at the excitement on his face. He'd grabbed a bag on the way out the door this morning, refusing to tell her what was in it. He loved surprises and she has to indulge him; it was much too fun to watch him wiggle in anticipation.
She sits up from the grass and settles Finn in her lap, leaning down to kiss the top of his head.
"Alright what did you get me?"
Castle smiles, hands her a small gift first. She unwraps it and hands the paper to Finn, who coos happily at the crinkling noises and begins to chew on it. The box holds a stack of soaps and the scent that reaches her nose has her closing her eyes in enjoyment.
"Chocolate soap?"
"I know the things you like," he chuckles, handing over another gift.
Within minutes she's surrounded by used wrapping paper and all the pieces she will need for several at-home spa nights. He's also given her pictures, snapshots of different indoor plants that he's purchased for her, because she's been aching to have a little bit of earth in their home. And though she feels that she's already been spoiled enough, a necklace with Finn's birthstone on it, and a beautifully framed family photo soon join everything else. Everything encompasses not only her as a mother, but her as her own person; the things she loves and things that mean something to her. It's almost as if he knows her fear; the fear of being forgotten as anything but a mother and wife. But he knows. He knows that she's still Kate, that as many layers as he may not know yet, more are added still.
In this quiet moment in the park, while birds chirp and their son babbles happily in their arms, she knows she has never felt more cherished, more adored, more loved.