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Chapter 25

They always say that tomorrow is another day.. Tomorrow will be better that yesterday.. Is it though? Is it better? Or we take the effort to change it for ourselves.. I am trying so much to be Spencer from the day before.. I am trying so much not to think what happened to me.. I am trying to think all the good times I had with Ashley.. The girl I love as much as everything in the world.. The girl I lied so I didn't feel ashamed more than I feel.. The girl I let to get away..

I didn't tell my parents.. I didn't want to put them in that situation.. But the truth is that they would find it sooner or later.. He would be arrested and everyone would know what he did to me.. My team, my friends.. All I care is for Ashley not to find out.. How she could be with me again after all this? How I could be with her again because of what he did to me.. I stopped calling his name.. It's a he for me..

Steve was indeed next to me.. As he told me he would.. I didn't go out from my room for two days.. Jenna was looking for me but I couldn't talk to her.. Steve was the one who knew… He kept me company and actually was here when detective Roberts called to tell me that they got him.. At first I panicked.. I don't know why.. Maybe because I would go to see him again.. I so didn't want to.. Steve held my hand and he told me he would come with me.. I didn't know how he could be with me without Ashley know that.. I asked him and he just told me that she didn't have to know everything about him.. Yes.. she didn't have to..

"Are you ready Spencer?"

"No. But it is something I have to do.."

"I am here. Ok? We will do it together.."

"Thank you.."

"You are a friend.. And that's what friends do.. Come on.. We will go with my car"

I didn't know if it was someone near him when they arrested him.. If it was then they will have questions.. I hope they don't ask me..

Steve drove us to the police station and I was hesitated to get inside.. Steve took my hand in his and I just followed him inside.. Detective Roberts was there waiting for me..

"Ms Carlin, hello"

"Detective.. This is a friend of mine.. Steve Arnolds. He knows Aiden too" it felt weird calling his name again..

"Ok.. Follow me.. We will go where we have him.. He can't see you so don't be afraid. Ok?"

"Yes.."

We followed her and I stopped when I saw him inside.. He seemed lost and guilty.. That's good because he was..

"Ms Carlin? Is this Mr Aiden Denninson?"

"Yes"

"Mr Arnolds?"

"Yes, it's him"

"Thank you.."

"Detective? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course"

"Is he going to be behind bars?"

"Ms Carlin we have already your statement but he needs a lawyer and to confess his crime.. Whatever we have I will call you again.. For now he is in custody.. You can sleep at night"

Could I? I didn't sleep till that night.. Whenever I was closing my eyes I could see his face and him raping me over and over again.. He was my nightmare..

"Thank you detective.."

"Everything is going to be fine.. We have him.."

"Thank you.. For everything.."

"Whatever you need call me at any time. Ok?"

I just nodded and I left the police station with Steve still holding me.. I thought I didn't need anyone but I was so wrong.. I needed someone to hold.. I needed someone to hold me.. I needed her but I couldn't.. Not yet.. I don't know if I ever but for now I can't have her as I want her.. Someday I will find her again and I hope I didn't lost her for good..

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Could you?"

"Of course Spencer.. let's just got back to your room.. ok?"

"Ok"

Once we were back I heard some people talk.. I didn't know them but clearly they knew him.. All I heard was 'Aiden Denninson is in jail'.. What if they will find out what happened.. What if Alexei knows already? I am sure he called him.. We didn't know anyone here and Alexei was practically our father, our family.. Oh, my God I don't want to think about that..

"Don't listen to anything or anyone.. Ok?"

"Steve? What if Ashley finds out? What then?"

"I still believe that you should tell her.. She needs to know Spencer"

"I can't.. I can't.." I started to cry.. I didn't cry from yesterday and I was already in Steve's arms shobbing..

"Shhh.. It's ok.. I am sorry Spencer.. Please don't cry.."

"She must not find out.. Please.."

"I won't tell her but I can't promise that she won't find out if people already know.. They know that you were or are together.. So they are going to ask her.. So that's why I am asking you to tell her by yourself.. It's better to find it from you than some stranger"

"I am not ready.. I don't know if I ever will.."

"Ok.. I won't say anything else.. Let's just lay here.. Ok?"

"ok"

We laid on my bed.. I didn't afraid of Steve.. I wasn't afraid because he was a man.. Right now I was afraid of being alone.. And Steve felt safe.. I needed to feel safe again.. Ashley made me feel this way.. My father made me feel the same way.. But Ashley is not here.. Neither my father..

That day I fell asleep in Steve's arms.. That day I was able to close my eyes and sleep.. And I didn't dream of him.. I dreamed of Ashley.. I dreamed our first time together.. I miss her.. I totally miss her.. I must be a masochist for not telling her.. I must be a masochist of telling her we are over..

"Spencer? Are you ok? You are crying"

I didn't know I was crying till I felt wetness on my face.. I guess my dream was vivid and I woke up with tears.. My subconscious was telling something that my conscious didn't want to listen..

"Yes, I am fine Steve.. Sorry for keeping you here.."

"It's nothing.. If you want me I can stay"

"No, I am ok.. really.. I will call you if I want something"

"Promise?"

"Promise"

He kissed my forehead and left me once again alone.. I will never forget what Aiden did to me.. But I will try to take him out of my mind.. Day by day I will.. I know I will because I am strong..

I still didn't want to get out from my room unless it was necessary.. But something pulled out to the balcony.. It was freezing out there.. When I was out my eyes found her.. She was out alone.. I was looking at her and I felt my tears again on my face.. Why I couldn't just let her in? Why I just couldn't tell her? Because I was afraid.. I was afraid of her reaction.. That's why..

Seeing her out there, alone.. I wanted to go and hug her.. Put my arms round her body.. Hold her and kiss her.. But I couldn't.. Before I step in I saw her turn her face to my side.. I took a step back.. I could still see her but she couldn't.. This weird connection we have it's something I can't explain.. She sensed me there.. As I sensed her.. I can't take all this.. I just can't.. I need to leave.. I need to go back.. Where will be no Ashley..

The days passed so fast.. I didn't see Ashley again.. I tried not to.. I was waiting for the closing ceremony and to leave as fast as possible.. Aiden confessed that he committed rape.. And they arrested him with full charges.. He didn't ask of Alexei.. I learned that he went to see him but he refused to see anyone.. I think he was ashamed for what he did.. I am sure that everyone wants to know what happened and thank God no one asked me.. They knew that we were over so there was need..

The last day before the closing ceremony I decided to go out from my room.. Steve still was near me, helping me with everything.. He didn't tell me again to tell Ashley what happened.. I guess he finally understood were I was coming from..

I started to talk with Jenna again.. She was worried about me.. But she didn't mention why I was so off all these days.. I told her because I broke up with Ashley.. She didn't ask why.. All she said was 'you are perfect for each other'. And we were.. She was my soul mate.. My other half.. She told me that we should go out and have some fun because she missed me.. And to tell you the truth I missed her.. So that night we got out to have some fun.. I wanted to feel alive again..

"Spencer Carlin.. Are you ready?"

"Jenna.. Yes.. I am.."

"Ok. Let's go.. Summer is downstairs waiting for us"

"Where are we going?"

"To a local bar. I heard it's the best here"

Last time I was at a bar was that awful night.. I felt kind of strange going to a bar again.. I felt like someone gripped my heart so hard that I couldn't breathe.. Jenna sensed my anxiety an run to my side..

"Spencer? Are you ok? Oh, my God.. Can you breathe?" I just nodded "Breathe. Just breathe.. Inhale, exhale.. Inhale, exhale.. That's good.. Are you feeling better?"

"Yes.. Sorry.."

"Do you want for us to stay here? We don't need to go to a bar.. We can hang out to my room or your room."

"No. It's. Ok.. Let's go.. Summer wait for us"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

We took a taxi and went to that local bar Jenna was saying.. When we were outside I felt that anxiety build again.. It was the same bar I was with Ashley days ago.. I took a breath and stepped inside with Jenna and Summer..

Once we were inside we found a table to sit.. I didn't look around.. It was crowed actually.. I remembered what happened with Ashley here.. how I wish I could have kissed her that night.. Nothing would happen..

We were there sitting, drinking our drinks.. well I was drinking a coke.. I didn't drink from that night and I would never drink again.. We were talking when I saw Jenna look someone.. I followed her eyes and I saw Steve with a girl.. I was ready to get up and greet him when the girl turned her face and I saw who she was.. She was my Ashley.. I am not sure they saw us.. It was crowed.. I took my time look at her.. How I missed her.. I looked at her when our eyes met.. When blue met brown.. She looked at me and I saw a little smile on her face.. It was hesitant but I saw that.. Although it was dark Ashley's smile always lighten my world..

We looked at each other..

TBC

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