Zilo: RAGMUFFINS! Okay, guess what, we have results, oh yeah! And may I say a very happy thank you to agent000, who was so nice and kind enough to find out who my hundredthedtheses reviewers were! Look, here they are!
100th reviewer: Wandering Hitokiri
200th reviewer: Namikazelil
300th reviewer: Half Human Homunculi
Zilo: So, THANK YOU FOR THAT, YOU THREE! I'll find some very Zilo way to thank you. Now! Onto the results! It was nearly unanimous yeses for a sequel and RM altering the series, so that we shall do! And it was not unanimous for the EnvyxRM, and that combined with some super-solid advice from agent000 (thanks again!!) equals us NOT having EnvyxRM. If you voted for, never fear! I've still got you covered...
Risty: And now, we respond very longly! And also add a long chapter, to make up for the responding long!
Zilo: Suzuku90 made funnies again!
Ed: Are you OUT OF YOUR DEPRAVED MIND?!
Roy: …I refuse to answer.
Zilo: I'm afraid you weren't. But at least you were there!
Envy: I don't know. IS she delicious or pretty? I, of course, hate her, so I'm probably not the best judge. And I have no girlfriend. Never will.
Zilo: Risty's ultra-pretty and super-delicious! And that's quite a useful skill, I'd wager.
Ed: No, it's just annoying. And NO I DON'T!! But I agree with Envy having PMS.
Envy: Shut up!
Zilo: The-Living-Shadow, thanks for voting! Half Human Homunculi's mauling Ed again!
Ed: GAH! LEGGO!
Zilo: You make good points, HHH! I think Zoe is more likely to spoil, only because she doesn't understand Risty's insistence not to. It would make a nice plot twist!
Ed: (now hypnotized)
Envy: Make him do tricks.
Zilo: agent000, I can never thank you enough! Hope you got my e-mail! Namikazelil, Eloquent Liar, and TailsMoon, thanks so much for voting!
Al: I hope you feel better now, Colonel Bastard. (hands another handkerchief)
Zilo: You know what? I'm really not much of a romance buff, but I'm going to try it! I might have to make your gift fic AU, though, just because it's easier to work with that way—but I'm willing to take a stab at romance!
Zoe: Yes, Zilo, just who IS "ZiloTheStrange" to us?
Zilo: Mer, secret…
Risty: You can't wait for me to…be exploited?! That's a bit mean!
Envy: Yet somehow hilarious.
Zilo: Synneofthesun, thanks a whole bunch! I'd never kill you for saying that!
Envy: But I would.
Risty: That's not nice!
Zilo: Ah, I can't tell you yet, but it will indeed become clear! Don't even worry! And…er, let's leave out the angry sending of letters, please?
Zoe: Yep, Shinkutsuki, short. Just like—
Ed: Don't FINISH that sentence.
Zilo: Actually, it's because the Documents decided to eat a whole section at the beginning! Sad! Thanks for voting! And you'll see how!
Zilo: Actually, Wandering Hitokiri, I think Envy smoked some cigaweed.
Zoe: Knew he was a weed head.
Envy: Shut up.
Risty: I've got a bad feeling too…
Envy: Who's Katie, and can I kill her?
Zilo: You can't kill everyone who votes for EnvyxRM, you know.
Envy: Why not?
Zilo: Thank you, Little Patch of Heaven! I'm just glad you decided to review now! I know how that is, though—I do it myself sometimes! Yeah, there was a big gap between chapters, because of a lot of things happening in real life, so I had to apologize a bunch! But now we're back on track, so yay! Thanks so much for voting!
Al: How do reviews die?
Zilo: Well, when a mommy review hates a daddy review…
Risty: Thank you for voting, Marie Blaze! We appreciate! Celebrate! Love not hate!
Zilo: No wai, PhantomSunsSong! R j00 sur3? 1t c0uld b a tr1ck...
Ed: Please stop.
Zilo: Kay. Anyhow, thanks for voting!
Envy: Not surprising. I'm very likeable.
Zoe/Ed: NOT.
Zilo: Yes, I am, but that's all I can say for now! My second appearance will be much later...muahaha...
Envy: I am NOT, so just drop it!
Zilo: Denial is the sincerest form of flattery.
Zoe: ...I think that's "imitation".
Zilo: ZILO DESIRES YOUR ATTENTION AGAIN: I rewrote the first part of Chapter 23, so it's much less plot-holey now! And also, I need some summaries for the last half of the series from somewhere. It's vital to our 3rd arc!
Risty: There's going to be another arc?
Zilo: There's gotta be! I'm mega-plotting now!
FMA Cast: (groans)
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
AKA "Into Risembool"
AKA "Don't Be Selfish"
"Hey, Risty May. We're here. Wake up."
Risty May blinked and opened her eyes. The train was moving very slowly, and seemed to be getting even slower. She shifted, her cheek dragging against the object it rested upon. She stopped when she realized it was Ed's shoulder.
A split second later, she bolted upright. "Sorry! I'm so sorry!" she said hastily.
Ed shrugged and smiled. "It's no problem. We're here."
"Oh...we are?" Risty May peeked out the window and saw lots of grass and sky and rolling hills. "Oh, we are," she said again. She looked around the train's car and saw that she, Ed, and Al were the only ones left on the train.
"Come on," Al said. "Winry said she'd meet us at the station."
Risty May nodded and stood up, stretching. She felt something brush against her back, through her shirt, and reached back to push whatever it was away. Her hands froze when they came into contact with long, soft hair.
Quickly, Risty May pulled the hair over her shoulder. It was dark brown, and slightly wavy. It looked and felt exactly like her hair had before she had cut it. But it was longer, much longer. It was touching the floor!
"Ed!" Risty May exclaimed, looking up. "My hair! It's--"
She stopped when she realized that Ed and Al had apparently already left the train, leaving her behind. "Hey!" Risty May exclaimed, hurrying out of the booth and down the aisle. "Guys, wait up!"
She came to the door and pulled it open. Her heart fell to her throat when she saw Dante, in Lyra's body, wearing that frilly Victorian dress from the last few episodes. Risty May staggered back. "Wh-What are you doing here?" she exclaimed.
Dante said nothing, but simply clapped her hands together.
"Wait!" Risty May turned and tried to run, but her hair was suddenly much heavier, and slowed her progress terribly. She stumbled but righted herself and tried to get away. Behind her she heard the rushing noise of a transmutation, and turned to see what Dante was about to do. But before she could, a hole opened under her, and she fell.
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllp!" Risty May cried desperately as she plummeted into darkness. A hand suddenly reached down and grabbed her arm, jerking her to a stop. Risty May looked up as she swung wildly over the edge of the bottomless pit, trying to see who had saved her.
It was Envy. He had a murderously angry look on his face.
"Hey, wake up."
Risty May's eyes flew open, and her head jerked up. The top of her head banged into something, and she yelped, reeling back and covering her head. "Ow!" she cried.
"Ow!" Ed said at the exact moment she did. Risty May looked over to see him working his jaw back and forth, grimacing. "Oh! I'm so sorry!" she cried.
Ed waved his free hand. "No big deal," he said, feeling his jawbone. "Nothing's broken."
"We're here," Al interjected from his seat across from theirs.
Risty May looked out the window to see lots of grass and sky and rolling hills. With a sudden jump in her stomach, she reached back quickly to feel her hair. Her fear melted into relief when she felt the now familiar blunt edges hanging just above her shoulders.
"Come on, let's go," Ed said, hopping off the bench and pulling his suitcase out from underneath. Risty May quickly complied, following him down the aisle, with Al bringing up the rear. Like in her dream, they were the only ones on the train, but at least this time she hadn't lost them.
Bright sunlight greeted the trio when they stepped off the train. Risty May squinted and shielded her eyes with a hand. She looked around, expecting to see Winry waiting for them, but then remembered that Al had only said that in her dream.
"Come on, time's wasting," Ed said, already headed for the dirt road that led off into the far reaches. Risty quickly followed him, about a step behind Al, who glanced at her. "Are you okay, Risty May? You look kind of nervous."
"Do I?" Risty May shrugged and smiled. "I guess I am, a little. How long will I be here with the Rockbells."
"I don't know, yet. But don't worry, I'm sure they'll like you," Al said, as if guessing my thoughts.
Risty May had figured that it wouldn't be but so hard to get along with Winry and Pinako. But she just had this uneasy feeling about her. It was partly the creepy dream, and partly because she just felt like something bad was going to happen. Not that bad things hadn't already happened, but something worse. It would have helped if Zoe or Izumi were here.
"That's their house," Al said, pointing.
Risty May had already known that, but she didn't say anything as they climbed the hill to the Rockbell home. She scanned the area, not even realizing she was looking for the site of Ed and Al's former home.
"For once Winry can't get mad at me," Ed was saying triumphantly as he led the way up to the house. "There's nothing wrong with my automail! Of course, she'll probably assume something's wrong and try to kill me before I get in the door. Maybe I should shout to her that my automail's fine…"
They had almost made it to the top of the hill when the front door opened. Ed paused and instinctively hung back, letting Risty May and Al catch up with him. He then fell into step beside them. Not a moment later, a shiny silver blur came flying out of the door, sailing towards them.
"Gah!" Ed cried, ducking. The wrench, tumbling end over end so rapidly it looked like a spinning silver wheel, just barely passed over his head. Ed breathed a sigh of relief just before hearing a loud clonk.
He turned and saw Risty May now passed out on the ground, her eyes dazed swirls, the wrench lying near her shoulder. A huge lump started to swell on her forehead.
"Risty May!" Al cried, quickly kneeling down.
"Aw, crap!" Ed exclaimed, also getting down. He shook Risty's shoulders. "Hey, are you okay? Can you hear me?"
"Guhhhhhhhhhhhhh," was all Risty May could manage.
Ed got up and turned to see Winry standing on the porch in her usual work clothes. "Winry!" he yelled. "You just about killed her!"
"You shouldn't have ducked!" Winry yelled back as she strode down the steps and went to meet them. By this time, Al had picked Risty May up off the ground. The poor girl's damaged head lolled backwards.
"Well, forgive me for wanting to avoid a concussion!" Ed exclaimed.
"Um, Brother, Winry, can you finish this later? I think Risty May's bleeding," Al interrupted politely.
"I don't believe this," Winry said, examining Ed's automail closely.
"I told you," Ed said, with a hint of smugness.
Winry yanked his automail arm straight up. "Yow!" he cried as she prodded the opening under his arm.
"Ed, I never thought I'd see the day you hadn't destroyed your automail," Winry said, with a hint of wonder in her voice. "It's still banged up some, but I've never seen it looking this good!"
"Why do you always doubt me?" Ed asked, sounding wounded.
Al sighed. "Brother, don't be smug. You know the only reason your automail's okay is because it hasn't been long enough since Winry's last visit for you to break it."
"Why do you always doubt me?" Ed asked of his brother.
Al was about to answer, when an ear-splitting shriek from the next room caught their attention. Ed was on his feet and at the doorway before Al or Winry could blink. He made it just in time for Risty May, with an adhesive bandage on her forehead, to slam into him, knocking them both down.
"What's wrong?" Al cried, now having made it to the door.
Risty May sat up, rubbing her head. She glanced back into the room, then yelped and dived behind Ed, who had just sat up.
Winry walked over and looked into the room, then back at Risty May. "Oh, are you afraid of dogs?" she asked.
"Just a little," Risty May said from behind Ed.
Den came into the room, looking confused as to why some strange girl was running from him. "Oh, Den's a sweetheart," Winry said. "He doesn't bite." She reached out and rubbed Den's head, and he wagged his tail happily.
"I'm glad he doesn't," Risty May said, but she still didn't move.
Ed got up from the floor and helped Risty May up. Den, obviously curious, walked over to sniff her, and Risty May jumped away so that Ed was between them again.
"Okay, Den, leave her alone," Winry said, pushing Den in the direction of the back door. Den complied, walking away, and Risty May visibly relaxed. "Sorry about that," Winry said. "By the way, I'm Winry Rockbell."
"Risty May Fernandez, very nice to meet you," Risty May said, reaching out a hand. Winry shook it. "Um, I hope you and your grandmother don't mind me imposing indefinitely."
"Not at all!" Winry said cheerfully. "Maybe you can tell me what these two have been up to lately, since they don't ever write." She gave Ed and Al a meaningful glance, and Ed started whistling innocently.
"Where is Granny Pinako anyway?" Al asked politely.
"Making a house call," Winry said. "She should be back before sundown. But enough about that. I'd like to hear what's been going on."
"It's nothing you need to worry about," Ed said.
Winry scowled. "That's what you always say. Why don't you guys ever tell me anything?"
"We just don't want you to worry," Al explained.
"Well, not telling me only makes me worry more," Winry said huffily, crossing her arms.
And so they went back and forth for a good while, while Risty May attempted to get used to the fact that she'd be around a dog for who knew how long.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Zoe, it's me," Risty May said into the phone later that day.
"Risty May! Oh, God, I'm so glad to hear from you. You made it safely?" Zoe said on the other line.
"Yes, everything's okay now," Risty May said. "Ed and Al are going to head back to Central tomorrow, and I'll stay here with the Rockbells."
"I wish I could be there with you," Zoe said wistfully.
"Me too," Risty May admitted, "but the Homun--ah, you-know-who could be watching you. Maybe a little later you can come down."
"Hopefully. How will you research a way home from there?"
"Ed's letting me keep some of his books," Risty May said. "And there's probably a bookstore somewhere around here. It'll be fine."
"Yeah, I guess. Hey, you're the expert--maybe you can clue me in on something."
"Sure, what is it?"
"This really weird-looking guy came up to me today and asked me if I knew where the Elric brothers were."
Risty May's brow crinkled. "Huh? Did he say why?"
"Well, yeah, I asked, and he said he was a friend of theirs, or something. He said that he'd asked someone else, who'd referred him to me, because I've been seen hanging around with them."
Risty May sat down on the floor, pulling her knees up and resting her arm on them. She considered. "What did he look like?"
"Like a bum. Seriously, though, he was short and had these big, bulgy eyes, and he was bald and didn't have any eyebrows, or eyelashes either, I don't think. He was wearing this bum-cloak, and had this really awful, annoying voice that made me kind of want to ram my head into a wall. Oh, and his skin was some really unnatural color." Zoe paused for a moment then. "So, does he sound familiar?"
Risty May listened closely, running through all the FMA characters in her mind that could fit at least parts of the description. None of them sounded right, but this man sounded distinct enough to have played some sort of part in the series. "Well, what did you say?" she asked as she tried to figure it out.
"I said I wasn't their freaking mom and they were probably off getting into trouble, like all stupid teenage boys. He kind of laughed," Zoe answered.
"Hum," Risty May said. "I'll have to really think on it. Did he ask you anything else?"
"Just to let him know if I saw them, which I don't know how I'm supposed to do THAT. So I asked him what he wanted with them, if he, like, owned a restaurant where they ran off without paying the bill. He said he just wanted to ask Al something. I wished him luck finding the dopes, and he left. He seemed nice enough, but I don't give out that kind of info to people I don't know, especially creepy ones."
"Good work, Zoe," Risty May approved. "We can't be too careful here. He could be looking to get them into trouble."
"Yeah, I kind of thought that. Anyway, enough about Napoleon and Optimus Prime. You're going to call me every day, right?"
"Of course," Risty May agreed. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Good. I'm worried about you, Risty."
"Don't. I'm safe now."
"For now, anyway. This world's full of crap I don't want you falling into."
"I'll watch my back, promise."
"Dinner!" Winry called from another room.
"All RIGHT!" Ed whooped from somewhere outside.
"Oh, it's dinnertime, Zoe, I've got to go," Risty May said.
"Yeah, I'd better get some chow too. Call me tomorrow, okay?" Zoe said.
"I will!" Risty May promised. "Bye, Zoe!"
"Bye."
Risty May stood up and put the phone back in its cradle, still puzzling over the man who had been asking about Ed and Al.
"So, let me get this straight," Pinako Rockbell said, puffing her pipe on the front porch after a delicious dinner prepared by Winry. "You're a fugitive from the military, charged with something along the lines of neglecting the Fuhrer's son?"
"Yes ma'am," Risty May said meekly, sitting on the porch steps.
"You don't seem like the type to have a label like 'fugitive'," Pinako mused, her eyes intent as she looked off into the dark sky.
Risty May shifted a bit in her place. "It's a very long story," she admitted. "Ed thought that I would be safest here, so far away from Central and everything."
"Hmmm," Pinako said.
Risty May watched the older woman think for a moment. Inside, it sounded pretty quiet, as Ed, Al, and Winry had quietly split up to do the things they usually did to occupy their time after dinner, which was read, read, and put stuff together, respectively. Mercifully, Winry had Den with her.
"I know my being here might get you in trouble with the military if they find me," Risty May said, "so if you want me to, I'll leave."
"Don't go jumping the gun now," Pinako said sharply. "I didn't say any of that. You're welcome to stay here, as long as you follow the rules and keep your nose out of trouble."
"Er--yes ma'am."
Pinako sighed and took another puff from her pipe. "Those boys are always getting into trouble, one way or another--but this is the first time they've dragged some girl into it."
"Oh, but it isn't their fault," Risty May said quickly. "I'm causing the trouble for them. Ed's being really nice to help me."
Pinako gave her a skeptical look. "Oh, really? And what kind of trouble could a girl like you get into?"
"Um...that's another of the long stories," Risty May said sheepishly.
"It seems that you've been around the boys long enough to pick up their habit of keeping everything to themselves," Pinako pointed out.
"I'm sorry," Risty May said automatically, "but it's all just so awful and creepy and silly and weird, and some parts you probably wouldn't even believe, so it's just better to let the whole thing alone, I think."
Pinako raised a brow, and was about to say something when the front door opened.
"There you are." Risty May turned around to see Ed standing in the doorway, in just his tank top and pants. Winry had already tuned up his automail that afternoon, and it did look better. He looked drastically different, as his shirt was untucked and his hair was down for the night.
"Were you looking for me?" Risty May asked, standing up and brushing off the back of her overalls.
Ed nodded and motioned inside. "Come on, I wanna talk to you real quick."
"Okay. I'll be right back, Miss Pinako," Risty May said, following Ed up to the room he and Al shared. Al was currently in another room.
"So what's up?" Risty May asked as she sat down on Al's bed.
Ed sat across from her, on his own bed. "Look," he started, "I know that this isn't the most stable situation and everything, and I wish that you weren't all caught up in this mess, but for now it's the best option we've got."
Risty's brows scrunched. Ed looked frustrated. "I hate how precarious this is," he said, almost to himself. "If I had someplace we could permanently move you and hope the military and the Homunculi forget about you--which isn't really likely--then that would be better, but--"
"Ed," Risty May started slowly, "is this, like...some kind of apology? Because if it is, you don't need to--"
"No, hear me out, okay?" Ed said rather sharply.
Risty May flinched and sat back. Ed immediately looked a bit guilty. "I'm just...you know...kind of worried about you, I guess." At this he blushed and looked at the wall.
"Oh," Risty May said. She considered, then blushed herself. "Well, um, thank you," she said quietly. "I appreciate how you've been helping me so much."
"Yeah. So, look, if you need anything after we leave, just get in contact with me, and I'll come running or something, okay?" Ed said.
Risty May worked up the courage to look at him, her cheeks still flushed. He was still blushing too, and looked angry at himself about it. The house still seemed pretty quiet.
Suddenly, inspiration struck Risty May like a hammer. The two of them were alone, and it was quiet. This would be the perfect moment to confess her love, or crush, whatever she was calling it. That was how it happened in the fanfictions. Risty May had read enough of those to know that.
If only I were brave enough! she thought.
After a moment's consideration, she added sadly, And if only I were selfish enough.
Ed wasn't just some really cute boy waiting for her to spill the truth to him. He was a really cute genius boy who was carrying practically the whole world on his shoulders. Risty May had watched enough FMA for her heart to well up with sadness at how much weight he had to bear, how much premature growing up he had to do, how many times he had to crack up in secret so he could hold onto his tough facade for his younger brother and for everyone else. His life was hard enough, filled with enough worries and concerns and secrets and sins to drive anyone else insane.
Somehow Ed held it together, but it had to be difficult. What kind of person would Risty May be, then, if she only thought of how relieved she would be to tell him the truth? How selfish of her to dump more onto his shoulders when he already had so much to deal with! It would be just wrong, utterly wrong. If this had just been another fanciful fanfic, where the ending would be happy, and the bad guys mysteriously stayed away long enough for Ed and the OC to go shopping and see the town and go on dates, maybe.
But it was real. Ed was still in the midst of such terrible struggles. He had to deal with Homunculi and the Philosopher's Stone and death and his automail and everything, every single day. The last thing he needed was some dopey, clumsy girl who had been the cause of all his recent problems to tell him how much she loved him and wished that they could actually be a couple.
Risty May smiled sadly. She knew exactly what Zoe would say to that: "A couple of WHAT?" in a tone like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. And it was.
Besides, she thought, Winry was here first and loved him first, so if he was ever in a position where he could have a relationship, it's only fair that Winry should get him. Being so self-sacrificing frankly sucked, but Risty May had no choice, because the other option was too mean to everyone else.
"Hey, what're you thinking of? You're making all these weird faces."
Risty May jumped back to the present to find Ed looking at her quizzically. "Oh! Um, nothing," she said hastily. "Just...thanks, Ed." Hoping he wouldn't mind, she got up and hugged him. "I really appreciate you being such a good friend to me."
"No problem," Ed mumbled, sounding embarrassed. He had stiffened under her hug, but at least he hadn't pushed her away.
Zilo: (is too lazy to make a stunning exit) See you next time!
Risty: In the next arc!