Author's note: First, thank you to all who have been faithfully reading and reviewing – I truly appreciate your comments and love to hear that you're enjoying the story (even the angst!)
Speaking of angst…it has returned in full force with this chapter. Keep hope, though, we are entering year 4 which means the events of PD2 will be arriving in a few chapters or so and then we know that the angst will eventually end!
Next, thanks to "Benswoman" for your input and proofing of this chapter. Speaking directly to her now…"Although, once the readers get to the end of this chapter, you must share in the responsibility for how it ends! *grin*
Almost there…I have zero medical knowledge and have no idea what truly is involved with knee replacement surgery or even if it's feasible to replace both knees at the same time (probably not, but hey this is fiction and we pretend about stuff all the time, right? So go with me on this and play along!) I started to do some research and watch some videos on it, but figured in the grand scheme of things, you all cared more about what was going on with C/J than being medically correct about his knees. To those of you in the medical field, I apologize in advance!
Finally, this chapter takes us close if not barely into "M" territory. Compared to other things I've written (Secret Service) it is very tame, but I felt a responsibility to warn you nonetheless. If such things offend you, perhaps you should send me a PM and I will fill you in on what happens (it's ok to read up to the point that Joseph leaves her suite and then you can pick up again after she leaves his) or send you an edited version that attempts to leave out anything "M" related.
OK I think that's it…
Chapter 25: Scene: Spring – Year 4: Waiting
Waiting: to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens
Clarisse stood looking out the window. Below her the earth was coming back to life as spring flourished throughout the land of Genovia. There was still a chill in the air, evidenced by the glass fogging up each time she exhaled. She was alone as she waited. It had been her choice. Generally she enjoyed the alone time…it was a precious and rare treat for her. Today, though, it left an ache in her heart that reminded her of how lonely her life truly was. There were precious few people that were close to her…only a couple she considered true friends. One of her friends was filling in and managing things in her absence. The other…well, the other was the reason for her waiting.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear to keep from wringing her hands. Generally she was very patient and very good at waiting. Her mother had taught her the importance of waiting and it had served her well over the course of her life. Today, though, there seemed more at stake to her personally than there ever had been before. It was a critical day and despite all of the power afforded her by the Crown of Genovia, she was powerless to do anything but wait.
With nothing to do but think…she let her thoughts wander. She forced her mind to take herself back to a pleasant memory…
Three months ago…the night before the Royal family left the resort in Northern California
"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Joseph. I know you had other options for this evening."
"Let's see…darts and drinking with the guys or a night cap with a beautiful woman. It really wasn't a difficult decision."
Clarisse smiled and offered him the glass of brandy. She raised her glass to offer a toast. "To the continued prosperity of Genovia and to the start of year four."
Joseph clinked his glass with hers and took a long sip before asking, "Start of year four?"
"Well, we have made it through three years and now we embark upon year four."
Joseph wanted to follow her logic and generally he knew what she meant…but either it was the brandy or her attire that was distracting him.
"There are five years between the time Amelia accepted her role as Princess and when she will be eligible to become Queen. We are now entering year four. Once she takes the throne in year five…"
Joseph smiled as recognition dawned. "Then you will be free to step down and pursue your own personal agenda."
"Indeed."
"I'll toast to that!" He raised his glass again. "To the start of year four."
They enjoyed their brandy in front of a roaring fire, Clarisse snuggled into his embrace. "You look absolutely breathtaking in that crème cashmere sweater. It's as soft as you are." He spoke the words as he nuzzled her neck.
"Mmmm…this is very nice, Joseph. As much as I hate to leave your embrace, I have something I would like to give you."
Joseph watched as she stood and retrieved a small, wrapped box from a drawer in her desk. His hand held hers for an extra moment as she handed it to him. "Thank you."
"You haven't even opened it yet."
"If you picked it out, I know I will like it."
Her smile lit up the room and her excitement showed through. "Please…just open it."
Joseph carefully unwrapped the festive gold paper and opened the black velvet box. Inside was an exquisite pair of cufflinks. The opals were a creamy white and they were framed by black onyx. "They are beautiful, Clarisse."
"They reminded me of us."
"The opal, your birthstone and a beautiful reminder of that beautiful, creamy skin of yours." He reached out and stroked her cheek.
"And the black onyx representing you and your strength, surrounding me at all times."
"It's perfect."
"It's you."
"Thank you."
^^C/J^^
Clarisse wiped away the tears that had slipped unbidden down her cheek. It had been such a happy time – a time away from all of their responsibilities and the prying eyes of parliament. If only life could be that simple all of the time. But of course, life had gone on and they had returned to Genovia and back to the roles and responsibilities that awaited them there.
Things had gone along quite smoothly for awhile. No major political issues and her personal life had been progressing as well. Besides their weekly "meetings", they had found time to walk together or go for a drive now and then when the weather and schedules permitted.
A few weeks ago…that had all changed…
^^C/J^^
"Your Majesty! Your Majesty!" Charlotte hastened into the office, remembering that one did not run but rather hastened.
"What is it, Charlotte? You seem very upset." Clarisse was alarmed by the look on Charlotte's face. "Is it Amelia?"
"No, Your Majesty. It's Joseph."
The color drained from Clarisse's face and she fought to keep her calm. Where was Joseph today? Her mind raced for the answer to give her some clue as to what could have possibly happened. Before she could reach that place in her mind, Charlotte interrupted.
"He's at the hospital. He was hurt during the training of the new guards."
Clarisse stood and began issuing orders. "Get my coat, Charlotte. Call for a car. Take your phone so you can clear my schedule for the afternoon on our way to the hospital."
Thankful to feel useful rather than the bearer of bad news, Charlotte quickly complied. Within thirty minutes, the Queen of Genovia was escorted into the hospital to the private room that had been established for her Head of Security.
She motioned for the others to wait outside and she moved to his bedside. Taking his hand, she whispered. "Joseph? Are you alright? What happened?"
Joseph squeezed her hand to reassure her. "It wasn't necessary for you to come, Clarisse. I am fine."
"Tosh! Don't start with me, Joseph. Of course, I would come. You are a…." she looked around to see if anyone was within hearing range. Just to be safe she added, "valuable employee and," she whispered, "a dear friend."
"Thank you, my love." He whispered in return.
"What happened?" She inquired again.
"It's rather embarrassing actually. I was helping Shades with the training and conditioning of the new guards. Shades usually handles the more intense conditioning, including the obstacle course and hurdles."
Clarisse gasped and covered her mouth. "Joseph! Tell me you didn't?"
"I did."
"What were you thinking?"
Joseph chuckled. "Apparently I wasn't…either that or my ego got in the way of my better judgment. Either way, it was stupid."
"So where does it hurt?" She smiled gently.
He returned the smile with a bit of a twinkle in his eye. "Are you offering to kiss my boo-boos?"
"Joseph!"
The small chuckles were a welcome reprieve from the stress of the last hour. "It's my knees."
"Oh no. What did the doctor say?"
"He said the replacements will have to come sooner than later."
"How much sooner?"
"Within a couple of weeks. He wanted to do it even sooner, but I insisted that arrangements needed to be made."
"Of course. I will have Charlotte clear any meetings or events that require travel. I'm certainly not going out of country without my head of security." She squeezed his hand to imply there was more to her words than simply what she said.
"I will work with Shades to make sure the rotation is set and he will be primary for you until I am back on active duty."
"You will recover in the infirmary at the palace until such time as you can move back to your suite."
"Sounds good. I hate hospitals. And," he lowered his voice again. "I will remain hopeful that my own personal Florence Nightingale will attend to me once I return to my suite."
"One can always remain hopeful." She replied, a gleam of mischief in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Clarisse."
"Whatever for?"
"Causing so much trouble."
"I'm sure you'll find a way to make it up to me."
"You can count on that."
^^C/J^^
The first week or so had gone by without too much trouble, Clarisse recalled. Everyone was very busy making the necessary arrangements and ensuring that the security detail was ready to perform in Joseph's absence. He had insisted he would still be available after the first couple of days, just not physically present.
With no activities left to do, Joseph only had time to think. Clarisse began to see a change in him three days before the surgery was scheduled. He had become increasingly agitated and short with the staff and even her. Everyone had tried to be patient as they knew he was worried about the surgery, but would never admit it to anyone.
Yesterday had been…interesting…to say the least. Clarisse hugged herself and let a fresh stream of tears escape as she took herself back…
^^C/J^^
Night before the surgery:
Clarisse sat on her sofa, staring at nothing. Today had been a very bad day and she had been helpless to either stop it or to make it better. Joseph had been cranky and unreasonable for days now and today was the worst. She understood the reason for his crankiness…but it had taken its toll on the entire staff…and today, especially, on her.
The knock on her door came as a surprise as the hour was very late. She sat up and straightened herself before answering. "Come in."
She should have known it would be him. He was the only one, besides perhaps Charlotte, that would dare knock on her door this late at night. He was also the only one that could get by security after ten as well.
Joseph watched her as she acknowledged that it was him. His heart lurched as she didn't say anything but rather turned back to her original position on the couch and stared forward. He was right; she was annoyed. He decided he had nothing to lose tonight, so he sat on the coffee table right in front of her. "I came to apologize."
"Am I the last stop on your list? As I recall you were rather…difficult…with many of my staff today."
"I spoke with Charlotte and my security team. The maids were already in bed. I left notes with Charlotte for them."
"So I am the last then."
He rubbed his face tiredly. "I figured I had the most to apologize to you about, so yes…I waited until the end."
"There's no need to apologize…I'm certain you are very…unsettled right now."
He laughed, a bitter tinge to the normal jovial sound. "Unsettled doesn't begin to describe it."
Her compassion and love for the man sitting in front of her won out over her annoyance. She moved forward and placed her hands on his. "Joseph…please just tell me."
Joseph lifted their joined hands to his cheeks. "I fear there are things…unfinished in my life. Things that I want to experience before I die."
Clarisse's breath caught in her throat. She could easily surmise that at least some of those things had to do with her. She cleared her throat and spoke in her best authoritative voice. "You listen to me, Joseph Romero. You are NOT going to die."
Joseph stood, abruptly pulling his hands away from hers, anger coloring his face and his words. "Don't do this, Clarisse. Don't ignore the reality staring us in the face. Don't do to me what you did to Rupert."
The color drained from Clarisse's face as she heard his words. She knew he was upset. But this…this was striking below the belt. Before she could respond, he started in again.
"I know you refused to accept that he was ill, that he was going to die. Instead of attending to his final wishes, you refused to accept that anything had changed. As a result, his death traumatized you far worse than it would have if you had dealt with the emotion and started the grieving process while he was still here to help you through it. That's all he wanted…"
Clarisse was numb. How could he say these things to her? How would he have known? She finally found a whisper in her voice. "What do you want from me, Joseph? What is it you want?"
"I want you to realize that our time is precious. I want you, for just one night, to not let the stodgy members of parliament or the over critical citizens of Genovia dictate who you love and what you do with that love."
She knew what he meant…what he wanted. "Joseph…this surgery is not life-threatening…you are going to be fine – even better."
"Or there could be a complication and I could die."
"I don't know what to say…"
Joseph sighed, realizing his words had fallen on a hardened or perhaps duty bound heart. He walked over to her and pulled her into an embrace. He could feel her heart pounding and knew he had upset her. It hadn't been his intention; he had hoped for a much better outcome to the evening. He should have known better. He framed her face with his hands and his lips met hers in a gentle kiss that was filled with all of the love he had in his heart for her. Reluctantly he pulled away. "I love you, Clarisse. Regardless what happens tomorrow, I will love you for now and always. I have only truly loved two women in my life and it seems fate has destined that neither would be free to love me." He kissed her forehead and walked away so he wouldn't see the tears running down her face.
Clarisse had sat, motionless, for at least an hour – she couldn't' be sure as time had lost meaning for her that night. Finally, she stood. Her decision was made. She went to her bedroom and changed then made a stop at the bathroom to wash her face. Her emotions were jumbled and the numbness of his attack had worn off. Her own personal demons would be dealt with later. Tonight. Tonight was for Joseph.
He heard the door of the private entrance open, but he made no move to turn towards the sound. She had probably come to fire him – or worse…tell him it was over between them. He wouldn't blame her. He had said things that one should not say to their enemy…much less your best friend. His back was to her and he remained motionless. His breath caught as he felt her slip into the bed; her body spooning against his; her arm draping protectively over his chest; her breath on his neck; and, the softness of silk against his bare back.
The room was still, save the deep breathing of the two occupants.
His breath caught when he felt the softness of her lips raining kisses along his neck and back. "Clarisse…please…stop." His voice was hoarse with emotion.
"I believe I was invited to share your bed tonight. Was I not?"
He turned in her embrace and his words caught in his throat as he took in the vision before him. The full moon bathed the king size bed in a softness that washed across her body in an ethereal stroke of light. The black silk and lace framed her breasts in a sensual and alluring manner. "Merde" he whispered.
Clarisse closed her eyes as she felt him slowly surveying her body. Her breath hitched as she felt his fingertips gently tracing her face, down the curve of her neck and over the swell of her breasts where he traced small, invisible patterns above and around the bodice of her gown. She felt his lips feather across hers in an airy kiss that made her body crave more. Her lips parted and she lifted her head in an effort to deepen the kiss. Perhaps the timing was not what they had discussed, but circumstances had changed.
Tomorrow…everything could change. She had tonight. They had tonight. Waiting was no longer an option.
^^C/J^^
Clarisse was brought from her thoughts by a gentle knock on the door. "Just a moment." She made an effort to wipe the tear stains that she was sure now resided on her cheeks. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "Come in."
Shades opened the door quietly. "I brought some lunch, your Majesty. I also checked with the nurses. They said that the doctor has completed one replacement and they are starting on the other. So far – so good."
Clarisse let out a small sigh of relief and offered the young man a small smile. "Thank you, Scott, for the information. I think I will pass on lunch right now. My stomach is not feeling very hungry at the moment."
"Ma'am, you know he would want you to eat something…to keep your strength up. How about if I just set it on the table and you can pick at it?"
Realizing it would be easier to agree rather than take a stand, she simply nodded.
After setting the tray down, he returned to the door. "I will be right outside, your Majesty, if you need anything."
"Thank you. I will be fine once he is fine." She turned and looked out the window, not wanting any further conversation. She just wanted to be alone with her thoughts.
"Understood."
^^C/J^^
Her hands held Joseph's head and pulled him into a deeper kiss. All of their emotions were just below the surface and she was having a hard time controlling them. If she lost him…what would she do? She couldn't prevent the small trickle of tears that escaped from her tightly closed eyelids.
Joseph was in turmoil. He wanted her so badly it hurt and the thought of never experiencing this with her had been tormenting him since learning about the impending surgery. Tonight he could allow no other thoughts in his mind…no other thoughts but her. She was here. She loved him. She wanted him. That was enough, wasn't it?
Clarisse felt his hand move lower and slip under the silk to cup her breast as the kiss deepened. His fingers caressed and teased, driving them deeper into the abyss of pleasure. When he rolled the tip between his thumb and fingers and squeezed lightly, she couldn't prevent the gasp that escaped as she broke off the kiss. She could feel his hardness against her thigh and knew this wouldn't take long. They both had waited…and now they couldn't wait any longer.
Joseph opened his eyes when she broke away from the kiss. He saw that the tears on her face mirrored his. The emotions were just too much to keep contained. Despite the tears, her face was a picture of desire: eyes closed, head thrown back, lips parted, deep breaths causing her chest to rise and fall. He needed her – needed to make them as one. He let his hand drift lower, slowly raising the hem of her gown until his fingers were able to comb through the soft curls.
The loss Clarisse felt when Joseph removed his hand from her breast didn't compare with the heat she felt rush through her body when his fingers quested lower and sought to explore her most private sanctum.
Pure instinct, driven by their love and their fears guided them. Legs parted, touches became bolder, breaths became more labored; bodies were prepared.
Joseph felt her body pressed against his as they became one flesh. Her nails were solidly imbedded in his back and she held him close. This went beyond physical…this was an emotional bonding that circumstances had demanded and they had acquiesced. Neither moved as their bodies adjusted. Joseph could feel the tightness of her body, both within and without – it was as though she was holding him as close as possible. He could wait no longer…
She felt him slowly start to move, a primitive yet perfect dance that could connect people on multiple levels: mind, body and soul. Tonight, for Clarisse and Joseph, it was about the soul and meeting the needs that were held in the deepest recesses of their bodies. Heart rates accelerated and breaths became gasps as the tension climbed higher. In a final determining moment, everything stopped as the universe waited…
They fell over the edge together and for one moment in time, they existed as one in the universe; sharing all that they were with each other. Slowly they came back to earth and back to reality.
Clarisse kissed him and whispered. "I love you."
"And I love you."
"I should go."
"I suppose you must."
^^C/J^^
Fearing her legs could no longer hold her, Clarisse moved to sit in one of the recliners. She had such mixed emotions about last night. She had wanted their first time together to be a celebration of their love, not a necessity borne from fear and guilt. It had been beautiful, but in a sad way. She couldn't say that she regretted her actions; but she honestly had no idea the effect it would have on their relationship.
She hadn't been able to see Joseph this morning. He had to be at the hospital very early and she had no choice but to attend to a few pressing matters before she could steal away to be here. Charlotte was handling the phones and any minor things that arose and had promised to contact Shades if anything came up that required the Queen's attention. He had left a rose next to her pillow; but she hadn't heard him come in. It had taken her hours to fall asleep once she returned to her room. She must have succumbed to exhaustion just before he arrived.
Deciding to be less than queen-like, she slipped off her shoes and curled up in the recliner and closed her eyes. She prayed for Joseph and then prayed for sleep to come.
"Your Majesty?" Charlotte jostled her Queen slightly, trying to wake her. "Your Majesty."
Clarisse heard her title being called and she awoke with a start. "What is it? What's wrong?"
Charlotte put her hands on her arms to both calm and steady her. "Nothing's wrong, ma'am; he's awake and asking for you."
"Oh…good – thank you. I must have fallen asleep."
"You needed the rest."
"How long have you been here?"
"About an hour."
"Everything is handled at the Palace."
"Yes ma'am – the country did not self destruct in your absence." Charlotte teased gently with a smile.
Dear Charlotte…always knew how to make her smile. "Thank you, dear. You are a most valued employee and," she touched her arm, "an even more dear friend. I won't forget this."
Charlotte blushed at the compliment. "I'm glad I could help."
Clarisse slowly stood, slipping her shoes back on. She stretched, endeavoring to get the kinks out and straighten her body from the unusual position she had forced it in. "I'm going to freshen up and then would you take me to him?"
"Yes ma'am."
She stood in the bathroom, having done what she could to fix the damage her minimal sleep and unending tears had done to her face. Her heart felt lighter; he HAD survived. Now they would need to figure out what their eleventh hour actions had done to their relationship…
Clarisse covered her mouth to hide the gasp that escaped unaware from her throat when she saw Joseph. He seemed very pale and there were numerous tubes and wires attached to various parts of his body. His knees were propped up on pillows and were wrapped with gauze and ace bandages. "Joseph…" she whispered.
Hearing her voice, he opened his eyes. She was definitely a sight for sore eyes…and knees. "Hello beautiful."
She smiled. "Liar."
"No it's true. Yours was the face I saw in my sleep and it was yours I wanted to see when I woke."
She moved to sit beside him and took his hand. "I must say, sir, that you've looked better."
He laughed, immediately regretting it as it caused pain to shoot through his legs. "You should see the other guy." He grimaced.
She took his hand and lifted it to her lips, gently kissing him. "I'm so grateful you are alright. Of course, I did predict as much." She teased slightly, referencing her statement from the night before. "I know the recovery will be difficult, but you take as much time as you need."
"Clarisse." His voice turned serious.
"Yes?"
"Forgive me?"
"For what?" Her heart started to pound in her chest and she consciously tried not to squeeze his hand in response.
"For the things I said to you last night."
"You were distraught."
"That's no excuse."
"I'm still processing things, Joseph. You don't need my forgiveness; but I need to think about some of the things you accused me of to determine if there was truth in them or if they were…" She searched for the right words.
He supplied them. "If they were just the words of an angry man who wasn't getting what he wanted?"
The words sounded harsh, but were true. "Ah, but you did get what you wanted."
Guilt flooded over Joseph's features. "I had hoped it was what you wanted too."
Clarisse closed her eyes briefly; she didn't want to have this discussion right now. This was a time to be happy that the surgery had been successful, not replay actions that could not be changed. "I wanted it too."
"But…" he challenged.
This time her eyes flashed. How dare he? She fought to keep her tone even. "But, I must be honest and admit that the circumstances were far from what I had imagined they would be like the first time we made love."
tbc...