A/N: Oh dear, seems my story angst stirred up reader angst. So I guess I did my job well, sorry. ;p Seriously though, we had to have angst somewhere. It wouldn't be a Shepard story without it. Blame it on my muse or my music, I'm not truly evil, really.

Anyway, here's the next bit. I've taken a bit of leeway with Omega, couldn't find a floor plan anywhere. Enjoy.

If I seem edgy I want you to know
That I never mean to take it out on you
Life has its problems and I get my share
And that's one thing I never meant to do
Because I love you

Oh, Oh baby don't you know I'm human
Have thoughts like any other one
Sometimes I find myself long regretting
Some foolish thing some little simple thing I've done
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

The Animals - Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood.

'Shepard, wake up!'

The voice was insistent. Shepard groaned and rolled over but hands shook her roughly. Joker, but he usually woke her up a little more gently.

'Shepard, you need to wake up.'

She knew that voice, not Joker, Miranda. She took a deep breath and forced her eyes open. There was a blurry figure leaning over her and she assumed it was Miranda. She rubbed her eyes, blinked and slowly her vision cleared.

'Shepard, what have you done?'

'What?' Her senses were a little slower to return. 'I've been asleep.' She sat up groggily, fighting to get her mind working.

She remembered coming back from Haestrom exhausted, remembered ordering Joker to set course for Omega. Wait, Joker hadn't been there, why? She'd asked EDI to tell him. She'd settled Tali in engineering, came up and had a shower and put her head down for five minutes. She'd promised herself she'd speak to Joker, it felt like forever since she'd seen him and she missed him. She'd put it off long enough. She glanced at the clock, she'd been asleep for almost eight hours. She sensed that the ship wasn't moving, which meant they were docked at Omega.

'What have you done?' Miranda asked again.

'Shepard,' Chakwas stormed into the room. 'You promised, Shepard!' The woman was almost in tears and Shepard pushed herself out of bed.

'Commander Shepard, due to your actions you have lowered the success rate of this mission, I now believe it will fail.' EDI's blue orb appeared and Shepard thought she sounded upset, angry. When did I start thinking of the AI as a she?

'What's going on?' She got to her feet and stretched and then something hit her. She glanced around, her mind quickly clearing. All Joker's stuff was gone. None of his shirts were hanging off the arm of the sofa, there were no socks on the floor.

'You promised you wouldn't break his heart,' Chakwas had a quiver in her voice and Shepard looked up at her.

'What are you talking about?'

'You don't know,' Miranda shook her head and laughed. 'After everything you did to protect your relationship and you successfully destroyed it alone.'

'I don't…..'

'Joker's gone, Shepard.' Chakwas clarified.

'What?' Shepard legs failed her and she dropped to the bed. Her stomach churned and she retched but there was nothing in her stomach to bring up. What had she done? What had her cowardice done?

'Mr Moreau left as soon as we were safely docked,' EDI added and Shepard felt the world drop out from under her.

'Why?' She struggled to get the word out. Her chest was being torn apart and pain like nothing she'd ever felt before ripped through her. Why? Why hadn't she spoken to him sooner instead of avoiding him?

She thought back over the last few days. Ever since she'd read that damn message. It had haunted her and the thought that she had to tell Joker had terrified her. She'd needed time, she needed to deal with her own fears so she could tell him the right way. He'd tried to speak to her but she'd been afraid of saying the wrong thing so she'd run away, she hadn't been ready.

'I believe Mr Moreau left a message on your omnitool.' EDI sounded miserable and Shepard glanced up at her before retrieving her omintool from the bedside table.

'Shepard,' Joker appeared on her screen, his eyes red and swollen, his skin pale and drawn. He looked terrible and she realised it was her fault. What had she done?

'I'm sorry for whatever I did to hurt you, or disappoint you or let you down. I don't know what I did and you wouldn't tell me. If I knew I could have at least tried to fix it.' He looked down and buried his head under his cap but she saw him tremble. 'I'm sorry you felt you couldn't talk to me, for five days Shepard, you could have at least let me know it was over between us.' He sobbed and the recording paused.

Oh God! No! Shepard realised just what she'd done. Five days? Five days! It wasn't that long! It couldn't have been that long. What was he supposed to think?

'You know,' he sounded angry now and he looked up to face her, 'I could have dealt with it if you'd been honest with me but ignoring me and locking yourself away with Thane. That was cruel, Shepard. I never thought of you as cruel. I guess Thane can give you what you need, what I couldn't. I thought I could stay, be your friend, but I can't stay and watch you with someone else. You can't expect that of me.' He dropped his head again and he brushed his face with his hands. 'I hope you and Thane are happy, Shepard. Stay safe. I love you.' He sobbed as he shut down the recording.

Fuck! The room around her spun as her mind fought the pain and turmoil. He thought she was with Thane. Shit! Shit! Shit! How could she have been so stupid? She gasped for breath as she collapsed to the floor.

'Where?' She croaked, her voice refusing to work. She looked up at Miranda and Chakwas. 'Where is he?'

'We don't know, Shepard, we were hoping you might know where he'd go.' Chakwas helped her to her feet. 'Shepard, he's on Omega, alone.' The doctor's hands were trembling and Shepard's own fear took hold.

Omega. Alone. He could already be dead in an alley somewhere. She fought down panic. 'No, I….' she looked around in confusion. 'EDI, you can track his omnitool.' She looked up in hope.

'No, Shepard, I cannot.'

'Why not, I know you have tracers on our tools,' she ignored the frown from Miranda, 'please, EDI.'

'I cannot Shepard, his omnitool is on your desk.'

'No….' Shepard wanted the pain to go away, she wanted to feel his arms around her, his lips on hers. There had to be a way. 'EDI, there has to be some way…..'

'Shepard, what's going on?' Garrus and Kasumi stood in the doorway. 'Is it true, Joker has left?'

Shepard could only nod, words wouldn't come. 'Help me, please,' it came out as a rough whisper, she couldn't think, couldn't focus.

'Shepard, what happened,' Garrus was across the room in two strides, gripping her shoulders.

'I was afraid,' she sobbed. 'I was afraid and I couldn't tell him. I couldn't cause him pain.'

'I think you've done worse than that,' Miranda scoffed and Chakwas glared at her.

'Afraid of what, Shepard,' Garrus ignored everyone around him.

'The Normandy, the first one. We have to go back, I knew that would hurt him. I panicked, thought if I didn't speak to him for while I could find a way to tell him.' She looked up at him, her eyes wet with tears and her hands shaking. 'I was a coward and I waited too long.' She clung to his arms, shaking, crying. Commander Shepard the warrior was long gone, all that was left was a woman whose heart was breaking.

'Oh, Shepard,' Chakwas sighed, 'you haven't given him enough credit, he would have dealt with it.'

'I know that,' Shepard admitted, 'now I know, it was my fear that held me back, I was afraid to go back, to witness where I died.' Omega. Please don't let him be dead.

'Shepard,' EDI interrupted, 'I've found him. He just purchased passage on a freighter to Tiptree, he's going home.'

'Where,' Shepard stood up hurriedly. He was alive.

'Docking bay S5, the ship leaves in twenty minutes.'

'You'll never make it, Shepard,' Miranda handed her the fatigues from the floor and watched as she dressed, it was clear to her now that if they didn't get Moreau back Shepard would give up, she'd have nothing to fight for. The Illusive Man be damned, they needed Shepard at her best. 'It's on the lower level docks, you'll need at least fifteen minutes to make it to the nearest transport stop and at least another ten to the docks on foot.'

'There has to be a way,' Chakwas looked from one to the other.

'I can get you there quicker,' Kasumi grabbed Shepard's hand and dragged her to the elevator. 'As long as you can take a high speed ride.'

'Just get me there, please,' Shepard pleaded. She was finding it hard to breathe, her heart was racing as adrenaline cursed through her system.

Kasumi grabbed the nearest transport once they were off the ship and headed straight for the central hub of Omega. Garrus had followed them and he guessed where she was heading. The maintenance shafts. There were high speed elevators there, it would take roughly twelve minutes in a direct freefall but the safeties would have to be overwritten. Then they'd have to hope for a transport for the five minute ride to the docks. He glanced at Kasumi who nodded as if reading his thoughts. It would be close.

Shepard followed Kasumi without a word, running as if her life depended upon it. Actually it did. If she lost Joker she had no one to fight for, to live for. She fought back sobs as she ran, she'd been stupid and now it could cost her the most important thing she'd ever had. Please, Jeff, please, don't go. Please. It was a silent plea, a prayer and she hoped with every fibre of her being that he heard her. She could fix this, she could, as long as he was around for her to do it. She almost crashed into Kasumi who had stopped before an elevator and was working frantically on her omnitool.

'We'll get to him, Shepard,' Garrus placed his hand on her shoulder and she looked at him through red swollen eyes.

'EDI,' Shepard suddenly had a thought. 'Can you stop the ship from leaving?'

'I can try,' EDI came back, 'I will do what I can.'

'Thank you,' Shepard hung on to the hope.

'Let's go,' Kasumi led them into the small elevator. It was cramped, Garrus was armoured and carrying his weapons so he took up a lot of room. 'This will be fast,' Kasumi warned as she hacked the controls.

'Just do it,' Shepard nodded as she grabbed the security rail for balance.

'Here we go,' Kasumi flicked a switch and the floor fell away beneath them for a second before they caught up.

Shepard felt her stomach flip as the elevator fell down the shaft, picking up speed. Five minutes passed and they were still falling. Kasumi flashed up her omnitool and Shepard felt the elevator start to slow. Eleven minutes and they almost fell out of the door before it was completely open. Shepard looked around for a transport but there were none. Her heart was breaking as she realised they wouldn't make it. She dropped to her knees, dreading the thought of going on without him.

'Shepard!' Kasumi brought her out of her thoughts, 'over here.' She'd found a transport and was overriding the safeties to get extra speed.

Shepard watched Omega fly by beneath them as they hurried to the docks. They weren't going to make it. But she had to try. She was out the door before Kasumi had landed, running like she'd never run before.

'EDI, which way,' she gasped and EDI brought up a directional arrow on her omnitool. Two minutes. Two minutes before she lost him for good.

Shepard reached the dock in time to see the freighter pulling away. 'No!' She came to a crashing halt at the airlock, her hand clawing at the window as she watched the ship disappear into FTL. 'No,' she sobbed as she collapsed to the ground, curled up against the door.

That was how Garrus and Kasumi found her, lying against the door sobbing. They were both gasping for breath and took a moment to gather their strength. Garrus knew getting Shepard back to the Normandy wasn't going to be easy. He watched as she knocked her head against the metal of the door, her fingers splayed out, her legs folded beneath her. Her sobs were heartbreaking to witness.

'No,' she moaned. 'No, Jeff, I love you.' She raised her head, 'I'm sorry.' She yelled the last, as if her words would carry to the long gone ship.

'Shepard?' Garrus and Kasumi spun at the sound and they gaped in surprise before grinning like idiots. Shepard hadn't heard him. 'Shepard?' Louder this time, and this time she heard him.

'Joker!' She sobbed and looked at him in disbelief. 'I thought you were gone.' She tried to stand but her legs gave out so she scrambled across the room.

'Not yet, changed my flight. Couldn't go home, too many questions.' He slowly got to his feet. 'What are you doing here?'

Shepard didn't get to answer. Joker stumbled forward and crashed to the floor.

Everyone on the dock avoided the dishevelled, despondent man tucked into the corner of the boarding room. There was an aura around him that made others give him a wide berth. Joker didn't notice. He sat and stared at the floor, he'd booked passage but he couldn't go home. He couldn't face his family, their pity. He changed his flight at the last minute for one to the Citadel, he could disappear from there, maybe go back to Mars, get his old job back.

If he was honest he didn't care, leave or stay right where he was, what did it matter. The fact that he was on Omega, the hub of everything bad, didn't even enter into his thoughts. He didn't know where he wanted to go only that he needed to go. Leaving the Normandy had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. With everything he'd gone through in his life he'd never felt pain like he had walking out of the airlock. Even the pain in his legs from the trip to the dock was nothing compared to the pain in his heart.

He sat in the corner, slouched over his knees his face buried in his hands. The tears had stopped a while ago but the pain only got worse. And he still didn't know why, what he'd done. His throat tightened and as much as he'd cried he felt tears building again. He'd never felt so alone, so abandoned. Everyone and everything he loved had been on the Normandy. How could he go on from that? He could go back, deal with the pain. He scoffed silently, how was he supposed to do that?

He heard the doors close and the ship undock and knew he had another hour to wait for his ride. The sound of his name made him look up and his eyes widened in surprise. He watched as Shepard sobbed and called out. She thought he'd left. But why? She'd made it obvious she didn't want him, ignored him and avoided him. So why was she here? Understanding suddenly dawned, she needed a pilot and Miranda probably couldn't get one here any time soon. He couldn't do it, couldn't go back and watch her be happy with someone else. She had to understand that.

'Shepard?' He called softly, his voice hoarse and his throat dry. She hadn't heard him. He swallowed hard. 'Shepard?'

She raised her head at the sound of his voice and the pain and anguish on her face only made his suffering worse. Her eyes were red and swollen and she struggled to get to her feet but failed so she scrambled across the floor towards him.

'Joker!' She looked at him in disbelief. 'I thought you were gone.'

'Not yet, changed my flight. Couldn't go home, too many questions.' He slowly got to his feet. 'What are you doing here?'

She opened her mouth to answer but the only thing Joker saw was the floor coming up to greet him.