2005:

Jon looked out at the ocean beneath him. It was going to be another eight hours before he landed in Ireland. That would be his first stop on his way to Iraq. He was already homesick and wanted to jump off of the plane and run back home. Jon was getting agitated by the minute and quickly got up and went to the bathroom. Locking the door, he sat on the toilet seat and buried his face in his hands. He knew both his mom and Adriana were missing him but both of them had to deal with the fact that it was his decision. The more he thought about it, the worse everything got.

Someone knocked at the door.

"Hello?"

Jon quickly got up and opened the door.

What he didn't know was that a familiar face would show up again.

"Samuel?" Jon said.

"Jon? Holy shit. It is you!" Samuel said.

Both men gave each other a big hug.

"Dang. It's weird how I didn't see you board the plane for some reason," Jon said.

"Me neither. Damn, it's been a while! Are you sitting next to anybody by any chance?" Samuel asked.

"No. Good thing too. Because you just made my day," Jon said.

"That's good. I was just going to get some tissue real quick. I ran out," Samuel said.

"I have some Kleenex."

"That'll work."

"Let's go back and sit down."

"Please. I do not want to stand up right now."

Jon and Samuel went back to sit down.

The two of them talked and laughed for the rest of the entire plane ride to Ireland.

Present:

"He was your best friend wasn't he?" Jon's therapist said.

"Yeah. He was," Jon said. "So all I have to do is just paint the emotions I was feeling when I saw him...get killed?"

"Yes."

"I'll try, Jill. I'll try."

"You can do it. I'm going to go get something to drink. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Just a bottle of water. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll be back soon."

Jill left the room, leaving Jon to work on his project.

Jon started painting the mask with black paint. Black was his go to color because it always represented the one dark place he always found himself in.

But for some reason, Jon couldn't continue finishing his work.

The memory of Samuel being struck down by the sniper's bullet keep ringing in his mind.

Jon's hand started shaking and his eyes got watery. Jill came back in and saw Jon standing at the table trembling.

"Jonathan?" she said.

Jon looked up at her.

"I can't...it hurts too bad."

"I undertstand."

"No you don't!"

Jon slammed his paintbrush down.

"Jonathan, calm down."

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN SAMUEL!"

It took a while to register in Jon's mind what he had said.

"Can I go home?" Jon asked. "I'm not feeling so well."

"Yes you may. You need some time to clear your head."

Adriana heard the door open and slam. She came out of the kitchen to see Jon throw his jacket on the ground and angrily take off his shoes. He was struggling to get his left shoe off.

"Son of a bitch! Get off my foot!" Jon said.

He finally got the shoe off. He stood there in his white t-shirt and jeans with his black socks.

"What?" he said.

"I'm making dinner right now. I have the vegetables steaming now. By the look of you, things didn't go so well," Adriana said.

"No. I mean...it went okay. I need to write and draw right now," Jon said.

"I know you miss Samuel a lot. I can see why it was hard."

"Yeah. I'm gonna go in the room. Just holler if you need me."

Jon gave his wife a kiss and went to the room. Before getting their however, he went to check on Jasmine. She was stirring in her sleep and was fussy. Jon went to her rib and put her pacifier into her mouth again. Since she was laying face down, Jon rubbed her back. Jasmine smiled but didn't wake back up. Whenever Jon would rub her back, she would fall back to sleep with ease.

Finally getting into his own bed, the softness of the mattress was welcoming. Jon let out a deep sigh and opened the drawer to his nightstand. Jon became immersed into drawing another picture and lost track of time. He didn't hear Adriana calling him in for dinner.

"Jon?" Adriana said, entering the room. "Dinner's ready."

"Um...could you bring my food in here please?"

"Sure."

Adriana made Jon a plate and brought it back to him.

"You need anything else?"

"No. I'm fine."

"If you need anything, I'll get it for you."

"Thanks."

Jon found himself once again at art therapy working on his mask. He was able to start work on it without crumbling or breaking down. First, he painted the entire thing black then painted his eyes white. Just plain white. No pupil. Under the eyes, he painted red tears.

Jill came over to check on him.

"Very good. Would you mind explaining to me why you painted your mask like this?" she asked.

"The black represents the emptiness I was feeling. I was feeling nothing. The white represents that I was just staring blankly at what was happening. The red is the tears of rage I was crying. I miss Samuel a lot."

"I know it's hard. Do you feel like you've come to terms with his death?"

"It's 50/50."

"Understandable."

"I drew some more pictures when I got home yesterday to calm me down. They're of my wife when she was pregnant with each of our children."

Jon reached over the table and grabbed his drawing pad. He opened it and showed Jill the pictures that he completed.

"At the bottom I wrote the children's name. I had to draw something that was positive after my outburst. I'm sorry for what happened yesterday."

"Don't apologize. You had to get it out of your system. Oh my! You're a great artist!"

"Thanks. My drawings are okay. The kids are the best thing to ever happen to me."

"You said you have four children right?"

"Yes. J.J., Aiden, Madaline, and Jasmine. I love them all so much."

"How old are they?"

"7, Aiden and Madaline are twins so they're both 3, and Jasmine is almost two months old."

"I'm sure they keep you going."

"They do."

"Have you shown your wife these pictures?"

"Not yet. I will when I get home today. Tomorrow I have work. Fun."

"Do you like your job?"

"I do. It's been easier for me in the last few days."

"Good. You can stay here for as long as you need to. But be sure to call your wife if you're going to be staying late."

"After this I'm going to go and get her something."

"That's good. What are you going to buy her?"

"Doughnuts."

"That's it?"

"And flowers. Doughnuts and flowers."

"I see. Well, you can sit your mask over there to dry. I will be gone for the next few days but I will be back in town Friday. If anything goes wrong, you can give me a call."

"Thank you. Thank you so much. I am really glad you've been helpful. I needed this."

"Anytime. Be sure to take care of yourself alright?"

"I will."

Adriana was knitting when Jon came into the house with the doughnuts and flowers.

"For you," he said. He handed her the flowers.

"Aww," Adriana said. She stood up and took the flowers. "Thank you."

She gave Jon a quick kiss on his lips.

"Doughnuts?" she asked.

"Yup. I was craving these and wante to get you something too."

"So sweet of you. How did therapy go?"

"It went good. Where are the kids?"

"Playing in their room. Jasmine is asleep."

"I'm going to go check on them. Don't eat all of the doughnuts."

"I will."

Jon went down the hallway and checked on the kids. They had their door open. J.J., Aiden, and Maddy all turned and saw their father walk in the room.

"Daddy!" all three of them said.

They all got up and ran towards their father.

"Hey! How are you guys?" Jon asked.

"Good! I collected another earthworm today! I tried feeding it to Mickey but he didn't want it," Aiden said.

"Aiden...hamsters don't eat worms."

"Oh."

"I'm going to need you to feed him his hamster food from here on out. No earthworms."

"But it looked juicy!"

"Aiden...no earthworms...please."

"Alright Daddy."

"Well, I put some makeup on Mickey!" Maddy said.

"That's nice...wait, you did what!?" Jon said.

"I put makeup on it!" Maddy said.

"Where is the hamster? Why are you guys trying to kill it!?" Jon asked them.

"The hamster on the side of the bed. We didn't want Mommy mad at us," J.J. said.

"Bring me the hamster," Jon said.

J.J. went over to the side of the bed and grabbed Mickey's cage. The poor hamster was shaking.

"Here he is," J.J. said.

He handed his father the cage. Jon looked and saw that the hamster had blush on it.

"Oh, you guys. You guys don't need a dog or a cat then," Jon said.

"Oh Daddy! I want a cat! Please can we get a cat!?" Maddy said.

"Not if you're going to paint him different colors!" Jon said.

"I won't. But can we get a cat still Daddy?" Maddy said.

"Maybe. I'll see. I am not sure how your mother has not noticed that Mickey is in here," Jon said.

"We snuck him in here when she had went to the bathroom," Aiden said.

"You kids are a trip!" Jon said.

"You're a trip too, Daddy!" Maddy said.

She hugged her father's leg. Aiden hugged his other leg and J.J. hugged Jon's waist.

"Oh you kids. Let's see how Jasmine turns out," Jon said.

Author's Note: Those kids! Too cute!