Chapter 25

EPOV

By the time we landed in Seattle I had learned the meaning of the saying 'be careful what you wish for, you may receive it'. The rest of that should read 'and have no idea what to do with it'. Bella hadn't stepped back out of spite or pettiness. She stepped back because I had asked her to, she gave me exactly what I asked for and as it turns out I hated it.

I thought over the talk Carlisle and I had on the plane and it raised several questions for me. Had I expected her to argue with me and not give in to my request of space? Honestly I didn't think so. I know Bella doesn't play those kinds of games, just as I knew I had pushed her away. She continued to check on my progress and make sure I had everything I needed. She would wait for me to sleep before spending time in my room. She continued to do those things just not in a manner that caused us to interact, because that was what I asked for.

I recognized the jealousy when I reacted to hearing Edgar was the one to give her my name. It wasn't the first time I felt that way when he was mentioned in conversation and I had to get over it. He did not pose a threat to my relationship with Bella. The insecurity I felt hit me out of nowhere, I never expected that feeling and in a knee jerk reaction I pushed Bella away. Had I been honest with her the next day and explained my feelings we wouldn't be where we were now but I didn't. I continued to push her away and now I wasn't sure where I stood with her.

I couldn't understand what motivated him to choose me. My insecurities had me assuming it was because he thought our relationship wouldn't be as strong as theirs was and that bothered me. In the very back of my mind was a small voice telling me I was nuts for thinking these things, Bella loved me, but the rest of my brain beat him into submission quickly. Talking on the plane with Carlisle gave me insight to Edgar's reasoning and started to put those fears to rest. But once those fears started to recede is when the ones of Bella comparing us started. Did she love me as much as she loved him? Was I a replacement for him, and a poor one at that? Would she compare me and us to him and what they had? Were we, was I found lacking? The little voice was back telling me I already had the answers to these questions if I thought about things. One look from insecure Edward had him cowering back in a corner begging for mercy and promising to keep his mouth shut.

Upon landing my mother promptly had me shuttled off to her house and set up in my old bedroom. I knew she was relishing in being able to take care of me like this. In the last ten years I hadn't exactly shut her out of my personal life but I hadn't let her in either. I knew she wanted me settled down and seeing me date casually had bothered her but she had never interfered, until now. We had talked in the hospital and she apologized to me and Bella, but when I asked Bella for space she couldn't hide the fact that she was glad to have me coming home with her. I know she likes Bella but what happened really freaked her out and she was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I didn't need my mommy protecting me any more. She was also jumping at the chance to keep me in Seattle, she liked having her kids close to her and I couldn't fault her for that, but it was my life and I needed to live it for me.

I was restless, since I slept on the plane, and decided to sort through my e-mail. I wanted to call Bella, I missed her so, but I did not know how to start the conversation with her. I was surprised to see messages in my inbox from her. I scrolled down to the first one and clicked on it to open; she had sent it while we were still in New York. As I read her first message I felt my chest tighten. She loved me, but I knew this. She knew me well and recognized why I was pulling away and I still was. I wasn't questioning her love for me I knew she loved me; part of me wondered how I stacked up against Edgar in her mind though.

As I reread the e-mail I thought, I know she sees me for who I am, she always has. From day one she saw past my asshole facade I created to the real reasons I had built my walls up. She hasn't judged me, I would never judge her. Would I? I wasn't questioning her love or motivation, I was questioning his or at least I was before talking to my father on the plane. As I thought back over one of the last conversations we had I realized I wasn't directly questioning her but I did accuse her of doing this out of a sense of obligation to Edgar. Holy shit I was questioning her love for me and she saw it immediately. My insecurities didn't come from if she loved me but if she loved me enough. Did she love me more than Edgar? It wasn't a fair question to ask but I needed the answer further proving to myself that I am an asshole.

As I opened the second e-mail I realized it was also written while I was in the hospital, after I had asked her to stop the extra things for me, the things I loved. No fucking way I thought as I started to read. Bella was the woman from the masked ball? I remember that ball clearly and the woman that captivated my attention that night. For years I measured women against her and no one came close to the feeling of completeness I had that night dancing with her, until I gave Bella a chance. We had danced and laughed for hours that night and we never exchanged names, I remember not seeing a reason to know her name because she was married. How had I not recognized those eyes? Her eyes held a sadness and edge they hadn't that night, perhaps that is why. Is that night why he started looking into me? That thought actually made me feel better, that I caught his attention because Bella mentioned me. It made things feel like less of a business transfer to me, he had taken his cues from her.

The date of the third and last e-mail was the day we flew home, me to Seattle and Bella to Chicago. The time stamp was several hours after she had landed, if she was ending things I knew it would be in this one. My finger hovered over the mouse for a minute before I clicked on it harshly. Bella wouldn't end things in an e-mail. Unlike me she met things head on, if she wanted to end things she would talk to me personally. As I read the e-mail I found myself shaking my head and agreeing with parts until I read the last paragraph, he killed himself. Never has it ever even been hinted at that he ended his own life. I was shocked. I skimmed the message again and several things she has mentioned to me about being sure I had the choice she never did immediately came to mind. He had definitely taken away her choice or say in some very important events in their lives. Thinking of choices led me back to the beginning of the e-mail.

As I looked over the first two paragraphs it struck a chord with me how right she was. The things she shared with me weren't new things. She had told me this before just not in detail but knowing the details didn't change anything. She was not the type of woman to plead and restate the same argument over and over; it was actually one of things I loved about her. She would say her piece and then you either accepted it or you didn't. She then accepted your decision and moved on from there. Much like my decision to ask for space, she accepted it and worked within the limitations I had set. Once again she was absolutely correct, we had been over all of this before and now it was up to me to accept it or not. I understood her confusion over what was happening, this all should have been laid to rest when I went to Scotland. From the moment I first laid eyes on her she has done nothing but be honest with me in her words and actions. What have I given her? Scorn, doubt, ridicule? Would she even grant me another chance, I definitely didn't deserve one and as much as I wanted one my father was right. If I couldn't move past my insecurities to be the man she deserved then I needed to step aside and let her find the man who was. The thought of her with someone else really pissed me off. I fell asleep with dreams of me and Bella and our family living a happy life but I awoke in a cold sweat with visions of her with her new family, the family where I had no place and she was very happy with her life.

I went downstairs and joined my family for breakfast. Everyone was happy to have me home and things seemed normal after a few awkward silences in the conversation. I couldn't help but notice that no one brought up Bella and I hoped it was because they didn't want to be uncomfortable and not because they continued to blame her for what happened. I tuned back into the conversation when Jasper asked Emmett about his trip to Chicago in a few days for the Swan bid announcement.

"I didn't realize they had reached a decision already." I said to the table in general somewhat put out that no one had told me about it.

"You were a little distracted." Emmett said with a laugh. "I have been handling most of it since they decided to split things."

"What do you mean they split things?"

"When I returned to Seattle Richard Campbell from Swan contacted me, the Swan Board wanted to split the contract. Their idea was great and with Carlisle's okay I accepted their suggestion. We won the construction and technology part of the bid with Boston Medical winning the procurement and distribution part. The announcement is the day after tomorrow, Garrett and I will both be there with the Swan Board." He seemed excited about the way things worked out.

"Bella was okay with this?" I was surprised. I didn't think she wanted to have that many people involved.

"She recused herself from everything Edward while she was in New York." Carlisle said and I looked at him confused. "She took herself out of all negotiations and agreed to abide by the Board's decision. She said it was the only way to assure everyone involved that the bid process was 100% above board. She stepped back voluntarily before people could question her objectivity and professionalism."

Who would question her professionalism I thought to myself? But as soon as the question passed through my mind I thought of quite a few people who would and they would do it very publicly. I sat and listened mostly for the rest of breakfast. I loved my family and as I watched them interact with their spouses it hit me that I wanted what they had, but I already knew this about myself. I had pushed women away telling myself it was because they were only after my money and name and that was what a majority of them were after. Yet, I had found a woman I wanted above any and all of the others, who actually brought more to the table than I did and I was still pushing her away. I was pushing her away due to my shortcomings, she was slipping away due to my inaction but I couldn't go to her again until I had laid my fears to rest. She had put herself out there for me several times and now it was my turn to show her I was willing to do the same.

I returned to my room to go over the rest of my e-mail and rest a little. Esme brought lunch to me and asked if I wanted to talk about Bella or anything at all. The truth was I did but my mother wasn't the one to do it with, she couldn't be objective enough to give me answers not influenced by what she wanted. I went for a walk on the beach after lunch, it was time to make some decisions and I needed a clear head for that. I was surprised when Mary, Bella's housekeeper, called out my name waving something in her hand.

"Mr. Cullen, I am glad to see that you are up and about. You look to be on the mend."

"Thank you Mary, I am. What can I do for you today?" It looked as if she was holding an envelope.

"Mrs. Sinclair left word that if I saw you on your own sometime I was to give you this." She handed me the envelope. "She wanted to give it to you herself but she is stuck in Chicago for the foreseeable future." Was Bella not returning to Seattle?

"You don't know when she is returning to Seattle?"

"No Sir, this is normally when she spends a few weeks at the ranch with the kids from the Outreach Program before they head home for school. I expect her to be heading there next then back to Chicago for the winter. I need to get back. I'm glad you are getting better Mr. Cullen."

"Thank you Mary." I said as she turned to go back to Bella's house. My name was on the outside of the envelope and it was still sealed. I was positive this was the letter from Edgar she had mentioned in the hospital. The little voice was back telling me we didn't need to read the letter. Bella loved us and that was all we needed to know. Insecure Edward beat his ass to a pulp as I ripped open the letter in the hopes it would hold the validation I obviously needed.

Edward -

Since you are reading this Isabella has not only read the other letter but loves you as well. I am sure this is awkward for you and for that I apologize. My hope is that you can see passed my interference and accept the love Isabella has for you. Isabella gives much of herself, her time and her money, but her heart she protects. When she gives her heart to you know that you are the most important thing to her, she never does anything half way, she doesn't know how, and that includes loving someone.

I want to tell you a story. We had traveled to New York because she was being honored for her charity work. I caught a bug and due to my illness was advised not to attend. We had not brought any one from security that she felt comfortable enough with to escort her so against my better judgment I let her attend alone. She hated those types of functions and promised she would be back up in the suite after the awards ceremony. I waited for an hour before I contacted one of her detail and was told she was dancing but they would bring her up immediately. I stopped them from doing that, instead I went to the hotel security to see things for myself. She was dancing with a man, there was nothing odd about that, but the way she looked at this man. I had seen that look many times only intensified be her love for me. She was drawn to this man and I think he was drawn to her as well. My first reaction was anger. How dare she allow another man into her heart, even if she didn't realize that was what happened. Then I was hurt, even though she would never act on anything, she would never betray me, it hurt to think maybe she would remember the man at odd times. After several hours of waiting for her return I finally realized I had been given a gift. My illness had progressed much farther than I told her and I wanted her to have a full and happy life after I died. I waited up for her specifically to find out how she felt about the man. When she described her night to me her eyes lit up when she talked about him. I realized he intrigued her, challenged her and made her laugh in a light hearted way I hadn't heard her do in years.

The next morning before we left I made the time to go back to security and watch the tape from the ballroom. I watched the man after she left to gain some clue as to his identity, the fact that she had not gotten his name amused me and reinforced what I already knew to be true, she didn't get his name because she would never act on those feelings. She didn't care about the man on the outside, she carried about the man he was on the inside. I watched until the man approached his mother and removed his mask. You know who the man was Edward, the man was you.

After that I watched not only your career but how you lived your life. Isabella is the most precious thing in my world, I refuse to nudge her towards an unworthy cur. As much as you have excelled in business I know you have had disappointment in your personal life. One of my greatest fears at this moment is that by the time she acts on my instructions you will have become very jaded and not give her the chance she deserves. You are worthy of her Edward. Now she is a furled rose just starting to bloom but with your strength of character and love you can help her bloom to her full potential.

I wish I could tell you that I you have big shoes to fill and you could never treat her as well as I have, but that would be a lie. Don't get me wrong I do treat Isabella very well and love her more than she will ever know but hand in hand with that are several things I wish I could change. I have brought darkness to her life that I would have avoided at all costs had I thought in my youth she could be mine. I have made decisions without her knowledge and against what I knew she wanted. She has compromised time and again what she truly wanted for what was reasonable given the way my past decisions forced her to live. In reality it is very easy to not only fill my shoes but to also be a better man for her than I ever could be. Keep her safe, protect her from the darker side of business, trust her to make her own decisions in life and love her with abandon, she will never let you down.

She loves life Edward. Isabella is a kind and caring, compassionate and forgiving, fiercely loyal and passionate woman. I may have forced her back into life to live again but you are the one who showed her how to love again, with a whole heart. Trust her to know what she wants - you. Give her the life and family I wanted to but never could. She has been drawn to you for years, even if she didn't know who you were or understand her feelings. I trust you Edward. Trust yourself enough to be the man she needs for the rest of her life, a better man for her then I was.

Edgar

I sat down in the sand after reading the letter. I understood his reasoning for following my career and starting her on this path. I understood his reasons for pointing her towards me, it was because of the ball. Now that I had the validation I needed why didn't I feel better about things? Why did I still have this nagging feeling that Bella would find me wanting in comparison to him? I was so engrossed in my thoughts I hadn't heard Emmett come outside to sit by me until he nudged me with his shoulder.

"What?" I asked.

"Eddie I have known you for over 20 years and in some ways I know you better than your family does. I am sure there are certain parts of your personal life you have never shared with them." Emmett was right about that. I didn't share much about the women and all the partying I had done in my 20's with my family. I suppose in college and early on I could be called a man whore but that quickly lost its appeal to me and I wanted to settle down with one girl. That is when Paige entered and I started to become jaded. After that I dated quite a bit but didn't sleep with most of them.

"That would be an understatement Emmett and you know how I feel about being called Eddie." He laughed.

"I know, just as you know I only call you that when I want to invoke a 20 plus year friendship." I nodded at him. "I love you like brother but in this instance I think I may have the detachment that is needed to help you realize something you don't see."

"Ok. What am I overlooking?"

"Oh no, you aren't overlooking it, this hasn't even hit your radar yet. For years I watched as women threw themselves at you for a variety of reasons; money, sex, your family name or business connections and I watched you become more bitter and jaded with each one. You became very comfortable with your certainty that those things are all women saw you for, all you had to offer them. Then Isabella comes along, she is everything you could ever wish for in a woman and she wants you too, but what do you have to offer her. I mean let's be honest here, in almost every facet of this relationship she is the one slumming not you. She has more money, her family names and business connections put yours to shame on a good day and she was married to a man who her loved so much he changed his life around as much as possible for her. How are you expected to compete with that?"

"You are not making me feel better Emmett. In fact you are depressing the hell out of me."

"I'm not trying to make you feel better Edward. I am trying to get you to see things clearly. If you had the upper hand in the relationship would you still be questioning her feelings? Would you be wondering if you can measure up to her first husband? Would you be wondering what you have to offer?"

"I don't know Emmett. What I know is since I heard he had a hand in pushing her towards me I have questioned everything about us. I don't want her with me because it is what her late husband wants. She never would have sought me out on her own and that hurts. I want to know I mean more to her than he did. I want..."

"I say this with love Eddie. You are an arrogant, self righteous, self centered prick. Do you not know her at all?"

"What the hell Em?"

"No listen to me. She loved her first husband, get over it. Was he the love of her life - I don't know and she probably doesn't either given that she loves you. Do you have any idea how unfair it is to ask her to compare the love she has for the two of you? Isn't it enough to look at things she has done and endured and know she loves so much she put up with that shit. To be honest Edward I don't know many women who would and I can't say with 100% confidence that Rose would for me. I hope she would. She told you things about Edgar, that by her own admission, she planned on never speaking of with anyone to help you and your company. She may not have betrayed Edgar's confidence but she damn sure betrayed an oath she made to herself, for you. Does that not say anything to you Edward?"

"I understand it is irrational and it is my insecurities talking Em but...I just don't know. How do I get past this?"

"You start by realizing that she will never chase you, as all the others have. She may or may not rearrange part of her life for you but are you willing to rearrange yours for her? Would you have sought her out if she hadn't come to Seattle? Look at the things she has been through. Would you have endured it? You are so close to having everything you want Edward and you are just as close to losing it because of the thing that really draws you to her, she isn't like all the other women. She sees the real you Edward. The man behind the mask so to speak, the man that desperately wanted to find his other half before he reached 30, the man you were before you became Edward Cullen, asshole extraordinaire."

"I know Em I do and I am trying to deal with all of this. I ...you're right, maybe that is my problem I feel like she is slumming, that I have nothing to offer her."

"What has she asked for that you haven't been able to give her Edward?"

"That's just it Em, she hasn't asked for anything."

"She has Edward. She has asked you to give her two things, two things that are only yours to give." I looked at him confused. "She has asked for your love and a family. She is happy with those two things Edward and one of those her husband wouldn't give her."

"He was unwilling to pass on his..."

"I know Edward but adoption would have been easy for them, especially a private one. Money greases a lot, you know this. He wouldn't Edward or they would have adopted. This is what you need to decide Edward, are you willing to live in her world. I mean move to Chicago and fit into her world because she will never be given a fair shot in yours and that includes your mother and sister to some degree. Can you move passed this jealousy you have of her late husband? It isn't healthy and it is costing you something wonderful in your life. Last, open your eyes and see she doesn't want material things from you. What she wants money can't buy but you can give to her. If you can't do those things then you don't deserve her Eddie and you should walk away now." He stood to leave and I called over my shoulder.

"Do you think I deserve her?"

"If you can pull your head out of your ass and stop being a prick, yes you definitely deserve her and the life you can live together."

I spent the rest of the day thinking about the different things Emmett had said, the conversations I had had with Carlisle and my time with Bella. Would these things have come to light anyway but New York forced them to the surface sooner? I didn't know. What I did know was when I made a decision this time I couldn't have any doubts. If I was lucky enough to get another chance I knew it was the last one. As I went to bed that night I had only one question left to answer. Could I be the husband and father Bella deserved and needed in her life?

When I woke in the morning for the first time in weeks I felt 100% content with how things were in my life. I had a plan for how I was going to apologize to Bella and show her I was the man she could spend the rest of her life with. I had things to settle in Seattle before flying to Chicago tonight. After talking to Emmett and my father I spent the rest of the day making the necessary arrangements to set everything in motion. I asked mom for have a big family dinner and I used it to explain what I was going to do. I knew they didn't all agree with my decisions but in the end they would get on board with it or not. I was doing this for me, this is what I needed. I was sure eventually they would come around. After doing everything I could I boarded the red eye to Chicago and started to work on the statement I wanted to make in the morning.

I purposely arrived late to the press conference. Emmett knew part of what I had planned but not everything, only my father knew the entire plan. I listened outside the room as the contract was announced and the general questions were answered. It was only when they started asking Bella personal questions that I moved into the very back of the room and waited.

"Mrs. Sinclair why isn't Edward Cullen here today?" One shouted.

"I'm afraid I don't know. I assume as Mr. McCarty stated he was needed in Seattle."

"The two of you are an item and you don't know why he stayed in Seattle?" Another reported shouted as if she was lying.

"I haven't had the opportunity to speak with Mr. Cullen since returning from New York so I'm afraid I can't answer your question." Bella answered and looked as if she was getting upset.

"Why were you in New York with the Cullen's?" A woman shouted at her.

"I was there strictly for support any other information you will need to get from the Cullen's." Bella started to back away from the microphones.

"Did you and Edward Cullen marry in New York?" Someone yelled. I knew it was getting close to the time for me to step forward.

"No we did not. Thank you for coming today and this press conference is over." Bella was stepping down when one last question was thrown at her.

"So if you didn't marry and he isn't in Chicago is it safe to say that the two of you are no longer together?" I saw her stiffen before she approached the podium again to answer.

"I have never commented on my relationship with Mr. Cullen, so as I have previously stated if you want more information I suggest you ask him." That was my limit and the opening I was looking for, I started slowly moving towards the front of the room.

"What happened Mrs. Sinclair? Did he break up with you? Did you dump him?" Then I heard someone yell cruelly. "I thought it was love for both of you?" Not only the question but the snide way it was shouted pissed me off and I answered for her.

"It is love and I believe the lady told you to direct your questions at me?" I said from behind the reporters.

"Edward" She whispered as I made my way through the crowd to her. When I reached her I carefully ran my knuckles across her cheek and spoke softly so only she would hear.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get here and I understand if you still want to leave but I have a statement to make that I would like you to stay for." I moved to the stage and addressed the press. "I have a rather lengthy statement to make so please bear with me." I was nervous as I ran my fingers through my hair. "I will not be taking questions after instead a press release will be issued with all the pertinent information." I looked to Bella and she looked sad but...hopeful? We would have quite a bit to talk about when I was done, if she gave me the chance.

"I did not meet Isabella Sinclair under the best circumstances. My own choices and life in general had turned me into a very bitter man by the time she entered my life. Because of this and through no fault of hers I treated her terribly, as did the society elite of Seattle. She was judged harshly and unfairly based on falsehoods, assumptions and jealousy by others and by me. Due to a miracle she saved my job and gave me the chance I never would have given her, had things been reversed. It has taken some time for me to admit that but she is a bigger person, a better person than I am, it is one of the many reasons I love her." I turned to look at Bella as she moved closer to me.

"Recent events and my own insecurities had me questioning my relationship with Isabella. It needs to be made clear that she did nothing to warrant my withdrawal, it happened due to my own issues and it forced me to face some truths. One, I love Isabella Sinclair and want to spend my life with her. I hope to marry her one day. Two, the reasons for my recent need to be alone are because I am having a hard time determining what I bring to the table considering she was married to Edgar Sinclair. Lastly, I know I don't deserve her after everything in Seattle and I can not imagine why she would still want me." I felt Bella's hand in the middle of back as if she was comforting me and it gave me the boost of courage I needed to finish my statement.

"Normally I would not give this kind of statement and never this publically. But in the last week, in typical male fashion, I made a series of mistakes and knowing that I would only get one chance to explain I decided to do it in a way that gave me the best chance of having her listen. I will not give up until I am back in her good graces, regardless of how long that may take. With that and my hopes for the future in mind I am relocating the CEO office of The Cullen Group to Chicago effective immediately. I am in the process of securing permanent office space and when we have acquired that a press release will be issued with the information." I heard Bella gasped next to me. "Thank you very much for coming out today." I backed away from the podium and they immediately started shouting questions I wasn't going to answer so I didn't listen. I held my hand out to Bella hoping she would take it and give me a chance to make things right.

As she placed her small hand in mine I closed me eyes. "Thank you Bella. I love you." She squeezed my hand and whispered to me.

"I love you too Edward but you have some explaining and groveling to do." I nodded my head as we left the room. "This is your last chance Edward, don't fuck it up."

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters.

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