CHAPTER 25

I do not own Doctor Who, Beetlejuice, Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter and I am making no profit off of this.

Thank you for all of your reviews, favorites, follows, and story alerts.

THE GREATEST WEDDING OF ALL TIME

Is the title a bit too much? Should I change it? I have to admit that I'm a little new to creating chapter titles. Prime always did that in the past, but alas he is no more.

(Or so he wants me to think anyway. I know he's out there though just waiting for his moment to crash my wedding. He actually thinks that he's fooled me by using a Flesh copy?! Oh, no. I'm onto him you can be sure. I'm never taking him back as my story's narrator. Not now or ever!)

Now without any further interruptions I'll start the story of the day that I finally got married to Donald. Donald and Matt had quickly worked together to create some new artificial skin for Megan after her little fight with the Daleks. I honestly didn't care if she didn't have all of her skin intact, but for some reason it was a big deal to her. It's not like any of the guests who will be attending have never seen an android before. They're all a pretty odd set of people. I only pick the best to be my friends after all.

Soon enough Megan was ready and all dressed up. All of the guests had arrived by then, and everything was finally ready and in place. I actually breathed an immense sigh of relief as I realized this. I had fully expected for something else to go wrong and wreck the whole ceremony.

I mean this is me that we're talking about here. It's practically a given that nothing in my life is ever going to be ordinary in any way.

Luckily though, so far everything was good.

Donald and I parted ways because of that whole myth about not seeing the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding. That was fine with me though because I wanted to see the look on his face when I came out with it on. If he didn't have a look of pure awe on it, I was going to know the reason why. Of course it wasn't like that I'd shoot him in the middle of the wedding if he didn't.

I'd do that later.

I finally tried on my very beautiful off the shoulder backless dress that was so tight that I was lucky that I could even move in it. I made a mental note to hunt down and have a little talk with whoever had designed this monstrosity.

It was easily the most uncomfortable thing that I had ever worn. I idly wondered if it had been designed by the Silence as I put it on. It would certainly meet my definition of a torture device.

I was finally ready and (somewhat) able to move in the mobile Iron Maiden that I was wearing when Christina came into my room in the TARDIS and said, "They're ready. How about you?"

"As ready as I'll ever be I suppose," I said as I tried to walk up to her without falling over which was no mean feat.

"Why on Earth did you pick that thing out? It looks like you're about to suffocate at any moment. How are you even breathing in that thing?" Christina asked with concern.

I was touched that she actually cared as I said, "I'm not really. I'm holding my breath. I can hold my breath a long time. I know it's too tight, but I wanted to wear something that left nothing to the imagination and would make Donald faint when he saw me in it."

Christina smiled as she said, "Well, mission accomplished. I'm actually uncomfortable just looking at it, and I'm not that easy to embarrass. I just hope that you don't faint before Donald does. Are you sure that you don't want me to try to find you a new dress and tell them to wait a few minutes?"

"No, I'm fine," I said.

"I just don't want you to pass out in the middle of the ceremony or worse," Christina said.

"You sound like you're worried about me. I might think that you actually care about me if you keep that up," I joked.

"Stop it, Melody. You know that I care about you. I love both you and Donald. I'm not afraid to say that either. I love you, Melody. Why can't you say it?" Christina said in anger.

"You don't understand. You could never understand. You would have had to go through what I did in order to, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone especially not a . . ." I said as my usual wise cracking hardened persona disappeared for a moment and my voice cracked.

"Friend?" Christina finished with a grin.

I was silent and she said, "I guess that'll have to be good enough for me for now. I'm sorry for exploding, Melody. I know that it's hard for you to show your true self. I'd just like to know that you actually do care about me every once in a while. I'll tell them that you'll be ready in a minute."

She started to leave, and I grabbed her hand quickly. Then I surprised myself by wrapping an arm around her and giving her a one-armed hug. Christina looked at me in shock at first, and then she smiled as she said, "That's good enough for me."

Then she left the room, and I was alone. "What's become of me? I actually like Christina, and she likes me. I'm becoming likable. When did that happen?" I said to myself in disbelief.

"You should see yourself in the future. You wouldn't even recognize yourself. You're actually somewhat normal. Welll, as normal as you'll ever get anyway," Dot said as she suddenly appeared in the room behind me with her Vortex Manipulator.

"You do know that you shouldn't be here, right? You're endangering your own existence by attending. I'm glad that you are though. I think that Rose will keep you safe from being erased despite our little feud over she who must not be named. She's too much of a goody goody not to," I said.

"You know that she will, and Reinette isn't that bad if you'd just get to know her," Dot said.

"Don't mention that name. You might cause her to appear especially if you say her name three times," I said.

"Oh, come on! It's not like she's Beetlejuice," Dot said as she rolled her eyes.

"If she shows up here, she'll be just as dead," I said as I patted my gun which was strapped to my leg under my dress.

"I actually like her," Dot admitted.

"Where did I go wrong?" I said with a grin.

Dot laughed and hugged me which I had to admit didn't feel as uncomfortable as I thought that it might. It felt natural like I had done it all of my life. I felt awkward hugging Christina, but this just felt right.

"That was your first time hugging me, wasn't it?" Dot asked.

"Yes. Hopefully it's not your first hugging me," I said hesitantly.

I feared that maybe I wasn't the warmest parent, and she certainly deserved better than that.

"No, of course not. Trust me, Mum. You do get better. You always show me that you love me. It's not like it is now where you can't even say the words to anyone but Dad. I don't think that I'm giving out too many spoilers by saying that," Dot said.

"No, not really. I'll let it slide just this once anyway," I said as I smiled at her.

"You're making a lot of exceptions today, aren't you?" Dot said with a grin.

"I have a feeling that I'll do that a lot with you," I said.

Dot laughed at that, snorted actually, and I said, "What?"

"The answer to that question is a definite 'Spoilers!'" Dot said with an evil grin on her face.

"Come on, Dot. They're expecting us, and I can't wait to see the look on your father's face," I said.

"I'll help you," Dot said as she helped me walk out of the room.

Megan shook her head as she saw us emerge from the TARDIS and said, "I told you not to pick that thing. If it bursts open on you during the ceremony, don't blame me."

"I'm sure no one will care if it does. Donald certainly won't," I joked.

"Don't even talk about that, Mum. Just don't," Dot said in a disgusted voice.

I laughed at her, and we all slowly made our way to the ceremony. It seemed that Donald hadn't arrived yet so at least I wasn't too late. It's not like it could have started without me anyway.

Not if they didn't want to have to regrow their eyebrows.

As soon as we arrived, they started playing wedding music, and my father suddenly appeared to give me away. He was smiling with pride as we walked down the aisle together.

"I'm glad that this time reality isn't threatened to collapse around us, and I don't have problems with my memory. This is the way that a wedding should be," he said.

"I suppose so if you want an ordinary run of the mill wedding. I was never a fan of ordinary though. Still that being said this isn't too bad. Not too bad at all," I said.

I had to admit that this was a lot better than my last wedding so far despite the lack of imminent disaster on the horizon.

Finally I came up to Father Octavian and stood expectantly as I waited for Donald to appear. What was taking him so long anyway?

As I waited on him to show up, I looked out into the sea of wedding guests before me to see that there were so many familiar faces there. Some I was glad to see (the Doctor) and others not so much (Rose Tyler). I smiled as I saw that she who must never be named was not among them.

I saw many of the Doctor's companions attending who I had grown to know in recent years and also my own family members such as my parents, my grandparents, and Dot. Everyone besides the nameless one who had ever been on the TARDIS was there as well including Joan, Polly, Ace, and amazingly enough Charlotte/Eris. I couldn't help but smile as I saw them all there.

I truly saw for the first time just how many people's lives that I had touched and who had also touched mine as I looked out at the huge audience that had assembled in front of me, and it was an amazing thing to realize especially after a lifetime of being made to feel worthless by Kovarian. It was already the greatest moment of my life, and Donald hadn't even showed up yet.

Then as Donald stepped out in an amazing tuxedo, I realized that I had only thought that the previous moment has been the greatest one. Now I knew what the most important moment in my life was with absolute certainty as Donald looked at me like he was in a trance as soon as he saw me.

He just stopped there in mid step and kept staring at me. I smiled at him as he started to positively drool.

"See something you fancy?" I called out to him.

His face turned bright red as he said, "I – I just can't believe how beautiful that you are. I thought that I knew before, but I was wrong. You're the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen," Donald said with a huge grin suddenly plastering itself all over his face.

I hope Rose Tyler chokes on that. Maybe her new pal, She Who Must Not Be Named, can perform the Heimlich maneuver on her.

I forgot all about Rose as Donald started walking toward me and stood beside me. The ceremony had finally properly begun and Father Octavian began by saying, "I am proud to be here today to bring these two together in wedded matrimony. Let me say that I've never been so glad to be proven wrong in my life as I am in my assessment of River Song. She truly is one of the noblest souls it has ever been my privilege to know, and she never belonged in Stormcage for a single moment in my opinion. I realize now that she is completely blameless for the actions that she performed while under the Silence's influence, and I apologize to her for ever judging her for them."

"It's about time!" I heard my mother say in a loud voice.

I smiled at her even while I quietly cringed inside. Father Octavian was making me sound like a saint or something, and I knew that that was far, far from the truth. I was under the Silence's control for a long time, but it still didn't make me some starry eyed innocent in the slightest.

Father Octavian's smile became forced for a moment as I could see that he looked like he would like to tell her off for a moment. I would truly love to see him try. No one had ever gotten the best of my mother in any argument, and they weren't about to start now.

Father Octavian, being of sound mind and wanting to keep a sound body though, decided not to say anything and just continued the ceremony instead. "If anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed, let them come forward now," he said.

I looked out at the people gathered there and pointedly put my hand on where my gun rested on my leg. I made sure that everyone could see it there.

No one said a word.

"You don't have to threaten the people who came to watch us get married, Melody. I'm pretty sure that they weren't going to say anything," Donald said with a sigh.

"They've come to expect that sort of thing from me though, sweetie. It just wouldn't be a proper wedding day for me without threats of gratuitous violence at least at some point," I said.

"Do either of you have anything to say to each other before we get started?" Father Octavian asked.

Donald surprised me as he said, "Yes, I just wanted to say that I was at the lowest point of my life recently when I was forced to kill someone who I love and though she quickly forgave me for it I couldn't forgive myself. I don't know what would have become of me if not for Melody. She was the only one around me who truly understood what it was like to be forced to do something horrendous against your will and how the fact that you didn't want to do it doesn't make you feel any less guilty for that act. Even in my deepest despair, somehow she still managed to save me from myself. That was just the beginning of our story though because I've learned in the time since then just how truly special that she is and how gentle and kind that she truly is on the inside despite her hardened shell. She truly is the sweetest person who I have ever known."

I stood there looking at him in shock after he finished. He had caught me completely by surprise because he had never even mentioned saying anything like that at the wedding. Even after all of this time, he could still surprise me. What is it with the Doctors and being able to do that?

I thought quickly of what I could say in return, and I said, "I don't know who you're talking about. I'm none of those things. You're describing yourself, Donald. You're the kind, gentle one despite what you might think of yourself for that one incident for which you are entirely blameless. I'm truly lucky to have met you. You're the one who's saving me. I probably would be even more damaged than I am now if I had never met you. You're slowly showing me that I don't have to be what Kovarian made me and that I can be something more. You've showed me that there actually was something more to be found inside of myself in the first place. For that, I'll always be grateful to you. No, that's not good enough. For that, I love you, and I always will."

Donald smiled at me with pride as he knew that it took a lot for me to admit that in front of everyone that I knew. I was glad that I did though. I would never be ashamed of having those feelings. Never.

"Do we have the rings?" Father Octavian asked.

"Oh, yes," Donald said and then he signaled to someone that I couldn't see to come up front.

The Ring Bearer then suddenly appeared, and I was surprised to see that it was Jenny.

I hadn't even thought to ask Donald who it was after that business with the Daleks. It shouldn't have surprised me in hindsight that Jenny, despite being female, managed to get the job. She was Donald's personal favorite of the Doctor's children after all and always had been.

Jenny brought the ring to Donald and quickly whispered to me, "I hope that me being here doesn't make you angry."

"No, of course not. I'm not angry at you just your mother," I said.

I could see the hurt on her face at that, and I quickly said, "Don't worry about that. We'll get past it eventually."

When Jenny smiled, I was glad. For some reason, I found that I didn't want to disappoint her. Donald smirked at me.

"Find something amusing?" I asked.

"You can't stand to see her upset either. I thought that it was just me. Even big bad River doesn't want to make Jenny cry," Donald said.

"Shut up. She can't help it if her mother is the one who brought back the Nameless Horror. Why should I blame her for that?" I said.

"Sure, Melody. If that's what you want to tell yourself, then that's fine," Donald said.

"Don't make me shoot you on our wedding day. I'm known for that sort of thing you know," I said.

Donald said nothing but continued to smile.

"Donald Noble, do you take this woman as your lawfully wedded wife?" Father Octavian asked.

"I certainly do," Donald said as he put my giant diamond ring on my finger.

"Melody Williams, do you take this man as your lawfully husband?" Father Octavian asked.

"Spoilers," I said mischievously.

Donald glared at me, and I quickly said, "Sorry, force of habit. I do. I most certainly do."

Then I put his ring on his finger. It wasn't as grand as mine of course, but it wasn't too shabby either. It had a diamond as well that was slightly smaller than mine. Okay, a lot smaller, but Donald was no fool. He knew who to get the bigger diamond for.

"Then by the power invested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride," Father Octavian said happily.

I grabbed Donald and kissed him first. I take second place to no one. Donald didn't seem to mind anyway.

Father Octavian scowled at me as he said, "You never do stick to tradition, do you?"

"Not if I can help it," I said with a grin.

There was cake of course afterwards, and Donald really put the slices away too. You'd be surprise how much that skinny man can eat when he wants to. I honestly have no idea where he puts it all. He must have gotten a second stomach to make up for not having a second heart.

"Are you going to save any of that for the rest of us to eat, sweetie?" I asked.

"What? Oh, sure. I've been trying to eat less lately anyway," Donald said with a piece of cake stuffed in his mouth

"Really? This is you eating less? Half the cake's gone already, and I never even got a piece," I complained.

"You should have tried living with him. Mum used to think it was me eating us out of house and home because he was always so thin. He once did the unthinkable too and ate all of the chips. He never did that again after I showed him my very special slap that was forevermore known as 'The Oncoming Storm' afterwards in his honor," Rose said.

Despite my anger at her for bringing back the Nameless One, I actually laughed long and hard at that. The two of us smiled at each other for a brief moment. Rose seemed to finally relax around me for the first time that day as she realized that while I was still angry that we would both be alright someday.

That didn't mean that I was letting her off easy though. There was still plenty of anger left to go around after all.

Then came the moment I had been dreading. Captain Jack was the best man so it was up to him to make a toast. I swore to myself that if it was anything like the one that he gave to the Doctor and Rose that he would die. Slowly and painfully.

I put my hand on my gun and gave it a meaningful glance as Jack got up to speak. I glared at him daring him to say something embarrassing about us.

Jack stared at me for a moment and didn't say anything. He was shaking with fear. I could see the sweat forming on his brow and pouring down his face as he stood there wondering what he could say that would not cause me to pull my gun and shoot.

He gulped as he finally said, "To the greatest wedding of all time!"

Then he quickly sat down.

"That was the perfect toast, Jack. Good job," I said with a grin

"I'm not sure whether to thank you or be angry," Donald said.

"Would you rather have him say things about you that would cause you to hide under the table like he did to the Doctor?" I asked.

Donald suddenly looked sick, and I knew that he was relieving Rose and the Doctor's wedding. The things that Jack said that day had made him want to hide under a rock because Jack was talking about him as well whenever he talked about the Doctor.

He shivered as he said, "Yeah, maybe you're right. Thanks for that."

"I thought so," I said as I kissed him.

It was all over now except for Megan's speech. As soon as Megan got up to say something though, one of the caterers suddenly said, "Wait. I have something to say first."

"Who are you?" I asked suspiciously.

The caterer began to shake as he said, "N-n-no o-one that you know. I'm just a humble caterer. I was asked to say something to you today though, Mrs. Noble, on behalf of a very sorry and mournful person who wishes for me to apologize in his place."

"Mrs. Noble? I'll have to get back to you on that. Melody Noble just doesn't sound right. It's not that bad really, but I'm not sure yet. River Noble really doesn't sound right. It makes me sound like someone from Middle Earth," I said with a grin.

"You don't want my name?" Donald asked sounding a little hurt.

"No, it's not that. It's just that I've gotten used to the last name Song. Give me some time to think about it. Okay? I may just use the name River Song while I'm kicking people's faces in and Melody Noble for official occasions. I mean River Song sounds more superhero like than Melody Noble. I'll get back to you on that. As for now, you, catering man, need to tell me what you came here to say," I said.

"I came here on behalf of the person who tells your story, Time Lord Prime," the caterer said.

I quickly pulled out my gun in the flash of an eye and began polishing it as I said, "This had better be good."

"He apologizes for bringing back . . ." the caterer said.

"No! Don't speak the name!" I shouted.

He shook nervously as he started over again by saying, "He apologizes for bringing back the person that he brought back. He had to though in order to tell a certain story the way that he wants to tell it. It wasn't done against you in any way, and she won't even appear in this title if you don't want her to. He just wants to help tell your story again because he feels honored to be the chronicler of your life. He doesn't want that taken away from him. It's very important to him."

I smiled at him as I said, "Was that so hard? Apology accepted, Prime."

"Thanks. I mean . . . How did you know?" Prime asked.

"Oh, please. I've known that you were coming to beg for your old job back for quite a while now. Being a caterer was the perfect disguise to get you in too. I just wasn't sure which one that you were until now. Now that you've apologized, I'll be lenient and let you help tell the story again," I said.

"Really? So that's it? You're not going to do anything to me?" Prime asked in disbelief.

"Oh, I never said that," I said smiling evilly.

I quickly laid him out cold with a punch to the jaw as I said, "Go ahead and give your speech, Megan. Pay no attention to him. He's going to be out for a while. If you have to, just walk over him."

As Megan made her speech, I held Donald's hand in mine and smiled at him. I couldn't believe that this day was finally here. I was Donald's wife, Prime was out cold, and I was enjoying the most perfect day that I had ever known with my family and friends.

Finally at long last for the first time since I had lost the Doctor, I could finally say that I was completely and truly happy.

Next: Yay! I'm back! Next time Donald tries to take River to someplace romantic for their honeymoon and accidentally goes to the wrong place. I know. That would never happen, right? That's not all though. For you see, Donald is really off in his destination and not only goes to the wrong place but also to the wrong universe. He winds up going to a parallel world where River comes across a version of herself that completely shocks her. A normal completely human version of her that's never even heard of a man called the Doctor. Next time River sees the person who she might have been.