[Thank you so much for all your reviews! Gets a bit graphic towards the end of this chapter, so don't read it it's not your thing.]
"Alex, what is it?" Olivia was becoming impatient. "I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong," Alex sounded tense. "I guess I'm a little tired."
Olivia shook her head. "It's more than that," she spoke kindly. "I can tell something's bugging you. And I want to help."
"I'm being dumb," Alex said, eventually. "It really doesn't matter Liv."
"It matters to me," Olivia was tender. "I want to fix it if I can."
"You can't," Alex said sadly, but without recrimination. "And it really is just silly. I mean, we have to do it."
"Have to do what, honey?" Olivia asked.
"We have to move. We're gonna need a bigger apartment. If we have kids."
"When we have kids," Olivia smiled. "I know," she put her hands up in mock-surrender. "Nothing in life is guaranteed. But if the worst came to the worst and neither of us could have them, we can adopt. Is that what's bugging you honey? You don't want to move? You don't have to worry, I'll do all the work, I know you're really busy."
"You're busy too," Alex smiled. "And it's not the work. It's this place," she gestured all around her.
"What about it?" Olivia asked. "It's just an average apartment, it's kinda shabby now."
"It's perfect," Alex almost snapped at Olivia. "Oh God, I'm sorry," she instantly regretted her sharp tone. "I didn't mean to get bitchy. I've lived in a lot of places, Liv. Most of them big, and soulless. We had a huge house when I was growing up, four cars in the garage, for only two drivers. Crazy. And my last apartment had everything you could want, except that it never felt like a home. This place is a home. Our home. Everything here has been just what a home should be. And yes, it's only one bedroom, and we only have one car between us. But we only need one car."
"We're not getting another car," Olivia remarked mildly, "unless you want to?"
Alex shook her head, and smiled a little bashfully. "I know I'm not making sense. I've been happier in this apartment than I've been my whole life. But," she grinned, "I guess it's not the apartment that's made me happy."
Olivia smiled. "It's the couch, isn't it?" she teased.
Alex nodded. "It sort of is. It's us. Together. On the couch."
"We'll take the couch. God knows we've made out on it often enough. Though if that's the criterion, we're going to have to take just about every stick of furniture in the place. And the bath mat."
Alex grinned back at Olivia. "The bath mat was only that one time," she protested. "And it was only to stop you getting splinters in your butt."
"I appreciated your concern," Olivia laughed. "Believe me." She looked directly at Alex. "I'm not even pregnant yet," she said, more seriously. "We don't have to go and look at the apartment, not if you're not ready. Even if things go as well as they possibly could, we've still got almost a year before we need more space."
Alex shook herself. "No," she said. "We should go. It sounds perfect."
Olivia smiled. "Melinda thinks it is. Three bedrooms, a study for you, small yard out the back. And," she grinned, "it's only two buildings away from their apartment."
"I don't want a study," Alex said quietly. "I don't want to lock myself away from you. I like it how we have it here, a table by the couch, so I can work while you're reading."
"Then we'll use it for something else," Olivia said immediately. "We'll make it into a fourth bedroom. That does mean," she sighed dramatically, her eyes glinting with humor, "that we'll just have to keep on having babies. But that's a sacrifice we'll just have to make!"
Alex took Olivia in her arms. "Thank you," she said quietly. She reached out and stroked Olivia's cheek tenderly, and kissed her softly, nibbling at her lower lip. The kiss grew in intensity, and Olivia gasped as she felt Alex's tongue against her own. After a few minutes, Alex reluctantly pulled back.
"Hey," Olivia sounded disappointed. "I was enjoying that."
"So was I," Alex agreed, "but," she looked at her watch, "Melinda's due here any minute." At that very moment, they heard a tap on the door, causing Olivia to bark with laughter.
She opened the door, laughing as Gracie cannoned into her, demanding a hug, which she gave freely. After a moment, Gracie freed herself and charged toward Alex.
"She's hyper today," Melinda laughed, kissing Olivia on the cheek.
Olivia grinned at her and Rosie, who undid her winter coat to reveal a snuggling four-month-old baby Katie. Very carefully she pulled her out of her sling and passed her over to Olivia. "Hey, Liv," Rosie said cheerfully, "someone's been missing you," she said, and they all laughed as Katie's face split into a gummy grin at the sight of her favorite detective.
"Well I've missed her too," Olivia cradled the smiling child expertly. "We've got time for tea before we go, haven't we? Alex has been baking," she said proudly, "she's made your special cookies, Gracie."
Gracie's eyes lit up.
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"It's perfect!" Alex swung Olivia round in her arms once they got back to their apartment. "It's just... it's perfect," she laughed at her suddenly small vocabulary. "I mean, there's nothing about it we need to change. It's..."
"Perfect?" Olivia laughed, her eyebrow cocked.
"Perfect!" Alex grinned. "We are going to buy it, right?"
"We'll make an offer tomorrow," Olivia promised.
"I feel really silly now, for making such a fuss," Alex admitted. "I'll still miss this place, but that one has the same atmosphere as here. It feels... I don't know... It just feels..."
"Like home?" Olivia supplied.
Alex nodded. "Just like home," she agreed. "We're going to have to pack everything up here."
"It'll be good for us," Olivia answered. "It's a good opportunity for us to throw out things that we don't need, or that are worn out. Some of my old clothes need to go straight in the trash!" she laughed.
Alex looked at her. "You won't throw out your Academy sweatshirt?" she sounded almost panicked.
"Well it is kinda old," Olivia said. "And it's very tatty. And it's got a hole in the cuff..."
"Please?" Alex pleaded.
Olivia smiled. For some reason she couldn't fathom, Alex had taken to wearing the old sweatshirt around the apartment, and seemed to view it almost as a comfort blanket. Olivia had noticed that at times of particular stress, or when she was very tired, Alex would change out of her work clothes and wear the sweatshirt with her old jogging pants. "Okay," she kissed Alex softly. "Whatever you want," she promised. "And you do look kinda sexy in it," she grinned. "Come to think of it, you look kinda sex out of it too."
"How about I wear it tonight?" Alex replied, in a sultry tone.
Olivia gulped and nodded. "Just so long as you promise not to wear it tonight, too," she said.
"I might need some help with that."
"I think I could probably help you out," Olivia's voice was husky.
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"So tomorrow, huh?" Olivia sounded a little scared.
"That's what the ovulation kit says," Alex replied. "But we don't have to do this, Liv. And if we do it, it doesn't have to be this month. This has to be your choice."
"Our choice," Olivia corrected her. "I still want to go ahead. How do you feel about it?"
"I feel the same way," Alex said.
"So we go to the clinic then?" Olivia said.
"Yeah," Alex replied. "I've been reading all about it," she said. She reddened slightly. "And I called the clinic. To ask."
"What, Alex?" Olivia asked.
"The literature... It says your chances of conceiving are higher if you... if you..."
"If I come after the insemination?" Olivia helped her out.
Alex looked slightly shocked. "Yes, exactly that," she said.
"What?" Olivia laughed at her startled face. "You didn't think I'd read it all too?"
Alex laughed. "Of course you did," she realized. "The clinic were very helpful when I spoke to them," she went on. "They said they'd leave us afterwards, for as long as we want. You have to stay still for about 40 minutes anyway."
"Well maybe we should get some practise in now," Olivia suggested, a glint in her eye. "Just so's we don't waste their time tomorrow."
"I think that's a very good idea," Alex replied, taking her glasses off as they headed for the bedroom.
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"I'm not going to be able to wait two weeks," Alex said the next evening. "Aren't there tests that work earlier?"
Olivia put her arms round her. "Two weeks will be up in no time," she said. "Some tests can tell earlier. You know that, you've read every leaflet on pregnancy that's ever been written! But after two weeks we can at least be sure. That'll save us building up false hopes."
"He's very fertile, you know," Alex said of her brother.
"With five kids? You're not kidding!" Olivia laughed.
"This could be it," Alex was suddenly awe-struck with what they had just done. "We could be on our way to being parents."
"Don't build your hopes up, honey," Olivia warned. "You know as well as I do that this could take many attempts. We can't even guarantee it'll happen."
"It'll happen," Alex said, mulishly. "And soon. I just know it."
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"Just try and relax, honey," Alex said gently.
"I'm trying," Olivia was tense.
"I know," Alex said. "I know you are."
"Do you think it's ever going to happen?" Olivia's voice had a quiet desperation.
"I do," Alex said. "This is only our fourth try, honey. And if it doesn't, well we'll try not to worry about it. One of us will surely manage it."
Olivia nodded, as she lay down again. "I hate this," she whispered. "It's so... clinical."
"Well it is a clinic, baby," Alex tried to lighten the mood.
"I just don't know how we're supposed to relax in a place like this," Olivia's voice took on a stubborn tone. "With all these sample trays, and test tubes and things around."
Alex looked round; the room was softly furnished, and there was only one tray in it that betrayed its real purpose. She raised one eyebrow comically.
Olivia smiled, a little abashed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm overreacting, I know. It's just so much more fun at home."
"We'll have fun at home too," Alex smiled. "At least now they leave us to it, we can do it all ourselves," she gestured to the tray by the bed. "And maybe this will help you get in the mood," she hung her jacket up and unbuttoned her shirt, tantalisingly slowly.
Olivia's eyes widened as she realized that Alex was bra-less. "You are not going in to work after this, not without a bra!" she declared, shattering the mood.
Alex sniggered, and lifted her purse. "It's in here, Liv," she told her. "I thought it would be more fun here without it," she leant down and kissed her lover passionately. "Now stop thinking about work, and just think about me. Ignore all that," she gestured to the tray, "and just look at me."
"That's hardly a hardship," Olivia was slightly breathless as she recovered from the passion of the kiss. She pulled Alex to her and kissed her softly, her hand reaching out to cup a soft breast. She felt Alex respond, and watched eagerly as Alex slowly undid the ties on her scrubs gown, pulling the sides apart at the top to reveal Olivia's breasts.
"Well hi there," Alex smirked as she slid one hand over a full breast, gently taking the nipple between her thumb and forefinger. "It looks like somebody's happy to see me," she grinned at the feeling of the rock-hard nub.
"Always," Olivia replied huskily. "Even in here," she kissed her again, sighing with pleasure as they made out together for several minutes.
Eventually Alex pulled back. "You ready for me, honey?" she asked softly.
Olivia nodded, so Alex pulled her gown up and, very gently and tenderly, parted her legs, sliding her hand to her heated center. Alex smiled as she caressed the ripe folds. "Good girl," she whispered, and slid the syringe in, depressing the plunger carefully. "Here," she passed Olivia the cervical cap, "you're better at getting this in than I am," she said, watching as Olivia sited the rubber cap in place. She helped her to lie down again, and slid the pillow under her butt.
They both knew Olivia had to remain in position for at least 40 minutes, to maximize the chances of conception.
Alex shucked off her shirt, skirt and pantyhose, so that she stood there in just her panties. She helped Olivia move over slightly and climbed on to the bed next to her. "Now," she smiled, "what will we find to do to pass the time?"
Olivia reached out and clasped a firm breast. "I'm sure we'll think of something," she said in a sultry tone.
Alex kissed her again, and allowed her hand to trail down her lean body, stopping at her hips to push gently, "try not to move too much, baby," she reminded her.
Olivia nodded, and tried to force herself to remain still. Her resolve was sorely tested when Alex's fingers reached her center, and her thumb flicked playfully over the swollen nub she found there. "Oh God, Alexandra," she breathed, screwing her hands into fists as she strove not to press herself hard against Alex's hand. "You don't know what you're doing to me."
Alex grinned. She knew exactly what she was doing to her. This was one of the many things she loved about Olivia; she was instantly responsive to her touch, and it filled Alex's heart with joy to bring Olivia to the brink of ecstasy, and to watch her as she tipped over the edge. She pressed her own center against Olivia's muscled thigh, and started to rock gently. As she rocked, she pressed her hand harder against Olivia's core, and matched the rhythm of her hand with the rhythm of her hips.
"Oh God," Olivia was incredibly frustrated, she just wanted to throw Alex on her back and thrust against her wildly until they both came together, but she knew she had to stay in position. "Oh Alex... more. Oh baby, I'm going to... harder. Lex, I'm...," she panted desperately.
"Just let yourself go," Alex gasped, "it's you that matters this time. I can come later. You need to just let it happen, Liv, come on baby, you're nearly there," with her spare hand she grasped a full breast, and closed her lips around the large, dark nipple, tonguing it at the same rhythm she had already set up.
"Alex," Olivia choked out, "you're so... oh my God...," unwittingly she lifted her hips, pressing urgently against Alex's hand, "oh baby, I'm... oh God," she felt her climax building.
Alex grinned as her tongue toyed with the hardened bud in her mouth, "now, Liv," she whispered, and dragged her teeth over the nipple, nipping playfully, "now!" she commanded as she bit down, causing exquisite pain to her lover.
Olivia's climax was explosive, and Alex tried futilely to still her bucking hips. "That's it, honey," Alex whispered, as the aftershocks rode through Olivia, making her whimper helplessly. "That's it, my darling. You did it, you were amazing. God you're beautiful," Alex felt tears gather in her eyes. "You're so beautiful."
Olivia turned her head to face Alex. "You," she gasped, after a few minutes, still struggling to gain control of her breathing. "You're the one that's beautiful. That was... thank you Alex. I couldn't do this without you."
"You don't have to do anything without me," Alex tucked a strand of hair behind Olivia's ear.
Olivia nodded. "I love you so much."
"I love you too, honey," Alex gathered Olivia in her arms and held her tight.
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Two weeks later
"Tea?" Alex asked Olivia at breakfast that morning.
Olivia nodded. "Thanks," her face was tense.
Alex leaned over and put her hand on Olivia's arm. "Are you okay, honey?" she asked.
Olivia nodded; then she shook her head. "It's due today," she whispered. "My period."
Alex nodded. "I know," she said. "Did it come?"
Olivia shook her head. "Not yet. But it probably will."
Alex squeezed her hand. "Don't anticipate bad things, Liv," she said quietly. "You know, we could do this the easy way. We could just do a test."
Olivia's mouth formed into a stubborn line. "I can't," she whispered. "I need it to happen this time. And if I find out it hasn't, I'm never going to be able to pretend everything's okay. I need to deal with disappointment in my own time. Does that make sense?"
"Of course it does," Alex said. "It's Monday today. If nothing happens, we can do a test on Friday evening? If you want to. There's no pressure."
"'kay," Olivia was monosyllabic. "I've gotta go," she kissed Alex softly. "Early interview, Elliot's meeting me downtown."
"You'll be careful?" Alex said.
"Of course," Olivia smiled. "See you later."
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"How long does it take?" Alex pulled impatiently at the wrapper.
"Read the instructions!" Olivia laughed. Every day that had passed, and she had not gotten her period, she felt more confident. She even imagined that her breasts felt a little tender, but she hadn't shared that with Alex. Not yet.
"Three minutes," Alex said as she peered at the back of the packet. She thrust the stick at Olivia. "Now!" she commanded. "Do it now!"
"Okay, counselor," Olivia said humorously. "I'll be right back."
"Want me to come with you?" Alex offered.
"To watch me pee on a stick? No thanks," Olivia laughed. She saw Alex's slightly downcast expression. "Oh honey, I know you want to part of everything. We'll look together, huh? In three minutes?"
Alex nodded happily.
Olivia emerged from the bathroom a few moments later.
"Where is it?" Alex demanded impatiently.
"On the back of the toilet," Olivia said. She looked at her watch, and pressed a button a couple of times. "Okay," she said, "this will beep in three minutes. So, until it does," she grinned, "I want you to remind me exactly why we want to be parents together."
Alex grinned back. She stepped forward and took Olivia in her arms. She cupped the back of her head and kissed her, very softly and tenderly. She ran her hand down Olivia's soft cheek. "It would be amazing, wouldn't it?"
Olivia was suddenly nervous. "We can't get our hopes up," she said, a little shakily.
"I think it may be a little too late for that," Alex admitted. "You?"
Olivia nodded. "It feels... different... this time."
"If it isn't... if you aren't..." Alex started.
"We'll cope," Olivia told her firmly. "I have you. I'm already happier than anyone deserves to be. You're all I need."
"Ditto," Alex said, and dipped her head again to kiss Olivia.
They broke apart suddenly at the sound of Olivia's watch beeping.
"Ready for this?" Olivia took Alex's hand.
"No," Alex whispered. "Let's do it."
They were still hand in hand when they looked down at the stick sitting on the white porcelain shelf.
Alex took her glasses off, wiped them on her shirt, and put them back on again. She looked at a stunned Olivia, then looked down at the stick once more. For a full minute, neither of them spoke.
Finally, Alex turned to Olivia. "You did it," she whispered.
"We did it," Olivia replied, her voice shaking. "We did it."
"We're going to be moms," Alex said. "You'll be the hottest mom in the neighborhood."
"You will," Olivia said. "And you won't even have stretchmarks!"
"I can't wait for your stretchmarks," Alex said, sincerely. "I can't wait to see you getting bigger. You'll be so beautiful, our child inside you."
"I'll waddle," Olivia laughed.
"Yeah," Alex said dreamily. "I can't wait," she kissed her. "My beautiful, fertile, sexy girl."
"Make love to me?" Olivia asked. Alex took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom.