Can you do a golly prompt about Gail feeling genderfluid and sometimes wearing a strap-on under her uniform. She feels a little embarrassed when Holly discovers her secret but Holly makes her feel comfortable and sexy just as she is.
Dear Anon, this is definitely not my best piece of work. I'm honored you chose me to fill this prompt. I just hope I did it justice. Folks, if I'm wrong about anything, please feel free to let me know. I'd like to learn something new.
Gail stood in front of her bedroom mirror and stared at her body. She was in her uniform, twisting left and right to get a good look of herself, hands on her hips and eyes trained between her legs.
She didn't know what got into her when she first walked into the sex shop. She was sure her face was beet red when she had finally chosen one and went to make payment by the counter, but the reddish pink LED lighting of the establishment covered her blush well and she quickly paid for her purchase and returned to her car. She would've ordered it online, but that would be risking one of the boys accidentally (or not) opening the package. It was safer to buy it in person.
Curiosity. Years of curiosity was what driven her to buy a strap-on. Over the years, Gail wondered about the opposite gender. What it felt like to have a penis, to penetrate a girl. Ever since she was 14, Gail would sometimes stand naked in front of the mirror and examine herself. She would touch her chest and wondered what it was like to not have breasts, or what it felt like to grow facial hair. And then she would go to the mall and buy men's clothes with the money she saved from school. She wore them to school once in a while, when her parents were too busy to notice or away for work. Most of the time she wore them at home, in her own room where she felt safe. Steve thought his sister was simply a tomboy.
Then came the last year of high school and university, and Gail developed a 'fuck the world' attitude. She wore what she wanted and when she wanted, it could be a fancy tight dress, bright lipstick and eyeliner one day, and t-shirt, leather jacket, a cap and boots the next.
Gail thought it was just puberty messing with her until she became sexually active in university and she started asking boyfriends and one night stands questions about having a penis. Curiosity, that was natural. Then Gail started to have fantasies of taking a girl as a guy and wondering how it'd feel to be inside a woman like that. She'd check women out and wondered if she wanted them or wanted to be like them. Gail wondered if she was bisexual, until Holly came along and threw that theory out the window. Gail realized she was a lesbian and since then the curiosity had gotten stronger and standing in front of the mirror naked had gotten a lot more frequent.
And it felt pretty good – Gail had to admit while standing in front of her mirror with a bulge in between her legs – to be wearing a strap-on under her uniform pants. She felt confident, not that Gail hadn't felt confident, but she felt perfectly fine wearing it after she got over the initial weirdness of the situation.
"Hey honey—" Gail's gaze at her own reflection got pulled away to find Holly standing by her bedroom door, a look of confusion on her face to match Gail's horrific one. Gail got caught with a hand between her legs by her girlfriend.
"What are you doing here?!" Gail shouted as she quickly turned around from the brunette, completely embarrassed to be found in this position.
"I thought I'd surprise you with dinner and Dov let me in on his way to work." Holly frowned at Gail's weird behaviour. Why was the blonde reacting like Holly had caught her naked? And they had seen each other's body several times since they first started dating. "Why are you in your uniform on your off day? Have you been called in?"
Gail thought for a moment. She could get away with this. She could lie and say yes and sprint out the door for the bathroom, get rid of the strap-on and return to her room to get her work bag and leave the apartment. But she didn't want to lie to her girlfriend. Gail was absolutely embarrassed, but lying to Holly would be a mistake.
When Gail didn't respond, Holly walked to the blonde and placed a hand on her shoulder. Gail twitched at the contact and the brunette was absolutely confused by Gail's behaviour. "What's going on, Gail?"
"I—I…" Gail still refused to turn around and face Holly, she shrugged the hand off of her shoulder and walked a few steps away from her girlfriend.
Holly shook her head, feeling completely lost. This was a new level of being weird and distant, even for Gail. Sighing, Holly sat down at the foot of the bed and accidentally sat on a plastic bag and a torn box. She moved and lifted it up to take a good look. Her eyes widened in shock, but she recovered fairly quickly. Gail had a strap-on under her uniform? It was kind of hot, if Gail wasn't acting this way.
"Gail, if you wanted to use a strap-on, you should've just told me." Holly had a smirk on her face and she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively when Gail finally turned around to look at her. The blonde didn't know what kind of response she was hoping for, but this definitely wasn't it.
"You're not freaked out?"
"Why would I be?" Holly said it like it was the most common thing in the world.
It was Gail who frowned this time. "Because," She pointed up and down her own body. "I have a strap-on under my uniform."
Holly leaned back on her hands. "Well, I gotta say the image of you taking me with a strap-on in your uniform is really hot."
Gail blushed, the image suddenly appearing in her head too. Yeah, that would be hot. "You're not gonna ask me why?"
Holly shrugged. "You don't have to if you don't want to."
Gail sat down on the bed next to Holly and they sat next to each other in silence for a while until Gail decided to speak up.
"Recently… I've been having these thoughts. They were gone for a while, but sometimes they sneak up on me. I've had them since I was a teenager, but since dating you, it got a lot more frequent and the curiosity was getting to me." Gail blew out the nervous air from her lungs, afraid of what her girlfriend might think of her after this.
Holly reached for Gail's hand and squeezed encouragingly. She knew Gail was straight before they met, bisexual even, but it never occurred to Holly that Gail might be genderfluid. She leaned closer to Gail and listen attentively.
"I always wondered how it would feel like to be a guy. Sometimes I look at myself through the mirror and think, why do I have breasts? Or a vagina? Why am I a girl? And sometimes I'd have the urge to wear straight cut jeans, baggy t-shirts and walk and talk differently. Don't worry, I still love my amazing body and I'm perfectly comfortable with it. I'm proud to be a woman and I still love my tight dresses and red lipsticks, but once in a blue moon I'd have these thoughts and sometimes feel kinda disappointed that I'm a girl. I'd never get to have sex with a girl with a penis, experience a boner and even grow a beard as awesome my dad's."
Holly took in Gail's words seriously and took some time to process what her girlfriend had said. She understood how Gail was feeling. She experienced something similar when she was younger too. She also had friends who felt uncomfortable in their bodies and identified themselves as genderqueer or something along that line on the gender spectrum.
"I get it, I do. It's perfectly okay to have these thoughts. I had them when I was struggling with my identity. When I finally realized that I'm a lesbian, everything was much clearer and life got much easier."
"But are they just thoughts, though? I mean, so what am I now? How do I identify? Am I still a lesbian? Am I genderfluid? What pronouns am I even supposed to use?" Gail looked scared and confused at the same time and Holly felt bad for her girlfriend. These things were never easy, whether you were in your adulthood or still going through puberty.
"Honey, you don't have to label yourself as anything. Gender identity isn't black and white. You can't just choose one and stick with it forever. Every day we learn something new about ourselves. You have all the time in the world to figure it out, nobody's pressuring you except yourself." Holly squeezed Gail's hand again before continuing. "You could just be experiencing genderfluidity every once in a while. It's normal."
Gail sighed. "Jesus. Why can't things ever be simple?"
Holly just smiled in response. There wasn't any good explanation for that anyway.
"So you don't think I'm weird?"
Holly leaned closer so she could kiss the blonde. She placed both of her palms on Gail's cheeks and kissed her softly. "Nothing about you is weird. I don't care what you identify yourself as, I mean I do care, but what's more important is that you keep being yourself. Be Gail."
"Be Gail," The blonde nodded. "I can do that."
Gail pulled Holly in for another kiss and this time hands were roaming around each other's bodies and soon both women were out of breath with flushed cheeks.
"Have I told you you're the most wonderful person I've ever met?"
Holly smirked, still panting from their passionate kiss. "You can tell again and again on this bed tonight."