Chapter 25
Lydia
Ragnthor had been right about keeping busy, not that she had any choice in the matter. He had left her with a half functioning farm. She tried to set it up as close to he did as she could. She knew nothing about grain and didn't know where he had hidden the rest of the corn so she and Lucia planted potatoes. That took them over 2 weeks because they had to learn how to do the things they didn't know by themselves.
After that, there were only little projects to do. Cut wood, feed the horses, go hunting, feed the horses, go to town for the things they couldn't catch or make, feed the horses again.
On evening as she was standing by the field, wondering why anyone would want to raise something that takes so much work, she looked out over the other field and saw that it was higher than Ragnthor ever let it get.
She rushed out to the tool shed and grabbed a hay scythe and started cutting until it was dark enough she was worry she might cut herself. She walked into the house, hands covered in tiny blisters from work she had never done before.
It took her a week to cut the hay because she refused to allow Lucia to handle a scythe. The only reason she did herself was because if she didn't, the horses would starve, and she refused to let another animal do that.
After a 3 day break to allow it to dry, she was picking up a hayfork and was back out into the field. It would have taken her longer than a week to do it by herself so she let Lucia help. Even with the 2 of them it took almost a week, leaving both of the exhausted from work they weren't familiar with.
Soon it was the 3rd month since he had left and she was starting to get worried. She spent any time that she was sure Lucia wasn't looking staring out the window and down the road, hopping to see him, riding bold a brass down the road. For the first little while she made up her mind she was going to be angry at him, but as the month slowly drifted into the 4th, she grew more and more worried, mostly for him, but for herself as well.
The rule of law stated that any man or woman that hadn't been heard from by anyone in the hold for the span of one year was declared missing, presumed dead. That meant property held in their name was declared forfeit and was take over by the Jarl, to sell or use as he saw fit, unless otherwise stated in a man's service to the Jarl.
It was doubly pressing for her. As Ragnthor was Thane, his title would be removed from him. Losing his title meant that Lydia would be taken back by the Jarl to be reassigned when a new Thane was appointed.
She grew more scared and worried that she would lose Ragnthor, Lucia and the home they all shared as the 4th month passed into the 5th, which in turned passed into the 6th.
As the 6th slowly drift into the 7th, it was harder and harder for her to put on a brave face, for herself and for Lucia. And as she spent more and more time with Lucia, treasuring the time they had left together, Lucia grew more worried and Lydia had to start deflecting questions. She was shaky and unsure at it at first but as the 7th fell into the 8th, which faded into the 9th, she got better and better.
It torn out her heart to lie to the child she considered a daughter but, to her at least, it seemed better to maintain a lie rather than let all that she had come to know for a little over 2 years come crashing down, breaking her heart and trust. She vowed to take Lucia with her, and if the next Thane refused, she would quit the Jarls service and become a sellsword again.
The 10th, 11th and 12th were the hardest of all. It was the tail end of winter, where all they really had to do was feed the horses and keep the fire stoked.
One day, toward the end of the 12th month, the rage, fury, sorrow and pain she felt just snapped. She slammed her fist into the posts of the stable.
"He left me!" She slammed it again. "He left me again!" She slammed it even harder, hearing the bones creak. "Every single time I trust him, I come to care for him, he leaves."
She slammed it hard enough that she broke her hand and tears started pouring down her face, from the inner or outer pain, she couldn't tell.
She leaned against the post and slid down, sobbing "Why Ragnthor, why you do this? Do you just love torturing me? Building me up and then laughing as you tear me down?" The sobbing slowly stopped even though the pain in her chest didn't, nor did the tears.
She pulled herself to her feet. "I thought…I thought I was…better prepared this time. That I knew it was going to happen. So why, why does it still hurt. Every single time. Why do you do this to me? I thought…I thought you loved me."
She walked to the house, fighting back tears and holding her hand so it wouldn't move until she tied it tight.
The evening before she had to go in and report to the Jarl, there was a knock on the door. Lydia opened, thinking it was Balgruuf come early. Instead it was a bearded man she didn't recognize until she saw his traveling companion. It was a haggard Ralof and a very pregnant and tired looking Brasella. Lydia was shocked.
"Why are you here Ralof? And why is Brasella…"
Ralof smiled and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm married Lydia. Though not quite by my choice. You get careless one time…"
Brasella punched then kissed him. "I love you too." She turned to Lydia. "You mind letting us in, my back is killing me."
Lydia shook her head. "Of course, of course. Sorry, I'm just a little out of sorts right now."
She led them over to the fire. She looked around to see if Lucia had snuck out of bed then turned back to Ralof.
"You still haven't told my way you are here."
Ralof shot her a questioning look. "Didn't Ragnthor tell you? About 2 months ago we got a letter from him. Though the courier said he had been looking for us for around 4 months."
Lydia looked at him, tears forming against her will. "I haven't seen Ragnthor in 11 months and 30 days. Tomorrow I go and report to the Jarl, Ragnthor is no longer my Thane, nor will he own this house. But you are welcome to stay until the Jarl asks you to move on."
Brasella stood and pulled Lydia into a hug. "Oh Lydia, I'm so sorry."
Instantly her temper started fighting with her pain. She forced her temper down, not wanting to hurt Brasella or her unborn child. Her face burned as tears flooded her face.
"I don't care if he comes back anymore, I just want the pain to stop. It didn't hurt like this last time, nor for as long. I was dead inside before the year had passed, apart from the vain hope he might come back. But every morning I wake up in a house he rebuilt by hand, in a room we shared for 3 months, care for his niece, who I think of as my own daughter. Every day it's like I'm stabbing myself in the chest, and I both hate him for doing this to me and want him to come home so I can hug him and kiss him and finally…" her face burned ever hotter.
Brasella stood there and hugged her, rubbing her back. "I'm sorry Lydia, if you want we can go. I think we can make it somewhere safe before the child is due."
Lydia pushed back and wiped her face. "No, you can stay, and I'm sure that the Jarl can spare a room in Dragonsreach for family that owns the only sawmill in the hold. I would be a sore friend to send you away in this condition. I may never have had a child but I have seen a few and you are no more than a month away. Though this is a dirty trick to pull."
Brasella laughed. "That we know. But to tell the truth we are running out of options. The Thalmor are getting closer and closer all the time because of Ragnthor's raid on the embassy and I am no long in any condition to run anymore."
Ralof spoke. "Ragnthor's letter said it would be safe here. That he has the elves scared to attack you or anyone near you for fear of his wrath. And will I am nursing a hatred strong enough to allow me to punch my best friend, I need all the help I can get. I have to be done running, for a year at least.
Lydia nodded. "I will talk to the Jarl tomorrow about you staying. Now you two get some sleep, you look like you have had little in the last few weeks. You can have the room across from Lucia." They nodded and walked down the hall.
The next morning Lydia was up with the sun. She pulled on her best armor and shield then belted on her sword. As she walked out into the crisp morning air she looked around, sad that she was leaving this place. Then she put a saddle on the palomino stallion and road into town.
It was early enough that Adrianne wasn't working so she proceeded up to the keep. Balgruuf had just finished his breakfast and was walking to his thrown when Lydia knelt before him.
"Greetings, my Jarl. I am reporting for service."
Balgruuf looked down at her, like she was acting strange. "Reporting for what, Lydia?"
She stood and looked him in the eye. "My Thane has been gone for a year. As such his title is forfeit as is his land. I am reporting to rejoin your service, though I will need a few days to get my things from the house and I have a few other requests."
Balgruuf looked shocked and stuck his hand out behind him, searching for his thrown. He found it and sunk down into it, amazement still in his eyes.
"He didn't tell you, did he?"
She looked at him questioningly. "Tell me what?"
Balgruuf still looked shocked. "Ragnthor was worried that something might keep him away for long enough that this would happen. After the meeting we have about the rouge werewolf he pulled me aside and made some requests, some that are working to tear down centuries of traditions and laws. The first of which was that if he left you at his farm and he himself was gone for 6 months, I was to send a sealed letter to Ralof."
Lydia nodded. "They finally arrived last night and they are one of the requests I need to talk about."
Balgruuf shook his head. "That's not all. The other requests were so far from anything we have ever done I had to challenge him to single combat. And I lost."
He shook his head, as if thinking back to the fight. "The first thing he did placed you in rank, service, what the hell am I going to do with you limbo. If for a period of 3 years Ragnthor isn't heard from, you are to assume his title of Thane. And while it does make sense and you would serve well, it also means you still are serving under him, which means the only power I have over you is asking."
Lydia was shocked. She knew she was going to say something but her mind was totally confused.
Balgruuf continued. "And there was one more request. If for a period of 5 years Ragnthor isn't seen or heard from, the farm and all its holding and earnings are yours to do with as you wish. This one isn't some mush strange as it is a living will." Lydia felt like she was going to fall over, completely in shock.
Balgruuf still looked at her shocked. "He really didn't tell you, lass?"
Lydia shook her head, unable to speak.
Balgruuf smiled. "Thinking back on it, it makes sense. He seemed worried that you would find out. He kept muttering something about hurting you. You know he really does love you. I don't know of another man who would work so hard to make sure the one who holds his heart would be so well looked after."
Lydia managed to straighten her thoughts. "He did all that? He didn't forget about me?"
Balgruuf smiled and, walking over, put a hand on her shoulder. "Lydia, I don't think it is possible for him to forget about you. I have seen him look at you with more passion and love than I think I ever gave my wife in all our marriage. And I am certain that had I refused any of his requests, he would have…removed me and taken over the hold, even if it meant killing every person who raised a sword in protest. He cared enough to give up everything he has to make sure you are looked after. I'm sure, where ever he is, its tearing his heart out knowing what he did to you and that he can't come back."
Balgruuf sat and waved his hand. "Get out of here, lass. Go home to that farm of yours and know that at least a few people out there care for you."
Lydia walked out of town and rode home in a daze. After she put the stallion back in the stable, she walked to the door. As she stood the she finally shook out of the daze. And she became worried again.
"Why would he do this? And how could he know something like this could happen?" Fear suddenly gripped her heart. "The Thalmor. We haven't seen them in a year, they must have captured him. But no, they couldn't. He has cut through them before. What is it?"
She shook her head, unable to free her heart, and walked into the house.
As she got in, everyone was sitting around the fire. As she walked closer, Ralof suggested that Lucia get one of the carving she had made so he could see it.
"So , Lydia, what did the Jarl say? Are we at least allowed to stay until the child is born?"
Lydia shook her head. "No, you get to stay here, as do I. It seems Ragnthor thought something like this would happen. He…made plans with the Jarl to keep me safe and in a home. You both are part of that plan, though I don't think he was expecting this, "she gestured at Brasella, "or maybe he did. He seems to know more about this than he should. Maybe it's the gods whispering in his ear as he sleeps."
Ralof laughed and put his arm around Brasella. "By made plans I am assuming he threatened or beat the Jarl."
Lydia smiled and nodded, "Something like that."
That night, as Lydia was getting ready for bed, Brasella came up to her. "Are you feeling better?"
Lydia shrugged her shoulders and looked at her, fear slightly tainting her eyes. "Yes and no, I guess. Do I feel better knowing that he didn't leave me, yes. But now I'm worried about why he has been gone. Ragnthor is a big man and I have never seen him beaten in a fight of less than 20 to one, but he has been missing a year. It's been a year, Brasella. Maybe the Thalmor got him and that's why he hasn't been able to come home or even write. Maybe that's why we are safe, because they no longer need us to find him. I'm more that worried, Brasella, I'm scared."
Brasella pulled her into a hug. "We are all scared. Ragnthor has always been able to find us, even when we had left the country. But we haven't heard from him in longer than we would have liked. The letter was the final stone that pushed us over the edge. But don't worry too much, I'm told Ragnthor has come back from much worse. And I have seen him clear a group larger than 20 to protect you. I'm sure whatever is keeping him away, won't hold out much longer."
Lydia pushed away and wiped her face, smiling at Brasella. "Thank you for coming and help and everything else you might do. And I will try to keep it under control, you don't need any more negativity in your state."
Brasella mocked being offended. "My state is just fine, thank you."
Lydia laughed. "Well then we shall make it better. Good night, Brasella."
Lydia turned and went to bed.
The next month went by faster than any Lydia could recall. Mostly because of the almost never ending work. She had all the normal, daily chores to do in addition to cook and feeding for 2 and half more people. Lydia had to shoulder all the cooking since Brasella couldn't bend over the fire and Ralof's only turn at cooking almost killed them.
And then, almost a month to the day, Brasella gave birth to a little girl. It wasn't a pleasant first experience, seeing as through a series of event, the child was born at home. When Brasella said it was time, Ralof chose to be stubborn and question whether or not it was time. While he and Lydia were arguing, Brasella, mixing in a few of her favorite words, said screw it.
A few hours later, with no real help from either of them, Brasella gave birth to a beautiful little girl with a shock of blonde hair and a voice to wake the heavens. They called her Bryta, after Brasella's mother.
The first time Lucia saw her it was sweet. Lucia slowly walked up and looked at her then reached out her hand and softly touched the top of her head. She looked up, shocked, at Brasella
Brasella smiled down at her. "Would you like to hold her?" Lucia nodded.
Lucia looked like she was bursting at the seams as Lydia help her hold little Bryta. Lucia held her close and whispered little things to her.
The next few months were both agonizingly slow and extremely fast. Slow because they were all learning by themselves how to care for a baby and fast because there was a never ending supply of work to do. Ralof was helping to get the farm up and running while teaching Lydia and Lucia as much as he could and the breaks they took from helping Brasella with Bryta in addition to doing their own chores. It was a relieve when winter came and they only had a few things to do during the day.
Almost 2 years to the day, Ralof took his little family and Lucia to river wood to visit Gerdur. Lydia was relieved to have a break from the baby and everyone else.
Lydia was sitting by the fire, reading a book, when she heard a knock on the door. She shook her head, thinking it was Ralof.
As she was starting to open the door she said "Ralof, if you keep forgetting things…" it wasn't Ralof.
On the door step was a tall, gaunt, haggard man in a dirty old shirt. He had a thick, ragged beard and long knotted hair. He had massive bags under his steel colored eyes. He was leaning against the door frame and looked like either the wind or the massive pack he was carrying would knock him over any second.
She met his sorrow filled gaze. "Can I help you?"
She saw a twinge of deeper sorrow cut through him. "You really don't recognize me?" At the sound of his voice, weak and cracked, she knew who it was.
Her voice was on the verge of cracking as she replied. "Ragnthor, is it really you?"
As he nodded, they fell together. In the back of her mind she was shocked as she fell back against the wall under the savage passion of his kisses. Soon even those thoughts were driven from her mind as she felt his hands roving over her body and found her own doing the same. Suddenly he grabbed her hips and pulled her close, his lips leaving hers. He followed her jaw line and went down her neck. She was moaning when he stopped, murmuring into her neck.
"Where is everyone?"
She struggled to catch her breath. "They left…for Riverwood…this morning. They aren't…due back…for 2 days. Oh gods…don't stop…please don't stop!"
He started working his way back up her neck with the same passion as before, as she somehow managed to slip off his pack. It hit the ground as he stopped at her ear. She shivered from head to toe as his teeth grazed then gently caught her earlobe.
He muttered around it. "I wasn't planning on it." She fell into him as he brushed it with his tongue and gently bit down.
He picked her up as he continued his journey to her mouth and carried her up the stairs. She started pulling at every piece of clothing she could get her hands on. She hadn't gotten very far when he opened his door and set her down. He pulled back and looked her in the eyes, chest heaving from the exertion.
"Are you sure you want to?" He reply was to kiss him, slamming into him hard enough to knock him back a few paces. She fell him smile as he softly pushed her away.
Then he slowly but hungrily started to undo the ties on the front of her shirt then he pulled it over her head. He was reaching for her pants when she stopped him and accidently ripped off his shirt, the rotten fabric giving way. She pulled down her pants then suddenly grew embarrassed and turned away.
He put a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?"
She crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't want you to see me. Just turn around while I get under the covers."
Suddenly she felt his hands on her shoulders and he slowly, seeming to struggle, twisted her to face him. "Why?"
She tried to turn but when she saw all his muscles flex trying to hold her, she stopped. "Because a woman shouldn't have scars."
Ragnthor's hands slid down her arms and stopped on her hips as he knelt in front of her. He placed a kiss right above her underwear, which he quickly removed. He worked his way up to the scar on her stomach then stopped.
He softly drug his nose alongside it and she shivered as a shock went through her. He murmured into her stomach. "I don't care about this one, but if you want me to, I respect it. You got it defending a group you had sworn to serve."
He resumed his journey and she grabbed his head, holding on as a moan escaped her lips. As he went up between her breasts and removed her bra, he stood and kissed over to her most recent scar. He moved his hand across her chest and covered it then continued up to her ear.
"I do care about this one." He rubbed it in a soft, circular motion with his thumb, cupping her breast in his hand. "You got it preparing to give your life for me. Something I wish I could do for you."
He moved over to her lips. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And the scars only add to that. I never wanted a little flower." The pressure that had been building inside of her finally burst.
She hungrily tore down his pants and kissed him, feeling him push against her. He picked her up and she moaned as they pulled each other closer than they had in years.
A few hours later they were laying there, arms still wrapped around each other. Lydia pushed herself up on an elbow and looked at him. He held her with determination, one hand on her hip and the other curled under her to grab her shoulder. He looked peaceful. More peaceful, in fact, then she had seen him in the last 4 years. As she looked down over his body, she saw a myriad of new scars. As she ran her hand over them she kissed him.
She leaned over and whispered into his ear. "I love you. Thank you for coming back to me." Suddenly the hand on her hip moved.
She giggled as she felt his nimble fingers crawl over her body once again. They came to a stop on her shoulder. As soon as they stopped he placed a kiss there.
"I love you too."
She smiled at him. "You dirty faker."
This time he kissed her lips. "And I was enjoying it until you chose to speak."
Lydia gave a mischievous smiled and rolled on top of him, giving him a kiss. "Since you're awake…"
Ragnthor smiled and kiss her. "Before we get to that, I was thinking, how about we make this permanent?" Lydia was shocked.
She put her hand on her chest and lost her smile. "Are…are you asking what…what I think you're asking?"
Ragnthor nodded. "Will you be my wife Lydia?"
She laid on him and hugged him as tight as she could. "Yes Ragnthor, yes." She found his face and started kissing him.
After a while he gently pushed her away and sat up. "If you want I can go and get your ring. I picked it up in Markarth."
She gave the mischievous smiled again and pushed him down. "You're not getting away from me that easy."
An hour later they were leaning against the headboard. Well Ragnthor was leaning on the headboard and she was laying on him.
She looked at his chest and started rubbing the new scars again. "Where were you?"
He sighed and held her tighter. "I was locked in Cidhna Mine."
Lydia grabbed him tighter. "Cidhna Mine? Why would they throw you in there?"
He chuckled. "In rooting out the corruption, I crossed the Silver-Blood family. They like keeping their thumb pressed hard on Markarth."
Lydia nodded. "But why did it take you so long to get out? Surely Tullius would have demanded they free you."
Ragnthor laughed. "Do you really think that they would openly say that they had captured a Thane? They would be even more tight lipped about a Legate and would say nothing about the Dragonborn."
Lydia looked at him, questions in her eyes. "Then how did you get out?"
Ragnthor sighed. "Have you heard of The King in Rags?"
Her eyes widened. "Madanach."
Ragnthor nodded. "Thonar Silver-Blood though he had The King under his thumb, allowing him to lead the Forsworn while doing little things for him. But what he failed to realize the wolf is as clever as he is old. For over a year and a half he tried to convince me to help him, along with his brothers, escape. At first a said no, but as the beatings grew more brutal and came more often, his offer looked more and more pleasing."
Lydia grabbed him, heart gripped hard by fear. "You didn't…you didn't join them, did you?"
Ragnthor hung his head and replied in a low voice. "No, I didn't. But in helping him, any part of my honor that was left is gone. I have released the greatest threat to Skyrim, since the Stormcloaks, purely for my own personal gain." She felt him start to quiver as he drew away from her.
He rubbed his forehead as he sat on the edge of the bed. "I should have stayed. I should have taken the torture and the beatings. I should have died in that hole in the ground rather than release that man back on the world. I didn't truly need to come back, I had made sure you were taken care of. Some other brave soul would have taken my place in fighting the dragons." He sat there, taking deep ragged breathes and looking like he want to punch something.
Eventually he stopped and gripped the side of the bed so hard his forearms were going white. "I should have told you before. Before the sex and damn well before I had the gall to propose. I was just so happy to see you again. But I am full well ready to leave and never been seen again. The rest of the world thinks I'm gone. I could just turn myself in to the Thalmor. After I give them what they want, the end will be quick."
She shuddered as she looked at his back. His muscled were knotted and under the web of old scars, the pattern she saw shocked her. Crisscrossing his back, cutting through old scars, was the tell tale pattern of a metal loaded flog that had been applied often and with force. As she slid to his side she saw the flat, smooth welts of a hot iron, unblurred, as if he had taken it unmoving.
"Why did they torture you?"
He slid away. "To find out who sent me, what I knew about Madanach, to see if I would call a name so they could bring them in to wring information out of me, because they were bored, tired or angry. A myriad of reasons, none of them good. When we escaped, I don't think my body would have held out another week."
Lydia slid toward him again. As she touched his shoulder he flinched. She leaned on him and kissed his shoulder.
"I don't care Ragnthor, that you lost honor. Even since you lied for me I have considered our honor intertwined, so that makes no difference. And the scars, if I was scared of those I would have run the day I found out you were my Thane. I respect them. They show that you have to strength to defend our children."
She reached over and stroked his beard. "This though, this will have to go."
He smiled and grabbed her hand. "I love you Lydia. I'm sorry I have hurt you so much."
Lydia kissed him and smiled. "I love you too. And about the hurt, I'm sure you can think of a way to fix that." Her smile grew bigger as she pulled him back into bed.
Author's note: And we have honest conclusion. And I am relieved, I was getting tired of hurting Lydia just so the story could go the way I imagined it. And this is as close to smut as I shall ever write, and its probably rough. And then next chapter might take a while because I never really thought I was ever going to get to this point and now have to think of vows, a ceremony, and 1500 other things that make a wedding. Any help I will take. And thank you for reading.