Go forward, do not stray. Go forward, do not stray. The words played like a mantra in her mind. She could not afford to get distracted or to doubt. One foot in front of the other, her silent mantra playing her mind. Her protegee heavy in her arms.
She was exhausted. She had no energy left for anything else than going forward. So she pushed and pushed and let her thoughts carry her.
"It was one of the hardest things I had ever done." Her gaze was unfocused, her eyes seeing something that wasn't in the room with them. "Putting my trust in something I could not see or analyse or understand."
"The Doctor found a scientific explanation, didn't he?"
"He gave me his report three days ago." She finally smiled at him as he pressed a steaming cup into her hands.
"But?" Chakotay pressed. She had finally started to open up to him about her experiences on the planet, but their conversation felt elusive like he was constantly losing her to her own thoughts. And if she didn't talk about it now, he wasn't sure she'd come back and do it later.
"I haven't read it." She shrugged, looking at her coffee, inhaling the scent and letting it anchor her to the here and now, to this room and this conversation.
"Why not? I'd have thought you couldn't wait to get your hands on the science behind the shrine." He grinned at her, but when she failed to acknowledge his humour and that wistful expression washed over her face again, his grin faltered and his mood sombered. "What happened down there?"
Kathryn looked up at him over the rim of her cup and her mouth opened and closed a few times before she finally settled on the words. "For the first time in my life, my science failed me. I think this might be what a miracle feels like. What faith feels like. And I'm not sure I'm ready to let that go quite yet."
Every time Chakotay thought he had her figured out he discovered something about her that made him view her in a different light. Despite her interest in his culture, he had not thought she was the kind of person who'd be open to spiritual experiences. She was a woman of science and she revelled in that. But here she was, clinging to this flimsy bit of spirituality she had experienced, unwilling to have it analyzed and rationalized in hard scientific facts. He felt a strange swelling in his chest as he watched her sip her coffee in contemplative silence.
There were so many depths to this woman he had yet to explore. He could hardly wait.