The Road to Redemption
A/N: Wow, its been a while. I've been a little busy with grad school, but I had some time to get out another chapter on this. Hopefully the next one isn't too far off. Thanks again for all the reviews! And thanks to Skyfather for betaing for me :)
It's the same old story you've heard a thousand times. Somebody's trust gets broken. Somebody's left behind.
-Travis Tritt
"You're not concentrating!" Severus reprimanded with thinly veiled contempt and a sneer as Faith held her wand outward.
"I'm trying! Shit, we've been going at this for hours; you'll have to excuse a girl for being a little worn out." Faith cracked her knuckles and brought her wand back up to point it at the vase.
"Non-verbal spells depend on having good concentration. Now, if you will just stop your prattling and actually attempt to do this you may actually have a chance at succeeding."
She whistled, "Damn Sev, you should have been a Watcher…you've got the condescending British guy thing down pat."
"It is quite easy to be condescending towards someone so lacking in mental faculty." Snape added with a slight inkling of friendly repartee that he didn't often use with those around him. Usually when he insulted someone he was quite serious about it.
He watched as Faith scrunched her nose and looked at him in confusion. It amazed him how well she could alternate from a battle-hardened warrior to petulant child with such regularity. Severus just wished she wouldn't choose to be the child quite so often.
"I think you just called me stupid…but I'm not really sure. Grew up in South Boston Sev, not Harvard yard. If you want to call me a moron, then call me a moron. It's much easier and saves me the time of deciphering what the hell you're saying."
"Alright," Snape had to stop himself from smiling. "You're a moron."
"And you're a prick." She smirked, "See? Much easier."
Severus crossed his arms and looked back at the glass vase on the table, "I want you to keep trying to levitate the vase. Non-verbal spells are a crucial ability you need to add to your magical arsenal if you want to stand a chance in a duel."
"Yeah, yeah." Faith responded unenthusiastically.
Snape took a seat at his desk and began grading scrolls from his fourth year DADA students. He had gotten through about four scrolls, when he looked up to check on Faith's progress. He found that Faith had successfully managed to get the vase to levitate a few feet from the table. She was biting her lip in concentration.
Faith noticed him watching and smiled brightly, "I got it! Who's 'lacking in mental faculty' now! Ha!"
"Look Sev! I got it!" the red-headed girl laughed as she turned to him with elation apparent in her voice.
Severus smiled back proudly, "See, I told you that you could. You're brilliant."
Lily smiled, "Well, I couldn't have done it without such a brilliant teacher."
"If you weren't such a shitty teacher I would totally have got it sooner." Faith approached the vase and grabbed it out of mid-air to set it back on the table. She winked at him teasingly.
By now he'd become accustomed enough to her speech and manner to realize that this was tantamount to her giving him a compliment.
"Yes, well. I'd say that's enough for tonight." He set the scrolls off to the side, "I was thinking that during our next lesson I should begin teaching you Occlumency."
Faith stared at him blankly, "Occu-what?"
"The ability to shield your thoughts. It could turn out to be very useful should you be confronted by the Dark Lord or his Death Eaters."
Like her parents.
"Yeah. Sure. That makes sense." She leant on the corner of his desk and spun her wand between her fingers.
"It would involve me attempting to gain access to your memories and you attempting to stop me. It will be a very exhausting process and you may want to keep that in mind when you come in tomorrow…"
He noticed Faith visibly tense the moment he'd mentioned invading her mind. She stood up quickly and turned to him attempted to act casual, but the attempt wasn't all that successful.
"I don't think that's a good idea. Plus I don't want anyone in my head. Maybe just go ahead and skip that and teach me something else." Faith started toward the door.
"It's better that you have me in your head now, than the Dark Lord getting in later." Snape supposed that he could understand her apprehension, but she did seem almost… too apprehensive about it.
Faith appeared unsure for a moment then spoke, "I don't want anyone in my head, period. You. Voldemort." Snape tried not to flinch at the use of the Dark Lord's name, "Anyone."
It could have just been him being overly suspicious, but her complete unwillingness made him wary.
Snape hated to admit it, but he'd actually started to somewhat like Ms. Lehane. She was crude, annoying and didn't know when to shut up, especially around his students, but despite those reasons he'd almost started thinking of her as something more than just a colleague. Maybe she could be a friend if he ever allowed himself to have one. She seemed to understand him better than others and something in her eyes made him feel some sort of kinship with her. Of course he'd never tell her that.
It hurt that she was so opposed to allowing him into her mind. Furthermore, to him, it had essentially burned all the bridges they had slowly started building up between them. He scowled darkly and stood from his desk to look her square in the eye. She flinched backward and avoided Snape's gaze.
"What are you hiding?"
Her head snapped back to look at him scathingly, "None of your damn business Snivellus. Dumbledore trusts me, just like he trusts you. And if you don't trust his judgment…maybe that means I shouldn't either. What exactly are you hiding?"
He clenched his jaw tightly, "You're evading the question, Faith. Your reaction to the mere thought of me seeing into your mind and by association your intentions leads me not to trust you. Tell me, or I will find out myself."
Severus couldn't believe he'd allowed himself to trust this girl. He knew next to nothing about her. The only thing he was sure of was her parentage and that was more than enough to distrust her every action. She was charismatic he'd give her that, but he wouldn't allow that to cloud his judgment.
Severus Snape wasn't the type to be taken in by a pretty face.
Faith stiffened at his threat, "I did some things I'm not proud of, alright? And so have you, from what I hear. I don't want you to see that, and more importantly, I don't want to have to relive it. Got me?"
"That's not good enough."
She laughed agonizingly, "Weeelll….that's just too bad. Sorry Princess, but you can't always get what you want. If you want me to spill the beans just go right ahead and tell me what did you do while you were a member of the Death Eaters? And for that matter, what are you doing now as a Death Eater?"
"That's different."
Faith scoffed as she headed back to the door, "How? Because they're your dark secrets and not mine? Don't demand that I give you information when you've got skeletons you aren't willing to reveal either, jackass."
She was hiding something and he needed to know what it was. The wool wasn't going to be pulled over his eyes. Dumbledore wasn't perfect; he may have placed too much trust on this girl. If Faith Lehane was hiding something that would be detrimental to their cause he needed to discover her treachery now.
He pulled his wand out, "I need to know."
Faith eyes widened dangerously and she came at him from across the room. Severus pressed into her mind like a shot and she fell to her knees before reaching him.
"You killed a man."
Blood. So much blood.
Dump the body. No evidence, like it never even happened.
"Getting rid of the evidence doesn't make the problem go away."
Buffy doesn't understand. She's far too perfect to understand something like this. Too perfect to understand her messed up life.
Blank unseeing eyes stared back at her in her sleep every night since that night..
"You can't imagine the price for true evil."
Murderer. Killer. Psycho.
"I don't care."
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Wilkins was nice to me. No one else was ever that nice to me.
No one else would ever be like him.
He made the pain go away...
"You're the daughter I never had. Once the Ascension starts, the 'in' crowd you're so concerned about? They'll be lucky if there's enough left of them to fill a pothole. Promise. Still unhappy? I've got two words that are going to make all the pain go away. 'Miniature golf'."
"No one can stop the Ascension. Mayor's got it wired, B. He built this town for demons to feed on, and come graduation day, he's getting paid. And I'll be sitting at his right hand. And all your little lame-ass friends are gonna be kibbles 'n' bits."
"Stop. Please….just stop….please…" Faith pleaded, but Snape pressed on determined to find the answers he sought. What he'd seen thus far was enough to warrant it. This man she'd sided with could present a problem.
"Well, what are you worried about? Chin up! You don't see me looking disappointed. Heck, no. You know why? Because I know you'll always have me, Faith. I'm the best, the most important friend you'll ever have."
Buffy.
"Give us a kiss."
Sharp seering pain.
"You did it B. You killed me."
Falling. Falling so far. And Wilkins was gone. Nothing left. All alone.
"You think you matter, you think you're a part of something, and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving, but you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. You just keep sinking a little deeper everyday, and nobody even sees!" She pushes the older blonde woman onto the bed in anger.
Buffy had everything. Mother. Sister. Friends. A decent Watcher. Everything Faith should have had and didn't. It wasn't fair. She didn't have a family or friends, and her Watcher wasn't worth the air he breathed.
"All these little cuts and bruises - just bring out the mother in me. Come on. Now, now, don't poop out on me, damn it! Otherwise this all just going to be over too fast, and you'll be dead and I'll be bored. Come on, Wesley! Where is that stiff upper lip? Now, we've only done one of the five basic torture groups. We've done blunt - but that still leaves sharp, cold, hot and loud. Have a preference?"
"No! Stop it!" Faith begged. Severus ignored her. He might have seen some parallels between himself and the girl, but he needed to know where she stood. From what he'd seen she was probably exactly like her mother and father. He'd be damned it he would listen to a word she said.
"Did you ever wonder if things would have been different if we'd never met Wesley, or is it just like fate? You know, there is no choice. You were gonna be here no matter what. You think about that stuff? Fate and destiny. I don't. Not that any of this is your own fault. I think I want to hear you scream."
Make it stop. I can't live like this.
"I'm evil! I'm bad! Do you hear me? Please. Angel, please, just do it! Just kill me!"
Angel. The only person who would never give up on her. Not like Buffy and everyone else.
"I'd like to make a confession."
"The truth is... no matter how much you suffer, no matter how many good deeds you do to try to make up for the past, you may never balance out the cosmic scale. The only thing I can promise you is that you'll probably be haunted... and maybe for the rest of your life."
Maybe she could make it through this. Maybe she could finally find people to call family. Maybe she could find love….
"You keep looking for love and acceptance from these people, these friends of yours, but you're never going to find it Faith. The truth is nobody will ever love you. Not the way I love you."
"Get out."
"They'll forever see you as a killer."
"I said: Get out!"
Snape felt something grab hold of him and shove him backward. He saw a feral looking woman glaring at him with murder in her eyes. The last thing he saw before being pried out of Faith's mind were those eyes, eyes which now burned at the back of his skull.
He steadied himself against the wall to regain his bearings. Once he cleared his head Severus found that Faith was crouched on the floor across from him, tears streaming down her face.
"You had… no right." Faith's voice rasped weakly.
All her perceived strength had vanished. She looked like nothing more than a battered child. Severus just stared at her dumbly.
"I'm…"
Faith cut him off, "If the next word out of your mouth is 'sorry', I swear to God I'll rip off one of your legs and beat you to death with it."
She got to her feet shakily and left without another word. Snape made no move to stop her.
He should have listened.
They were more alike than he ever realized, and if someone had ever done that to him he would have been livid. Severus didn't know if he could ever make it right with her after this. He didn't know how he could even approach trying. He had never apologized or sought forgiveness from anyone except from Dumbledore. He didn't know how to admit he'd made a mistake, and maybe that was simply because he'd made so many of them.
Severus stared at the door where Faith had left. This was just one more thing to add to the long list of mistakes he'd never be able to repay.
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Raven knocked on the door to Faith's adjoining room. "Faith?"
She had heard the older Slayer shuffling around her room mumbling various curses for the better part of an hour and Raven was fairly sure she'd heard weeping too amid her muffled ranting and raving.
"What?" Faith responded brusquely.
The blonde frowned at the gruff reply.
"Today is the student trip to Hogsmeade. I told McGonagall I'd come along to watch the kiddies. I wanted to know if you'd like to come too. We could go shopping for an owl or maybe a cat like we talked about? Or maybe we could go to Hog's Head for a pint?" She waited expectantly for Faith's chiding voice to say that she wasn't old enough to drink. For being such a 'wild child' Faith was a real mother hen.
No such reply came and Faith just gave her a quick, "No thanks."
Something had her down, but Raven wasn't going to push for the reason. God knew she wanted too, but Faith was never very receptive to that sort of thing.
"Alright, grumpy-pants. Your loss."
Raven grabbed her coat and headed to the gate where the Hogwarts students where waiting to leave.
She saw a few Ravenclaw 7th year boys and rushed over to chat them up. Oh yeah, she loved this job.
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Lupin fidgeted by the door to Tonks' room. Nymphadora had been staying in a guest room at Hogwarts since the beginning of classes. The Ministry had ordered her and a few other Aurors to be stationed there to watch over the students in case of an attack.
The portrait on the door, an elderly brunette woman brushing her hair, looked at him expectantly, "Would you like me to tell young Nymphadora that she has a visitor?"
Remus bit his lip indecisively. Maybe this was a bad idea, "I…uh…"
The woman set her brush down on her table and shook her lengthy hair behind her shoulders, "Make up your mind, boy! Or I'll make the decision for you."
He sighed, "Yes. Tell her that Remus Lupin is here to see her."
She nodded and disappeared to the other side of the door for a moment. Remus was starting to panic. What was he going to say?
He wasn't any good at his type of thing. Maybe he should just leave. The former Marauder was seriously considering making a run for it. Before he could entertain that idea any further, the door was flung open and Tonks was standing in the doorway.
"Remus?" She looked at him hopefully.
"May I…may I come in?" Lupin stuttered.
Tonks eyes brightened and she smiled shyly as she moved to let him in. Lupin walked past her and took a seat on her couch. His nerves weren't slowing any as she took a seat across from him.
"What did you want Remus?" Tonks stared at him expectantly. She looked so endearing that it made his heart clench.
He collected his thoughts and tried to remember the speech he'd been practicing in the mirror for the last two days.
"I…I've been thinking…"
Okay, so far so good.
"I was thinking about Spike."
Remus winced. Merlin he was terrible at this.
Tonks gave him a confused look and scrunched her nose, "Spike? The vampire?"
"Yes. Um…well not him specifically. Just something he'd said to me a while ago." Remus swallowed hard, "I've been a right arse."
Nymphadora nodded ardently in agreement. Remus had somewhat hoped she wouldn't agree so whole-heartedly about that, but perhaps he had deserved it.
"I feared that I couldn't be what you need. I still don't think I ever can. I look at myself and all I can see is a failure and a monster," Tonks looked ready to argue but he stopped her. "Then you look at me as though I'm something better. It almost makes me feel… normal."
Her eyes softened and all Remus wanted to do was leap across the table and snog her senseless.
"I love you Nymphadora Tonks."
Her whole face turned bright red at his confession and he continued, "I want nothing more than to be with you forever. But I need you to understand what I am and what a life with me would mean. I can't let my selfishness ruin your life. I'm a werewolf, Tonks! I don't want you to be persecuted alongside me…I can't allow that…I can't let-"
She put a hand over his mouth. "Just shut-up Remus, shut up. Do you really think I'm that naïve? Do you think so little of me that I don't know what it will be like? That I don't know what people will say? What people might try and do? I'm not stupid Remus. I know it won't be simple. I love you, dimwit! And that's all that matters! Do you hear me, Lupin? I love you! I love werewolf you, and brilliant teacher you and yes, I even love stubborn idiot you."
Remus' heart was pounding so hard in his chest he thought it was trying to break free of his rib cage. "But-"
Tonks smacked him across the face and Remus rubbed his check in shock.
"What was that for?!?"
"Because you needed someone to knock some sense into you. I want to help you. I want to be with you. Stop questioning it…please?" Tonks pouted, "I know you want to be with me too. Why else did you come here?"
Lupin reached across the table and grabbed her hands, "Alright. I….I want to…give this a try…I want to be happy and I can't stand seeing you so sad anymore…not when I know I'm the cause."
Nymphadora stared at him wordlessly for a few seconds. Remus thought for a split-second that maybe she had changed her mind and his heart dropped in his chest.
Then Tonks lunged right across the table and into his arms. Her lips crashed onto his and his eyes widened in surprise. Remus broke the kiss and cupped her face in his hands to look into her eyes. She was smiling brightly. It didn't seem fair that he could be so lucky.
"I love you." Remus said and Tonks smirked. He drew his hand through her now bubble-gum pink hair and kissed her again.
He didn't think he'd ever felt so happy in his entire life.
That boy was up to something, she would bet her entire collection of Anne Rice novels on it.
She'd been following mini-Spike for about an hour. Raven had been at the pet shop buying a cute little calico kitten to cheer up Faith when she'd seen Draco Malfoy shuffling conspiratorially around Hogsmeade.
Instead of taking the kitten the shop keeper had agreed to have it delivered to the castle. She couldn't carry the cute little thing in her arms and trail the boy at the same time.
Raven caught up with him as he was coming out of the Three Broomsticks. He looked to be in quite a hurry. She stepped in front of him deciding to confront him directly.
"Heya Malfoy. What'cha doin?" She smiled innocently.
"Get out of my way." Draco growled. He looked rather pallid and sickly.
The young Slayer smiled, "Only if you tell me why you're sneaking around like a big ol' sneaker."
The blonde teen glared at her, "I don't have time for a stupid mud-blood like you."
Raven stared back at him in disbelief. Oh, he was so loosing points for Slytherin for that.
He pushed past her and started back toward the school. She watched as he glanced back at the Three Broomsticks. Raven tried not to make it obvious that she was following his gaze. He watched as Katie Bell left the pub with a small package in hand.
Draco gave a satisfied smirk and hurried off towards Hogwarts.
Raven turned to watch Katie more closely. The girl had a glazed look in her eyes that put the Slayer on edge. The Gryffindor girl ran to catch up with a group of her friends. Raven let Draco go, deciding to concentrate on Katie Bell instead.
The girl was walking oddly as though she was being pulled by an unseen force, like a marionette on strings. It wasn't obvious, as her friends didn't seem to take any notice of it, but Raven was looking for something to be off.
She ran up toward the group of Gryffindor girls and came up between Katie and her friend Leanne.
"Hey girls. You have fun?" They all smiled back at her and replied like they would to one of their professors. It made Raven feel weird since she wasn't much older than they were.
She looked down at the package in Katie's hands, "What that you got there? Buy a present for someone? For your boyfriend? Hmm?", she nudged Katie and waggled her eyebrows. A few of the other girls giggled.
Katie brought the package closer to her body and answered blandly, "No. It's not a present for my boyfriend. Madame Rosmerta wanted me to give the package to someone. So I am."
"Oh, who's it for?" Raven stared at her carefully.
The younger girl stared back blankly, "It's not important. It's just a package."
"Uh, huh." Raven nodded, "can I see it?"
As she reached for the package Katie jerked it away from her, "No. It's not for you. It's nothing, nothing important, promise."
She was losing her patience. Something fishy was going on and she was determined to find out what, "If it's not important, than whoever it's for won't mind if I sneak a peek."
Raven grabbed the package and Katie attempted to take it back. Leanne and the other Gryffindor girls watched on in confused interest.
"You can't! It's not yours!" Katie yelled and reached for the package. She grabbed hold of the paper wrapping and it ripped slightly as she tried to pull the package out of Raven's grasp.
"Katie. Stop it. I just want to see what it is. Calm down." The girl went for the package again and Raven put both hands around it to block her from it, "Katie, just-", Raven breath caught in her throat as she felt something icy touch the palm of her hand.
She let out a blood curdling shriek and she was lifted clear off the ground. The girls started yelling in fright and trying to find a way to bring her down out of the air.
Raven heard none of it. Her mind felt like it was being torn apart. All her worst memories came crashing down on her in some sort of horrible replay from Hell while something dark and ichorous felt like it was seeping into her very core. The pain she was feeling was worse than any she had ever felt in her life. Raven was sure that if she were to be run through with thousands of swords as her entire body was lit on fire, she would still feel better than this.
It wasn't long before her the pain was so great that mind shut down completely and the world around her went dark.
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