AN.

WELP!

HERE IT IS!

THE LONG AWAITED CHAPTER 25

Since I am a really bad author who can't fulfill my promises, I'm going to be double posting weekly instead since I owe you guys five chapters, so I'll be double posting for three weeks so fulfill that. Thank you for the support you guys! Thanks for the sympathy and empathizing with my really idiotic mistake! Don't worry, you guys, I a'int depressed! If I was, I probably would have killed myself by now :P. We all have our mood swings and days and that week was just one of them. It's all fine now.

See how I added that emoticon?

Clearly not depressed.

Like legit, guys, dont' worry.

I moved the AN to my profile just in case y'all wanted to see it. I think the original, not dream part was better than the one I made but I know that the new dream is better than the one I deleted. Whatever, I guess.. Enjoy!

WARNINGS:...um...angst? A lot of it. And the dream might not make a lot of sense so...be prepared for a headache. OH AND CRINGE! CRINGE SITUATION BECAUSE SOCIAL INTERACTION! (again, hopefully not my writing)

I awoke in the same plains, with poppy petals dancing through the air, coloring the wind effortlessly. I pursed my lips in thought.

Why can't I have a normal dream about guys? I appreciated the thought of pianos and this beautiful scenery but the novelty wore off. Ignoring the usual piano sitting innocently in the field of grass and flowers, I began walking and exploring the recesses of my mind. I let the blades of grass stick to my feet since I really couldn't do anything about it. I began walking and walking, the farther I went, the faster "time" seemed to go. From the usual day came a beautiful afternoon.

Sunset Pink was always my favourite color.

My eyes shot to my hand as it felt like it was being crushed by an unknown force, which made me stop abruptly before I could reach "night". I couldn't move my feet. There was a force pulling me down. It was the butterfly seal. Suddenly, there was an empty feeling in my chest that I was very familiar. That didn't mean I liked it. I narrowed my eyes as my body bent down because of the intense and irritating weight being thrown into a single finger.

"That is what you made me...feel" a low and familiar voice called out to me. Ghost pain began erupting all throughout my body. I repressed the shriek that wanted release when the weight instantly turned to pain and the sheer suddenness of the pain. I groaned at the sudden force and weight of it all, facing the afternoon sky in disdain. A strong gust of wind blew across the field, blowing the poppy flowers away, leaving plain green against the dusk atmosphere.

"I shouldn't even be feeling this." The voice growled, the weight growing heavier by the minute. I struggled to move forward but it just wouldn't let me. I grunted, trying to pull my left hand as if there was a chain restricting its movement. "I should be feeling happy with Tokuma, I should be feeling annoyed with my mom, I should be practicing Jyūken." The weight in my hand suddenly became heavier and made me plunge into the deep abyss.

"It's all your fault," The voice said, "I should be living, not trapped in this limbo you put me through."

The blades of grass gave way like quicksand. I shrieked as the weight in my hand pulled me into the dark abyss. There was a familiar cold feeling I didn't like. There was a familiar strawberry and vanilla scent I grew to hate. There was a familiar feeling of regret I grew to detest. I was done with these emotions. I wasn't over it, not by a long-shot but I was so tired of feeling this way because I didn't do anything wrong.

I closed my eyes tightly as I felt the cold and unforgiving water surround my body.

I didn't do anything wrong.

Was it my fault for being so inattentive for not spotting that Hozuki?

Was it my fault for worrying about my teammate's wellbeing?

It sure as fuck isn't.

I released my breath, bubbles coming out and the water coming in.

Was it my fault for accepting power?

Was it my fault for wanting to numb pain since that was all I felt for most of my life?

It sure as fuck isn't.

Music!no, noise, suddenly blared in my ears painfully and unnaturally.

They played in a terrible amalgamation of the classic piano pieces I grew to love that I could best describe as mocking, urging me to cover my ears despite me knowing that it wouldn't do any good. I wanted to beat my head in a wall just so that the pain would stop. I wanted to breathe without water entering in my lungs. The noise didn't stop. The weight pulled me deeper and deeper into the ocean. I was waiting for my lungs to give but water just kept entering and entering. My eyes were sore but I didn't dare to open them.

I didn't want to be greeted by the dark.

I just wanted to be a musical conductor.

There was a noise in my head.

I just wanted it out.

"Do you want the pain to stop?" the voice asked.

I nodded,

"Let me take over," the voice said—commanded—with a mephistophelian tone.

I shook my head. I felt a dusty, desperate hand on my cheek. I dared to open my eyes, meeting the gaze of a broken Hyūga Tokina against the black abyss. I shook her hand away, her smile pleading and her eyes sad. All she really wanted to do was live and here I was, snatching the one chance of life she had. Empathy was always the major antagonist of the human mind. It was conflicting and irritating and didn't mix well with logic but that same emotion or feeling made us human. It made us who we are.

But sometimes, selfishness is what gets the better of us.

Selfishness helps us survive.

And if there was one choice, one belief that I wanted to keep in my hypocritical life?

It was the choice to survive.

The choice to live.

So I pushed Hyūga Tokina away, with memories of hugging Tokuma, being hugged by my mom, talking to Rin and Obito talking to me. The girl that was Hyūga Tokina looked at me sadly, almost angrily. "I just wanted to live…" was her parting words to me in the deep abyss. The water emptied like a tank thanks to the one single thought of wanting to live.

Clarity of mind,

Something I haven't experienced in a long time.

There was no fields, no poppies, no pianos, no weights; there was only silence, white and me.

…just me,

It was a nice change of pace.

It made me feel weary.

There was no air, it was just a vacuum I could breathe in. There was no calmness nor was there a reason to worry. There was no danger but there wasn't a reason to feel safe.

And I wasn't alone; I was with my thoughts which started this whole mess.

...I suddenly didn't like it anymore.

This was worse than a dream or a nightmare.

It was reality.

A reality I tried escaping once.

But I learned my lesson, didn't I? I decided that I wasn't going to run away to the future now and focus on the present. I decided that I would fight and earn the position I was due. I decided that I wasn't going to throw away what I have to chance and a rigged gamble and fight even with these weights in my hands and mind.

I need to surpass this prison somehow.

And so I began to walk. I began the first step into the white nothingness with uncertainty in my heart and continued with a sure mind. I didn't know if this was one of those cheesy anime moments where the villain tests the "hero's" determination with a seemingly endless maze but right now I wanted to see how far I'll go. It wasn't about me but it was about the people that I love and those people are destined to die.

I knew from first-hand experience that the afterlife is not pleasant.

Maybe it was a selfish desire for them to jot leave me or making them a means to atone my so-called sins, I didn't know but what I did know was that I needed to get back to Orochimaru so he could give me a sword and a shield. Whether it was dirty or clean, a weapon is a weapon and a knight is a knight. It has a use and it will be used. Disregard honor when your life is in danger. Disregard safety when they threaten your family. Disregard morals when they try to bring you down.

And smile misery at the face because you know that you're better than them.

Because you'll always stand up, shakily or not,

And I'm going to stand up with the widest smirk in my face.

I need them alive and they need me alive for them to stay alive.

My arms became heavier and heavier with every step while my feet lagged at every breath. I wanted to see the night sky so I can see the day break again. I wanted to see the new day instead of reliving the good days. It didn't feel like I was walking or trudging but it felt like I was dragging myself to where I wanted to go. I bit my teeth and pursued anyway. I wanted to lie down. I wanted to lie on the floor and sleep but I resisted the temptation.

I smelled the blowing wind that reminded me of the sea. That instant, water instantly flooded in the room from the void.

Closing my eyes and pursing my lips like I did before, I took a slower pace when I felt the cold and wet touch my feet. I could barely handle it.

But I could,

It might take forever but I might manage. I closed my eyes and let my spine shiver because nothing is wrong with that. You don't just go through my experience and expect yourself not to be traumatized of anything. The water was rushing and was gaining depth, the shallow ankle deep fly like it turned into neck deep. My breath hitched when I felt hands pushing me, pulling me, touching me in places I didn't want to be touched. I wanted to thrash and cry but my tears were worth more than that. I wasn't strong nor was I feigning strength from keeping it all in. No, I was telling them that they aren't worth shedding my constipated emotions for. I tightened my closed eyes when I felt cuts and bruises from the water but they were only that: cuts and bruises,

The pain, I could handle. It wasn't that big of a deal.

There are people waiting for me when I wake up and I'm sure as hell waiting for them. I released a breath I didn't know I was holding for so long. The water suddenly subsided, the hands dropped yet the scars remained. The weight was still there but I continued trudging on beneath the weight sky and above the white floor. They didn't reflect anything and there were no remnants of water. I continued walking, the wind growing stronger.

I smelled fresh strawberries and vanilla.

I tasted salt and soap.

I felt terrible.

The weight grew but I continued walking nevertheless. I squinted my eyes, finding a single piano in the distance. I continued walking, the scents and feelings growing stronger the closer I walked to the instrument that started it all. The weight was replaced with overwhelming joy; joy that I wanted to trap into a box so I could keep it for all eternity. I smiled and sat down the comfortable stool, a butterfly resting on the key. I looked at the butterfly, looking dusty and wet. I stared at the butterfly, my hands wanting to play something in the piano but found that I couldn't.

So I decided to not play anything at all.

I stood up from the stool, my feet meeting grass and daffodils. I felt the heavy weight lighten as I found a single purple anemone in my hands. I smiled at the flower, a butterfly coming close and landing on the purple flower. It began using that single flower to pollinate the numerous daffodils and kept the field beautiful. My chest still held a weight but for some reason I felt it lighten. I turned around to see Akinosuke, more lively and energetic, keeping the rainbow color palette.

"Hope tastes better than grief," he gave me a cheeky smile. I gave him a blank stare, weary at his sudden appearance. "Hyūga Tokina, if that is your name, you and I both know that you need me to survive and I need you to live. Why don't we come into that mutual understanding and work in tandem like we did before this mess ever happened?"

I crossed my arms since I didn't know what to do with them. He knew what I wanted and I knew what I wanted from him.

This is why you read the terms and conditions.

"What do you want?" I questioned, letting the wind blow as I held the strange anemone. I felt that I would lose everything if I let that single flower in my hand go. It was irrational since it was just a flower but I didn't know what compelled me to just keep it.

"I suggest..." Akinosuke looked thoughtful before smirking. "I suggest that I teach you how to release all your negativity and weaponize it. I'll teach you how to push all those thoughts that's been eating you since your birth."

Weaponizing all my emotions? I thought of the repercussions of it and honestly I couldn't find any. I am, admittedly, an emotional bitch when the mood hits me and all the baggage I have? I'm pretty sure if I threw the said bag and someone, it would be the equivalent of crushing them with a boulder. The question was if I could get my bag back?

"It won't do you any harm." He tantalized me with the promise of power. After he tortured me with that mind fucking and emotional marathon (literally) he had the audacity to just offer me a knife I could use to stab him? What makes him think I wouldn't use that knife on him?

"What do you gain from this?" I questioned, knowing nothing in this world ! or any world for the matter ! is free. He frowned and opened his lips "All I get is the taste of the delicious feeling called "hope" and "desire"." Akinosuke all but groaned needily. "But what I want to taste most of all is that raw obsession you hold for your loved ones. I can't get enough of it." The butterfly monster threw away his indifferent facade for the gluttonous spirit that he really was.

I narrowed my eyes "And leave me an emotionless husk? No."

He seemed to catch himself being...creepy and continued with the proposal. "I'm not saying I take all your emotions away from you. Far from it. I can't even grasp your soul without burning myself." He admitted like it was a huge disappointment, shaking his head before continuing "All I ask for is a small taste of what it's like to live two lives, a taste of emotion, a taste of feelings, a taste of what it's like to be...human." he muttered the last part in longing.

I was still weary. It didn't seem like he was hiding anymore things from me but that was coming from a girl that naively didn't read the fine print before signing a contract that involved your soul and blood. I twirled the flower around my fingers, Akinosuke eyeing it hungrily despite all the daffodils around him. I have something he wants and I'll exhaust that want to the full extent.

Like a business woman.

My undergrad course is ABM afterall.

"What makes you think that I'd accept despite the things that happened minutes ago?" I raised an eyebrow.

He smiled, obviously prepared for the question. "You really don't have anything to lose. Store all your negative emotions like what you've been doing and I'll release them for you. All I take is a morsel of what so want."

I scoffed, making sure the purple anemone in my hand was far away from his hungry eyes "Then what was the whole point of that torture?"

"To see if you could feel anything other than that garbage." He said in disdain. "That's what happened with my last summoner. He began tasting foul, almost rotten. I wanted to see if he could feel anything else other than apathy, laziness and self-hatred. He didn't and he succumbed to it and died." Akinosuke refered to him like a disappointment that he didn't want to talk about. "A waste of a man, letting his heart rule over another man. What did he expect, in this society after all?"

I pursed my lips, feeling slight pity for the poor guy that suffered heartbreak over unrequited love.

That still isn't enough to give me my flower though,

Akinosuke seemed tired with dealing with me, his eyes eying only the flower in my hands. "What do you want?" The hungry creature asked a little bit impatiently.

"I want my loved ones safe." I said a matter a factly.

"I cannot assure that, as you may obviously know. I am bound to my realm as you are to yours." He narrowed his eyes like I was mocking him with my liberty that he was hindering.

I gave him a sideways smirk. "Exactly, you can't offer me anything that I need for me and my purpose. I already know how to make a stable genjutsu without you. I have snakes as a fallback and taijutsu as a fallback after that." He seemed irrstated at my bluff, considering the words at a face value, not risking any assumptions.

"I don't know what else I can give you besides the things I know."

I didn't hide my smile. "Don't take away my memories."

He instantly froze over. "No." Akinosuke almost growled in an absolute manner.

"Then release me." I tapped my foot a little bit errant. "If you don't then I'll find my way to release myself, cancel this contract and make sure you never get another summoner."

He barked at my audacity. "Oh?" Akinosuke challenged with an arched eyebrow.

"I lived once and I'm living again. Do you really doubt me breaking off a contract?" I returned the not-so bluff. This is the world where you could trap large chakra monsters into infants, so I knew there was a way to seperate a soul that was chained to another. All I needed was a fuinjutsu master which was somewhat easy to attain since I was one of the students of the Sannin. If not then I've been in missions with Namikaze Minato once or twice whose girlfriend is an Uzumaki, one of the clans known for their fuinjutsu.

It wasn't a bluff anymore.

He took the threat as it was. I could have sworn he tutted his lips if it wasn't for the strong gust of winds. I clutched my small anemone just in case. "Where will the source of your emotions in that small village you reside in doesn't even have a livr human you can feed off of?" I leaned closer.

"What do you want?" He said, a little desperate.

I smirked, holding the anemone closer to my chest.

I walked beside Orochimaru to the gate of Konoha after four months of just experimentation, getting my body back into shape and making sure that all my negativity is put into good use. The five chunin stationed there widened their eyes in surprise since they probably never expected that one of the three sannin would come and go into Konoha on their shifts. One of the five took Orochimaru's papers gently like it was some sort of treasure. The mature one of the five scoffed at them and gave me an expectant look.

I gave an expectant and slightly desperate look to the snake-sannin. "I-uh, don't have my papers with me..." I struggled out. It was embarrassing how your home was in your reach but your forgetful self didn't remember where you put the key. The mature one raised an eyebrow at this.

Orochimaru snickered at my side, thriving in the awkwardness. "I can vouch for her."

The two who was checking is out looked uncertain before letting us through.

When we were a considerable distance from them, I nudged his arm and muttered a distasteful "You could have said that earlier, shishou."

Said shishou laughed at me and returned it with a cheeky smile.

Being experimented by him gave us a lot of time to...bond in a macabre and messed up sort of way. He didn't just suddenly blurt out "Did you know, I used to actually have a soul." but we were comfortable with each other's presences. Those four months weren't comfortable; don't get me wrong, fighting my inner demons while trying to get a grip was the hardest part of those months. I wasn't okay under the hood; it was obvious since the moment I was born here that I had a few screws loose and some bolts that needed to be tightened. I wasn't okay with myself feeling this way and so I decided that I was going to do something about that, despite my usual reflex to just run away from the problem.

To tighten screws, I needed a screwdriver.

To move around, I needed oil.

To make sure the bolts don't fall out, I needed a wrench.

So I got the tools that I needed in the name of my family since everything I'm about to do, I'm going to do it for them. I wasn't all that important, and this isn't about the story since I really don't give a damn if Naruto is born or not, but it was about the lives that made me feel like I was alive. They helped me live and they didn't make me feel like I was just...there, existing. My "former" didn't make me feel that way, just to be clear on that; they were nice, tolerant and supportive.

I took them for granted, like many things I had in my past life. If there was a way that would let me visit the old world with me in it even just for a minute, I would use it in a heartbeat.

Slapping a person wouldn't take a second.

Real-talking her to make sure she doesn't drown herself might take more than two seconds, though. Look at what that bitch left me with, baggage that I didn't need and a fear of a human necessity that was only worsened thanks to torture. It was hard to just "stop" water. It was pathetic how I turn into a shivering mess whenever I hear a goddamn droplet of water crash against a metal sink. It was sad when I could barely drink the thing without puking it out even if it tasted really good.

It was sad the first few months.

Now?

It was just irritating and made me just fed-up with it. I knew it was a psychological thing, you don't need to be a Yamanaka or a Nara to see that. Psychological scars don't have white blood cells to heal them, which was the problem. I couldn't risk therapy with a Yamanaka just in case they found out that there were a lot of things I was smuggling into this world in the old trunk of mine. What do I say? "Oh, this? Don't worry; I was just under a really convincing genjutsu."

Speaking of Yamanakas, I couldn't help but wonder how Taizo was doing. He should be about fifteen by now, if I still remembered his birthday. The poor kid, he must be feeling guilty about this whole dilemma. I wanted nothing more than to visit him and tell him "it's okay" and "I'm sorry" but I just didn't have the time for it. I knew how bad guilt was, especially if you think that you thought you could have done something and more often than not, in the world where goddesses and children could step on the same footing, there must have been something he could have done.

But he was only human.

At the end of the day, we're all a little bit flawed, aren't we?

I mean, look at me for instance. Maybe I could have reacted better or been more observant. What I have done could have been written off as an insult to the Hyūga Clan, having all-seeing eyes but not being able to react fast enough. Should I have screamed and betray ny training not to? Maybe they just didn't notice I wasn't there. Or did they just want to ditch me so they could save their butts. I didn't hesitate or scold myself when I thought that I would do the same because, let's face it, who wouldn't? An entire village was after you and you wanted to save someone so disposable and easily replicated? It might be a harsh way of thinking but this is what Konoha thought of us in the time of war, not as her children but as tools to defend her "good" name and her "humble" cause.

Nationalism and patriotism isn't worth for dirt when you're bleeding in places you never thought you would and burning in temperatures you thought you could never endure.

That's why I made my own "good" and "humble" cause.

To get those who don't deserve to burn before the match even lit up.

That required careful planning and if there was anything I wanted more of despite having more than enough of is time. All I did was train, adjust the seal, control my emotions and learning how to weave my own faith and break away from the terrible limbo that my friends and family is going to endure. And for what? Plot?

I realized that if I threw a rock at someone that mattered, I could have instantly rewritten the entirety of Naruto and his superficial biography.

So that's what I'm going to do now.

I'm going to throw the biggest rock this world has ever seen.

We found ourselves in front of the Hokage's tower. My brooding and neutral mood was instantly replaced with a terrible mixture of nervousness, anxiousness and anticipation all at once, getting worse and worse as we took more steps forward on the stairs. My hands started shaking at the prospect of fucking everything up from the get-go. If I didn't succeed with this talk, then I would fail in every other single plan.

Well, not every single one. I had a backup plan but that involved killing off people that I could hardly kill and destroying my loved ones dreams and aspirations which could leave them depressed and I didn't want that...

...if I could help it.

As long as their alive, right?

When we were in front of the closed door that separated us and the Hokage, Orochimaru gave me a look that said "Not yet," I nodded, hiding my shaking hands behind my back and held them to try and get the shaking to stop. I stepped to the side, away from the door and the Hokage's line of sight, leaning on the wall while trying to gather my thoughts. Orochimaru nonchalantly opened the door, a wave of greeting from the Hokage was heard and a deadpan and unamused Orochimaru responded. This is it. This is the day that I'm going to change some bratty kid's biography forever. I summoned a purple butterfly, which fluttered slowly out of my sleeve. I focused and channelled my stress and negativity to it, the butterfly faltering for a second before catching itself. Slowly but surely, I felt myself feeling confident, weightless and thinking to myself "Yeah! I can do this! I I can save my friends and family and nobody—not even the Hokage—can stop me now!"

"Tokina-chan, come in here." Orochimaru's familiar and raspy voice called out to me.

I almost overwhelmed the purple butterfly with the sudden stress.

Fuck, who the hell am I kidding?! Nobody could be ready for this.

I began taking slow steps, my eyes on the Hokage and him alone, trying to fool him with the confidence I didn't have. My stomach felt heavy and I wiped the sweat out of my hands to the back of my hakama. I bowed a little stiff for my liking and managed to mutter out a barely audible "Hokage-sama, I'm very sorry for the delay and clumsiness but I have returned." I raised my head a little bit and found the revered modern God of Shinobi staring at me like I was a ghost, which made me feel awkward and a little bit out of place. Orochimaru giggled at the situation, continuing to leech and feed off the awkwardness I was feeling. He continued staring before coughing to regain his formal demeanour. He replaced the shocked expression with a pleasant smile.

"Well, I'm sorry for doubting you, Orochimaru-kun." The brunette said with a genuine smile. "It seems you actually did return with your student in tow before a year."

"Hmph," He rolled his eyes, "The mistake was doubting the capabilities of one of your best students." Orochimaru crossed his arms and gave the Hokage the biggest smug grin he probably could ever manage.

The Hokage took it as a jest and laughed, "Indeed I have, indeed I have." He muttered out. I straightened my body when the Hokage shifted his eyes to me. My stomach sank and I held my hands behind me, risking the little rudeness I was probably giving off. He raised an eyebrow but seemed to not think any more of it before turning his gaze back to the pale man next to me. Hiruzen ordered him to report, and so Orochimaru did. I ignored what Orochimaru said to the Hokage since I knew most of it is going to be a lie anyway. We didn't spend four months of "therapy" and "training", we spent it on making sure that the Animal Seal doesn't kill me while I tried giving myself therapy. It didn't work. I couldn't step on a harmless puddle made by rain if it saved my life. He was a heartless, conniving snake and so was his student. They were independent, refused help and never admitted to their inner demons.

If only I was as strong as him…

"Very good, Orochimaru-kun. You may leave." The Hokage told Orochimaru. "I have a few things to discuss with Tokina-chan." He faced me and gave me a grandfatherly smile. I was amazed at his ability to make me feel like I was worth it and seemed genuinely pleased that I was standing in front of him and not lying on a stretcher. It almost made me feel bad that he was going to die by the hands of one of his own students.

…almost,

Orochimaru gave me a strange look that reeked suspicion. I faced the Hokage while Orochimaru bowed a "bye" and took a few steps before closing the door behind us. There was a strange silence hanging in the air between me and the Hokage and I couldn't decipher what it was.

Nor did I care because there is something more important than the social atmosphere between us.

Compared to Tokuma, Akane, Rin, Obito, everything else just seems so unimportant. I summoned all my courage, using my emotionless face as a mask to disguise the inner conflict I was feeling right now. I prevented shaking my head and favoured summoning a purple butterfly under my sleeve and moving all the doubts I had into it to store for later use for my negativity release. Before I would lose the bravery I manage to scrounge up together, I blurted out:

"Tokina-"

"Hokage-sama, please forgive my rudeness but if I could just interrupt for one second!" I said a little bit too loudly which should be deemed a little inappropriate in any other situation. His eyes told me that he didn't expect this. It was so strange how a seasoned shinobi would let his eyes be so expressive. It could mean the death of his comrades if he didn't hide it behind a mask. He stayed silent, waiting for me to say something else. I took it as a cue and told him. "I-If I may, I'm just going to take a look around the room.", putting an index finger in front of my lips. The Hokage glared but nodded slowly.

It was amazing how trusting this man is for a shinobi.

I activated my Byakugan, the Hokage narrowed his eyes at the obvious sign of aggression but remained silent. I looked down on the floor while trying to catch Orochimaru's snake spies. There was one under his desk, another one behind a potted plant and a third one wedged between the walls. As predicted, there was an ANBU guard in the ventilation system, kunai and shuriken on hand, waiting for any kind of signal that I would harm the Hokage. I made a show of summoning my king cobras, three slithering out of my sleeves. They crawled on the floor, moving to the snakes. The Hokage stared at the one crawling over his desk to eat the small garter snake trying to escape. While he was distracted, I summoned the smallest butterfly I could manage. It fluttered out of the hole of my kimono shirt, into the vents. The guard didn't notice it thanks to the darkness and the camoflauge granted by its wings. The small butterfly placed the ANBU guard on genjutsu while the snakes were busy eating their treats. They slithered back into my sleeves and I deactivated my Byakugan and bowed fervently to the Hokage.

"I'm sorry for the rudeness, Hokage-sama. It's just that Orochimaru-shishou always keeps some sort of snakes near me to hear on my conversations. I don't know why he does that but…" I bowed, "Please forgive my rudeness."

I raised my head enough to see him raise his hand, "Its fine, Tokina-chan. Orochimaru-kun always had…trust issues." He said darkly and left it there. I knew that he didn't buy it, though, which I was hoping for. It would paint me as the ignorant victim who trusted her shishou.

He nodded, regaining his professionalism with a pleasant smile. "Very well, now that we are talking privately, I would like to discuss a form of payment?" he said with his eyes twinkling. "If you could excuse this old man's favouritism, but I do want to keep my student's student alive for as long as I can." He seemed to drop his Hokage tone and shifted to a more tired, grandfatherly one. I couldn't help but wonder if this was the same person that shooed of his son all for the sake of a mission. "You have been a really good influence on Orochimaru. He revered deemed any sort of life worthy before you came. There was a certain fire in his eyes when he heard you were kidnapped."

I couldn't say "It's because I contain some sort of foundation for a really powerful seal he could use against you and he got angry since he probably thought of me as some prized experiment or a really expensive piece of property," since I wanted to side with him.

"I guess all I want to say is…thank you for turning Orochimaru into a decent man I always dreamed of him being." He smiled his tone so soft it would make a baby's butt cheek feel like a rock in comparison. "So, is there anything you want? A promotion? A raise perhaps?" I felt a sort of guilt in my chest knowing this man before me is going to die by the same man he thought was finally turning to the light yet I couldn't risk my plans for his life.

What's one life in exchange for four more?

So I began Phase One, to get into the plot.

Step one of Phase One; get Rin out of the line of fire.

I anticipated this; the poor man only wanted what's best for his students. He was trying so hard to make Orochimaru redeemable and he thought that giving him a student—me—would finally teach him the value of life. It didn't but he didn't know that; since he rescued me, once can assume that a powerful man like the Hokage can manage to praise this by giving his student's student a prize so that they would live and continue making the dark and brooding man somewhat friendlier towards society so I began my little lines. "I'm honored by the praise you're giving me, Hokage-sama." I lied through my teeth, "But I'm afraid I need to decline the promotion and the raise." I gave him a sheepish smile and tilted my head slightly to make it feel more natural.

Hiruzen raised his eyebrows in shock; he seems to be doing that lately. I already knew that rejecting a promotion is unusual since it only happens only a few years, especially in my age and case. "Not many Shinobi gets to be jonin, especially at your age, Tokina-chan." He reminded me with a hint of curiosity in his voice.

"I know, Hokage-sama. I am fully aware that I'm passing up a wonderful opportunity that I would have accepted in different circumstances..." I twiddled my fingers, giving off a nervous and unsure stance around me. I let my eyes become sad and avoid looking him in the eye. "But with what I've gone through…I'm a little scared of the responsibility." I revealed with a slight chuckle.

"Tokina-chan…" he looked at me with slight pity in his eyes. The butterfly in the vent quietly fluttered near the Hokage, casting a genjutsu that would enhance his pity and symphathy. His eyes diluted before becoming focused again, a clear sign that the genjutsu worked. The butterfly rested behind his chair, fluttering innocently, trapping the trained ANBU and a Hokage. "If there's anything I can do for you, anything at all, please let me know. " He said, leaning forward.

"There is something, Hokage-sama…"I said with uncertainty, Akinosuke warning me that he will remember all this so I still need to play my part.

I took a silent breath in.

The moment where I can't turn back now.

I have all my cards ready, the situation could never be better with all the people in a genjutsu and I made sure that I was alone.

Here it goes…

"Oh, and what's that?" He articulated with a curious tone, resting his head with his clasp hands, his elbows on the desk in a pose much like Sasuke when he was talking about his dreams.

"Well, you see..." I fidgeted, giving off the nervousness vibe which I hope I conveyed perfectly.

The nervousness became real when the butterfly began faltering, the Hokage clasped his head. My eyes widened and my head turned to the vent and I risked activating my Byakugan and deactivating it quickly. The ANBU was coming to! I rushed, summoning a wave of butterflies, the wind speed gave off a gust the Hokage didn't see, the kaleidoscope of the insects fitting in the vent, trapping the ANBU in an escapable genjutsu while I ran to the Hokage and touched his back.

"Hokage-sama! Are you okay?" I said, the concern being genuine. If his head was hurting badly, that might affect the chances of making sure Tokuma, Akane, Rin and Obito live!

"I am…fine. Its just a slight migraine. I haven't been sleeping all that well." He chuckled tiredly which I joined in, his lack of sleep being evident on his puffy eye bags but I knew that wasn't the case of his headache.

I couldn't tell if he knew he was under a genjutsu or not.

"Are you sure you are fine, Hokage-sama? I can heal you with my sparse knowledge of healing jutsu." I said, beginning the seals for it. He held his palm, continuing to regain his bearings, "Please, Tokina-chan. Don't trouble yourself with me." He said, "If I can't endure a migraine, how can I endure the entire village on my back?" he chided humorlessly.

…he probably knew.

I was fucked,

"Anyway, as you were saying?" he gave me curious eyes, probing ones.

I gulped, stepping back to place.

I proceeded anyway, risking it.

"...It's about my friend, Rin." I confessed, hiding the guilt and shame behind a sad smile that was genuine. "She's super smart and a great medic-nin from what I can remember, maybe she's gotten better, I don't know." I started a little bit slowly. "She's being trained by my mom as a medic and is going to graduate soon, I think." I began, pausing. My heart throbbing, unsure if the Hokage was buying all of this.

So I decided to take a page out of Obito and followed what my heart told me, for once in my life.

"With the war, I don't think she'd be a good field medic. I don't want her to get hurt." I confessed truthfully.

He raised an eyebrow while he was adjusting his seat. "So you're saying that you would kill her chances of being a shinobi?" he said a little bit too sharply.

I knew what he was doing. He was trying to see if my intentions are in the right place, which was the reasonable outcome if you suspected someone casted a genjutsu on you. It was still bad for me but I already planned this path of conversation out.

"No, Hokage-sama. I was suggesting that you would kindly allow giving her an internship in medic-corps as an intern when she graduates. The requirements to join them would be to be at least chunin, five years residency and experience at the hospital or a scholarship from the Hokage, right? That way she could be a fine ninja and a medic-nin that would help more people other than three members." I reasoned out, trying to smother the obvious desperation with logic.

He pursed his lips in thought. "I have already assigned her to a genin team, leaving one slot open..."

I smiled, relief swelling in my chest. "Well, you see, that was the second favor I wanted to ask of you…if you allow it of course."

"Hm? Do you recommend someone?" Hiruzen spoke with the same tone.

"I wish to take her place." I managed to not shriek.

He blinked

"One jonin, two chunin and a genin? That would be an unfair balance shift." He didn't falter.

I thought if this beforehand. It shocked me how manipulative and paranoid I can be, thinking of all possible scenarios in my head while I practiced genjutsu in those four months let me prepare for this conversation and a few blueprint plans. Blueprint plans that involved kidnap, genocide and a plan about espionage and bombs but viable blueprint plans nonetheless.

"Well, there is no denying that I'm…not normal, broken even." I reminded him with the smallest bit of self-deprecation leaking my tone while I accompanied it with a sheepish, slit eyed smile.

He immediately softened, "Tokina-chan…"

I got him!

"I know its selfish but…I just really want to take it slow." I faced him, lifting the mask in the perfect time to reveal my tired expression. "I just…I don't want her to feel what I've been through." I muttered out, losing my composure and let the slight desperation through the thoroughly built dam I made. "Besides, I also have skill, albeit not as good as Rin-chan, with medical-ninjutsu." I pointed out, my speed of speech becoming faster with every word which was purely not on purpose. "And when you think we're ready, you could make us a four man cell. Uchiha Obito, who might be dead last now has the biggest potential out of our—her—batch, and not because he's a chunin.

He gave me an assessing glance while I continue to persuade him.

"Think about it, Hokage-sama. A Hatake, Uchiha and a Hyūga would be the ultimate tracking team." I blurted out, desperate for the place in the team.

He look thoughtful for a second, stroking his goatee much like Jiraya did in the anime before smiling at me and saying. "I'll think about it, Tokina-chan. Thank you for your input. You may earn your break now." He smiled at me and waved goodbye. I bowed, muttering a thank you. When I left the Hokage tower, I released the ANBU from his genjutsu, the butterflies immediately flying out of sight and finding a way to me to return them to Akinosuke's body.

I walked to a secluded place in the forest and activated my Byakugan to make sure no one was listening, sending out a few snakes and butterflies just in case before I let out a furious shriek.

I messed up.

I messed up bad.

I mentioned the team comp.

He doesn't know that I knew the team comp.

Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!

Hiruzen was no fool.

He knew that Tokina put him in a genjutsu.

He knew that whatever Tokina was planning was out of pure selfishness, just like she said herself but he didn't know if it was for her or for Orochimaru. Did his student brainwash the poor girl into replacing the Nohara so that she could have access to Namikaze-kun, who was aspiring the same position as his student? It was a possibility he had to consider but the only thing stopping him from marking it as suspicious is the fact that her eyes were so desperate. There was tiredness with apathy, he didn't know that those same, bright eyes could be so colorless, it shakened him. Yet, despite the deadness of those eyes, there was some sort of light and warmth beneath it all.

He identified it as "hope".

Maybe the girl actually did want to save her friend from the hardship.

Maybe the girl actually did want to "take it slow".

He couldn't deny those possibilities as well. She was tortured by Kiri, that much he knew was true. With the small patches of skin she revlead (which was not a lot since the girl was really conservative), he couldn't help but notice that every single one had some sort of scar. The bandages she wore reached her fingertips and even there he could see gashes. Her neck wasn't spared with the décor and the many "love marks" Kiri gave her.

He really did feel sympathy for her plight.

She really was broken.

He knew that look all too well.

So he wasn't lying when he really was going to think about it.

I wanted to cry at my failure. I faced the door that I shouldn't be in front of. My fist was trembling, not out of anger, but out of guilt and fear and shame. I shouldn't be here. I should be coming up with a backup plan. It didn't take me one day to fail miserably. I couldn't knock. I couldn't face them knowing that I caused them certain death when I vowed that I would try to help them. I summoned a purple butterfly, absorbing my guilt but it didn't seem to help. More and more just kept coming.

I lowered and relaxed my fist.

…I wasn't ready.

I didn't push myself. I turned around and was prepared to run away from my problems again.

"Tokina-chan?"

My head shot straight up at the familiar sight of the brunette, with the same purple markings around her cheeks wearing that same surprised expression I used to make fun of since she always left her mouth hanging wide open.

"R-Rin…" I muttered, taking a step back and instantly freezing in place. I couldn't move. My body didn't allow it.

"I-Is that really you, Tokina-chan?" She blinked, stepping forward.

"R-Rin, I-" I sniffed, tears threatening to fall down. "It really is me, Rin!" I blurted out, taking a step forward as well. "It's me…I'm back." I muttered, unsure. The girl let her tears fall down as she shrieked with what I could identify as…delight.

She was delighted that I was back.

She wasn't mad.

She shouldn't be mad.

She didn't know.

I heard more voices, familiar voices, all exclaiming my name. The weight and warmth suddenly became bigger. I was surrounded by the people I loved.

Only in that moment, it didn't matter if I was a failure or not. They didn't make me feel like I shamed them or I didn't deserve their love or that I was just a waste of space and air that I always thought I was, before and now.

That moment, they made me feel like I was their everything.

AN.

8000+ words.

At least I know it's longer than the original.

Final editing of Chapter 26, which is relatively short so stay tuned!