Dark Night, Hold Tight, part 25
A/N: I could never possibly individually thank all of you who review, but Wherefore L'Amour, for you to notice and bea, thank you my darlings for leaving such thoughtful reviews, I always love to see what you have to say. Also, Shirl, where are you:(
Also, be sure and check out my new story, Almost Lost and Almost Home. Danke.
"Hello?"
"Hey," Anna's crisp voice came across the line and made Summer's busy heart flutter. The traffic outside on this gloomy day was almost silent, and it was giving Summer an itch.
"Hey, how are you holding up?"
"I'm fine, really. I wish you were here," Anna admitted wistfully. On her end of the line, she was distracting herself by curling the cord around her fingers, slowly cutting off circulation to the tips before unraveling the cord just before it became painful.
"Me too," Summer replied quietly. "It's not too late to fly me out there to be with you..."
"Actually, it is," Anna cleared her throat. "We're coming home tomorrow."
Summer's stomach twisted into a knot, and she remained silent so long that Anna tentatively said, "hello? Summer, are you still there?"
"I'm here," Summer's bruised voice answered her.
"Is everything okay there?" Anna inquired, her tone delicate. "Are you and Seth getting along?"
"Absolutely. Don't worry about us."
"I'm not," Anna lied. She shut the door to her bedroom. "Summer, there's something I need to talk with you about when I get home. About me and Kurt."
"I know. I need to talk to you, too."
Anna released a deep sigh, feeling lighter already. "Our flight comes in at ten, so I should be home around noon."
"Seth will be at work," Summer reminded her idly, her mind racing.
"I'm going to send Kurt home in his own cab, so it will be just us," Anna's voice hitched.
"Okay. I can't wait for you to be home again," Summer said.
"Me too," Anna whispered. "I love you."
"I love you too...'bye."
Summer hung up, pacing around the bedroom. Seth was at work, and she had been restless all morning. Deciding to be productive, she purposefully strode into the kitchen and felt beneath the sink for the cleaning caddy. Taking it back to her bathroom, she put on the bright yellow rubber gloves and began methodically cleaning every inch of the bathtub and shower.
She scrubbed down all three bathrooms from top to bottom, even cleaning the mirrors, though she always left streaks that Anna had to go back over later. She tried to script out what she was going to say to Anna, how she was going to explain her fall from grace on the Seth front; but everything she came up with sounded like an excuse for infidelity. Which was ridiculous. Wasn't it? Anna was her friend, her dearest friend, her confidante.
Moreover, how could she confess to Anna how terrified she was about the idea of moving out, living on her own? Sure, Anna would still be close—Summer felt instinctively that neither would have it any other way—but they wouldn't be together, it wouldn't be the same. And that's what scared Summer most of all. Not loving Seth; not even having Seth leave her. All of that had been done once before, with no small amount of heartache and blinding pain. But the most frightening thing of all was the thing that they had the most control over at this stage in the game: change.
"C'mon buddy...We didn't even get a chance even once to talk last night. I took off the whole day just for Seth/Ryan time," Seth complained as he laid on Ryan's unmade bed, watching Ryan bustle around the room getting ready for work from the vantage point of being upside-down. The blood was draining to his head and starting to make him feel a little dizzy.
"Don't you mean Summer/Seth/Ryan time?" Ryan asked, with what Seth believed to be a hint of disdain.
"Ryyyaaaaaaaaa..."
"So they didn't need you at the paper, huh?"
"Not at all," Seth sighed, overly dramatic per usual. He raised his legs straight up in the air for emphasis. "Missing one day of work will not kill you. Besides, I need to ask you something important."
"Seth, the last time you told me you wanted to talk about something important, we spent twenty minutes arguing over who would win the fight between Daredevil and Batman."
"They're both just men, Ryan. Just men."
Ryan rolled his eyes. "Why would they even fight in the first place? They both had a tragic incident in their lives that made them dark, but ultimately they both redeem themselves. They both fight for the forces of good... you know what? This is ridiculous." Ryan jerked his jacket off of the back of his desk chair and made for the door.
"I had sex with Summer," Seth blurted, rolling over and sitting up.
Ryan abruptly halted.
"I want to know if she can move in with us," Seth continued quickly.
Ryan closed his eyes. "You already asked her, didn't you?"
"Sort of," Seth cringed, waiting for the onslaught.
Ryan threw his jacket on the ground in frustration. "You're just so goddamn impulsive. Did you ever think about who was going to take care of her? Who's going to be with her here during the day? What about when she needs..."
"I'm going to marry her, Ryan," Seth said suddenly, seriously.
The blood drained from Ryan's face, an odd mirror to Seth's face only moments before.
"You've asked her?"
"Not yet, but I'm going to. It was meant to be, Ry. Meeting her again, after all this time, finding out that there was no other guy. She's still in love with me, I know it. I just know it," he chewed thoughtfully on a fingernail, avoiding Ryan's pointed stare.
"Seth,." Ryan sighed, and sat down at his desk, in the classic pose of elbows-on-knees, head down. He was becoming very weary, Ryan. Seth didn't like it. "Have you thought about what all this might entail? She's blind."
"She's also Summer," Seth snapped, then sighed, as if to retract it.
"You're going to do whatever you want, and I guess I would, too, if it were... Just be careful. She's already burned you once...bad."
"I know," Seth replied quietly. "She's scared too, Ry. I've talked to her about ...this, but so far I think she's just humoring me. Anna's getting married, and I think Summer thinks that when Anna kicks her out she's just going to turn into a pumpkin or something. She's not thinking about the future at all."
"She is," Ryan disagreed. "Though maybe not as fly-by-the-seat as you would. Summer has to think about all the things you haven't thought about. How is she going to navigate this apartment, for instance? What if she needs something during the day and neither one of us can leave work? Who's going to help her if she gets sick, or needs something...uh, something..."
"Girly?"
"Yes, girly," Ryan agreed, eagerly.
"I've thought about that, too," Seth said, with growing enthusiasm. "I've been thinking Summer might not have to leave that apartment at all."
Ryan's expression dropped. "Seth, no..."
"Think about it, Ry. We've been talking about getting a bigger place for forever. Anna can live in the same building, or very close, and she can still be there to help Summer with...the girly stuff. Not only that, but she'll still be close enough to help if we can't leave work. In fact, Kurt would be there to help, too. Summer's gone from one person to help her to four. There's nothing bad about this plan, Ryan."
"Who's going to help with the rent?"
"Well, between you, me and Summer's dad, I think we'll have it covered. But if we need help, given the circumstances, I know my mom would kick in some."
"And you just want to marry her?" Ryan asked dubiously.
"I want her to move in with us first...or more accurately, I want us to move in with her," Seth jumped off the bed and headed towards the door. "Baby steps, Ry, baby steps." He patted Ryan's knee and narrowly avoided being tackled by Ryan in return. He grabbed his jacket from the doorknob, and scurried to the front door, hollering, "you better hurry. You're going to be late for work!"
"I'm home!" Anna called as she struggled through the front door, her luggage making her entrance cumbersome. Summer came dashing around the corner from the back hall and flung herself into Anna's arms, hugging her tightly.
"I missed you!"
Anna rocked back on her heels to cushion the force of Summer's enthusiastic greeting, and held on tight to her best friend. "I know. Me too. I'm glad to be home."
"Did Kurt drive you crazy?" Summer asked, her face buried in Anna's bony shoulder.
"A little," Anna admitted with a laugh.
"Come, come on, I opened some wine," Summer released her, and then frolicked towards the kitchen; Anna stood against the doorframe and witnessed the changes in her friend. Summer moved more easily, she was more open, and she'd smiled more in the last minute and a half than she had in the last month.
"What's going on?" Anna asked, with a suspicious smile firmly in place as she followed Summer towards the kitchen.
"What do you mean?" Summer's reply was too innocent. She poured Anna a glass of wine, and then handed it to her with a giddy smile. "I'm glad to have you home."
"Since when did being glad to have me home include a bear hug at the door and a bottle of wine?"
Summer rolled her eyes playfully. "You've been gone, like, a month."
"Nice try. Twelve days."
"Well, it felt like a month," Summer oozed past Anna into the living room and primly settled herself on the end of the couch.
"I see," Anna let the matter drop for the moment and came to sit down next to her friend. "So what have you and Seth been up to?"
Summer choked on her wine. Anna frowned and then patted Summer's back.
"Nothing," Summer squeaked, flushing hotly. "What about you?" she asked quickly. "How was your flight? Is your family okay?"
"The family is fine. What's going on with you and Seth?" Anna asked again, serious.
"Nothing. We've been playing pinochle and parcheesi with alarming regularity."
"Summer," Anna's voice held a warning. Summer squirmed.
"I know you're getting married," Summer finally blurted, and then breathed a huge sigh of relief.
"What!"
"Yup, I've known since it happened. I mean, since you became engaged, I've known."
"W-What? How?" Anna stammered.
Summer shrugged. "I listen. I listen when no one thinks I'm listening. And not like, eavesdropping. I just knew. The air between you and Kurt had...changed. The air between you and I changed."
"Summer," Anna began delicately.
"No, I know. It's okay. I want you to be happy," Summer assured her, nodding helpfully.
Anna reached up and brushed away Summer's tears. Summer hadn't realized she was crying.
"If you... if you ask me not to marry him, I won't," Anna said, and Summer understood the underlying promise perfectly. If you tell me you love me, I'll leave him.
Her dizzy heart ached with feeling; how could she deny her best friend in the world? How could she possibly explain to Anna exactly what she meant to Summer? It wasn't that she could never love Anna in the way that Anna loved her, because if circumstances had been different—if there were no Seth—Summer probably could have loved Anna desperately. But the Seth factor made all the difference. "I can't ask you to do that," Summer finally replied.
"I know you don't feel like you should...but what you feel like you should do and what you should do are sometimes different things," Anna's husky voice reminded her.
"Seth asked me to move in with him. Er, with him and Ryan," Summer confessed.
Anna felt as if she'd been slapped. "How does Seth know?" Her tone was accusative, Summer felt worse than ever.
"Seth...knew I was worried about something, and finally I told him."
Anna put her head in her hands, "oh, Jesus."
"No, Anna," Summer's voice choked and her hands flew to Anna's shoulders. "It's not like that. I knew that one day...this would end. I've known from the very beginning. It's only natural that you would want your own family, and I'm only in the way now."
"Summer, you're not in the way," Anna began to cry as well, and she felt like beating the sofa cushions for release.
"Yes, I am. And I wasn't sure what I was going to do when you were ready for me to move out... But see, if I move in with Seth, that buys me...a year, maybe eighteen months?..."
"Summer," Anna tried to interrupt.
Summer closed gentle fingers over Anna's mouth. "I've got to figure out what I'm going to do with my life, Anna. I'm too old to be sitting around this apartment pouting because I can't see. I need to figure out ... how to live on my own."
"And how will moving in with Seth and Ryan do that?"
"The more times I place myself into strange situations, into strange places...the more I will adapt. There's nothing that says I couldn't do volunteer work... or maybe even get a job..."
"So a week with Seth and suddenly you're ready to run right out and get a job?" Anna's face crumpled.
"No, no," Summer slid off the sofa and onto her knees in front of Anna. She took Anna's face into her warm hands. "You...leaving me, here, it just made me face up to what I knew was coming. I knew this was coming, Anna. I didn't want to prepare for it because it killed me that you would rather be with Kurt than be with me."
Anna opened her mouth to protest, but Summer forged on.
"But we're not lovers, Anna. We're not ... we're not anything more than best friends, and it would be ...cruel and unfair to ask you for anything more than you've already given me."
Anna wrapped her hands around Summer's, whose palms were still pressing into Anna's cheeks.
"I want you to get married. I want you to have a wonderful life," Summer whispered.
Anna was breathless, speechless. Tears continued to course down her cheeks and she felt the phlegmy beginning of a runny nose. "I want that for you, too."
A ghost of a smile played across Summer's face. "And a dream is a wish your heart makes."
Anna laughed through her tears.
"I'm okay with it, Anna, I promise. Or I will be very soon. And I'm okay with knowing that I'll probably never get to have that. I understand."
Anna's shoulders shook with repressed sobs, Summer stroked her cheek gently.
"It doesn't have to be Seth...that I move in with. It just seems logical, I guess. I'm not..." she took a deep breath. "I'm not ready to live by myself. Not just yet. But I guess I need to get out of your hair, huh?" She pressed her forehead against Anna's.
"You're not in my hair. You've never been in my hair," Anna promised.
"I know," Summer smiled. "Listen, Seth's coming over after while and we can talk some more. We always seem to have plenty of time for that," she rolled her eyes. "And you better go wash your face...you're grossing me out."
Anna shoved her palm into Summer's shoulder and breathed a sigh of relief. She stood up after Summer and wiped mascara-streaked cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater. She bit back fresh tears watching Summer feel her way back up onto the couch. She couldn't cry now, not in front of Summer.
"I'm going to go unpack," her voice wavered just slightly; Summer cocked her head, frowning. Anna pecked her cheek, squeezed her hand. "Let's go to Mr. Wong's for dinner."
Summer nodded silently, and smiled. Anna smiled back.
To be continued...