A Rough Start
Chapter 25 – Sign O' the Times
It was odd, having a weekend day without Edward or Anthony, but Anthony had been whisked off to go fishing with 'Papa Charlie' almost as soon as Bella had told her father that Anthony was looking forward to it, and Bella felt obligated to spend her mother's last full day in Forks at Renee's beck and call. So while Charlie was down at the lake, Bella sat at her mother's feet, rolling a ball of yarn and talking about her mother's favorite subject: Bella's personal life.
"It seems really serious in a very short period of time, Bella," Renee said of Bella and Edward's relationship.
Bella sighed. She'd been expecting this subject to come up with her mother again. Renee had roughly broached it when she'd first arrived, but now that she'd had a chance to actually observe Edward and Bella more thoroughly, she was even more convinced of her viewpoint.
"What other way is there to be, Mother?" Bella asked tersely, the use of a formality a hint at her demeanor . "Edward and I aren't teenagers, and he and I both knew going into this that there was a lot at stake. I'm his son's teacher, for crying out loud. And not just any teacher – I'm his first teacher. If we didn't plan to be serious, then we wouldn't be in a relationship."
Renee stilled her knitting hook and peered down at her daughter. "When did you get so grown up, eh?" she smiled.
Bella shrugged and smiled in return. "Real life does that to you, I guess."
"So have you two had many conversations then? About the future?" Renee asked.
Bella rolled her eyes. Marriage and grandchildren – that's exactly what her mother wanted to know about. "No. We're not there yet," she promised.
"Well however it turns out, I can promise you that your dad has grown right fond of young Mr. Anthony. I tell you, I haven't seen him this excited in years. Not since your graduation."
If her mother hadn't told her as much, Bella would have been able to see how attached her father was to Anthony that afternoon when they returned from their fishing trip.
"So there was this small hike to our fishing spot, and after we reached our spot, Anthony put his little pole down and wiped his hand across his brow, and you know what he said," Charlie asked, as if Bella could ever venture a correct guess.
"What?" Bella was already amused before hearing the punchline.
"He said, 'I'm 'sausted!'" Charlie cracked up. "It was so cute."
Anthony stood beside him beaming up at the adults as if he'd just won the national spelling bee.
"Well did you catch anything?" Bella asked.
"Papa Charlie caught a big fish and I got a pollywog!" Anthony exclaimed excitedly.
"A pollywog?" Bella asked, her question laced with pride. "You should bring that to school for show and tell."
"Okay!" Anthony peered into the bucket to make sure his new pet was alive and well. "Papa Charlie said it's going to turn into a frog."
"Uh-huh," Bella frowned a bit.
"He said you're afraid of frogs," Anthony grinned.
"Yes, well…we can have the pollywog come to visit us. Once it turns into a frog, you're on your own," Bella said as she ruffled his hair.
Anthony seemed fine with that arrangement as he followed Charlie out onto Bella's small patio to lay out the gear they'd used for fishing.
Since it was their last day in town, Charlie and Renee treated Bella, Edward and Anthony to dinner at a small diner. Charlie and Edward made brief small talk, but it was obvious that Charlie was much more comfortable talking to Anthony, which didn't really matter since Renee usurped Edward's time with a sly interrogation.
Actually, it was only sly to her. Bella knew exactly what her mother was doing, and she was sure Edward did, too.
"So how long have you been at your job?" Renee asked.
"This one?" Edward clarified. "I've worked at the mill for years, but I've just recently started as a lead-man," Edward happened a glance at Bella. "Thanks to Bella."
"Bella helped you get the job?" Charlie looked over, suddenly interested in what Edward had to say.
"Sort of," Edward smiled as he put his hand on Bella's thigh underneath the table. "She made it possible for me to take the job. She keeps Anthony so I can do my shift."
"It's a good job then?" Renee pressed on. "Good pay and benefits and all that?"
"Mom!" Bella interjected. Her mother had always lacked that filter that let her know when she'd crossed the line of appropriateness.
"What?" Renee looked over at Bella innocently. "I'm just making conversation."
"You're prying," Bella told her.
Edward laughed as he looked between the two. "It pays the bills," he answered Renee vaguely, his way of assuaging both women.
After dinner, Bella and Edward trailed her parents, concealing their joined hands inside of Edward's jacket pocket. They looked on as Charlie gave Anthony a rollercoaster of a piggyback ride to Edward's car.
"He's been talking about your dad a lot," Edward nodded in Charlie's direction.
"My dad has really taken to him. I don't know who he's going to miss more when they leave tomorrow, me or Anthony," Bella smiled. Her words reminded her that she had something important to ask Edward.
"Oh, by the way," she began. "I forgot to mention that I have a sub tomorrow so that I can drive my parents to the airport. They took a shuttle when they flew in and it was way too expensive to do again. Plus I'd like to spend the last bit of time with them."
Edward frowned as he misunderstood what Bella was trying to say. "So you can't take Anthony tomorrow?"
"No, no," Bella stated quickly. "I wouldn't do that to you on such short notice…unless I was sick or something," she said. "Actually, I was wondering if you'd mind if I took Anthony along with me when I took my parents to the airport. He'd have to miss school, though."
"Oh, I don't care about that," Edward shrugged it off nonchalantly.
Bella raised her eyebrow at him.
"Not that school isn't important," Edward backpedaled. "I just know that he wouldn't suffer from missing one day. That's all I meant."
"Mmhmm," Bella eyed him dubiously.
"Anyway, I thought your parents drove here," Edward said. "They drove to your house."
"From Port Angeles, but they already turned in that rental," Bella clarified. "And are you kidding? My parents would kill each other if they spent that amount of time in a car together."
Edward simply looked over at Bella, and when she caught him looking, he offered a delayed smile.
Since Bella and Edward hadn't yet had a certain conversation with Anthony regarding where they stood, they made sure not to show any overt displays of affection as they situated themselves in their respective cars and parted for the night.
Just as planned, the next morning Edward brought Anthony over at his usual time, but without his backpack and lunchbox. Since there was little time to spare, Bella quickly followed Edward outside to his car where she gave him a quick, yet passionate kiss before returning to her apartment.
"Bella," her mother motioned quietly to her from the hall. It was obvious that she was trying to be quiet.
Once Bella joined her, Renee shoved a shoebox at her torso. Bella recognized the box as Gus's makeshift home.
"What's this?" Bella asked, not sure why she was whispering.
"Open it," Renee mouthed after glancing over her shoulder.
Bella peered into the box and gasped at what she saw. It was Gus…or Gus's twin.
"How'd you do this?" Bella asked excitedly.
"I almost didn't," Renee said. "You hardly gave me any time to fix this, but luckily I was able to take it down to the store in town and they had this yarn. Whomever made this used a fairly simple pattern so it wasn't too hard to duplicate. And since it was in pieces it was easy to see what it was stuffed with."
"It was his late grandmother who made it for him," Bella said solemnly as her fingers traced over her mother's work.
"Oh, that's right. You said that," Renee nodded. "Anyway, I wasn't sure if you had a plan on how to give this to him-"
"I think it would be a great Christmas present," Bella interjected.
Renee shrugged, but her facial expression revealed that she didn't agree. "I don't think you should try to pass it off as a replacement. I remember when you lost that pink stuffed mouse of yours when you were little and I tried to sneak in a new one when you were napping. It was a disaster. You ended up more upset by the new one than you were by losing the old one."
"I don't remember that," Bella stated with disinterest. "But I think Anthony would be really happy to have Gus back…or Gus number two."
"I think you should leave them both in the box and just kind of return the box to where it was. When he feels like he needs it, Edward can just hand it over and Anthony can do whatever he wants with what he finds inside."
Bella looked skeptical at the idea. She didn't want Anthony to resent the new toy, but she also didn't want him to feel obligated to accept it.
"Well whatever," Renee said, noticing Bella's indecision. "It's not like you have to decide today, I just wanted you to see that it was done."
Bella nodded. "Thanks, Mom. You did a great job."
Bella hid the shoebox on the top of the refrigerator before retrieving Anthony and the rest of her mother's small luggage.
In a matter of minutes they were on the road to Port Angeles.
And after a half hour, Bella pulled over to let her father drive because she couldn't handle her mother's constant criticisms of how she handled her truck on the road.
One and a half hours after that, Bella pulled into the lot of Fairchild International Airport and said a tearless goodbye to her parents. Anthony hugged Charlie goodbye and didn't grimace too much when Renee planted kiss after kiss across his face.
"So…Christmas?" Renee asked as Renee took a step back toward her car.
"I'll call you," was Bella's non-committal answer.
However, since she was in the city, Bella decided to take advantage of the voyage, and so she and Anthony spent the afternoon Christmas shopping in Port Angeles. By the time they made it back to Forks, Anthony was asleep and the Chinese take-out she'd brought back for Edward was cold and soggy.
"Sorry about dinner," Bella apologized fifteen minutes later when Edward walked through her front door.
"You didn't have to get me anything," he said, even though he was already diving into the carton with great interest.
"Well, we usually have dinner together and I didn't get back in time to make anything, so I just picked something up. Anthony really likes lumpia, by the way."
"What's that?" Edward questioned as he took a second look at what he was eating.
"It's sort of like an eggroll," then noticing what Edward was doing, she added, "there aren't any in there."
Bella watched him eat for a few moments, satisfied that he was satisfied with his meal. She glanced over at the clock and saw that it was getting late and yet Anthony was still asleep.
"I'd better get Anthony up if you want any hope of getting him to sleep tonight," Bella said. She made a motion to exit, but Edward grabbed her wrist and stopped her.
"Hang on," he said as he took a sip of water with his free hand. Then he stood up to face her and pulled her closer. "Give him a few more minutes."
"Why?" Bella asked.
"Because that's all I'll need," Edward smiled, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
"Oh, you!" Bella swatted at him playfully.
"C'mon," he whimpered into her ear. "It's been a while…"
"It's been a day and a half," Bella corrected.
"See? Even you've been counting," Edward turned her words around. Bella couldn't help but laugh and it was evident that the fight she was putting up was a weak one at best. She had no intention of refusing him.
"If Anthony wakes up during…how are we going to explain you coming out of my bedroom?" Bella reasoned.
"He's seen me in your bedroom before," Edward responded. "Besides, who said we had to go in the bedroom?"
And that's how Bella found herself behind the locked door of her bathroom with Edward frantically pawing at her half-clothed body.
"I couldn't stop thinking about you today," Edward panted against Bella's chest as he kissed along the edge of her bra. "About kissing you and tasting you and…being with you…"
The desperation in his voice was desire-evoking and Bella found herself wanting him just as badly. She kissed him deeply as he clawed at the snap on her jeans, and once he'd unsnapped them, he wasted no time in plunging his hand inside her underwear.
Bella wasted no time in repeated the motion: pulling at Edward's shirttail and freeing him from the confines of his pants.
"Shit," he murmured into her mouth as she stroked him. "Baby, I'm not gonna last…"
Without another word, Bella stepped out of her jeans and underwear and Edward backed her up against the door and positioned himself for entry.
"Uuuhhh," Bella moaned as he filled her. But then she remembered the little boy sleeping just across the hall and she attempted to quiet herself down, but it wasn't easy, with the way Edward was gripping her, thrusting in and out fervently.
"I'm really close," Edward said, breathlessly.
Bella shifted infinitesimally and Edward let out a loud groan as he finished inside of her.
"Sorry," he said guiltily.
"For what?" Bella asked. She kissed him softly once more as she inconspicuously eyed his nakedness. So beautiful…
"Did you?" Edward asked.
Bella knew what he meant, and she shook her head no. "But I'm good," she said. And she was. At the end of the long day, it was just nice to be close to Edward, connected in a way that they shared with no other person.
But even though Bella was content with her lack of orgasm, Edward was not. He slipped his fingers between her legs and taunted and teased until she joined him in a post-coital afterglow.
Edward exited first, leaving Bella alone to freshen up and hide all traces of what exactly they'd been doing in the bathroom.
Bella was startled to see Anthony sitting on the sofa staring at the wall when she appeared in the living room minutes later. Edward knelt down on the floor in front of him and when his eyes met hers, she could tell by his expression that something was not good.
"He thought we'd left him," Edward explained.
"It was dark in there when I woke up and I couldn't find anybody," Anthony said. His eyes were glossy from unshed tears.
"Oh, Honey," Bella rushed to his side and enveloped Anthony in a hug. "I'm so sorry you were scared. We would never leave you by yourself. You know that, don't you?"
Anthony shook his head no. He most certainly did not know that. "I called for Daddy but he didn't come."
"I'm here now, buddy," Edward said soothingly.
"Where were you?" Anthony asked.
"In the bathroom," Edward said.
Suddenly Anthony burst into tears and Bella noted how flabbergasted Edward looked at the sight of it. She tried to pull Anthony into her lap and he fought against her. Bewildered, Bella let him alone and motioned for Edward to take over, but Anthony was just as resistant with his father as he'd been with Bella.
"Sweetheart," Bella rubbed his back comfortingly. "It's okay. You don't have to be afraid anymore." She patted and rubbed his little leg in pacification…and that's when she felt it.
Anthony had wet his pants.
"Ooh, honey, I think you spilled something on your pants. Do you want to go in the bathroom and take them off? I think we have some more pants for you in the blue room," Bella said. If there was one thing she knew, it was that little kindergarten boys didn't like to be called on the carpet about their accidental-potty issues.
Anthony sniffed and nodded his head. He scooted off the couch and scampered down the hall to the bathroom.
"He peed his pants?" Edward asked.
Bella nodded. "Does he always do that when he's scared?"
Edward shrugged and nodded at the same time. "I think so."
"We have to tell him, Edward," Bella whispered. "About us."
Edward's eyes trailed down the hall after Anthony. "He's so little. Do you think he'll even understand? I mean, what do we say? Are you even supposed to tell a five-year-old that you're sleeping with someone?"
Bella looked up at him sharply. "Is that all we are…to you?"
"No! No, of course not," Edward said quickly as he jumped up and took a seat next to Bella on the couch. "Babe, that is not what I meant. I just meant…you know…how much do we tell him?"
Anthony returned before Bella could answer that question, and the couple temporarily shelved the issue between them. But much like the rest of their relationship, circumstances propelled them along and forced them up the next rung in their relationship.
It all started innocently enough.
With her parent's gone, Bella's routine returned to normal. She got up early in the morning, greeted Anthony when Edward dropped him off, and the two of them made their way to Forks Elementary School, where they spent the first half of the day learning and playing. Afterward, they'd retreat back to Bella's apartment where Edward would join them for an evening meal before taking Anthony home.
On Wednesday, Edward had had a hard day at work. He was tired and grumpy and completely not in the mood to be social. For that reason, Bella offered to keep Anthony overnight.
Reluctantly, Edward agreed.
"Call me if he says he wants to come home. I'll come get him," Edward said.
Bella wanted to ask Edward to stay as well, but he didn't suggest it, and she knew that he could tell he really needed the break to just have a bit of time to himself and get some rest. Fortunately Anthony made it through the night with little problem. There was one bad dream and a dash to the bathroom, but after that, all was well and he didn't mind much that he had a full day of school before he'd see his father again. In fact, he was all smiles and giggles for most of the day.
So when Bella stopped by the office during the last recess of the day and overheard Mrs. Walden, the art teacher, lamenting over having to contend with Anthony the next day in art class, Bella just knew she couldn't possibly be speaking about Anthony Cullen; because the description of a disagreeable, tantrum-throwing, stubborn and disruptive child certainly didn't describe her Anthony.
Yet on Friday afternoon, Mrs. Walden proved that that was exactly whom she was describing.
It had been an especially tiring day. Bella's students were unable to focus in anticipation of the coming holiday, and the red and green décor all over the windows and the various Christmas crafts Bella had the children doing didn't help matters. By the time she'd turned all eighteen of her students over to Mrs. Walden for the kindergarten art class, Bella was exhausted. She kicked off her shoes underneath her desk and rested her head in her hands for a brief moment.
That's when she heard it.
A loud, high-pitched caterwauling became blaring apparent as it landed right outside the door of Bella's classroom. Suddenly, Mrs. Walden stormed in, practically dragging a very distraught and frightened looking Anthony along with her.
"What's going on?" Bella jumped out of her seat and hastened over to where they stood.
"This one's going to the principal's office," a flustered Mrs. Walden announced. "I have had it! Enough is enough, Anthony! Do you hear me?" Then she turned to Bella. "I just came over here to see if he had any extra clothes. He stood right in the middle of the room and peed. He stared right at me and just wet himself. He didn't even ask to go to the bathroom."
Bella was only halfway listening to what Mrs. Walden had to say. Most of her attention was focused on little Anthony, and the look on his face that was reminiscent of the night she'd picked him up from Vicki's house.
"Come here, baby," Bella held her arms open to Anthony. He collapsed into them and she held him close, paying no mind to his wet pants.
"He's going to the principal," Mrs. Walden reiterated as if Bella hadn't heard her.
"What happened?" Bella asked over Anthony's shoulder.
Mrs. Walden shifted her weight to one foot and crossed her arms. "We've been working on a Christmas project since before Thanksgiving so the children would have it in time to give to their parents. Everything was going fine," Mrs. Walden paused to frown at Anthony, "until I had the children bring pictures from home for their project. I got pictures from everybody but him," she pointed.
Bella looked perplexed. She had never sent home a request for photos for any of the students in her class, nor had she seen a request from Mrs. Walden.
"I never sent anything home requesting pictures in my weekly letters," Bella said.
"I did. I mailed a letter and then I phoned," Mrs. Walden said. "I did it myself so that it would be very discreet. This project is supposed to be a surprise."
"Well what if they didn't get your message?"
"I thought that too, at first. But it's evident that he just doesn't want to do the art project. Whenever we start on it, he gets down under the table and he won't come out. Today, my aide tried to make him come out and he kicked her! You know we cannot tolerate that kind of behavior. If he kicks a teacher he goes to the principal."
Anthony was fully sobbing by this point. Bella looked down at him and asked him why he kicked a teacher, but his speech was broken by the bout of crying. "I want my mommy!" he finally said.
Bella felt a tightening deep in her belly as she knew Anthony's request was one that could not be easily fulfilled.
And then suddenly she remembered the conversation where Anthony had said that he didn't like art class and how Mrs. Walden wanted him to use "bad" pictures.
"Jan, can I ask, what, exactly, is the project?" Bella asked softly.
"It's a family wreath. I had the kids bring a picture of each of their parents and any siblings or grandparents if they had them…" Mrs. Walden trailed off when she saw the disturbing expression on Bella's face. "What?"
"Maybe you should read his file before you make anymore decisions about discipline," Bella suggested. She couldn't go into further detail; not with Anthony within earshot.
Mrs. Walden raised her eyebrows at that idea. "Why? Is there something…I should know?"
Bella simply nodded and drew Anthony closer. "I'll explain later, but for right now, why don't I keep him with me so you can go finish up with the rest of the class."
Mrs. Walden tossed another glance in Anthony's direction before walking toward the door. "Is it something serious?"
"You probably should read his cumulative record," Bella said as she indicated with her eyes that it would be inappropriate to say anything further.
Mrs. Walden agreed and left the classroom soon after, finally giving Bella the ability to give all her attention to the very upset little boy in front of her.
"It's okay, Anthony. If you don't want to do the art project, you don't have to," Bella said as she stroked his back.
"I—w-want—my—mo-mommy," he heaved.
"Ssshh, it's okay," Bella hugged him. "How about we call your dad, huh? Let's do that."
"I want m-my m-mommy!" Anthony cried harder.
Bella rushed to her desk and called Edward. She'd woken him from a deep sleep and it took her several attempts before he understood that he needed to come down to the school with a fresh set of underwear and pants for Anthony.
"Daddy's coming," Bella told Anthony as soon as she'd gotten off the phone. But Anthony was unresponsive. He simply kept crying and asking for his mother.
And it didn't get any better once Edward arrived.
"I think I'm just going to take him home," Edward said when Anthony had been reduced to a series of shuddering breaths, no longer able to bear tears.
"Edward…I'm worried," Bella whispered softly. "I've never seen him like this."
Just then, the principal, Mr. Schwartz, walked into Bella's classroom. He seemed to know exactly what he was looking for and Bella figured Mrs. Walden had given him a tip-off.
"Everything all right in here?" he asked as he looked Anthony over. "I heard there was a bit of commotion in art class today."
"He's gonna be fine," Edward spoke up quickly. It was evident that he just wanted to take Anthony as far away from there as possible. But Bella was worried that Edward wasn't seeing this for what it really was. Mrs. Walden's assignment had triggered Anthony and whatever had set him off was not going to be easily undone.
"Miss Swan told you what happened, then?" Mr. Schwartz asked Edward directly. "You know that he kicked a teacher?"
Edward looked over at Bella in amazement. "He kicked you?"
"Not me, the teacher's aide during art." Bella felt the need to defend the reason that she'd not briefed Edward on the entire situation. "He just got here," she told the principal. "We haven't really had a chance to talk yet."
Mr. Schwartz nodded, but went on anyway. "I've had the opportunity to get a little acquainted with Anthony's file, so I know little bit of his background. There's a really good child psychologist a district over who would probably be more than willing to see Anthony on short notice with a referral from me."
"What the- are you serious?" Edward asked agitatedly.
"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Schwartz took a confused step back.
"What is it with you guys and your head shrinkers? You think that's the answer to everything." Edward shook his head with disgust and walked away from Mr. Schwartz and Bella. He walked Anthony over to the single-stall bathroom and ushered him inside to change his clothes.
Bella felt her principal's eyes on her and she looked up at him and shrugged. "I'll talk to him," she said quietly. "We have a….good rapport."
"You know the school'sl policy on these types of things," Mr. Schwartz whispered back. "I cannot have students going around kicking teachers and getting off without a consequence. But we've never had any issue with Anthony before-"
"He's a good boy, Dan. He really is. He's just been through a lot and whatever Mrs. Walden said seems to have triggered something," Bella said.
"Yes, well, it's not the teacher's fault for simply teaching her lesson. If this is the result whenever he hears something he doesn't like, then his dad needs to get him some help." Mr. Schwartz's tone was final.
Of course Bella understood that Principal Schwartz didn't know or love Anthony in the way that she did. His main concern was keeping his staff safe, happy and at work and anything that got in the way of that was something to be dealt with – and quickly.
As soon as Mr. Schwartz left, after leaving a card for the psychologist he referenced, Bella walked over to Edward.
"How's he doing?" she nodded toward the closed bathroom stall.
"He's fine. He's probably just tired. He hasn't been sleeping that well," Edward made light of it. "I'm just gonna take him home and let him get some rest. He'll be fine."
"Why hasn't he been sleeping?" Bella asked.
Edward looked at her blankly, as if he'd let something slip that he hadn't meant to. He turned away from Bella and knocked on the door.
It opened to reveal Anthony sitting on the floor, still in his wet clothes, staring at the wall.
"Anthony, honey, don't sit on the floor. It's dirty," Bella said as she reached down to pull him up.
"Mommy…" he whimpered weakly.
Bella looked up at Edward.
"He's fine," he snapped as he reached over her and picked up Anthony. "Change your pants, Anthony, so we can go home."
After a moment of hesitation, Anthony complied.
"Edward, maybe you should think about what Mr. Schwartz said," Bella offered, holding the card out to him. "It can't hurt."
"Bella, how many kids do you have?" Edward snapped.
"Eighteen," she said without missing a beat.
"You know what I meant, and it's not the same thing," he argued. "You guys think everything needs a doctor. Maybe he's just tired. Ever think of that?" Edward didn't wait for a response. He picked Anthony up and hurried out of the classroom, leaving a stupefied Bella in his wake.
"You guys?" she muttered to the empty classroom.
By the time Bella had finished her day, she had a pounding headache. She tried calling Edward but he didn't answer. Instinctively she knew it wasn't because he wasn't available. For some odd reason he was avoiding her, and though she didn't quite understand why, something deep within wouldn't allow her to take it personal. Both Edward and Anthony seemed to be going through something and maybe they would work it out on their own and be all the better for it.
However, as that thought crossed Bella's mind, she couldn't help remembering the hollowed look in Anthony's eyes as he'd cried out for a mother that could never respond.
Dampness pricked Bella's eyes and she reached up to swipe at the insistent tears. So badly she wanted to go to Anthony, but he wasn't yearning for her and apparently neither was his father. For now, they were both shutting her out.
Bella tried not to allow that thought to hinder her as she went home to prepare for her last full week of school prior to the Christmas break. Rosalie stopped by and they shared a frozen pizza for dinner and talked idly about their day. Bella was careful not to mention the issue she'd experienced with Edward and Anthony and Rosalie seemed to be holding back something as well. Still, it was nice to be in the presence of another and forget, if for just a little while.
But as Bella sauntered to her bed in the night's darkness, all of her thoughts pointed to Anthony and his father, the man she loved. Finally she allowed herself to come to grips with what she was really feeling. She didn't want to be shut out. She didn't want to be a spectator. She wanted to help and comfort and soothe. But she knew she couldn't insert herself of her own accord. She'd have to be invited.
And, fortunately, that invitation came in the form of a telephone call at eleven minutes after midnight.
"I fucked up," Edward simply said when she answered the phone.
"No, you didn't," Bella immediately responded, even though she didn't know exactly what he was referencing.
"This is all my fucking fault. I did it. I made him…like that," Edward spoke into the phone sounding like a very broken man.
Bella sat up in her bed and rubbed her eyes. "What happened? Where's Anthony? Is he okay?"
"Yeah. He finally fell asleep like twenty minutes ago."
"So it didn't get better after you brought him home from school?"
Edward sighed. "He stopped crying and I had him go lay down, but he didn't sleep. He just laid there. Then he kept asking for Gus and I can't find the fuckin' thing."
"I have it. Remember?" Bella asked. "My mother copied what was there and made him a new one. I was going to ask you how you wanted to give it to him, but life got in the way and I forgot about it. I'm sorry."
"You're apologizing to me? Funny." Edward let out a low chuckle. "I probably would have gotten some sleep if I'd called you earlier."
"Yeah, but you were too busy avoiding me," Bella confronted him.
There was a pause of silence before Edward said, "Bella, I…don't know what the hell I'm doing. Every time I think I know what Anthony might need, I'm fucking wrong."
"That's not true, Edward."
"It is, fuckin' true. "I think I caused all of this." There was a hint of anger to Edward's tone as he spoke. "I got this letter from the school telling me to send pictures for a top-secret art project or some shit like that. Anyway, it pissed me off because they just assume that everyone has that shit, you know? I mean, the only pictures I have of Anthony are the ones in my phone from this year. I don't have baby pictures – I don't even have baby pictures of me!
"So I just ignored that letter but then last week you said something about Christmas and making new traditions and so I figured that's what Anthony needed. I went out and got a fake tree and some decorations – that shit is expensive, by the way. Anyway, when Anthony saw it and he started acting a little weird. It wasn't a big deal at first, just little things. He had to be in the same room as me at all times, he was whiny; he wanted to sleep in my bed, that kind of stuff. Then he kept wetting his pants, like two times a day. And then he started asking for his mom. At first I ignored it, figuring he was just working through something. But he did it more and more, and he started calling out for her at night. I remember that Jessica was really into Christmas. I think it reminds him of her."
"Well, and it is his first Christmas without her. That's a big deal," Bella said. "Did you try to talk to him about it? Encourage him to talk about his mother?"
"I don't know how to do that, Bella. I'll probably end up making things worse," Edward confessed. "It's like a cursed legacy. My dad fucked up my life and now I'm fuckin' up Anthony's. And now you guys want me to take him to some shrink to tell him exactly that."
"First of all, stop saying 'you guys'. It's like you've drawn some line in the sand and you're forcing me on the other side simply because I work at the school. Stop acting like I'm nothing more than a bureaucrat.
"Secondly, what Anthony is going through is not your fault. He's a little boy that suffered a very traumatic experience. Nobody should understand that better than you, Edward, and you had seven entire years on Anthony when your life changed so drastically, and you felt utterly unprepared. Imagine how he feels. Honestly, I'm surprised that he's done as well as he has for this long."
"What d'ya mean? You knew something was going to happen?"
"Well I didn't know. Everyone's different, but in my child psychology class we did study how traumatic events in the lives of children often have consequences to behavior and sometimes…development."
"Bel, I can't…how am I supposed to know what to do?"
"All you have to know, Edward, is when you've reached the end of yourself. That's when you let someone else come along side you and help out."
"You mean you?"
"I'll be there for you, Edward, of course, but I don't mean me, no. I meant…well I think you should get Anthony some counseling. Let someone else help him out of the prison of his thoughts so that you can focus on being 'Dad'. That's what's most important right now."
"I got sent to all those head doctors when I was a kid and they didn't help me a single bit," Edward said bitterly.
"But Anthony has the one thing you didn't, Edward, and that's the love and guidance of a father to protect him and assure him during this time. You'll make sure his experience is different from yours."
Bella held her breath while Edward contemplated her words on the other end of the phone line.
"Do you know that person they want him to see?" Edward's voice quietly broke through the silence.
"I've spoken to her a couple times. She seems very nice. She's very professional and seems to love what she does," Bella answered. "Just try it out, Edward. It's not binding. If you take Anthony to see her and you don't think it's helpful, don't go back or find someone new. But for goodness sakes…don't let Anthony deal with this on his own."
"Why can't you do it? You seem to know everything," Edward said lightly.
Bella wasn't sure if he was giving her a compliment or simply trying to avoid moving forward in this area, but she answered him nonetheless. "I don't have all the answers here. And you saw Anthony, today. He wouldn't respond to me. He needs more than what I'm equipped to give him."
"So what if they want him to go to some special school or they think he should go live with someone else or-"
"Edward, it's not like that at all. You are the father. You are in control. If they suggest anything that you don't agree with, that's it. You don't have to do it. And unless there is neglect, abuse or negligent behavior, which there isn't, no one is going to take Anthony away from you. What he's going through is outside of you – it's beyond you. If he had a broken leg, you wouldn't try to set it on your own would you?"
"Of course not."
"Okay then. This is just a different kind of doctor that he needs to see. Take him," Bella issued boldly.
"Yes ma'am."
Bella giggled and soon after she heard a light chortle from Edward.
"Thanks," he said.
"What for?"
"Talking me down."
"Anytime. I told you, I'm here for you, Edward. And I will be, as long as you'll let me in."
Edward lowered his voice and whispered, "If you come here, I promise to let you in."
At first Bella thought it was a bad attempt at a joke, but she laughed in spite of it. It had been a heavy conversation and she was happy to end it on a lighter note.
But then Edward indicated that he was not joking around. "Will you?"
"Come over?" Bella clarified.
"Yeah."
The clock on Bella's bedside table said one-fifteen. It was cold and rainy outside and her hair was still damp from her shower. She was wearing a very unattractive pair of flannel pajama bottoms and was braless underneath a faded New Kids on the Block t-shirt that she'd uncovered at a thrift store.
But who was she kidding? None of that actually mattered.
"I'm on my way."