Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice. I don't make any money from this story.

Araluen Castle:

A few months later, Halt brought up something over breakfast that Will would have rather forgotten about. Hand to hand combat.

Physical contact no longer made him flinch, but it still brought back memories that made him feel sick to his stomach.

On the other hand, he hated to disappoint Halt. There was a time when he'd have done almost anything for Halt, but now he wasn't sure he could summon up enough courage. If he was to become a ranger, he'd have to do it eventually. He didn't know how many times he was allowed to fail a year before he would have to leave the Ranger Corp, anyway.

"Will?" asked Halt.

Taking a deep breath, he said, "I think I could try to."

Sensing his apprentice's hesitancy, Halt said, "Are you sure? If you fail an assessment, it's just another year. It happens."

Will shook his head, "Let's try, at least."

Halt showed him grips and chokes, how to perform them and how to break them. Halt showed him how to punch and kick properly and how to block them. Will seemed to be doing well, so Halt suggested they try sparring.

Halt quickly managed to get Will into a choke. When he did so, Will panicked and Halt quickly let go.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed too quickly," said Halt once Will calmed down.

"I shouldn't be reacting this way!" said Will, angrily.

"You've been through a traumatic experience, of course you should," said Halt, reasonably. "I'd be more worried if you weren't. I've known rangers who have gone through traumatic experiences before, they reacted about the same as you."

"Let's try again, I should be able to do this," said Will, ignoring what Halt had just said.

"No, we'll try again tomorrow, but that was enough for today," said Halt immediately. When he saw Will open his mouth to protest, he added, "We don't have to do anything tomorrow if you don't want to, though."

Will closed his mouth immediately.

"For now, just focus on your other skills. Your geography is just as atrocious as ever," said Halt.

Will obeyed, but that night, he took out his saxe and cut himself.

The next few weeks were frustrating for Will. Try as he might, he'd always eventually have a panic attack. After a panic attack, Halt always refused to do more sparring. What Will seemingly failed to notice was that the length of the spar was steadily growing. The first day's spar was barely five minutes. Now they were spending almost an hour each day sparring, though much of it was spent being choked by Halt.

He found himself going to a small secluded area by a creek to cut more and more often. Try as he might, he couldn't stop himself and he knew he couldn't tell Halt that he'd gone back to cutting on top of his nightly nightmares.

It had become almost a habit. He'd wake up to Halt shaking him. Halt would leave as soon as he was awake and then offer to talk about the nightmare the next morning. Will would always decline.

A week later, he'd gone to the area to cut. Just as he began, though, Halt came to talk to him.

"Will, Pauline- What in Gorlog's Name do you think you are doing?" Halt said.

Will jumped in surprise, he hadn't expected Halt to follow him here.

"H-Halt, I-I-," he began, but Halt cut him off.

"Did almost dying from that infection teach you nothing?" hissed Halt.

"I-it did, but-," Will was once again cut off.

"Then why in Gorlog's name did you start cutting again," roared Halt.

"I-it helps," said Will.

"Helps with what?" asked Halt.

"W-with stress a-and the nightmares," said Will.

"You've been stressed? About what?" asked Halt.

"About the gathering. The cutting helps relieve," admitted Will.

"Will, for someone who went through as much as you have, you are making remarkable progress. It's not the end of the world if you don't pass in five years, Crowley will understand and he's the only one that needs to," said Halt.

"I know, but I should be able to spar without having a panic attack every time," said Will.

"And you should have been safe at Redmont as a ranger's apprentice for the past three years," Halt countered.

"But…" Will trailed off, realizing that Halt had a fair point.

Sensing his advantage, Halt pressed on, "Will, does cutting really help you? It may for the time being, but in the long run, does it really help?"

Will looked down at his feet as he thought about it. He knew it truly didn't help, but he didn't like admitting that it didn't really help. By doing so, he felt he'd be giving up the only way he knew to release his pain. Struggling to find a reason to keep cutting, he finally grudgingly said, "No, it doesn't, really help, but it is habitual for me."

Thinking back to the books, Halt said, "Then let's replace it with another. Instead of cutting, go ride your horse or climb a tree."

Will nodded and said doubtfully, "I could try that."

Halt nodded, satisfied for the moment, "By the way, Pauline just sent over a messenger, Alyss, George, and Jenny want to get together with you tomorrow if your free."

Will looked up in surprise and asked pleadingly, "May I, Halt? It's a free day for most apprentices, anyway."

"If you do your chores and practice archery and knife throwing, you can skip the rest tomorrow, but only tomorrow," said Halt.